VANGUARD (2020)

 This is the most recent Jackie Chan film to get released and, even though it's a Chinese production,  it unfortunately follows the Hollywood blueprint of using a bunch of awful-looking CGI in an action movie. Even if we overlook that, which is impossible, it's a pretty basic action flick with a your typical explosions and shootouts to cover for anything truly interesting going on. I'll give Mr. Chan credit for still doing some kung fu in his late 60's but I think he should stick to more dramatic roles in the future. Skip it unless you really enjoy those FAST AND THE FURIOUS movies and want to see Jackie Chan in one of them.

 

I ACCUSE MY PARENTS (1944)

  Not only do you get the main character(Robert Lowell) saying the title once in this clunky 40s melodrama but you get him saying it twice in case we forgot what we are watching. This is a story of a fella with some pretty crappy alcoholic parents who are more concerned with partying it up than taking any interest in their son. This then leads to a life of gangster entanglements when he meets a nightclub singer(Mary Beth Hughes). 

 I've only seen this movie on MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 and that's probably the only way you should watch it too. AKA ACCUSE MY PAST 

10 years earlier there was GUILTY PARENTS which is basically the same idea but with a female protagonist.    

THE FIST OF DEATH (1982)

  Somehow I managed to miss this Mexican Santo flick until just recently. I guess that's not hard to do since he has something like 52 films he starred in. This one is towards the top of the heap though. Coming later in his career you can tell he's becoming a bit old by '82 but that doesn't stop our masked hero from getting in the ring and jumping around like a younger nut. This film might be the weirdest Santo movie I've seen. It involves a jungle cult that's headed by two identical twin sisters with massive bosoms(these are both played by the same actress, Grace Renat, tahnks to a charmingly crappy split-screen effect) that use an illuminated meteorite to see the future. One sister is unfortunately evil(we know this because she wears the black outfit) and with her accomplice, pro-wrestler Tinieblas(who I'm pretty sure plays a good guy in earlier lucha-libre films) they form their own bad-guy cult that worships a C3PO Halloween mask. There's also kung fu vs. wrasslin' and a jungle gal and her wolf(really just a big dog) brother that never do anything all that wild but the thought was nice. The highlight is Santo throing a guy into a rotating plane's propeller that neatly slices him into 2 halves. Good trash cinema!

THE BATWOMAN (1968)

  Not sure how or why I avoided seeing this Mexican superhero knockoff flick all these years. Being a big fan of that other Mexican Batwoman movie from 2 years earlier and having a poster of this one hanging on my walls for quite a few years now you would have thought I woulda got around to it sooner. I think the problem was that there wasn't an English-friendly version readily available. Having now seen it though it was totally worth the wait. The Batwoman here is one of the sexiest Mexican ladies I've ever seen and she's not only an ass-kicking, crime-fighting hero but also a masked lady wrestler because that's the way these movies always seem to work. The bad guys here are a mad-scientist who's killing male wrasslers and using their pineal-gland juice to create a fish-man/monster, reminiscent of THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON to liven things up, and his faithful sidekick Igor, who seems to be a tall midget of some sort.. What more could you want? Classic kitschy fun. 

Colorful!:

               

Known in Germany as DRACULA'S DAUGHTER AND PROFESSOR SATANAS(somehow they forgot to even put Batwoman on the poster!) : 

BEASTS CLAWING AT STRAWS (2020)

  There are quite a few characters in this Korean thriller concerning a lost and found bag of lots of cash to keep track of. Luckily they do a pretty good job of tying everything together by the end so it all makes some sort of sense even if the conclusion is a bit too happy for my liking. The closest thing you can compare this to is, of course, PULP FICTION, with the time-jumping narrative and multiple story-lines. It does manage to not seem like some trendy 90s retro-piece though like so many Tarantino-wanna-be's have done over the years. They also don't really skimp out on the violence with people being sawed into pieces and a character that apparently likes to eat all kind of intestines.  Pretty impressive work for a first time director, Kim Yong-hoon. 

AMERICAN GOTHIC (1987)

  This is one of those late 80s slashers I never really cared much about. Mainly due to it's really boring-looking poster but also just because by the late 80s slasher flicks had really run their course. That being said at least they try and do something different with this one and for a slasher from any era there's a pretty good cast involved. Rod Steiger and Lily Munster herself(Yvonne De Carlo)  are our 2 main baddies and head of the demented family that does all the killing. Michael J. Pollard(of BONNIE AND CLYDE fame) plays one of their "children" who are really just infantilized adults. It manages to get somewhat of a creepy vibe out of the all-too wholesome setting and the kills are fairly unique. I guess when you get tired of watching the typical retard-in-the-woods films and you need more give it a gander. 

THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF (1973)

 

 So Jess Franco's original DR. ORLOF(minus one of the F's for some reason) film was way back in '62. Then he followed it up 2 years later with DR. ORLOFF'S MONSTER and 6 years later someone else directed ORLOFF AGAINST THE INVISIBLE MAN. None of these movies really had anything to do with each other besides reusing the Orloff name. In following with that grand tradition this one also has nothing to do with any of the previous Orloff outings and here features a doctor, played by William Berger, who is hypnotizing(with his sinister eyes and drug injections!) a poor helpless crippled girl and making her carry out some murders so he can get revenge(and a big inheritance!). The DVD I own of this has some shitty subtitles that intermittently turn on and off so I may have missed some of the finer points of the plot. Luckily this plot doesn't seem very intricate. A weirdly nudity-free movie from Uncle Jess and Lina Romay only has a small role as the girlfriend of folk singer Sweet Davey Brown. Pretty lightweight stuff that will probably be disappointing to the more discriminating sleazehounds out there.    

THE BIG RACKET (1976)

  I've been watching a lot of these Italian crime action(poliziotteschi) flicks recently and this one really stands out as one of the big highlights. It's clearly in that DIRTY HARRY vein of a cop taking the law into his own hands but ratcheted up to 11 in terms of violence. Multiple rapes, including a girl who's supposed to be underage, occur, a lady is burned alive and just about the rest of the entire cast is riddled with bullets before everything is done. This one is definitely up there with one of my favorite Enzo G. Castellari jams and star Fabio Testi is about as bad-ass as I've ever seen him. Check it out if you can handle the Euro-violence. 

THE KILLER SHREWS (1959)

  This one is a pretty typical but fun 50s monsters-on-the-loose epic. The "shrews" here are just dogs with some long fangs and other accouterments added on.  Our main hero is played by a young James Best that all 70s kids know went on to become Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane on THE DUKES OF HAZZARD program. The main baddie is Ken Curtis which TV Land aficionados would know as Festus on GUNSMOKE. So it's quite the future all-star cast. The plot almost becomes a blueprint for NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD at a certain point with a group of people trapped in a house fending of an invading force which makes me think George Romero was probably a fan.  

 There was crappy-looking sequel called RETURN OF THE KILLER SHREWS in 2012. CGI shrews don't seem like much fun to me. There was also a spoof called ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHREWS! made in 2016 which looks like they used puppets for the creatures but it's also supposed to be a comedy so that's an unfortunate thing that exists. Finally there's also a colorized version of the original out there if you're not cool enough to watch a black and white movie. 

   Originally played on a sweet double-feature bill with this equally wacky 50s monster flick!: 

THE FORBIDDEN PHOTOS OF A LADY ABOVE SUSPICION (1970)

  I went into this expecting an Italian giallo situation, since that's what it's usually lumped in with, but it really doesn't fit that genre very well. For one thing there's only one, off-screen, death that occurs and it's ultimately not even all that important to the main plot. There is a mystery angle to the proceedings and one character even wears some black gloves at one point but it's all more of a domestic thriller-type of deal. There is some slight nudity but none of the leading ladies is particularly knock-dead gorgeous(Dagmar Lassander probably looks a lot better when this thing isn't in stupid modern hi-def which shows off her weird orange tan) which is a bit strange for an Italian genre film from this era. Still a decent watch even if it wasn't what I expected at all. 

Some soothing Morricone sounds:

TAXI HUNTER (1993)

  Folks looking for a sleazy 90s Hong Kong Category III movie starring Anthony Wong (best known as the despicable Bunman from THE UNTOLD STORY which came out just 5 months before this and also was directed by Herman Yau) this one is probably gonna be a little bit of a letdown as it's fairly tame in the gruesomeness department(which would explain why it was actually rated Category II when originally released). The plot is basically a weird inverted Asian version of TAXI DRIVER where instead of our anti-hero being a cabbie, it's someone(Wong) who lives in a world where every cab-driver they meet is a complete prick which culminates in one of them even inadvertently killing his pregnant wife. This then sets Wong off on a revenge-seeking vigilante killing spree. Some of these do get a bit bloody but nothing particularly over the top as you would often get in these types of films. There's also a smidge of kung-fu thanks to Wong's brother-in-law cop. Overall still a good time that will probably not depress you as much as a lot of Wong's more horrible roles do. 

  

KILLER BARBYS (1996)

 

  Director Jess Franco takes real-life band THE KILLER BARBIES, changes the spelling of their name slightly so he doesn't get sued by Mattel,  and then throws them into a horror movie that has about the same plot and intensity as a typical episode of SCOOBY-DOO. The main evil monster here is an over 100-years old Countess(played by Mariangela Giordano, who is best known to me as the lady who gets her tit bitten off by her weirdo zombie son in the classic zombie flick BURIAL GROUND) who stays young thanks to her drinking the blood of young people. There's also a seemingly retarded henchman and a couple of midgets thrown in for extra fun. Not the best thing in the world but lead singer Silvia Superstar is nice to ogle and this is one of the last amusing films made by Franco before the 2000's hit and he veered into straight-to-video hell. AKA VAMPIRE KILLER BARBYS

 There is a terrible sequel to this that's barely worth mentioning. 

INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS (1972)

  Terrible acting, copious blood, and unintentional(or is it?) humour. The only thing missing is any nudity(We do get one newlywed gal in a skimpy nightie though.) My favorite bit has to be when one of our killer farmers snuffs a dog and it returns as a bloody shag carpet remnant. Bad guys wearing hoods reminiscent of the band The Mentors is a nice touch also. Truly a film made exclusively for lovers of cheap shlocky garbage(some of the dialogue almost seems lifted from  MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE it's so nonsensical) or alternately anyone who's really into hearing deep New York accents. If you don't fall into one of those 2 camps stay away.   

ORLOFF AGAINST THE INVISIBLE MAN (1970)

 

 In Jess Franco's original AWFUL DR. ORLOFF, way back in 1962, the doctor(Howard Vernon) is involved in grafting a new beautiful face on his disfigured daughter. In this sort-of sequel, not directed by Franco, but by this French dude, Pierre Chevalier, who ended his career with the amazing PANTHER SQUAD, Mr. Vernon returns but now he's obsessed with making an invisible man(or in this case an invisible ape-man!). I guess Orloff is just a master of all fields of science! 

 This film is generally pretty slow and dull but there is a great deal of nudity on show if you watch the correct uncut version. Watch it only if you really want to see a killer invisible ape on the loose(which I assume is a weird callback to Poe's PHANTOM OF THE RUE MORGUE). AKA DR. ORLOFF'S INVISIBLE MONSTER

 The VHS release of this was re-titled THE INVISIBLE DEAD though it's not a zombie movie at all!:

This sweet double-bill teams our Invisible Man up with a pretty obscure Eurotrash Mummy film!: 

THE SHE-BEAST (1966)

  I've always though of this one as the worst Barbara Steele movie. That's probably due to the fact that you really don't get much sexy Steele action in it. You don't get really get a ton of Steele at all though since she becomes the titular monster for a good portion of the runtime. Speaking of which, the monster here is one of the grossest and most maniacal representations of a witch put on film so that's something worthwhile.  The overall tone of the film seems a bit off since half of it seems to be a comedy(including bumbling cops involved in Keystone Cops-like chases) whenever someone is not being brutally murdered.  So if you dig schizophrenic Eurotrash monster movies from the 60s it's worth a look.  

 Also honorable mention has to go out to Mel Welles(Mr. Mushnick from LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS) for his portrayal of a very sleazy Innkeeper(he even tries to rape his own niece in one scene!).

                                              Known in Italy as THE LAKE OF SATAN:

Played on a double-bill with this other Italian horror from a year earlier:

  and played in England(under a snazzy re-titling!) with this Italian/French spy movie: