THE HITMAN (1991)

 I'm way more familiar with Chuck Norris' 70s and 80s output and I always figured the 90s was a good time to tap out of his action flicks. This one wasn't terrible though even if it is about as simplistic as they come. They do manage to throw quite a bit of blood into a few scenes(mostly the one where Norris himself almost gets offed!) which I was a bit surprised by. The story itself deals with Norris being double-crossed and left for dead and then returning undercover as a Mafia hitman. It's kind of cool to see Norris at least being a pretend bad guy in a few scenes and makes me think of how refreshing it would have been if he went all the way and played a villainous role. Sadly I don't believe that ever happened outside of his appearance in RETURN OF THE DRAGON and his great fight with Bruce Lee but I'll keep on fantasizing. You get the typical good guy Norris here though including Chuck beating up a racist, befriending a black kid and blowing up the bad guys into little bitty pieces. Not terrible for something made in the 90s.

HELL RIDERS (1984)

 Hard to believe that way past the era when they made all the classic biker movies(60s & 70s) there's still an amusing entry like this one to be discovered. I just found out about this title recently and it's quickly become my new favorite biker flick(or at least my favorite biker movie that I've watched recently). Adam "BATMAN" West and Tina "Ginger from GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" Louise are the two big names that show up in this. Tina gets harassed by our titular biker scumbags and Mr. Batman does some butt-kicking as the small-town doctor(whose super-power seems to be knowing how bones work?).  This thing is chock full of absurd but highly entertaining moments of various biker shenanigans. One of my favorite scenes has two idiots trying to outdo each other and show who is the tougher guy by inflicting bodily-harm upon themselves. It ends with a ridiculous self-inflicted knife to the leg. It all plays sort of like an American version of INTREPIDOS PUNKS so if you dig dumb bikers who seem to live only to rumble amongst everyone(even each other!) then check this one out.
 Not to be confused with that similarly-titled pile of crap HELL RIDE.

             The whole beautiful film, complete with bizarre repetitive soundtrack!:




Retitled in Germany as HELLS ANGELS though the gang clearly have jackets on that read HELL RIDERS:

Cannon VHS goodness!:

OCTAMAN (1971)

 It's hard to believe that in the 70s they were still making rubber-suited monster movies like this that look like they escaped from the 50s but then again I guess 50s nostalgia was a big thing during this decade with stuff like GREASE and HAPPY DAYS. It's also hard to imagine anyone anywhere ever took this thing seriously on any level because it's one of the most ridiculous films ever. You get some scientist-types, a Mexican stereotype and a couple of monster-hunters on an expedition to find our title creature who is a half-man/half-octopus thing that looks like he belongs on something like SIGMUND AND THE SEA-MONSTERS. There's also a couple of rubber baby octopi with big goofy eyes for added dumbness. Also somehow our monster's tentacles are able to rip flesh off his victims and even stab a guy at one point which adds some nice 70s blood to the hijinks but don't get too excited because they still maintained a PG-rating.
 I got to see this done by Rifftrax recently which definitely helped some of the slower scenes go by in a way more entertaining fashion. If you don't view this version things may be a bit rough to get through unless you just really love goofy rubber-suited monster mayhem.
 Special FX master Rick Baker got his start here with this being his first feature film work so there's some historical importance to this piece of wackiness.


                                                      Sneaky Octaman!:

         


                                                 "The Beast From The Deep!":

This movie does not feature Adrienne Barbeau's boobs despite what this video box cover would lead you to believe!:

EARTHQUAKE (1974)

 Charlton Heston has got to be the king of  end-of-world cinematic. While this film isn't necessarily the apocalypse, during certain scenes of earthquakin' nastiness it at least seems comparable. It's hard for me to pick a favorite from the vast amount of 70s disaster flicks because they are all pretty similar in terms of quality(even the made-for-T.V. ones). This one follows the formula pretty closely with a bunch of guest stars, Ava Gardner(as the bitchy wife of ol' Chuck H.), George Kennedy(as a badass cop), Richard"SHAFT" Roundtree(as a black version of Evel Knievel!) and my personal favorite, Walter Matthau( as a perpetually drunken barfly!). Lots of destruction porn ensues after about 40 minutes with lots of debris taking folks out. Unfortunately the movie then drags on for an over 2 hour runtime which was a bit much. You do get a somewhat nihilistic 70s ending though if you tough it out.
 When this played theatrically it was shown in SENSURROUND which was a new sound system that shook the audience up to recreate the quake experience. It made a few people sick so it wan't used on too many movies after this. 

HOT SPUR (1968)

 This has got to be one of the weirder westerns I've seen. It's really a sexploitation/revenge film set in the old west days. Rape abounds and sets things into motion. Our Mexican "hero" is also a rapist who it's pretty hard to feel a whole lot of sympathy for. There's some whipping and bondage-y type stuff and some blood thanks to gun blasts to the face. Pretty basic stuff and it sorta reminded me of that other ethnic revenge flick JOHNNY FIRECLOUD but with a way lower budget and overall quality.
Director Lee Frost would go on to make the first Nazisploitation flick LOVE CAMP 7 and a bunch of amusing trash through the years.


 

THE CAR (1977)

 This one is ostensibly a JAWS rip-off, with the ominous music and large predator,(here being a large black sedan instead of a large fake shark, of course) but it's done well-enough and acted straight enough that the seemingly ludicrous concept never seems to get too ridiculous. Even when our evil possibly Satan-driven vehicle rams itself right through a ladies house to take her out we are invested enough in the characters to not burst out laughing(well some of us are anyway!). James Brolin, who I never really paid much attention to outside of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR until recently, pulls off a pretty convincing badass cop. While it does seem like some weird 70s made-for-T.V. movie(which reminds me you should watch this on a  double-bill with KILLDOZER for a great vehicular manslaughter double-feature!) that somehow got a big-budget Hollywood release it surprisingly works despite the lack of blood.
 There's a current sort-of sequel to this called THE CAR: ROAD TO REVENGE that looks like some kinda futuristic cyberpunk thing and it also looks, like most films that come out in 2019, like a big pile of crap.



             And here's something that has no reason to exist!:

The Car gets very enlarged for this newspaper ad!:

                            Released on  Canadian VHS tape as DEATHMOBILE!:

NIGHT OF THE JUGGLER (1980)

 The plot of this one is kinda similar to the classic HARDCORE with George C. Scott which came out only a year before with a dad trying to find his daughter. The daughter here is kidnapped in a case of mistaken identity, which reminded me of that Italian crime caper THE KIDNAP SYNDICATE, and it's up to her pop, a former cop, to get her back. There's some really well done chase sequences through gritty New York streets, some sleazy 42nd Street scenes(featuring porn star Sharon Mitchell showing that she had the acting skills to be legit), latino gangs running wild and James Brolin as the ass-kicking father. This doesn't seem to have ever been released on DVD which seems pretty bizarre to me but I guess it hasn't retained it's popularity over the years for some reason. A great slice of  badass 70s cinema that just happened to be released in 1980.

I guess if you wanted to see the movie minus the super racist diatribes of our bad guy and some of the sleazier elements removed channel 11 had you covered!:

Known in Italy as FORT BRONX(not to be confused with FORT APACHE THE BRONX):

MANDY (2018)

          "The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight"

 So I was at least mildly interested in seeing this one when it came out. Which for a new movie is not something I usually am but the trailer and the word of mouth from people that I normally trust piqued my interest. Not enough to actually go to a theater but it was mildly piqued anyway. I will say that the director here, with the snazzy Greek name Panos Cosmatos, managed to somehow make old Nicholas Cage not as annoying as he has been in everything I've been unfortunate enough to see him in over the last 20 years. He's also clearly has quite the eye for visual flair. The story here is about as simplistic as a typical kung fu movie with revenge being the driving force which, from my perspective, is not necessarily a detriment. Instead of kung fu though we get chainsaw-fu, bikers that look like those cenobites from HELLRAISER mixed with the gimp from PULP FICTION, bare penis, some bloody death scenes, someone gets burned alive and lots of various drugs are willingly and unwillingly ingested with a heavy LSD-influenced look to everything. I can see this appealing to every 13-year old boy out there, or those of us who can still tap into their hidden 13-year old mentality or maybe anyone who likes to stare at heavy/black metal record album covers and fantasize about what's going on in them. The one weird thing is Panos seems to have made everything look a bit foggy and soft though I guess that does help add to the whole dream-like feel of events. It did remind me a bit of Lucio Fulci's CONQUEST in that visual regard. In today's super-hi-def obsessed culture it's actually a pretty cool decision now that I think about it. I would recommend this one though it's not as deep as some folks seem to think and the film itself seems to desperately want to be.

THE RETURN OF MASSEUR ICHI (1962)

 I've seen a bunch of these Zatoichi movies over the years but I don't believe I've ever seen this one(only #2 out of 26 in the series) until now. It follows BLIND SWORDSMAN: THE TALE OF ZATOICHI and it's fascinating to watch how they set the mold for the character early on. It's also interesting because we get to meet Zatoichi's brother, who's not a very nice fellow and apparently goes around raping women. If you've seen one of these you probably know what's going to happen but it's all done so well and filmed so artfully that the simplistic plots don't bother me as much as they might some viewers. So if you dig artsy swordplay where a blind dude cleans house give this series a look and start at the beginning because the black and white photography adds a lot. AKA THE TALE OF ZATOICHI CONTINUES and ZATOICHI 2

THE POWER OF AIKIDO (1975)

 This one starts out in a kind of surprising manner since Sonny Chiba plays a villainous role as a henchman of a bunch of bad dudes. Not that Chiba usually plays a clean-cut hero but it still kind of took me back for a second. Don't worry though he rapidly transforms into a more sympathetic character. The unfortunate thing though is that he's not really the main hero in the film. The main role is actually portrayed by Chiba's younger brother Jiro Chiba, who I wasn't even aware of until watching this, who is fine but not the intense smoldering badass his older brother is. The plot deals with the creation of aikido by Morihei Ueshiba and while I'm sure that's historically of interest to some it's kind of done in a dull way for a martial arts film. Perhaps if you're a big fan of the aikido style you'll get more of a kick out of this one. AKA THE DEFENSIVE POWER OF AIKIDO