ANGEL (1984)

  This is a sentimental favorite from back in the VHS rental days. I think the thing I like most about it is that it mixes a few different genres together slasher movie/revenge flick/teen drama and it wallows in a great 80s Los Angeles sleazy environment. In addition to this all the characters here are bonkers. Comedian Dick Shawn in drag as Angel's fairy godmother, the always wacky Susan Tyrell as his mate/insult-trading partner, Rory Calhoun as a lost-in-time cowboy and a killer(John Diehl) who is a literal egg-sucking hooker-killing nutjob. Our main character played by Donna Wilkes is supposed to be a 15-year old prostitute but clearly is not and that's probably a good thing. 

 There were 3 sequels to this. I've only see 2 of them and just found out about the 4th one where our Angel has become a blond. Sadly Wilkes never returned to the series and Angel is played by a different actress in each subsequent movie. 

THE MAJORETTES (1986)

  Directed by the guy who played the first zombie in NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD(Bill Hinzman), written by the guy who co-wrote NOTLD(John Russo) and featuring appearances by those 2 guys and the guy who played Johnny in NOTLD(Russell Streiner) this is clearly a Pittsburgh production. With all that local star power it's kind of a letdown that this is not better. You get a pretty basic slasher movie about cheerleaders getting offed and some religious overtones thrown in for motivation. Has a decent amount of blood, nudity and even a couple of explosions when it turns into an action movie for a bit. Might keep you entertained if you've seen all the big slasher flicks already. 

VALENTINE (2001)

 Slasher movies from this time period are generally not very good and this one fits right in with the rest of the crap from this post-SCREAM/pre-HOSTEL era. To make matters worse there was apparently a bunch of blood and violence cut out the movie to make it even blander. I guess if you like really slick-looking slasher movies give it a look, I'll stick with the original MY BLOODY VALENTINE for a better V-Day thrill. 

BLOOD BEAT (1983)

   This is kind of a slasher movie  mixed with supernatural horror and it really doesn't make much sense. It's filmed in Wisconsin yet our killer is a Samurai who goes around killing people with his sword. Is he a ghost? Well nothing is ever really all that clearly laid out by the movie so good luck figuring it all out. There's also a bunch of ESP stuff going on, people that can shoot glowing cartoon beams thanks to their psychic powers and a gal who orgasms while are killer is snuffing people out. While I can't say this is a great movie I do appreciate when they try something different in a slasher flick and this is about as different as they come. 

 Despite IMDB claiming this was shot-on-video it was actually shot on 35mm film. It was released straight to video though.  

DEATH DORM (1982)

  Probably best known as THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD this one is a pretty substandard 80s slasher flick that takes place in an empty dorm that's going to be demolished. Features future star Daphne Zuniga, who also shows up in another not much better slasher called THE INITIATION. There is one driller-killer scene and they throw in a twist ending but beyond that there's not much to recommend this one. AKA PRANKS(even though there aren't really any big important pranks to speak of)

MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL MASSACRE (1983)

  I first saw this slasher flick way back in the 80s but until re-watching it yesterday I couldn't really recall anything about.  Now that I've viewed it again I know why. This might be one of the most generic slasher flicks I've ever seen! The killer is an old lady and everyone acts very stupid. The gore fx might be the only highlight as, for the most part, they're adequate. I think I can skip another 40 years before watching this again. 

 The original release title of this was just MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL. It was then re-released with MASSACRE in there with an added gory ending. 

                                                   Original poster:

HATCHET (2006)

                                                          "Your nipples are dumb!"

  Kane Hodder plays a very Jason-like killer in this attempt to emulate 80s slasher flicks in the 2000s. This is about as basic as any of these movies gets and feels like a real waste of time when it's all over and done. You do get some very gory death scenes(at least in the uncut version I watched) that I think are mostly done without CGI but I'm not sure I cared much about anybody in the whole movie. Somehow this was popular enough at the time to warrant 3 sequels. I guess when you compare it to other horror flicks from this decade it's not any better or worse than most of them. 

 Robert England has a small role before getting offed. 

                                                     The retro-looking poster!:

STUDENT BODIES (1981)

  It's kind of remarkable that this spoof of slasher movies came out in 1981 when those type of films were still being churned out in record numbers and the template had barely been set which would lead to them all becoming very predictable with set rules that they mostly all would follow.  It's also kind of weird that they chose to not include much in the way of blood and no nudity since those are both such hallmarks of the slasher flick. It's all very dumb, of course, and will really only appeal to people who are into that AIRPLANE-type of absurd humor. 

 The character of Malvert The Janitor is really the stand out highlight for me and sadly the ridiculously lanky rubber-limbed actor, credited only as The Stick, only appeared in this one film before an early death took him from us.

STAGEFRIGHT: AQUARIUS (1987)

 One of my favorite dumb Italian slasher movies! By this point in Italian cinema they had, for the most part, given up on making good giallos and went for ripping off their dumber American counterparts, the slasher film(which of course were themsleves just more stripped-down versions of giallos(which were souped-up iterations of Hitchcock mysterious(oh, it's all just one big circle of influences!!))). Here we get a lunatic wearing a big ol' owlhead mask weilding various instruments of destruction including knives, a drill, a needle and a chainsaw that he employs on a group of very stupid actors and anyone else in his way. It's about as dumb as they come but if you like laughing at stupid actors meeting gory deaths check it out. AKA SOUND STAGE MASSACRE

Known in France as BLOODY BIRD which is the perfect title for this.

 

                         Known in many places as just AQUARIUS: 

GRADUATION DAY (1981)

  OK 80s slasher dealing with a killer taking out high school students right before graduation. Some interesting, if not highly unlikely kills, involving spikes and a pole vault and a spear-loaded football. Notable caste members include Christopher George of PIECES fame, scream queen Linnea Quigley and in her 2nd ever movie role WHEEL OF FORTUNE's Vanna White! Also look out for new wave band Felony who show up to rock during the big roller skating graduation party. There are way worse slashers out there.

KILLER'S MOON (1978)

  "you were only raped, as long as you don't tell anyone about it you'll be alright. You just pretend it never happened"

 The closest thing I can compare this to is 80s slasher ALONE IN THE DARK since they're both about a group of escaped homicidal mental patients. Since this came out in '78 I guess you have to call it a proto-slasher and it really pales in comparison to it's 80s counterpart. There are multiple rapes and murders going on so it is pretty sleazy but it never feels anywhere near as sleazy as similar stuff from this era like LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT etc. Fellow British director Peter Walker managed some pretty great stuff  at this same time so I guess my main problem with this is comparing it to a lot of the superior exploitation flicks it never quite lives up to.

AFTER PARTY MASSACRE (2011)

 Rather than an actual movie-watching experience this felt way more like viewing a very specific fetish video. If death metal, slasher movies and metal chicks in various states of undress all mixed together in what's basically a really long music video seem like something that might turn you on maybe give it a gander. The list of atrocities include castration, dismemberment by miter saw, death by dildo, sledgehammer, axe and other implements of destruction. The bands Soulless and Incantation(whose drummer is also our main character) are featured.

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987)

  The first SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE is one of my very favorite stupid slasher movies of the 80s. This sequel successfully continues the tradition of being a fun dumb killer-on-the-loose-snuffing-out-teenagers flicks. In fact this one might be even dumber than the first movie with it's dancing rockabilly killer who seems to appear from main gal Courtney's(Crystal Bernard) nightmares(ala Freddy Kreuger). With his giant drill attached to a ridiculous-looking electric guitar there's no shortage of driller killing going on. There's also some real cheesy "rock" music, boobs, shitty cops, victims that you really want to see die, scenes that mimic music videos of the time and generally a good time to be had if you can appreciate 80s garbage cinema. 

 There is a Part 3 which came out 3 years later that I have never seen and a 2021 remake of the original that I can't imagine could top it in any way though I'm sure it's way more "diverse" which is the only thing that really mattered to filmmakers in 2021 anyway. 

THE REDEEMER (1978)

 While this is a pretty standard slasher flick about a super religious nutjob killing off a group of people at a high school reunion,(later released on VHS as CLASS REUNION MASSACRE) what makes it interesting is that it was actually released before the original HALLOWEEN which is the movie that's usually credited with ushering in all these clones in it's wake. There are a few interesting touches here like the killer changing his appearance and weapon of choice for each murder and he even uses some creepy mechanized helpers at certain points. Overall though it's kind of a dull trip with a lot of unexplained nonsense involving an appearing and then disappearing extra thumb on our murderer and a boy popping up out of a lake for some reason. 

 I did get an opportunity to catch a 16mm film print of this last night at a local theater which did raise it's entertainment value slightly in my eyes.  

                                                               Big box VHS goodness!:

Slipcase version:

EVIL NIGHT (1992)

  I caught this in the middle of a horror marathon last weekend and since it's a really low budget shot-on-video project it did not look very good projected on a large screen. Probably the coolest thing about this  was checking out all the horror movie posters in one of the rooms they filmed in. There is also a lot of gore and some heavy rockin' tunes but overall this is a pretty big waste of time. If it's not unwatchable enough some scenes appear to be shot on even crappier tape than others. There's a telekinetic killer who wears a clown mask for no discernable reason and some zombies show up to end it all. Somehow director Todd Jason Cook would go on to make a bunch more movies like this. 

 22 years later there was a remake and then 3 years after that there was a sequel to the original film churned out. 

                Even on a very small screen this is still blurry as hell!:

THE UNDERTAKER (1988)

  One of the last movies featuring the great Joe Spinell(best known as that maniac from MANIAC). Sadly he's not very great here and seemingly drunk for most of his scenes. The rest of the "acting" is also just as bad. Really garbagey bottom-of-the-barrel pointless slasher movie. Watch THE UNDERTAKER AND HIS PALS instead!

SILENT MADNESS (1984)

  Got a chance to catch this one in 3-D, the way God, intended recently. While it's a pretty by-the-numbers 80s slasher flick, 1. psycho escapes from asylum, 2. psycho kills sorority girls, 3. repeat, it was still fun to watch this in a theater full of enthusiastic horror fans so if you ever get a chance to see it presented this way give it a shot for some axe-flying action! I had previously, on two separate occasions, tried viewing this by myself and promptly fell fast asleep within the first few minutes, so I would not recommend that. As a bonus, the great Sydney Lassick, of course, steals every scene he's in as one of horror cinema's worst sheriffs.

 

PEARL (2022)

   Shot concurrently with it's sequel, X, and then released after it as a prequel, this takes us back 61 years to tell the back story of the killer in the first film played by Mia Goth. X was, by far, the better of these 2 films and it's clear why it was released first. Just about anything set in the 70s is going to be more entertaining to me than something set in Texas of 1918 and I generally don't think this film would hold much interest if you hadn't seen the other movie first. It's basically a fairly lame, but very well shot(throwbacks to THE WIZARD OF OZ abound!), slasher movie about a homicidal kook who wants to be a star. 

  

 There is a planned 3rd movie in this franchise which will be an actual sequel set in the 1980s, which if you're making a slasher movie seems like obviously the most fitting decade. 

PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE (1989)

  Fake-out title which might make you think this is a sequel(it isn't) to some previous slasher flick. This one is a kind of forgettable entry in the whole 80s slasher avalanche of films. Notable for featuring Pauly Shore in one of his first big roles and being shot in the same mall where they made FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH among many other films from this era. Other big names include Morgan Fairchild as a pretty unnecessary character and Ken Foree, star of a vastly superior horror film in a mall called DAWN OF THE DEAD, in another pretty lame role as a security guard. In fact pretty much all the characters here are fairly unmemorable right down to our killer which is no mystery thanks to that title. The whole film, of course, tries to riff off the classic PHANTOM OF THE OPERA story(which also featured a kooky killer named Erik) but ultimately comes off as just a crappy imitation. There is a bit of gore with some eye-popping and head rolling. There are also some inventive deaths including death by a large fan, death by a forklift, death by an escalator, death by ice sculpture, death by a flame-throwing weed-killer, death by a snake popping out of a toilet and even a little kung fu thrown in. In only they had been as inventive with the plot as all that this might have been a better ride. AKA PHANTOM NIGHTMARE

 

HALLOWEEN ENDS (2022)

 Well at least I spared myself the middle chapter of this newest trilogy of pointless killer on a dumb rampage movies. At least they tried something different with this supposedly last part unfortunately what they tried was really stupid. I don't recall ever watching the original HALLOWEEN and thinking to myself that the movie would be improved if only Michael Meyers got himself a partner but I guess someone actually thought that because here we are. I will say that the opening of the film gave me a slight hope that this could be interesting but then it inevitably falls into predictable territory right down to the big wrestling match finale with Jamie Lee Curtis. I guess only watch this if you're some kinda weirdo completist.