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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Wednesday, February 20, 2019


 Chuck Norris makes America great again way before that was even a thing. Also before Rambo went back to Vietnam, Norris (as James Braddock) was already there to rescue all the M.I.A.'s left behind by our shitty government. As an action film there's the one iconic image of Norris ascending out of the water, like Jesus or something, and mowing down some Vietnamese bad guys that will stick with you and then a bunch of patriotic wish-fulfillment stuff to make Americans feel better about having lost a war. It does all get a bit monotonous by the end with all the exploding huts and dumb story but it was popular enough at the time to spew out 2 sequels(though technically MISSING IN ACTION 2: THE BEGINNING is a prequel that was originally supposed to be the first movie but after seeing how crappy it was the producers decided to release the original Part 2(which was filmed immediately after Part 1) first).

                         Known in Italy under the amazing title of THUNDER RUMBLE!!:

Tuesday, February 19, 2019


 All-time classic sci-fi film about war and peace and aliens and as a bonus a robot that can kill you with it's death ray. While a lot of 50s sci-fi is full of giant monsters or other goofy elements this one plays it all very serious and if you can get over the clunky-looking robot named Gort it has a serious message about trying to live in peace without destroying everything. The phrase "klaatu barada nikto" would be recycled for the 3rd EVIL DEAD movie and everything else in this film went on to inspire all the great sci-fi to follow it.
 There was a British remake of this 3 years later titled STRANGER FROM VENUS that looks interesting and then a 2008 remake starring Keanu Reeves which doesn't.

Also inspired the first line in this tune:

Monday, February 18, 2019


 For many years I've been looking for a movie where the great Bolo Yeung plays a hero and thanks to a friend of mine this film has finally come into my life. Mr. Bolo basically plays the Mr. Miyagi role from THE KARATE KID here as the teacher of a couple of young martial artists. The weird thing about that is that one of the young fellas he's training is Johnny, the main bad kid, from THE KARATE KID and if that's not weird enough the main bad guy here is the leader of the Cobra Kai himself, Martin Kove.
 While this does satisfy me in seeing Bolo portrayed as a sympathetic character I think the director didn't really utilize his talents to their utmost. For one thing Bolo isn't really the main character here and the focus is clearly on his two trainees. While they're fine enough some of their scenes veer off into the overly-dramatic soap-opera territory that I doubt anyone viewing this film is looking for. I know not focusing on Bolo is most likely due to Mr. Yeung's limited skills in the English language but I still think there had to be someway to utilize him more. Perhaps in some buddy-cop type tale where he doesn't have to say much? On the plus side thought his one has some pretty brutal fights with bloody gore on display including a guy getting his neck slashed, another guy getting his neck ripped out, INDIANA JONES-style heart-ripping action, a vicious arm-breaking and a glorious Bolo going apeshit final fight. If like me you are a  Bolomaniac check this one out immediately if not sooner.
 There was a SHOOTFIGHTER II a couple of years later that I need to find pronto.

Sunday, February 17, 2019


 In this Charlie Chan flick(#26 out of a whopping 47!) Mr. Chan(played by non-Asian actor Sidney Toler) along with his #1 son(played by actual Chinese man Victor Sen Yung) break up a spy ring intent on blowing up a ship and blocking a naval fleet heading through The Panama Canal. Lionel Atwill, from a bunch of classic horror films, also appears but doesn't stick around too long. A few mysterious murders take place and, as is familiar to anyone who's seen a couple of these old Chan flicks knows, things get resolved fairly predictably, however, in good mystery fashion, you may not be able to guess the main culprit in this one very easily. This one was directed by a friend of mine's grandad, Norman Foster, and it was his last Chan movie before moving on to more obscure stuff and eventually television work. He borrowed the plot for this from a 1934 Spencer Tracy film titled MARIE GALANTE which I have not seen and I assume it might be too classy for my taste.

The big-ass list of classic Chan films starring Sidney Toler!:

9. DEAD MEN TELL (1941)
14. BLACK MAGIC (1944)
15. THE JADE MASK (1945)
18. THE RED DRAGON (1945)
19. DARK ALIBI (1946)
22. THE TRAP (1946) 


Saturday, February 16, 2019


                                                   "don't forget to keep your rice dry"

 This movie was made right in the middle of World War 2 which gives some historical context to the way Japanese folks are treated in this. I think if you looked at the way our "heroes", The East Side Kids, treat one particular Japanese fellow(who eventually turns out to be Chinese and they feel bad about it) at the beginning of this movie, given the current insanely politically correct era we inhabit, they would surely be convicted of a hate crime. Then again the kidding around they do with their black member, 'Sunshine'  Sammy Morrisson, about fried chicken and not being able to tell little white lies would probably also get them in a lot of hot water these days. If you can overlook these dated aspects (and if you can't why the hell would you be watching this old crap anyway?) then it's a pretty typical entry(#9) in the 'Kids' series where they foil a Japanese/German spy ring and do their part for the war. Oh yeah, I guess you have to overlook all the pro-war stuff also you silly America-hating snowflake!

Monday, February 11, 2019

DEATH RACE 2050 (2017)

 DEATH RACE 2000 is one of the best Roger Corman-produced films of the 70s. This thing is supposed to be either a sequel(though they never even reference the original film) or a "soft-reboot", whatever the hell that means!, I would just call it a remake. Sadly, since it's made in 2017, it's a movie riddled with c.g.i. everything, c.g.i. blood, c.g.i. explosions, c.g.i. people getting run over or run down, c.g.i. as far as the eye can see. I think the only things that are real in this are the actors and the cars(which somehow manage to look worse than the ones in the movie from 40 years earlier). On the plus side at least Malcolm McDowell got a paycheck for some crazy overacting and the guy that plays the character of Jed Perfectus(Burt Grinstead) is pretty amusing. The only reason I watched this is because it was part of a recent drunken movie night gathering of some mates who seemed to enjoy it more than me. I suppose it you're raised on video games give it a look but if you enjoy actual movies stick with the original.
 There is an unrelated series of DEATH RACE movies starring Jason Statham that I have not seen that look like they have a bit of a bigger budget than this one but I'm in no particular rush to see any of those.

The Germans already used this title for a DVD release of DEATHSPORT:

Saturday, February 9, 2019


 Eurotrash legend Jess Franco directs and stars in this sexy epic as a sleazy excommunicated priest who goes on a one-man killing spree to exorcise demons from the slutty ladies of Paris. Franco's mainstay actress(and future wife) Lina Romay is the main lady in this who appears in some strange stage shows where they do fake? black masses and human sacrifices for sophisticated artsy crowds that sometimes turns into a big orgy. There's one graphic gutting scene but most of the horror elements consist of some very fake looking whipping and stabbing where fake blood is just wiped on female midsections. EXORCISM is the sexier cut of this film. The DVD I have it on also contains DEMONIAC which is about 30 minutes shorter, plays up the horror elements more and has the ladies wearing a lot more clothes in it. There's also a hardcore porn version with added in scenes titled SEXORCISM(aka EXORCISM AND BLACK MASSES). Known in Canada under the spiffy title of CHAINS AND BLACK LEATHER(which really should be the title of a JUDAS PRIEST album or something along those lines). SADIST OF NOTRE DAME is a 1979 Franco flick that recycled a bunch of footage from this.
 Despite it's rather leisurely pace and lackluster ending(including a very lackadaisical chase scene) I can't help but be entertained by Franco's weird output. This one is exclusively recommended to the sleazy cult crowd though.


Dirty porn version!:             


Wednesday, February 6, 2019


 Solid mystery thriller by Hammer studios. Known in England as TASTE OF FEAR this one is clearly inspired by Alfred Hitchcock in the way it twists and turns and keeps you guessing until everything is revealed in all it's grimy details. Christopher Lee is, as always, great in this and we get to see him in an unusual role here that I will not spoil for anyone that hasn't viewed this yet. Shot exceptionally well complete with some creepy moments involving a corpse that pops up at unfortunate times. A good one for fans of more classy less graphic spooky mystery-type stuff.

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

PETS (1973)

 Sexy Candice Rialson(from sexy 70s flicks like CANDY STRIPE NURSES) is the main attraction here in what is a pretty bizarre twisty-turny story of a young gal who ends up in various situations that range from criminal to hot and sexy to horrific when she ends up being kept in a cage by some nutso art-collector fellow giving the title some meaning. It takes a while for things to actually come together in this one and along the way you get a little dog tossed off a cliff and some female-on-male rape to keep you interested. I think I might have to give this one another watch one day to decipher some of the deeper messages about submission(alternate title SUBMISSION) and whatnot contained in it. Coulda used a better soundtrack though as this is filled with some pretty sub-par folksy ballads.

Triple feature with 2 other saucy 70s thrillers!: 

and with this Al Adamson movie that was also Lon Chaney Jr.'s last film:

and with some German sex mystery flick that I've never heard of before:

Sunday, February 3, 2019


 Italian splatter-master Lucio Fulci made 3 spaghetti-westerns and this is the first one. Most commonly known as MASSACRE TIME they slapped an alternate DJANGO titte on it at some point because it stars Mr. Django himself Franco Nero and just about every western he starred in got that kind of treatment. The story here deals with Django, who is never called that of course but instead called Tom Corbett, having to return to his hometown that has been taken over by a rich jerk(Giusseppe Addobbati) and his sadistic son(Nino Castelnuovo) who always seems to wear the same white suit and looks vaguely like Oliver Reed. George Hilton also stars as Franco's alcoholic gunslinging brother. Things turn out pretty much how you would expect with one big reveal thrown in. There is one incongruous scene where Franco does a flip over a group of people which seems like something out of a kung fu flick and is quite jarring. If you're looking for gore there's not really any of that on display but for 1966 there's a pretty bloody whipping scene that results in a  bloody faced Franco that looks like he lost a steel cage wrasslin' match and a guy gets torn apart by dogs which is bloodless but you can just imagine what Fulci would have done in that scene just a decade later. AKA THE BRUTE AND THE BEAST and COLT CONCERT

                                            Bullet-blasting excitement!:



 What you get here is your basic revenge flick set in spaghetti-western land. It's also a fake Django movie(aka VIVA! DJANGO(also the title of a Terence Hill DJANGO flick) and W DJANGO!) with Anthony Steffen as the black-clad bad-ass this time. He does an o.k. job except he always seems to have a weird look on his face almost like he smelled something fishy right before they started shooting every scene. There are a couple of double-crosses to keep things mildly interesting and, as usual, a killer soundtrack besides these elements though a pretty generic film. The Carranza character(Glauco Onorato) is definitely doing his best Tuco from THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY impersonation. So that's something to look for.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019


 Dumb 80s movie about a jive-talking imp(alternate title- THE IMP) that gets released from a bowling trophy by some stupid college kids(one of which seems to be a chubby Bill Paxton impersonator) and then turns them into murderous demons(one of which looks like The Bride of Frankenstein for some reason). Linnea Quigley also shows up as a punk chick with a bad attitude. Disappointingly she does not get naked. Luckily there's other boobs and asses on display to raise the entertainment quotient. Thanks Michelle Bauer and Brinke Stevens. Not the worst thing you would see on USA's Up All Night program back in the day but don't expect a timeless horror classic.

                                                             Not a sexy cover!:

Jiggly double-feature!:

Known in Germany under this strange title!:

Sunday, January 27, 2019


 My most fond memory of this film is watching a 16 millimeter print of it with star Austin Stoker in attendance at a horror convention about 15 years ago. An early John Carpenter film(his 2nd full-length feature) this one is technically an action film but it has the pacing and feel of a horror flick. Clearly influenced by NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD with its "group trapped in a building surrounded by the enemy"-plot. It works great no matter how derivative it may be and was the start to a great many superior Carpenter films(up until the 90s anyway). You get a child shooting, tons of gunfights, stupid gang-members who apparently don't mind being cannon-fodder, a great anti-hero character played by Darwin Joston who I can't say has really stood out in anything else I'd seen him in(which is mostly various T.V. stuff), and a typically quirky but appropriate soundtrack by Mr. Carpenter himself.

                                Known in Italy as DISTRICT 13: THE BRIGADE OF DEATH!: