A CHRISTMAS FANTASY (1950)

 Two little kids fall asleep and then a creepy Santa, who kinda resembles Leatherface, shows up in this holiday short that's mercifully only a little over 5 minutes long. This really plays more like a holiday music video than a proper movie of any sort. I first encountered this with the Rifftrax fellows goofing on it which is probably the optimal way to view it. A good one to add to your weirdo Christmas playlist. 

 There's both black and white and color versions floating around.

 

EASTERN HEROES (1991)

 Originally titled FURY IN RED this is a Hong Kong/Taiwan/Filipino action flick(there's also shots from the U.S.A. inserted to give this quite the international feel). Revenge is the main motif as a battle between Hong Kong police and a Philippines gang takes place. We get an annoying American FBI agent, 2 different pregnant women murdered(one of which is violently raped and carved up first) and lots of kung and gun-fu. There's also gratuitous shots of LETHAL WEAPON 2 and CASUALTIES OF WAR marquees in Hollywood. While not the greatest it's perfectly suitable for lazy Saturday afternoon viewing. 

 Not sure if the Hong Kong movie magazine EASTERN HEROES had any relation to this retitling but it wouldn't surprise me. 

GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN (1958)

 If you wanted to give this 50s "monster" movie a more accurate title it would be TALL GUY FROM SPAIN. Our "giant monster" who's not really a monster at all is actually just a big Spanish conquistador who somehow ended up being buried under a rock that kept him in suspended animation for a very long time. I guess that's why they call it exploitation cinema. Real cheesy and underwhelming flick. There is a character named Charlie Brown so I guess that's something to chuckle at. 

HUMAN PORK CHOP (2001)

  This Hong Kong category III flick is a real downbeat depressing tale of a prostitute(Emily Kwan) who steals from her pimp and then is kidnapped, tortured and made to endure some assorted horrible treatment.  There's shit-eating, human stew, a cute little puppy stuffed in a bag and smashed against a wall, total bodily dismemberment and other various brutalities along the way. Sadly based on a true story(The Hello Kitty Murders which also was the inspiration the same year's THERE'S A SECRET IN MY SOUP). I debated whether I even wanted to watch this after reading a synopsis. I will give the film credit though as being one of the few category III's to not include stupid humour bits to break up the horrific aspects of the story. While you might expect something along the lines of BUNMAN, THE UNTOLD STORY(AKA HUMAN PORK BUNS) this is closer to torture porn and might be even a bit bleaker than that downer classic. I still find it amazing that this came out in 2001 but a lot of Asian cinema is certainly not anything like the p.c. crap we've been forced to endure here in the western world for the last 25 years.

THE ETERNAL EVIL OF ASIA (1995)

                                         "The cup noodle is not good to your health!"

 If I've learned anything from watching a bunch of these Hong Kong category III movies it's that you should never piss off a Wizard and unfortunately that's what our protagonists do here. This one really throws a lot of bizarre elements into quite the stew of oddball horror. You get a guy literally becoming a dickhead, an evil wizard couple who do that fucking-while-flying act just like in 1991'a SEX AND ZEN, rape, a good witch, a guy who eats the flesh off his own arm, little kid death and of course wildly out of place comedy among other things. You don't find anything to amaze you in this you weren't paying attention. 

 There was an ETERNAL EVIL OF ASIA 2: DEVIL'S WOMAN that came out the following year but I believe it was a sequel in name only. 

BLOOD RITUAL (1989)

  The tone of this Hong Kong category III flick is, like many films of it's kind, all over the place. It starts out with a bloody, heart-ripping Satanic sacrifice then we get slapstick-like comedy, goofy car-crash antics and then back to some bloody machete-wielding cultists plus some angry cross-dressing aerobics-fu. It is all topped off by a hell of an end fight where our main hero(Norman Chu) takes some major damage.  There's also some very gross use of chopsticks that needs to be seen to be appreciated. 

THE RAPE AFTER (1984)

 AKA DEVIL FETUS 2 and just like the first movie this deals with a woman being raped by a demon and having a monster baby. This one might make slightly more sense then the first one but that's not saying a whole lot. The characters, besides our unfortunate demon mommy and her insane mom who keeps her dead dad's(who she murdered!) rotting body in a closet, include a sleazy photographer(who's pretty much to blame for everything supernatural that happens) and his new wife. The gore flows copiously and this is another entertainingly wacky category III horror flick.

 

                                                                 On glorious VHS!:

STAR VIRGIN (1979)

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THE INFERNAL RAPIST (1988)

  Initially while looking at the Blu-ray cover I assumed this was one of those Hong Kong Category III movies or possibly something from Japan. Turns out it is basically a Mexican version of one of those super sleazy films. Filled to the brim with rape(of women and men!) and knife murder this one really delivers what is promised from it's lurid title. A sexy Satan, laser beams shot out of eyes, telekinesis and other black magic all add up to a fun romp through this south-of-the-border roughie. As a bonus Princesa Lea, from the world's greatest Mexican punk-biker movie INTEPIDOS PUNKS, shows up and has a pretty spectacular death scene. While it may get a bit monotonous for some viewers, this movie has a very one-track mind, I think it will certainly please hardcore sleazemaniacs. 

ARABELLA: BLACK ANGEL (1989)

 Not a blaxploitation flick but rather a very late entry trashy giallo movie about a nymphomaniac lady(Tini Cansino) who spices up her marriage by going to a weird Eurotrash whore house and maybe or maybe not killing various people. Very sex-filled and plays out like a softcore late-night Cinemax-type movie mixed with a bloody murder mystery. Filled with some ultra-80s fashions and some very hot ladies who are often naked this one is definitely a spicy and unique entry into any giallo marathon you might partake in. AKA BLACK ANGEL

MURDER MANSION (1972)

  This Italian/Spanish giallo mixes the supernatural with your more standard murder-mystery fare here. A group of people end up stuck in an old mansion that may or may not be inhabited by a vampire lady, a zombie chauffeur and other sorts of creepy spirits. It all works out in the end though and it's an atmospheric ride along the way.  Check it out if the old haunted house gimmick doesn't bore you too much. AKA MANIAC MANSION

                                    Known in Spain as THE MANSION OF FOG!:

Known in Italy as WHEN MARTA SCREAMS FROM THE GRAVE!:

CRAZY DESIRES OF A MURDERER (1977)

  Allegedly filmed in 1973 but not released for another 4 years most of this Italian giallo takes place in one location, an old castle, and revolves around a rich family, their sneaky servants and drug-dealing friends. There's a creepy relative who lives in the basement and eyeball violence is a recurring motif. Grave-robbing and sex with the mentally handicapped is thrown in to spice things up. Not the best giallo I've ever seen and I didn't recognize any of the actors here but it was OK enough for one viewing. 

AKA THE MORBID HABITS OF THE GOVERNESS

             
Available on Volume 3 of this Blu-ray series of forgotten and mostly very forgettable gialli:

FRENCH SEX MURDERS (1972)

  The weirdest thing about this Italian/German/French giallo flick is that the police inspector in it does a Humphrey Bogart impression throughout. Apparently actor Robert Sacchi did that bit in a bunch of stuff including THE LOVE BOAT tv show. Besides that weirdness this is a pretty good mystery that takes place in France and centers around a whorehouse. There's a few misleading cues that eventually unravel in a  fairly logical way unlike some other films in this sub-genre. There's also a pretty well-known cast of Eurotrash regulars including Howard "AWFUL DR. ORLOF" Vernon, Rosalba Neri, Barbara Bouchet, Anita Ekberg and others.  Black gloves, bloody killings and sexy women! 

Released on video in Norway as CALL GIRLS FOR INSPECTOR BOGART!

                   Known in Germany as THE EYE OF EVIL!:

                                   Known in Italy as APOINTMENT HOUSE:

Known in France as MURDER ON 17th AVENUE:

The video release in England really played up that Bogey likeness!: 

THE KILLER IS ONE OF 13 (1973)

  Obviously modeled after Agatha Christie's 10 LITTLE INIDANS this a very talky giallo from Spain. It's a decent enough mystery though to make it a worthwhile one-time watch if you run out of the more entertaining/outlandish/gory giallos out there. Paul Naschy appears but doesn't have a very big role. Perhaps Italy is the country to stick with for the good stuff in this sub-genre. 

Part of this Blu-ray set that contains movies that were probably forgotten for a good reason!:

 

GODZILLA VS. MEGAGUIRUS (2000)

  This one is the 25th Godzilla film(but only the 2nd in the "millennium series" which ran from 1999 to 2004) or the 24th film if you ignore that terrible American one from the 90s. It does what most of the films in this series do and ignores all the movies that came before it except for the very first one. Godzilla's foe is pretty bland being just a giant flying dragon-fly bug but the humans do come up with a black hole-generating weapon which is kind of a cool idea. Not my favorite but not the worst Godzilla flick you could catch. 

INSIDE (2007)

  One of the better examples from the wave of gross French horror films that came out of the early 2000s. This one deals with a very determined lady who just really wants to be a mom and is not above mass murder to accomplish this. It's also a story of revenge but it's hard to get into all of that without spoiling everything. Lots of scissor violence, babies in peril, gun-fu and even knitting-needle-fu that gets the blood flowing copiously. There is a ridiculousness to things though when our killer starts acting like some kind of ninja halfway through the movie and our main victim takes enough punishment to have killed her 20 times and keeps getting up for more punishment but if you can suspend your disbelief enough it's a wild ride. It's too bad these films seem to have stopped being produced(or at least being brought over to America so I can see them) about 15 years ago or so. It was a decent run while it lasted. MARTYRS is still the top(and most extreme) one in my book but if you can handle the gore quotient give this one a look also.

 There was a 2016 English-language remake of this which is apparently a watered-down version of the original and seems especially pointless.

SOLDIER'S REVENGE (1986)

  The first half of this movie seems like a really crappy version of FIRST BLOOD where we get a Vietnam vet(John Savage) returning to his hometown and getting hassled by everyone. A bar fight is the highlight of this section. For the 2nd bit it becomes a more typical war film where our hero gets involved in smuggling guns for some revolutionary South Americans. There are a few explosions, lots of gun fights and it's all fairly unremarkable. 

                                           Known in Germany as BURNING LAND:

and known in Finland as WARRIOR'S REVENGE:

COP IMAGE (1994)

   Anthony (BUNMAN) Wong stars here as a traffic cop who has an overwhelming fetish for the actual police. This is quite the departure from his serial killer persona that I always associate him with and is mostly quite a comedic performance. It also works as an action-packed homage to lots of stars of the past who get name-dropped including Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood, Jackie Chan, Bruce Willis etc. Some of the wacky takes on homosexuality and cross-dressing might upset modern delicate flowers but I doubt most of them would enjoy much Hong Cinema from this golden age anyhow. Give it a watch if obscure Asian cinema is your bag and if you can find it anywhere since it seems pretty hard to do that here in the U.S. 

THE UNDERGROUND BANKER (1994)

  So the message of this category III Hong Kong flick is don't ever borrow money from Triad gangsters. Got it! Starring Anthony Wong, best remembered as the cannibal Bunman from THE UNTOLD STORY. Here he actually plays the victim who turns out to be a hero role(though they do homage his most famous role when he threatens to turn the main villain into a pork bun). Unfortunately it takes his wife getting raped, turned into a prostitute and her and his son burned alive for the revenge portion to kick in. He gets help from his neighbor, recovered serial killer Dr. Lamb(which makes this actually a sorta sequel to another bloody Cat III flick DR. LAMB though he's not played by Simon Yam this time but Lawrence Ng) which leads to some fun knife-fu fights. Not particularly gory but there is quite a bit of violence and nudity on display to make this a memorable entry in this ultra sleazy category. 

                                      DEXTER ain't got nothing on Dr. Lamb!:

THE REDEEMER (1978)

 While this is a pretty standard slasher flick about a super religious nutjob killing off a group of people at a high school reunion,(later released on VHS as CLASS REUNION MASSACRE) what makes it interesting is that it was actually released before the original HALLOWEEN which is the movie that's usually credited with ushering in all these clones in it's wake. There are a few interesting touches here like the killer changing his appearance and weapon of choice for each murder and he even uses some creepy mechanized helpers at certain points. Overall though it's kind of a dull trip with a lot of unexplained nonsense involving an appearing and then disappearing extra thumb on our murderer and a boy popping up out of a lake for some reason. 

 I did get an opportunity to catch a 16mm film print of this last night at a local theater which did raise it's entertainment value slightly in my eyes.  

                                                               Big box VHS goodness!:

Slipcase version:

THE KILLER MUST KILL AGAIN (1975)

  While it's lumped into the giallo genre this is certainly no mystery since we're introduced to the murderer right away. It is a sorta variation on Hitchcock's STRANGERS ON A TRAIN(a cigarette lighter even comes into play) where George Hilton blackmails our killer, that he oversees dumping a body, into offing his wife. Things don't exactly go as planned and there are a few twists and turns which is more typical of a giallo. It's also one of the best movies director Luigi Cozzi ever made. He would go on to do a lot of silly trashy films throughout the 1980s including those dumb Lou Ferrigno HERCULES movies. AKA DARK IS DEATH'S FRIEND 

 Allegedly Cozzi wanted to call the film THE SPIDER and that is what it's titled on some video releases in a couple of other countries. 

THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE HORNET'S NEST (2009)

 

  The first movie in this Swedish series was a great combo of thriller/horror/action and drama while the 2nd film, THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE, leaned more heavily into the all-out crazy action-movie genre this one course corrects to more of an all-around action/thriller similar to the first film and is a great way to tie everything up. It's kind of crazy that all 3 of these films were made so quickly and were released within the same year in Sweden, especially since they're all so long. There are 2 versions of this one out there, the theatrical 2 and a half hour cut and TV version that clocks in at over 3 hours! 

 I've never seen the Americanized version of the original movie, released only 1 year after the Swedish one was released in America, and it seems really pointless but perhaps because it was done by David Fincher it won't be as disappointing as I suspect.

 In 2018 there was another American film based on this book series, THE GIRL IN THE SPIDER'S WEB, but that was based on something written after the original author Stieg Larsson had died and was a bit of a bomb so I'm in no hurry to check that out. 

   

THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES (1971)

 One of the all-time great Vincent Price performances here. Also one of the easiest jobs for Caroline Munro as his deceased wife and the catalyst for his revenge-fueled murder spree. Killer bats, rats, locusts and even a golden unicorn are among the tools used by Dr. Phibes to wreak his biblically-inspired vengeance(I don't remember any unicorns actually being in the bible but I'm no scholar). Fun horror flick that sorta inspired SAW(but they forgot the whole fun part). AKA DR. PHIBES

 There was a sequel the next year and a planned BRIDE OF DR. PHIBES that sadly never got made.   

 

DEMON WITHIN (1985)

  This was the big highlight from a recent horror movie marathon I attended. Even though it was shot on video it looks light years better than your average American film shot the same way in this era and just looks like your typical TV program of the time. It also helps that it's only 54 minutes long since the story is not the most complex. We're dealing with demons here(based on some Japanese folklore?) that impregnate themselves inside humans and then violently, and gorily, burst out. From there it takes some very oddball unexpected turns as Japanese horror is sometimes wont to do. Maybe not for everyone but if you're a weirdo like me give it a look. Rubber monster effects by Tsuburaya Productions(responsible for ULTRA-MAN among other groovy Jap sci-fi things) really spice things up. AKA THE TASTY FLESH and GAKIDAMA

                Giving birth to a Gakidama demon sure looks like a drag!:

EVIL NIGHT (1992)

  I caught this in the middle of a horror marathon last weekend and since it's a really low budget shot-on-video project it did not look very good projected on a large screen. Probably the coolest thing about this  was checking out all the horror movie posters in one of the rooms they filmed in. There is also a lot of gore and some heavy rockin' tunes but overall this is a pretty big waste of time. If it's not unwatchable enough some scenes appear to be shot on even crappier tape than others. There's a telekinetic killer who wears a clown mask for no discernable reason and some zombies show up to end it all. Somehow director Todd Jason Cook would go on to make a bunch more movies like this. 

 22 years later there was a remake and then 3 years after that there was a sequel to the original film churned out. 

                Even on a very small screen this is still blurry as hell!:

LATE PHASES: NIGHT OF THE LONE WOLF (2014)

 I'll give this movie a little bit of credit for being something made in 2014 and not being a total CGI shitfest. Unfortunately the werewolves in this look more like they belong in a  FRAGGLE ROCK episode than any kind of horror movie but at least they made the attempt. The movie itself is more of a character study of a blind vet played by Nick Damici placed in an old folks' community where a werewolf just so happens to be lurking about. One of his neighbors is GINGER from GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. So if you want to see what Ginger looks like at 80 here's your chance. While nowhere near the top of the heap of werewolf movies this might appeal to someone looking for a slightly different take on the old wolfman story.  AKA NIGHT OF THE WOLF

THE NINE DEMONS (1984)

  Caught this one for the first time recently as part of a kung-fu/horror movie marathon and it was one of the big highlights. It starts of as your standard kung fu movie before entering into the world of the supernatural when our main character(Tien-Chi Cheng) makes a deal with the devil to get revenge with the help of the titular nine demons. These demons consist of a eight little kids and their mom(or maybe she's their babysitter? idk) who sometimes turn into plastic skulls and do dastardly things. Our hero, who now isn't acting all that heroic, also gets some sweet new glamtastic clothes to wreak havoc with. This is obviously a wacky interpretation of the legendary Faust story so you shouldn't expect much of a happy ending but it's a hell of a trip getting to the conclusion and one of my wacky favorites from former Shaw Brothers director Chang Cheh.

TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD (1971)

 One of the all-time classics of Eurotrash cinema! Obviously inspired by NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, director Amando de Ossorio takes things in a decidedly Spanish-horror direction with his tale of some ex-communicated Templars returning from the dead to mount horses and chow down(and chop since they brought along their old-timey swords) on the living.  The best thing about this film is the unique-look our zombies have. They're kind of a gang of grim-reapers with beards on horseback. The horses always confuse me a bit though. Are they phantoms? zombies? Where do the Templars keep them when they're in their graves? Weird, bloody, rapey, 70s horror that all fans of Euro-horror need to check out at least once.

 I made the mistake of watching the dubbed version on my last viewing which is missing almost 20 minutes of prime footage. So stick with those subtitles for maximum carnage.

 The weirdest retitling of this is REVENGE OF PLANET APE which gave this a whole new opening monologue tying it into the, very popular at the time, PLANET OF THE APES SERIES. Other AKA's include LEGEND OF THE BLIND DEAD, THE BLIND DEAD, THE NIGHT OF THE BLIND TERROR and MARK OF THE DEVIL PART 4: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD (also released on video as MARK OF THE DEVIL PART V: NIGHT OF THE BLIND TERROR)

                         The cut version was only rated PG when distributed in the US by AIP!:

THE HOLY VIRGIN VERSUS THE EVIL DEAD (1991)

  Lots of nudity featured in this kung fu/horror mash-up.  A "moon monster" is on the bloody rampage in Hong Kong until the movie relocates to Cambodia and we get a tribal goddess/holy virgin with a magical sword involved in the ass-kicking action. Lots of gun-fu, a piranha attack, a magic sword, a tranny god with a Freddie Mercury moustache and some gory kills. 

 I did see this as part of a 12-hour marathon recently in the local weirdo movie theater so the main thing I recall from this were the boobs. 

 This has nothing to do with the EVIL DEAD series but it's still a cool title.