A CHRISTMAS FANTASY (1950)

 Two little kids fall asleep and then a creepy Santa, who kinda resembles Leatherface, shows up in this holiday short that's mercifully only a little over 5 minutes long. This really plays more like a holiday music video than a proper movie of any sort. I first encountered this with the Rifftrax fellows goofing on it which is probably the optimal way to view it. A good one to add to your weirdo Christmas playlist. 

 There's both black and white and color versions floating around.

 

EASTERN HEROES (1991)

 Originally titled FURY IN RED this is a Hong Kong/Taiwan/Filipino action flick(there's also shots from the U.S.A. inserted to give this quite the international feel). Revenge is the main motif as a battle between Hong Kong police and a Philippines gang takes place. We get an annoying American FBI agent, 2 different pregnant women murdered(one of which is violently raped and carved up first) and lots of kung and gun-fu. There's also gratuitous shots of LETHAL WEAPON 2 and CASUALTIES OF WAR marquees in Hollywood. While not the greatest it's perfectly suitable for lazy Saturday afternoon viewing. 

 Not sure if the Hong Kong movie magazine EASTERN HEROES had any relation to this retitling but it wouldn't surprise me. 

GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN (1958)

 If you wanted to give this 50s "monster" movie a more accurate title it would be TALL GUY FROM SPAIN. Our "giant monster" who's not really a monster at all is actually just a big Spanish conquistador who somehow ended up being buried under a rock that kept him in suspended animation for a very long time. I guess that's why they call it exploitation cinema. Real cheesy and underwhelming flick. There is a character named Charlie Brown so I guess that's something to chuckle at. 

HUMAN PORK CHOP (2001)

  This Hong Kong category III flick is a real downbeat depressing tale of a prostitute(Emily Kwan) who steals from her pimp and then is kidnapped, tortured and made to endure some assorted horrible treatment.  There's shit-eating, human stew, a cute little puppy stuffed in a bag and smashed against a wall, total bodily dismemberment and other various brutalities along the way. Sadly based on a true story(The Hello Kitty Murders which also was the inspiration the same year's THERE'S A SECRET IN MY SOUP). I debated whether I even wanted to watch this after reading a synopsis. I will give the film credit though as being one of the few category III's to not include stupid humour bits to break up the horrific aspects of the story. While you might expect something along the lines of BUNMAN, THE UNTOLD STORY(AKA HUMAN PORK BUNS) this is closer to torture porn and might be even a bit bleaker than that downer classic. I still find it amazing that this came out in 2001 but a lot of Asian cinema is certainly not anything like the p.c. crap we've been forced to endure here in the western world for the last 25 years.

THE ETERNAL EVIL OF ASIA (1995)

                                         "The cup noodle is not good to your health!"

 If I've learned anything from watching a bunch of these Hong Kong category III movies it's that you should never piss off a Wizard and unfortunately that's what our protagonists do here. This one really throws a lot of bizarre elements into quite the stew of oddball horror. You get a guy literally becoming a dickhead, an evil wizard couple who do that fucking-while-flying act just like in 1991'a SEX AND ZEN, rape, a good witch, a guy who eats the flesh off his own arm, little kid death and of course wildly out of place comedy among other things. You don't find anything to amaze you in this you weren't paying attention. 

 There was an ETERNAL EVIL OF ASIA 2: DEVIL'S WOMAN that came out the following year but I believe it was a sequel in name only. 

BLOOD RITUAL (1989)

  The tone of this Hong Kong category III flick is, like many films of it's kind, all over the place. It starts out with a bloody, heart-ripping Satanic sacrifice then we get slapstick-like comedy, goofy car-crash antics and then back to some bloody machete-wielding cultists plus some angry cross-dressing aerobics-fu. It is all topped off by a hell of an end fight where our main hero(Norman Chu) takes some major damage.  There's also some very gross use of chopsticks that needs to be seen to be appreciated. 

THE RAPE AFTER (1984)

 AKA DEVIL FETUS 2 and just like the first movie this deals with a woman being raped by a demon and having a monster baby. This one might make slightly more sense then the first one but that's not saying a whole lot. The characters, besides our unfortunate demon mommy and her insane mom who keeps her dead dad's(who she murdered!) rotting body in a closet, include a sleazy photographer(who's pretty much to blame for everything supernatural that happens) and his new wife. The gore flows copiously and this is another entertainingly wacky category III horror flick.

 

                                                                 On glorious VHS!:

STAR VIRGIN (1979)

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THE INFERNAL RAPIST (1988)

  Initially while looking at the Blu-ray cover I assumed this was one of those Hong Kong Category III movies or possibly something from Japan. Turns out it is basically a Mexican version of one of those super sleazy films. Filled to the brim with rape(of women and men!) and knife murder this one really delivers what is promised from it's lurid title. A sexy Satan, laser beams shot out of eyes, telekinesis and other black magic all add up to a fun romp through this south-of-the-border roughie. As a bonus Princesa Lea, from the world's greatest Mexican punk-biker movie INTEPIDOS PUNKS, shows up and has a pretty spectacular death scene. While it may get a bit monotonous for some viewers, this movie has a very one-track mind, I think it will certainly please hardcore sleazemaniacs.