SATANIS: THE DEVILS MASS (1970)

Documentary featuring Anton LaVey and the Church Of Satan. Probably only of interest to people who are into Satanism or that kind of thing. Goes on for a bit long at 85 minutes as it's really just a string of interviews of LaVey and various church members and it also shows some silly rituals in which people get dressed up in silly masks like they're at mardi-gras. Does feature some nudity but the women are not very attractive for the most part. LaVey is always an interesting character to hear speak but the film overall is only mildly entertaining at best.

Yay SATANISM!! It's got a good beat and it's easy to dance to!:

THE LOVE BUTCHER (1975)

 Director Don Jones follow up to his amazingly titled SCHOOLGIRLS IN CHAINS. This poorly acted variation on the movie PSYCHO is a decent waste of 85 minutes. The story of a dorky, crippled gardener named Caleb who has an alter ego as his little brother Lester who just so happens to be a homicidal smooth-talkin' 70's ladies man. Conversations that only happen in the psychos mind(ala Norman Bates) drag us into the madness. Groovy outfits abound and silliness ensues in this proto-slasher. They even throw in a little twist ending for your viewing pleasure. Look for the nazi officer from ILSA, who likes to get pissed on, as the typical bumbling police chief.

Check out psycho Caleb/Lester doing his Spanish door-to-door record salesman shtick:

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS (2008)

 Not as bad as you would expect from a direct-to-video horror movie starring porn and rock stars. Of course it features terrible CGI garbage cartoon effects and therefore the pitiful action sequences are really pathetic looking but overall it is amusing and even funny in parts. Sort of works in the same way as ZOMBIELAND where you don't really care or feel anything for any of the cardboard characters and you're just along for the retarded ride. Jenna Jameson does an OK job playing a stripper turned zombie and Robert Englund is entertaining as the scumbag boss but the greatest performance in the whole thing has got to be that of Joey Medina as Paco the stereotypical silly Mexican janitor.

BLOOD OF DRACULA'S CASTLE (1969)

Who knew there was a halfway decent Al Adamson movie? Not that this is anything great but it is watchable and sorta amusing in it's ridiculousness. You get a vampire couple who kinda remind me of Morticia and Gomez Addams, a giant humpback, named Mango, who keeps girls chained up in the basement, a homicidal kill-crazy lunatic and a moon-worshipping nutty butler played by John Carradine. All the ingredients of a good time. A young couple inherits the castle that this kooky crew inhabit and silliness ensues. The really silly part is how, after being chained up and held by the family, they manage to get out of their predicament and overcome all the odds stacked against them. If they only threw in a werewolf and maybe a bigfoot or caveman this thing would be perfection! Definitely the best thing I've seen from director Adamson yet.

Groovy tune for a groovy kidnapping!:

BLOOD HARVEST (1987)

Really piss-poor slasher flick. The only thing that makes this in any way interesting is the bizzarro performance of the great Tiny Tim. He's awesome as a demented, disturbed man-child in clown makeup. He's so awesome that whenever he's not on screen the movie goes right down the toilet. If only Tim had made more movies like this I think he coulda been a real hit. Not sure how much is actually acting and how much is just Tiny being himself. Having listened to him many times on The Howard Stern Show this character doesn't seem too far removed from the real guy. But either way it's worth checking out just for that and Tinys amazing theme song at the end.

ECCO (1963)

An entertaining early Italian Mondo movie. Obviously since this was made in '63 it's not as crazy as the later stuff where we see all kinds of death and disgustingness. The big gross-out here is probably the Laplander woman castrating a reindeer with her teeth, which really isn't all that graphically shown anyway. I love the style of these old crazy films. The blurring of reality with scenes just designed to shock. The jumping from beautiful landscapes to harsh ugliness. Its a good mix. Plus if you get bored with one segment it's over quickly enough. A.K.A.- THIS SHOCKING WORLD & IL MONDO DI NOTTE 3(This was apparently part of a series of movies in Italy. The other 2 look pretty dull in comparison.)

A little history of mondo movies:

PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING (1981)

 James Cameron's finest moment? Probably not(actually Cameron only shot this thing for 2 and a half weeks before getting fired and  producer Ovidio Assonitis was mostly responsible for the final movie).
 No one loves stupid monster movies more than me, but this one is pretty awful. You really don't care about what happens to any of the characters and everyone does typical stupid things. Except Lance Henrikson, who seems to be the only halfway decent actor in this. The coolest thing, of course, is that piranhas fly around and rip peoples necks out! Since there weren't any flying shark movies in the 80's, that I'm aware of, I'm gonna say this is the best flying killer fish movie out there, if that means anything. The monster fish remind me of the creatures in PARASITE, the 3-D Demi Moore monster flick. Hell, this thing would have been a lot better in 3-D too. There are worse underwater JAWS rip-offs, that's for sure.

This was a frequent UHF favorite, back in the day, which is where I first saw it:

DAY OF THE NIGHTMARE (1965)

Obviously influenced by Alfred Hitchcock's PSYCHO a great bit, this schizophrenic cross-dressing killer movie is mildly entertaining at best. The one area it tops PSYCHO in is the inclusion of female nudity and a generally more pervy feel to the happenings. Doesn't have much of a mystery to it though as we can tell who the killer is. They couldn't make it more obvious that it's the main character all gussied up in a dress running around and looking ridiculous. How they shot this thing in public without bystanders cracking up at the sheer absurdity of it all is beyond me. For cult film buffs it's interesting to note that Ted V. Mikels did the cinematography on this. For a superior PSYCHO rip-off go with William Castle's HOMICIDAL.

Can't find this trailer anywhere so enjoy this hodge podge of SOMETHING WEIRD crap instead:

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL (2009)

Director Ti West's new retro-horror thing works for the most part. The ending is kind of a predictable letdown unfortunately. It starts out being a seriously creepy movie and ends up somewhere in the realm of silliness. Maybe if the build up wasn't done as well as it was it wouldn't be as jarring that it leads you where it does. Definitely worth seeing if just for the atmosphere it creates and sustains through most of the film. Should be interesting to see what West does next. Heard that his CABIN FEVER 2 is actually decent plus gory and gooey as hell. Gotta check that out soon.

SASSY SUE (1973)

A delightfully campy slice of 70's sexploitation. Before the XXX hardcore scene got into full bloom movies like this were churned out to fill the niche market of filthy perverts looking for cinematic sex thrills. Basically this one is a very dumb comedy with a bunch of sex scenes thrown into the shenanigans. I kept trying to figure out who the hell Sassy Sue was throughout the movie until the silly twist ending lets ya know. If you think hillbilly chicks are sexy this might be the movie for you. Director Bethel Buckalew made a whole slew of these countryfied sex flicks including THE PIGKEEPER'S DAUGHTER, another personal favorite of mine. Check em out ya pervy hicks.

Rollin in the hay:

THE DEVONSVILLE TERROR(1983)

If you like watching women getting burned alive and killed in various ways for being witches maybe you will dig this. Has director Ulli Lommel ever made a decent film? I've yet to see one. THE BOOGEY MAN was another incoherent mess from what I recall of it. Plays sorta like Ulli's version of MARK OF THE DEVIL. Donald Pleasence shows up as a doctor for a bit trying to help one woman. The ending is pretty strange as one of the witches turns out to actually have super-powers and shoots laser beams out of her eyes which melt faces and make heads explode. Not sure if it's worth sitting through all the talky crap, in the rest of the movie, just for that though. Especially since you can just watch all 90 seconds of the highlights right here:

THUNDER KIDS 3: HUNT FOR DEVIL BOXER(1990)

Joseph Lai's follow up to THUNDER KIDS 2. Not that any of these movies have anything to do with each other outside of there being some seemingly retarded children in each of them. In this one the kids are a bunch of white-faced vampire/ghosts. They're just as annoying, if not more so, than those damned kids in the 1960's GAMERA movies. Only slightly better than TK 2 becuase of the hopping vampires and horror elements, but still not very good. Spliced in American scenes just make no sense as usual and the comedy is just painfully stupid. Is director Alton Cheung another alias for Godfrey Ho? If not, he sucks just as badly at making a coherent film.

Never seen part 4 but it looks like the THUNDER NINJA KIDS are a bunch of perverts in that one:

QUEER DUCK: THE MOVIE (2006)

Is this the bastard son of FRITZ THE CAT and Daffy Duck? Is this where the legacy of Ralph Bakshi has gotten us? I don't know, maybe. Probably works better as shorts, which is what QD originally was. Still a better idiotic comedy than most Hollywood crap I've seen recently. Might be even more funnier if you actually are a homosexual, which I'm not. Will be offensive to small-minded imbeciles like, for example, most Christians/religious ass-wipes and/or overly macho types(who most likely are just upset about their own gay feelings that they try so hard to hide, that they have to automatically hate anything like this). In other words check it out you fag.

Shang-a-lang: