PICASSO TRIGGER (1988)

Working my way through the Andy Sidaris box set in chronological order I think HARD TICKET TO HAWAII is my fav and this one is probably the worst so far. By this point Sidaris' formula consisted of teaming up two hot chicks as secret agent types, a bunch of explosions, gun-fu, an overly convoluted plot, exotic locales(a good excuse to go to places like Hawaii and Las Vegas no doubt) and top it all off with plenty of naked chicks. This one also has a Fabio-look-alike kung-fu guy, a Michael Jackson/Billy Blanks-looking fellow who doesn't do much of anything and a little blood-spillage. You also get some really lame striptease vignettes from our lady heroes, Hope Marie Carlton and Dona Spier, and a bad-guy's eyes get poked out THREE STOOGES-style. Not the worst thing you could watch but it coulda used more craziness to put it over the top.
 Nine more films to go in this set. Watching them together would be way too repetitive but at least that's a lot of boobies left to go!



Fabio-Fu in French!:

HARD TICKET TO HAWAII (1987)

                                               "One man's dream is another man's lunch"

Tons of topless beauties standing around in model poses and as an afterthought there's a story about diamond smuggling gangsters or something like that. As a bonus you also get a large puppety-looking killer snake on the loose, a transvestite spy character, sumo wrestlers and some awkward kung fu thrown in. Also gratuitous use of a grenade launcher and unnecessary violence towards a blow-up sex doll.  The boat from director Andy Sidaris' MALIBU EXPRESS shows up and this is supposed to be a sequel to that flick although you get no appearance from Sybil Danning's tits which is disappointing and only a fleeting reference to the events in the first movie.  There's also a horrific theme song which you get to hear in full as the director shows off the plane he rented in a long music video sequence.  Sidaris' movies although really stupid and filled with equally dumb characters who make bad jokes are all filmed really well with that slick direct to cable TV look and I can see why this guys movies became staples of late-night sleaze programming for a few years as they're really fun disposable garbage entertainment filled with former Playboy playmates.  Also the snake scenes are more enjoyable than anything in that shitty cgi-filled ANACONDA movie.  I especially enjoyed the old snake in the toilet gag.

MALIBU EXPRESS (1985)

This movie could have just as easily been titled SYBIL DANNING'S BOOBS because this movie showcases her gargantuan tits in and out of dozens of different outfits and she looks amazing in every one. Probably the best I've ever seen her look in anything.   There's also a bunch of other chest-balloons on display thanks to a few Playboy Playmates who also appear.  This movie was directed by 80's breast aficionado Andy Sidaris. His films were the mainstay of USA's UP ALL NIGHT program back when cable was worth watching except of course, back then they always cut the explicitness right out of the films so it's nice to finally get to see these big booby epics the way god intended them to be seen thanks to the Sidaris box set that came out a while back.  This tale is about a private investigator so it all basically plays out like an episode of MAGNUM PI but with the addition of plenty of bare ass. This guy even has the standard PI mustache and gets laid constantly. Also his main squeeze is Ms. Danning, that lucky bastard! There's also a family of hillbillies that show up for comic relief, really bad kung-fu and a little blood when people start getting knocked of by a mysterious killer. One scene has a semi-rape thing going on and the girl ends up enjoying it in the end. This was the only part of the flick that seemed like it was straight out of the 70's. While this is nowhere near the awesome insanity of a typical Russ Meyers' boob-a-thon it's still a mildly amusing time-waster even if it does drag on longer than necessary and wraps everything up in a way too complex explanation for such a silly movie. The whole thing is about a sliver above being a porn flick with its simplistic plot being just an excuse for as much gratuitousness as you can cram into 100 minutes or so.   Probably only of interest to horny tit-obsessed guys or ladies who might have some lesbian leanings.