DOLL FROM HELL (1996)

 Not to be confused with that classic BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL opus from the 80's, this is a 90's shot-on-video Japanese production. Before viewing this I feared it would be another crappy-looking Asian ghost movie and while, due to how it was shot, it doesn't look that great I was pleasantly surprised how entertaining this one turned out to be. The plot concerns a gang that consists of a punk(who's constantly toting a boombox around!), a pimp and his 2 ho's, a sullen introspective artsy type, a chubby businessman and a tiger-lady leader(So basically this is my favorite type of gang which consists of people that should never even be in the same room together but somehow form an alliance.) They end up dabbling in some murder that sets forth a chain of events that results in a human-sized doll being reanimated and seeking vengeance. While the plot is super simplistic and pretty dumb it managed to hold my interest. The wacky subtitles, rampant nudity and sex were definite helpers in this. Way better than I expected. AKA SACRIFICE (literal Japanese title)


                                                                  My kinda gang!:

  

DEAD AND BURIED (1981)

 Hailed as some kind of lost underappreciated horror classic by some horror fans I found this to be one of the dullest movies I've seen in quite a while. It starts out with a bang featuring a guy(Christopher Allport) who gets burned alive at the stake but then the story, which could have been an interesting twist on a zombie film, moves along at such a snail-like pace that I could barely prop my eyelids open enough to make it through what seemed like an overly long run time. There is one standout scene where a guy(actually the same guy from the opening! thank you sir for your service in not making this a total snoozefest) who's wrapped up like a mummy gets a needle jammed in his eyeball. Robert "Freddy Kreuger" Englund shows up in a few inconsequential scenes and Jack "Grandpa Joe from WILLY WONKA" Albertson is our main creepy bad guy. It all ends in complete nonsense and I guess forgiving horror fans are happy that they at least tried something different even if it sucks. AKA LOOK ALIVE





                                    Way to spoil the best scene in the movie alternate poster!:

Cool Japanese poster!:

THE BIG FIGHT (1972)

 This kung fu flick, like so many others, deals with how terrible the Japanese are and how awful they treated the Chinese during World War II. Despite the fact that the Japanese occupiers all have guns they seem to be easily beaten and killed by superior martial-artists in some pretty absurd scenarios. Most of this film is kinda on the dull side up until we get to the titular big fight tournament (unfortunately this doesn't happen until almost an hour in) that pits Japan's top fighters (a judo guy, a karate man and a big fat sumo fellow (played by Fu Hung Cheng, the extra-large Chinese actor who you would be familiar with if you've seen more than a handful of these old fu films)  against China's pride. Then we finally get some wacky battles. As an added bonus they also kill a little kid to really show us how dastardly those Japs are! If they just focused on the last half of the movie, and maybe ditched the shitty mustaches on all the bad guys, it could have been significantly better. AKA BLOOD ON THE SUN

HEADHUNTER (1988)

           

                                                       "Why isn't there more blood?"

 Crappy 80's horror about a magical Nigerian Voodoo monster on the loose in Miami(though the film was actually made in South Africa they do a decent job at disguising that). Obviously heads role but there's not really as much blood as you would expect thanks to our titular monster's magical flaming sword which cauterizes while decapitating his victims. I think most of the blood is due to various animal sacrifices which may offend any vegetarian-type viewers. I think the main thing that bogs this one down is the scenes of domestic drama with cops going through divorces and other mundane events.
 Director Francis Schaefer made four more films before giving up and then just appearing on a bunch of political and/or religious documentaries. Schaefer's dad was a bigshot in the moral-crusading religious right back in the 90's. I'm not sure he woulda approved of his son's oeuvre.

NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES II (1981)

 I guess this title is supposed to make people think this is a sequel to Bruno Mattei's NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES which came out a year earlier. In reality it has nothing to do with that film. This one is a weird sorta zombie flick by director Joel M. Reed who is known mainly for his sickie exploitation classic BLOODSUCKING FREAKS. I say sorta because for a long time it plays like a detective film starring porn legend Jamie Gillis looking for deserters from World War II. Finally some zombies do show up but it turns out they are just acting like zombies to scare people and they're really just old people that have been kept alive and fresh since the 40's by drinking some chemicals. At least I think that's what's going on because the plot is a pretty muddled confusing mess. Add to that a dreadfully plodding dull pace, no gore at all(and very little blood even) and you get what a lot of people call the worst zombie movie ever. I wouldn't go that far because I've unfortunately viewed some more modern-day worthless garbage that makes this one look like a masterpiece in comparison. On the one plus side you do get to see Mr. Alphonso(Alphonso De Noble), the insanely large gentleman from ALICE, SWEET ALICE, in one of his very few film roles. This time he sports a weird mustache and ends up getting stabbed in his bulbous belly for his troubles. Sadly his appearance is far too brief. AKA NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES and SISTER OF DEATH

Known on German DVD as ZOMBIE WAR GAMES!:

OPIUM STRIKE FORCE (1983)

 From the land of Thai food comes this warsploitation action flick. Unfortunately it's filled with lots of dull dialogue for a whole lot of the movie before finally(the last half hour!) getting to some explodey scenes. It also has a sorta men-in-prison thing going on for a lot of the run-time which I guess is cheaper to shoot. The wacky dubbing does result in some humorous bits but that's about all I can recommend from this one. AKA RAIDERS OF THE GOLDEN TEMPLE(I guess they were trying to capitalize on that LOST ARK fame at the time)
 The same director(Sumat Saichur) and star(Sorapong Chatree) would sorta remake this with the similarly titled RAIDERS OF THE DOOMED KINGDOM which is supposedly better but I'm not in too much of a rush to see it.





Not 1 black chick that I saw in this movie but that didn't stop the VHS release from going with this cover:

EQUALIZER 2000 (1987)

 Fairly unmemorable ROAD WARRIOR rip-off flick directed by Filipino hack-meister Cirio H. Santiago who made a whole slew of very similar films around this time and didn't seem to ever get much better. This one has the added impediment of having no nudity(despite top-heavy co-star Corinne Wahl playing what I'm guessing is one of the only women left alive after the apocalypse) to go along with the copious amounts of gun violence on display.
 I viewed the unrated version of this recently and it really just adds a bit of blood and some longer scenes adding up to about 10 minutes extra footage. This really didn't boost my feelings toward this one much either way. Good movie to goof on with some friends though if that's your bag.