TALES FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT (1995)

  Well I avoided seeing this thing until a recent movie night gathering of friends. As anyone with half a brain knows the 90s were some terrible times for horror cinema. Specifically American horror cinema, since the rest of the world hadn't received the memo yet that everything even slightly scary had to be a comedy disguised as a horror film. This one starts out with a puppet introducing a story about demons. I think I'll stick with the real DEMONS from Italy for maximum gore and minimal cartoonish hi-jinks. For added annoyance the director felt the need to tilt the camera on an angle for a bunch of shots so you can feel like a confused dog while viewing. Thanks Ernest Dickerson. To be fair though he did throw in some boobs in a nice scene with the legendary Dick Miller and he previously did direct that ridiculous remake of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME  with Ice-T that I remember enjoying at the local drive-in back when it premiered, so I guess I can forgive him. 

 There was a follow-up to this the next year titled BORDELLO OF BLOOD with Dennis Miller which looks terrible and the original TALES FROM THE CRYPT film in 1972 by Amicus studios back when they still made horror movies for non-retards. 

DON'T TORTURE A DUCKLING (1972)

  While I find Lucio Fulci to be a bit over-rated by fans of Eurotrash cinema in general he is, at least, a director who left his mark on cinema and made some quite memorable entries into the horror genre. This not very stylish giallo deals with a bunch of children being murdered which is some pretty sordid subject matter. It might have been a bit more shocking though if all the kids in this weren't such repulsive perverts. I mean the ugly little weirdos main interests seem to be prostitutes and smoking from what we are shown. Not that this is any reason to murder them but exactly how bad are we supposed to feel when they end up strangled to death by an unknown assailant? The kid-killing does take place mostly off-screen. Fulci, as is usual for him, saves all the hardcore violence for his female characters. A particularly rough scene of Florinda Balkan as an insane witchy character being beaten to near death with chains by the local vigilantes might be tough for many to sit through. The standout scene for me happens at the climax though where we see one of the worst looking dummies(or in this case probably a mannequin!) fall off a cliff and sparks fly out of it's head as it falls down and hits some rocks. It makes whatever slow bits there are here worthwhile.

In Canada this was given the alternate title of THE LONG NIGHT OF EXORCISM which seems really strange since this couldn't be further from an EXORCIST-rip-off!:

THE POSEIDON EXPLOSION (1973)

 For a disaster film this one is kinda dull. I mean it's supposedly based on a true story of a big ship that caught fire off the coast of Romania so perhaps if you live there it's pretty exciting, I just found it to be a bit of a letdown. Of course with the title you expect a rip-off of THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE which this isn't at all. It's closer to THE TOWERING INFERNO really, except that movie hadn't come out yet. So you basically get a bunch of people running around on a boat and things explode once in a while for variety. This might be the first movie I've watched from Czechoslovakia though so at least that's sorta interesting.

SAVAGE MAN ... SAVAGE BEAST (1975)

 This mondo movie focuses on man's relationship with the animal kingdom. Most specifically hunting and eating them. It also juxtaposes footage of animals doing the same things. They also throw in some footage of filthy vegetarian hippies rolling around at garbage-strewn festivals to make some sorta point about something or another.This one was early enough in the mondo cycle that it at least does attempt to raise some questions and not be just another FACES OF DEATH-style shock-a-thon/snuff film which is what these things would ultimately devolve into. Some beautiful nature shots mixed with some harsh realities and some most-likely staged stuff(a guy getting eaten by lions?). Oh and we get to see some tribe have sex with holes in the ground to fertilize the earth and make more animals to hunt. One of the better made examples of this scummy genre that's obviously not really meant for animal lovers or overly-sensitive types(which I'm guessing in 2020 describes about 90% of the population).  

The DVD I have of this is just a copy of the Australian VHS which is slightly cut so I'm assuming the uncut version might be a bit rougher.

Re-released as SAVAGE TEMPTATION

THE MAN HUNTER (1980)

  So this ping-pong-ball-eyed cannibal monster man gets the KING KONG treatment(girls served up as helpless victims for him to rip the hearts out of) from the local tribesmen, who I think are also supposed to be cannibals, but it's kinda hard to tell since the one thing this cannibal film severely skimps out on is any actual cannibalism on display. The film mainly deals with a kidnapped starlet(Ursula Buchfellner) that's taken to the jungle, that just so happens to contain a tribe of cannibals and said bug-eyed monster, and then pursued by our hero, and director Jess Franco fav, Al Cliver.  There's lots of nudity, a fairly mild rape scene and heads do roll since our monster enjoys ripping them off. 

 On a personal note many years ago I mistakenly left my VHS of this at my sister's place and was horrified at the thought of my young nieces viewing such a sleazy film. At least it wasn't CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST or anything remotely as traumatizing.  AKA DEVIL HUNTER, MANDINGO MANHUNTER and SEXO CANNIBAL

                                 

                               Known in Germany as A VIRGIN AMONG CANNIBALS!:

                                            and France got a very RAMBO-looking poster!:

COLD SWEAT (1970)

 One of my personal favorite 70s Bronson flicks. Here he plays a man with a secret past that comes back to haunt him. Apparently he was involved in some illegal activities with some of his old army buddies. Not bothering to tell his family any of this it all comes as a great shock when gangsters show up at his house in the South of France. Great chase scene occurs and lots of tense moments arise. Also I imagine that the idea for the long lingering stomach wound in RESERVOIR DOGS was copied from this even though I'm sure it's shocking to Tarantino would do such a thing. Another cool element of this one is that Luigi Pistilli, who is so memorable as the horrible husband in YOUR VICE IS A LOCKED ROOM AND ONLY I HAVE THE KEY, shows up as one of Bronson's unsavory army pals. 

 Sadly the crappy Wal-Mart $1 VHS I have of this looks like garbage and is obviously copied from a T.V.  showing with naughty words and some brief nudity removed and clear commercial break spots. I really need an upgrade if such a thing exists.

              "COLD SWEAT means more than more!"(whatever that means):

NIGHTFALL (2012)

 This Hong Kong action/detective-drama/thriller starts right out with a brutal prison fight where 4 people get taken out. Things then settle into the more traditional police-procedural direction involving Simon Yam as a cop who's very insistent on solving a 20-year-old murder that the wrong person was arrested and served time for. It all ends up with some pretty shocking and moving revelations involving incest, abuse and of course murder. At almost 2 hours it is a bit long like most of these more current Asian flicks but very well-done if you can make it through to the end.

 

THE DEMON LOVER (1976)

  This one is a pretty chaotic mess of a 70s horror flick. The messy part might be due to only seeing this in the crappy blur-o-vision version that's currently streaming online. Obviously this is due for one of those fancy digitally-remastered upgrades that all the kids love. 

 The plot concerns a long-haired occultist dude( a fellow by the oddball name of Christmas Robbins!) trying to raise a demon with the help of his hippie friends. These friends include a little hobbit of a man with a strange munchkin-like voice for added hilarity. When they have a falling out everyone starts getting bumped off by a big hairy extremely fake-looking demon who looks like he might have escaped from the set of H.R. Puffnstuff. You get some bloody kills, a guy, who looks like Frank Zappa, gets shot in the dick with a crossbow, stabbings ensue and it looks like lots of clothes got stained in the process. Gunnar Hansen shows up for a little bit as a professor to talk about good and bad cults.

 There's apparently a longer, more complete cut of this on VHS as THE DEVIL MASTER which I have not seen yet. Other video release titles include DEMON MASTER, DEMON TOWER, MASTER OF EVIL and COVEN

                                       A little slice of demonic weirdness!:

                                   Clearly inspired by this classic tune!:

 

MEET HIM AND DIE (1976)

  They jam a whole bunch of stuff into the first half hour of this "poliziotteshci" action flick. There's a bank robbery gone wrong, a prison brawl, undercover cop stuff and then a big prison break-out. Then the film kinda hits a lull for a while before you get back to the action with some car chases and gun blasting. I generally love everything in the 70s Italian crime genre but this one might be the most mundane example of them with star Ray Lovelock seeking revenge for his mom who was crippled by a mafia hit-man's shotgun blast. Still has enough crazy chases and gunshots to the face to make it worthwhile. Also Martin Balsam as a godfather character is pretty neat to see.  AKA RISKING

                                                Weird folk theme song!:

THE OTHER HELL (1981)

 Bruno Mattei is one of my favorite directors not because he actually makes "good" films but because he just seems to throw a little of everything into in his movies. Of course most of the times it seems like his ideas are just borrowed from other movies but that's besides the point. This here nunsploitation movie takes Ken Russell's THE DEVILS, ROSEMARY'S BABY and whatever random ghost movie you want to pick and mixes them in a blender of gross-out horror. It all starts out with a dead nun having her vagina cut out before the credits even roll, then the mother-superior of the convent(Franca Stoppi, who looks way too young to be in this role) gets a little stabby with another nun and then things start to get weird. There's a gardener(Franko Garafalo, who's that guy who does that stupid dance in Mattei's NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES) who keeps a bunch of dogs for some reason which leads into some "when animals attack" action, a mute nun who goes nutzo,there's stigmata, the Devil shows up looking like a prop from a Dio concert, lots of haunted house, or in this case haunted convent, shenanigans and it all ends with some revived corpses zombie action. There are a few lulls in between all this which throw the pace off at times but still a good time for horror whackos. The one thing Mattei oddly doesn't include in this is any sex or nudity which is normally the standard for these types of flicks. So shave off a few points if you're just looking for sleaze.

 AKA THE PRESENCE and GUARDIAN OF HELL

 

THE DEVIL (1981)

 Obscure Hong Kong/Taiwan co-production horror flick that's just chock full of fresh wriggly worms that unlucky actors get to spit out of their mouths. It starts out with a woman being bloodily bludgeoned with a large rock and robbed and then it becomes a tale of ghostly revenge with people spewing out the aforementioned worms plus maggots, centipedes and snakes for variety! But is it really the ghost or just this one bespectacled nerdy character who is doing all the evil spell-casting? Well I don't want to ruin the twist ending for you so if you can handle a very disgusting ride hop on board. Also for added chuckles and levity there's a little boy character named Ding-Dong that shows up in stupid outfits.
 The cheap-o DVD I have of this calls it DEVIL'S EXPRESS but that title never appears onscreen.

                                          The Japanese VHS added some pluralization: