"You're like the rest of the perverted bastards that call themselves men!
Ted V. Mikels 3rd movie features a couple(Gary Kent and Lee Anna) who end up in swinging 60s Los Angeles. Not the most exciting sexploitation flick of that time but you do get the usual cheating, stripping and softcore thrills. There's a lesbian dominatrix character(Verne Martine) who enjoys abusing men that adds to the spiciness. AKA SUBURBAN AFFAIR
So shocking that you can watch the whole thing right on YouTube!:
Cult director Ted V. Mikels takes his stab(literally since he stabs people in this!) at making a witch flick. The plot deals with a Satanic witch(Lila Zaborin) who makes a deal with some mobsters and then finds out sometimes ya just can't trust gangsters when they come back and try and execute her, and her helper(who looks like Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H* dressed in a caveman outfit). Then it's basically becomes a revenge flick with witchcraft. It gets a bit dull in places as it seems pretty dragged out for what's a pretty thin story. There's a few flashbacks(and this is where we get to see Mr. Mikels doing his WITCHFINDER GENERAL impersonation) and there's a couple that I recognize from Mikels' GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS that show up so we at least have some good guys to root for I guess. It all ends in a pretty confusing manner with what I think are a group of religious doctors that show up to lay the smackdown on everyone. Not the worst of Mikels filmography though it tries to be artsy a bit too much and I was letdown by the lack of any orgy(or even any nudity!) but I guess I woulda known if I saw that PG-rating.
Shown on T.V. as FEMALE PLASMA SUCKERS since they didn't care for the use of the word BLOOD back in the day.
The VHS cover has more nudity than the movie itself!
Triple feature with another American 70s horror and an sexy Italian shocker!:
I've been watching(or re-watching) a few of director Ted V. Mikels' films since he died last week. This one I remember not being very good from my last viewing. It's basically a crappy version of the TV-show CHARLIE'S ANGELS except that it came first so I guess technically it may have been the inspiration for that show. Thanks for that then Mr. Ted. It is cool to see Tura Satana, and we get her first appearance here in skimpy stripper apparel which is pretty sweet! I guess one of my main gripes with this is that Tura is not the leader of the Doll Squad since she's clearly the baddest-assed of the chicks in this. The leader we do get(Francine York) does do an OK job in some interesting funky outfits. Overall it's a mildly amusing story of karate-using secret agent gals which maybe if it was edited better(perhaps down to TV-show length) and had a better soundtrack it would be a more fun watch. AKA SEDUCE AND DESTROY.
THE DOLL SQUAD was released on video as FEMALE MERCENARIES and the 1984 Euro-trash Sybil Danning movie THE PANTHER SQUAD was released as it's sequel even though it isn't. If you look closely you will notice there are some very fake made-up credits on the box.:
I haven't seen every single one of his movies but I think this might be director Ted V. Mikels best-made film that I have seen so far. It tells a decent story, about a sorta-love triangle situation with a dancing gal and never meanders too much off into Dullsville like some of Ted' s other efforts tend to do. It stars some attractive women and is a kinda proto-SHOWGIRLS with some added bikers, gangsters and a haunted house-themed nightclub for additional snazziness. While it doesn't contain any of the bonzo-horror elements that make Mikels' THE CORPSE GRINDERS or ASTRO-ZOMBIES such memorable classics it's still up there for me towards the top on the list of his most rewatchable films.
Up until recently I hadn't watched this in it's original version and had only seen the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 episode that features it, which makes the movie seem way worse than it is. So check out the real cut if you have any interest in cheap b-movie dramas with go-go girls and 60s junky garage rock.
I've met director Ted V. Mikels before and he's a really cool guy with a sweet moustache. I kinda wish I enjoyed his film more. This one is cool almost solely because it's the other movie that the great Tura Satana stars in and just like in FASTER PUSSYCAT, KILL, KILL she kicks ass here. Executing her foes and really anyone who doesn't follow her orders. These parts are great but sadly there are many other long drawn-out bits where we get to watch John Carradine fiddle with knobs and perform experiments in his lab while his hunchbacked assistant snarls and leers constantly. In addition to this there's talky bits where the forces of good are trying to stop "The Astro Zombies"(really just one Astro Zombie) from murdering gals. It's almost like there are three movies going on and two of them are really dull. You do get some very small blood splatter during the kill scenes, a toy robot war and the plot does basically come together at the end.
The biggest obvious flaw here, outside of the not so great acting and insane storyline, is the totally unconvincing day-for-night shots which make up a big portion of the movie towards the end. Scenes of people running around in super bright daylight while you hear crickets chirping and it's supposed to be midnight certainly spotlight Mr. Mikels shortcomings at creating any realism but the movie still has enough schlocky charm for me to recommend it to die-hard trash fans. Released on VHS as SPACE VAMPIRES.
There were three sequels to this made in the 2000s by Ted V. but a. they're too new for me and b. they appear to have been shot digitally so I'm not in any hurry to watch those but if you're more adventurous than me give them a look.
This is cult director Ted V. Mikels' first feature and it's not very good but I guess everyone has to start somewhere. The movie here starts out with a guy getting shot in the forest for sleeping with this other fellow's wife and then this other guy stumbles across the scene and gets chased and chased and chased. This goes on for a good half hour then we get a hostage situation and then some flashbacks, that are really dull, explaining how everyone knows each other or something and then it ends with more running through the woods. There's really not much here to recommend this one and I was kinda expecting this to be more of a sexploitation/roughie kind of deal which it isn't at all. Mikels next two films, DR. SEX and ONE SHOCKING MOMENT, are in that category so I should probably check those out at some point.
Cult movie specialist Ted V. Mikels brings us this tale of some female miners who pull a big jewelry robbery and get chased by some fake-looking Arabs. So the first half of this movie is a heist film. There's some mafia involvement and a guy gets stabbed to death by a ladies high-heeled shoe in a nice scene. About halfway through things go bad for our heroines and we enter the world of the women-in-prison flick. There's lots of nudity in this part, unfortunately a lot of it is rather ugly nudity involving some older and/or just not very attractive ladies. There are some very hot gals in this but strangely in many scenes they wear some very unflattering outfits. Fashion critiques aside this is a cool throwback to the times when plot and sleazy content came together in a film with enough twists to keep me interested.
This was shot around 1979 and doesn't look like 1982 at all but I guess that's when it was first released to grindhouses and whatnots. AKA WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY I
Other movies in the retitled for VHS release WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY series are:
WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY II= THE BIG BIRD CAGE (1972) WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY III= THE BIG DOLL HOUSE (1971) WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY IV= BARBED WIRE DOLLS (1976)
WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY 5= WOMEN IN FURY (1985)
WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY 6= WOMEN UNCHAINED (1974) WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY VII= ISLAND WOMAN (1980)
WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY VIII= FUGITIVE GIRLS (1974)
WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY IX= THE BIG BUST OUT (1972) WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY 10= BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA (1973)
WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY XI= THUNDER COUNTY (1974) WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY XII= 99 WOMEN (1969)
and there's most likely more than this
The films of Ted V. Mikels all look awesome on paper. There's horror, women-in-prison, girl gangs, revenge stuff and all kinds of exploitation goodness in his filmography. Unfortunately a good majority of the ones I've seen are a bit on the dull side. This one though is probably my favorite of them all. It's the tale of a cat food company who starts using human ingredients in their product. They also luckily have a big meat-grinding machine in the back room that just so happens to fit people in it. What luck! They woulda got away with it too if it didn't start making all the neighborhood cats go crazy for citizens throats. For a film with the title THE CORPSE GRINDERS there really isn't all that much blood but it's still great for it's overabundance of cheesiness. There's a great grave-robber character who conveniently lives right in the graveyard with his wife who's quite a large woman who totes around and talks to a baby doll(this is never addressed or explained). There's the mafia guy from BLACK BELT JONES going around whacking people, a mute one-legged lady who is talked to with the weirdest sign language ever used on film, a strange old Gilligan-looking fellow and all kinds of additional weirdos and silliness. On the sexy side of things there's also our large-breasted leading lady and another gal who strips down to her panties and bra to relax with a nice cold beer and pose for the audience which I thought was very nice.
Finally got a chance to see this on a big screen last night and now I feel my life is closer to being complete.
According to some posters this was released at some point on what had to be an amazing triple bill with THE UNDERTAKER AND HIS PALS and THE EMBALMER.
