CEMETERY MAN (1994)

  This is one of those horror films that it seems like everyone I know, that's into such things, just loves and I can never really figure out why. Sure there's sex and violence and some pretty lame zombies show up intermittently but I guess the mixture of a faux-artsy-fartsy Italian gore film with a comedy just never sits right with me. It's probably also due to being such a fan of Italy's superior 70s and 80s horror junk that this one seems so pale and pointless by comparison. It seems to get praise for being intellectually deep which it isn't while also appealing to the gorehound which all the philosophical nonsense negates but apparently my view is in the minority so judge for yourself I guess.

BLOODEATERS (1980)

 This is a pretty fun zombie flick. better known as TOXIC ZOMBIES, about some pot farmers who get sprayed with an experimental herbicide that turns them into murderous cannibalistic(bloodeating?) maniacs. John Amplas, MARTIN himself, shows up as one of the evil federal agents. While it's no all-time classic it's certainly a good watch for zombie/gore completists. 

 The video version of this is slightly longer with a tacked-on ending that doesn't add anything of importance to the plot.

Released on video in England(one of the video nasties) as FOREST OF FEAR: 

A "VIDEO FOR PLEASURE" in The Netherlands!:

THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES (1964)

 Probably director Ray Dennis Steckler's most well-known film thanks to it's ridiculously long title. I don't think it's his best movie though(THE THRILL KILLERS has always been that for me). Billed as "The First Monster Musical"(just beating out THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH by a month!) it's all the singing and dancing performances and long-winded footage of a carnival that really drag the whole thing down for me. Steckler does, as usual, put himself in the lead role as a free-wheeling beatnik type who gets turned into a stab-happy murderer thanks to a creepy fortune-teller(Brett O'Hara). There's minimal blood and minimal zombies that don't show up until almost the very end. Also because this was pre-NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD we don't get those munching-on-flesh-type zombies but instead these "creatures" just strangle everyone they meet which is not very exciting. 

 Advertised as being filmed in TERRORAMA, BLOODY-VISON and HALLUCINOGENIC-HYPNOVISION Steckler would do the same gag he did with THE THRILL KILLERS and run into the audience with some folks dressed as monsters to scare folks at some screenings during the hypnotism scenes where a spiral would mesmerize the audience which seems like extra added fun. AKA DIABOLICAL DR. VOODOO and THE INCREDIBLY MIXED-UP ZOMBIE. Re-released as THE TEENAGE PSYCHO MEETS BLOODY MARY. 

 

                                             Real monsters invade the drive-in!:

ORGY OF THE LIVING DEAD (1973)

  Kind of a misleading title there. No "living dead" show up until close to the end and they certainly don't have an orgy! It's alternate title of THE HANGING WOMAN is more accurate as one of those does indeed show up at one point. Paul Naschy is often touted as the star of this but he's actually in a side role as Igor the gravedigger. There are some cool elements in this but they take too long to get to the FRANKENSTEIN-influenced ending. AKA BEYOND THE LIVING DEAD

                                  Released on video as RETURN OF THE ZOMBIES:

and as ZOMBIE 3: RETURN OF THE ZOMBIES despit having nothing to do with the ZOMBIE series:

                                  Released on video in the U.K. as THE HANGING WOMEN:

and theatrically as TERROR OF THE LIVING DEAD:

Released in Australia as BRACULA: THE TERROR OF THE LIVING DEAD

MANSION OF THE LIVING DEAD (1982)

  Lina Romay(billed as Candy Coster) and 3 of her topless dancer co-workers go on vacation and end up at a spooky deserted hotel where horror ensues. This starts off as a pretty fun romp with plenty of lesbianic antics which is director Jess Franco's specialty and then turns into a sort-off rip-off of TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD with some hooded skull-faced Satanic killers running around. This is actually the 2nd movie I've seen that is a kinda "homage" to the BLIND DEAD, the first being NIGHT OF THE SKULL which this is certainly a step-up from. Drags in places but worth a watch if you're a sleaze-monger like myself. 

                                              Lesbo frolicking!: 

TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD (1971)

 One of the all-time classics of Eurotrash cinema! Obviously inspired by NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, director Amando de Ossorio takes things in a decidedly Spanish-horror direction with his tale of some ex-communicated Templars returning from the dead to mount horses and chow down(and chop since they brought along their old-timey swords) on the living.  The best thing about this film is the unique-look our zombies have. They're kind of a gang of grim-reapers with beards on horseback. The horses always confuse me a bit though. Are they phantoms? zombies? Where do the Templars keep them when they're in their graves? Weird, bloody, rapey, 70s horror that all fans of Euro-horror need to check out at least once.

 I made the mistake of watching the dubbed version on my last viewing which is missing almost 20 minutes of prime footage. So stick with those subtitles for maximum carnage.

 The weirdest retitling of this is REVENGE OF PLANET APE which gave this a whole new opening monologue tying it into the, very popular at the time, PLANET OF THE APES SERIES. Other AKA's include LEGEND OF THE BLIND DEAD, THE BLIND DEAD, THE NIGHT OF THE BLIND TERROR and MARK OF THE DEVIL PART 4: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD (also released on video as MARK OF THE DEVIL PART V: NIGHT OF THE BLIND TERROR)

                         The cut version was only rated PG when distributed in the US by AIP!:

I EAT YOUR SKIN (1964)

  Made back in 1964 but not released until 1971. What obviously hurts this one so much in my mind is that it was paired up with the far superior and vastly gorier(and in color!) I DRINK YOUR BLOOD by producer/distributor Jerry Gross throughout the 70s. Taken on it's own it's not a terrible movie. Originally titled ZOMBIE, what you're dealing with here are those classic voodoo zombies(though the plot does explain that snake venom is somehow responsible for these bug-eyed shambling killers also). You get heads chopped off with machetes, a semi-mad scientist, fried egg zombies and lots of voodoo dancing. Directed by Del Tenney of HORROR OF PARTY BEACH fame, which along with this movie would make a way more suitable double feature. AKA CARIBBEAN ADVENTURE(what a dull title!) 

 There is a 2019 remake of this but as you might suspect it looks pretty dreadful!

The infamous double feature trailer where they don't show 1 second of I EAT YOUR SKIN:

 

JUNK (2000)

  This one mixes a Japanese yakuza film with a zombie movie, which sounds way better than what you actually get. It tries to mine ZOMBIE/DAWN OF THE DEAD and RESERVOIR DOGS territory but ends up being a lot closer to one of those crappy RESIDENT EVIL movies(which it actually predates by a couple of years) and your typical Tarantino rip-off. The fx work is decent enough for what is obviously a low-budget affair. I recall enjoying similar Japanese zombie flick BIO-ZOMBIE more but it's certainly in the same ballpark. 

          This DVD cover(with the German title) really plays up the RESIDENT EVIL similarities!:

and this British DVD tries to make an EVIL DEAD comparison:

ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP (2019)

  I remember seeing the first ZOMBIELAND in a theater way back around 13 years ago and finding it somewhat amusing. It was obviously more of a comedy than anything resembling a horror film. I'm not sure why this sequel took so long to appear but whatever. I feel pretty much the same way about this one except there seem to be a lot more annoying characters that show up making it a bit less amusing. My favorite part is probably the return of Bill Murray but they make you wait until the end credits for that. I guess check it out if scary movies are too intense for you. 

BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1990)

  Completely unnecessary sequel to the 85 horror classic. Seems to exist just to show off the special FX work of Screaming Mad George, Greg Nicotero, John Carl Beuchler and a whole bunch of other really top-notch folks so I can't take anything away from the film in that department. As far as the plot goes they just kinda redo the first movie with BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN mixed-in so not the most ground-breaking  movie you could hope for. It didn't help that I viewed this movie at a drive-in while some fog rolled in to obscure whatever visuals there were to enjoy so maybe if you watch it at home you'll get more out of it.

  Unfortunately there was another sequel with 2003's BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR.

                                    Known in some countries as RE-ANIMATOR II:

LIFEFORCE (1985)

  So on paper this seems like it would be a cool movie. You get space vampires from Halley's Comet who end up on earth(one of which is the lovely Mathilda May who spends a majority of the film wandering around completely naked!) draining folks of their "lifeforce" and turning them into zombies. Unfortunately the movie manages to take whatever excitement could have been gleaned from this concept and present it in the most boring way possible. I know the backstory of the making of this involves lots of production problems so I guess we can blame that for any lack of engaging characters or compelling sequences. We could also blame director Tobe Hooper though his previous 2 films for Cannon Films(INVADERS FROM MARS and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACER 2 are at least competently directed and amusing schlock). Star Steve Railsback only manages to remind me of Charles Manson everytime I see him show up (due to his amazing performance in the TV-movie HELTER SKELTER) but hey at least you get some nice boobs to ogle. 

 There's a 116-minute cut of this that I can;t even begin to fathom siting through. It's supposed to have a better soundtrack though if that helps.

 This is sort-of a re-imagining of QUARTERMASS AND THE PIT though I don't recall any nekkid chics in that one. 

 

Japanese style!:

Known in some places as SPACE VAMPIRES!:

THE LAKE OF THE LIVING DEAD (1981)

  Better known as ZOMBIE LAKE(or ZOMBIES LAKE on some prints) this is a movie so crappy that allegedly director Jess Franco turned it down(who then quickly went on to make the equally crappy OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES). It's been credited to Jean Rollin, at least partially, Spanish director Julian de Laserna is blamed for about half of the film, though this is his only credit. The main problem with this movie is that the pacing is so dreadfully slow it's almost as if it's daring the viewer to remain interested in anything that's going on. On the plus side there's plenty of nudity(at least in the unclothed version; all the nudie scenes were also shot with clothing, so watch out for that edition!) and maybe a few laughs at how badly done everything is(including how every time we see the lake from underwater it magically transforms into a swimming pool!). You get very minimal gore as these creatures only bite the necks of their victims like vampires. This is one of the only zombie films I've seen where 2 zombies fight each other. Sadly this scene, like pretty much everything else here, is shot in super slow-motion. I have watched this more times than I can recall though outside of the boobs and bare ladies crotches on display I'm not sure why. 

 This did play one year on Halloween on a local UHF channel and if you think watching this movie uncut is bad imagine it without any nudity and commercials thrown in to slow it down even more!

 

THE ALIEN DEAD (1980)

  I must have attempted to watch this one at least twice before I was finally able to get all the way through it recently. It really isn't as boring as I had feared but it sure starts off slow with a very sleep-inducing opening tune and a whole long list of credits to lull one into a state of unconsciousness. This is director Fred Olen Ray's first full-length feature(somehow he managed to get former Buck Rogers/Flash Gordon/Tarzan star Buster Crabbe to show up as the sheriff) and it's your basic monsters/zombies run amuck in a small town, but there are a couple of fun kills, including my favorite where an old guy gets ripped in half by the ghouls and a dog comes along and starts chomping on his entrails. Ray went on to make over 160 films but none of the ones I've seen are really any more entertaining than this one.   

 AKA IT FELL FROM THE SKY and SWAMP OF THE BLOOD LEECHES(apparently there were originally supposed to be leech monsters in this(making it a sort-of remake of the 50s Roger Corman giant leeches film) but Ray decided the monster suits would be  too expensive so the ghouls in snazzy Halloween masks just drink blood instead) 

Sweet cartoony VHS cover!:

CABIN IN THE WOODS (2011)

  I first saw this in the middle of a marathon of horror movies and pretty much hated it. Upon re-watching it recently at a movie night with some friends I still hate it but I think the overall idea could possibly have been done in a way that isn't so annoying and a waste of time. The H.P. Lovecraft-inspired villain meets SCREAM-inspired meta-horror could have been interesting minus the overuse of cgi and pretention but that seems to be the main problem with these modern films that think they're smarter than they are. There are allusions to tons of horror films (THE EVIL DEAD, HELLRAISER, pretty much every slasher movie ever made and even SCOOBY-DOO) but I think I'd rather watch any one of those over this again.

 As a bonus Sigourney Weaver shows up for a brief cameo. 

HELLGATE (1989)

  This one of those 80s movies that doesn't really make any sense but is basically just an excuse to show off some makeup fx work. Horseshack(Ron Palillo) from WELCOME BACK KOTTER stars and if you ever wanted to see his naked ass here you go. The plot, from what I can decipher, concerns a magic crystal that can revive life or just make things mutate and explode depending on what the story needs to do. There's a cool mutant fish that doesn't last long enough and a ridiculous biker gang comprised of old people. A bunch of stupid crap happens and the characters are all pretty annoying too which doesn't help make this much of an enjoyable watch.  One big plus is main zombie/ghost gal Abigail Wolcott spends a good portion of the film mostly naked showing off her fake boobs. Besides that and one cool decapitation scene it's pretty dire stuff.  

#ALIVE (2020)

 My favorite thing about this new Korean zombie flick is that it's not 3 hours long like a lot of new stuff from Asia that I've been watching.

 God knows the world doesn't need anymore zombie movies but Korea has been doing a pretty good job at putting somewhat unique actiony spins on them with this and 20016's TRAIN TO BUSAN both being entertaining offerings. This one deals a nerdy gamer millennial who is pretty inept at fighting off the walking(or in this case the running) dead and has to figure that crap out. Not overly cgi-heavy, which is a good thing. The opening third is a lot more interesting than the rest but at least it has that. 

ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING (2007)

 This is the very final film of Italian schlock-master director Bruno Mattei. In keeping with his usually low standards, it is pretty crappy. For something made in 2007 though it does at least have some of the aspects you'd expect from a Mattei flick that sets it a little apart from most modern-day horror garbage. It seems these zombies are made in a lab, so I guess they are more of your mutated freaks rather than your standard living dead. There are also a few cone-head zombies, a midget zombie with an eyeball growing out of the top of it's head and a talking brain behind glass that's never really explained very well. The plot is basically ALIENS and ALIEN 3 except with these mutant monsters. Mattei did already make a rip-off ALIENS with SHOCKING DARK but I guess he really liked that idea of soldiers fighting a bunch of monsters. The dubbing is laughable and the gore is plentiful. Sadly there's no nudity from our attractive Filipino star Yvette Yzon, also sadly this was shot on video and it sure looks it. There are some scenes where explosions take place that Mattei "borrowed" from CRIMSON TIDE. Of course those were shot on film and look great but don't match up at all. 

 This is actually a sequel to Bruno's previous film, ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD, so calling it the beginning is kinda dumb. 

 There was supposed to be a 3rd movie in this important "trilogy" but death got in the way. 

DAY OF THE DEAD (1985)

 Got a chance to catch this classic down at the drive in last weekend. It's hard to look at this one objectively since I've loved it ever since I was a wee teen. The fact that it was the final installment to director George Romero's dead trilogy(until he screwed around and made another inferior one) was enough reason to celebrate it's existence. Of course knowing the back story it's hard not to be disappointed that, due to budgetary reasons, his full vision for what was supposed to be the final chapter isn't quite materialized here. What you do get though is a bunch of amazing pre-CGI fx work, people get ripped apart before your very eyes, an over the top performance by the great Joe Pilato(who would go on to play that fake Dean Martin in PULP FICTION and unfortunately not much else of note) and the first zombie hero in the series, Bub(Sherman Howard, who I once saw at a convention asleep at his table). So if you overlook the pretty stagnant setting and not very subtle anti-military tone this one is a true gore-lovers trip.
 Romero would follow this with LAND OF THE DEAD in 2005 which I recall being entertained by at the time but never feel the need to re-watch it unlike the first 3 films. 
 There was a DAY OF THE DEAD 2: CONTAGIUM in 2005 which has nothing to do with this one except for stealing the title.  There's also a terrible-looking 2008 remake that I never bothered watching and from the trailer looks less like any kind of actual remake and just another stupid modern-day zombie flick. And finally there's DAY OF THE DEAD: BLOODLINE in 2018 which actually does look like a remake but I'm not sure why anyone would bother watching it.

VOODOO MAN (1944)

 Bela Lugosi stars as a hypnotizing, voodoo-practitioner who attempts to bring his dead wife back to life by performing zombifying rituals helped out by George Zucco and also John Carradine as one of his goofy henchmen.  You get some zombified ladies and Bela and Zucco doing their creepy shtick wearing what look like magician's robes. Pretty good for a quick(only 62 minutes long!) breezy watch if you like the creepy classics.

SHAOLIN VS. EVIL DEAD (2004)

 This Hong Kong kung-fu flick has nothing to do with THE EVIL DEAD. It does feature some of those always ineffectual, and played for comedy, hopping vampires(that are called zombies in the dubbed version) and Gordon(MASTER KILLER) Liu as a kung-fu master/wizard type who always knows what's up with these evil entities that keep popping up. You not only get 1 annoying little kid but at one point he eats a magical egg and shits out another even more annoying kid! As you would guess this becomes really grating. Also annoying is the lack of an ending where the film just stops in the middle of a fight scene and rolls the credits while scenes from part 2(which didn't come out until 3 years later for some reason?) play in a little corner box. Overall there's not much to reccomend this one unless you really want to see Gordon Liu order a little boy to take a piss so he can use his urine as a magical weapon against some maggot-filled zombies. I guess that's something unique anyway.





                                                Known in Pakistan as EVIL DEAD 4: