AXE (1974)

 This is a very bizarre film. It's also one of my favs! This one's great because it features a gal who chops and slices up people and you're on her side the whole movie. It's also nice that it's only a couple of minutes over an hour long so things get right down to action. It starts out like a gangster film showing some pretty scummy criminals doing some not very nice things. Then it switches gears into what's basically a rape-revenge film except it's shot more like a horror movie especially with the wonky creepy soundtrack. It's also very similar to a slasher film except those weren't invented yet. For added weirdness they throw in a paralyzed grandfather character who always makes me think of ol' grandpa from THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE which this would actually make a pretty good double feature with(one of the alternate titles for this is CALIFORNIA AXE MASSACRE so there ya go). Check it out for some real grindhouse/drive-in thrills! AKA LISA, LISA and THE VIRGIN SLAUGHTER



Punk rock!:

THE MONKEY HUSTLE (1976)

 After you watch all of the classic films Rudy Ray Moore starred in, and you need more of his greatness in your life, you get to this one. Sadly Rudy is not the main character here, that is portrayed by Yaphet Kotto(aka the black guy from ALIEN) who does a good job even if he isn't anywhere near as flamboyant or outrageous as Mr. DOLEMITE. Overall this is an entertaining look at what the Chicago ghettos may have been like back in the days before rap music and gangster-chic became the only things many black youths emulated and you could get away with running scams on people because there weren't cameras recording everything you do all day long like there are today. Afetr about a half hour or so Rudy Rau finally shows up after what feels like a long time and is sporting some of his sweetest outfits here. He plays a pimp named Goldie who initially you think may be the bad guy but the idea of hating Rudy Ray is just absurd so they turn him into a not-so bad guy who ends up helping out our heroes who include a group of young people trying to save the town from having a highway built through it. So basically this has the same plot as 90% of the comedies made in the 80's. There's also a similar coming-of-age vibe as stuff like COOLEY HIGH and that WHAT'S HAPPENING show so that's cool for some retro 70's thrills. Though if you're looking for action-packed blaxploitation full of nudity and violence you will need to look elsewhere.

DJANGO UNCHAINED (2012)

 I'd given up on Quentin Tarantino back after he made that stupid DEATH PROOF/GRINDHOUSE thing and then that stupid talky-talk fantasy movie about World War II so I put off seeing this one until now. Surprisingly I thought this was a pretty decent take on and homage to the classic spaghetti-westerns and due to it's subject matter this has the feeling of something like GOODBYE UNCLE TOM sprinkled in there as well. It was also cool that Tarantino included the real Django, Franco Nero, in one scene and I think the main highlight for me was the great soundtrack. Of course most of these tunes are from some amazing classics of the Italian western genre and watching this made me want to go back and watch some of those again. I coulda done without the out-of-place modern rap jams but I knew this couldn't be perfect. Interestingly this is not in any way a remake of Django but is more closely a sort-of re-imagining of THE LEGEND OF NIGGER CHARLIE but I'm sure calling your movie that nowadays would get you lynched by the intolerant "social justice warrior"-filled masses. There is no shortage of the word "nigger" which in itself is a miracle in any modern movie and there's also not much skimping on the blood. In the two main shock scenes we get a bloody slave fight with eyeball violence and another slave ripped apart by dogs.
 Having seen a whole lot of movies that use the name DJANGO in their title I would have to say even though this is a newer big-budgeted Hollywood film, this is one of the better examples of what a western-exploitation film can be. I'm back on team Quentin. I'm sure he'd be so very relieved to hear this.

MYSTERIES OF THE GODS (1976)

 If you took the show IN SEARCH OF... and replaced it's narrator, Leonard Nimoy, with his fellow STAR TREK hero William Shatner and stretched it into a full length feature this is what you would get. Of course that show was only a half hour long including commercials so it was a bit more entertaining at that length. Here things do tend to wear a little thin with all the crazy-ass unprovable theories about ancient astronauts and UFOs. It is saved by getting the chance to see Shatner doing some of his best over-acting work interviewing some folks with some very off-the-wall interpretations of reality. If you weren't raised on IN SEARCH OF... you might want to give this a pass but it might still be culty and weird enough for lovers of the more bizarre side of the 1970's. AKA WILLIAM SHATNER'S MYSTERIES OF THE GODS

BAKENEKO: A VENGEFUL SPIRIT (1968)

 Pretty much the only ghost movies I really enjoy are old Japanese ghost movies. Unlike their stupid American counterparts, or even those not anywhere nearly as good modern Japanese ghost flicks, these older films are usually basic revenge tales helped out by supernatural forces. In this case we get a cat ghost(based on an old Japanese legend) wreaking vengeance upon a greedy ruler back in samurai times. This one is quite the classic and at times reminded me of a classic Universal monster movie in its aesthetics. It's got sword-fights, a doomed love story and a cursed lake. Check it out for some cool artistically done old-timey atmospheric ghost hi-jinks. AKA THE CURSED POND and THE GHOST-CAT OF THE CURSED LAKE  

HOSPITAL MASSACRE (1981)

 This movie starts out with what seems to be the perfect prologue to a Valentine's Day-themed slasher flick but from there we venture off into a hospital for the rest of the film. This hospital might be the most desolate one ever depicted in any movie even more so than that one in HALLOWEEN II. I mean there's whole long scenes where our killer is chasing people down hallways and no one ever comes along or notices besides his very stupid victims. Not just the victims but everyone in this thing seems either really dumb or stoned or just doing a really strange over-acting job. Former Playboy playmate Barbi Benton is our main character and luckily she has no problem getting nekkid because that's one of the few highlights(along with the flaming dummy thrown off a building ending) you get here. Besides that there's a bit of bloodshed from some pretty typical slasher movie-like kills and a lot of head-shakingly stupid things that happen including doctors that act like the hospital is a concentration camp where patients can't ever leave, equally Nazi-istic nurses and a silly reason that the killer is on a rampage in the first place. There's lots of better slasher-flicks from this era that you should check out before this one. AKA X-RAY
 Director Boaz Davidson did go on to make one of my favorite 80's teen sex comedies THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN(he also made the original Israeli version of the film LEMON POPSICLE) so I will cut him some slack for this crap.

OLGA'S HOUSE OF SHAME (1964)

 The last of the original OLGA trilogy of cheaply-made roughie films(though there were a couple of later movie that used the OLGA name that didn't actually feature the real Olga(Audrey Campbell). This film is basically just a collection of s & m and bondage and discipline scenes acted out poorly with mostly voice over narration trying to create some sorta plot tying it all together. This was clearly created to play to weirdo degenerates on 42nd street at the time and is really a strange look into a pervy past. There's a soldering-iron to the tits, spanking, beatings, whippings, electrocution, clamps applied to fingers, nipples and hands, a surprisingly small amount of actual nudity and even a chase scene involving a gay? man in a onesie gets thrown in to give us some ridiculous action. Overall this works today more as a curiosity than a great piece of entertainment but it's sure to add some great visuals to your next dull party. Also Olga gets extra props from me for laying the groundwork for Ilsa's future evil ways.

BEWARE! THE BLOB (1972)

 Since the alternate title of this is SON OF THE BLOB and since The Blob starts out frozen just like he ended up back at the end of 1958's THE BLOB you would assume this is a sequel except there's one scene where Godfrey Cambridge is watching the original movie on TV. So I guess technically this would be a sorta-remake. Either way though this movie is way goofier than it's 50's counter-part which is kinda the opposite of what you would expect from the gritty realistic 1970's. I probably rate this movie way higher than people who didn't grow up watching this thing playing on TV on a fairly regular basis. In fact I can recall seeing this a bunch more times than the original BLOB as a little kid which gives it a lot of sentimental value. Even removed from that though I think this a bizarre enough and comedic enough movie to entertain most bad-movie lovers. Directed by Larry "DALLAS/I DREAM OF JEANNIE" Hagman, this is jammed full of 70's stars including EIGHT IS ENOUGH's Dick Van Patten, Shirley(Cindy Williams) from LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, Burgess "The Penguin/ROCKY's manager" Meredith and Sid Haig. A naked fat man runs down the street, cops, hobos, hippies and even dogs and kittens get eaten by The Blob. Check it out for a stupid good monster romp!

Monstrous double-feature!:

THE SON OF KONG (1933)

 The original KING KONG is one of the greatest classic sci-fi/horror/adventure movies of all time. This sequel is not quite up there with it's predecessor and it's clearly due to it being rushed out to capitalize on the success of the original. This was actually released in the same year as KING KONG and while the FX are just as good the main not-as-giant gorilla here is way goofier and is actually a hero in the story which takes away from any horror aspects the first film had and makes it way more of a kiddie-friendly monster-movie. Still it's at least a semi-classic and one that was shown along with the first movie and MIGHTY JOE YOUNG every year on Thanksgiving on local TV here in New York making it a sentimental holiday tradition and a good alternative to watching MARCH OF THE WOODEN SOLDIERS again. If you dig the classic monster flicks or just quickie cheapo exploitation films capitalizing/ripping-off something better this one isn't a bad choice. As a bonus you get to see a musical group of monkeys perform a delightful tune.

 This poster sells the movie as a straight-up comedy:

 While this one plays up the adventure aspects:

PICK-UP (1975)

 I have a bunch of these drive-in classics/exploitation DVD box-sets chock full of movies by Crown International Pictures and quite a few of them, just like this one here, have no plots whatsoever. Now while this might be a good thing maybe if they filled it with action of some sort this one doesn't have much in the way of excitement either. The story, what there is of one, involves a hippie fellow driving a mobile home around Florida and picking up a couple of hippie gals. One of which is really into tarot cards and astrology and other nonsense. She also seems to hallucinate a bunch so we're never even sure what's real or not and it's hard to really care much. A creepy clown, a politician, a rapey/feely priest and a bunch of horny redneck rapists show up from time to time. Our more spacey but less retarded hippie lady has sex with the Greek god Apollo sorta and it all ends with a 70's downer ending. Except they even mess that up. On the positive side I will say the camerawork here is really excellently done with some really cool artsy shots. Too bad it's wasted on such a pointless film. Also there's lots of nudity and nakedness and the two leads are quite eye-catching. I assume this film was meant to be shown at an actual drive-in back in the 70's where no one would be paying attention to what was going on and that would be the best way to view it if you had to.

GATE OF FLESH (1964)

 Based on an old Japanese novel that comments on the state of the country after World War II(spoiler alert: it's not so nice) this is a great early example of a sleazy softcore sex film. It's also got lots of symbolism in addition to the naked bondage and torture scenes so you can show it to your pretentious artsy-fartsy friends and not feel all dirty about it. A gang of anti-American hookers take a vow never to fall in love or fuck for free. When any of them do they get hung up and whipped, have their haircut off and get generally abused in a highly stylized exploitative manner. There's also a hose shower scene and lots of parts showing how terrible and ugly Americans can be.
 This was the first part of a whole retrospective on director Seijun Suzuki down at my local snob-theater and I was really glad I got to catch this on 35mm the way God intended. Will probably be checking out the rest of the series if the smell of organic artisan lattes and gluten-free anaerobic popcorn doesn't drive me away.
 There was an early film version of this story made in the 40's but I imagine it's not quite as sleazy or rough. There's also 2 remakes, one in the 70's  and the other in the 80's, that are most likely even raunchier but possibly made with less flair. I'll have to investigate these.

KUNG FU FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE (1982)

 So the ghost of Billy Chong's dad shows up and tells him he's been murdered and to seek vengeance for him. You would think he coulda done that for himself being a ghost and all but I guess there's rules or something. Unfortunately the fellow who murdered him has a wizard/magician assistant so Mr. Chong employs a gang of other ghosts to help him in his quest for revenge. This leads to a big kung fu battle where Dracula shows up and fights for the bad guys. Then there's some bland sex scenes where a couple get their hearts cut out. Finally a bunch of prostitutes? throw washcloths? (sanitary napkins? towels?) at our wizard's face which messes him up. Sadly this description sounds a lot more exciting than the actual movie plays out since there's a lot of drag time in between anything of interest happening. I've tried watching this one a bunch of times in the past and without fail I either pass out from boredom or give up which is not a very good sign. Of course it doesn't help that every public-domain print I've seen of this is a real ugly looking pan-and-scan mess but even still I can tell this is no classic of the genre.
  Billy Chong did star in a similar movie called KUNG FU ZOMBIE in 1981 which I recall being slightly better and more entertaining than this one so maybe I should give that one another watch.

This trailer hates spelling words correctly!:

CHRISTMAS EVIL (1980)

 This is director John Waters favorite Christmas movie and also one of mine. One part slasher movie, one part psychological drama dealing with one man's strange obsession with Santa Claus and all things Christmas. There's so many great weirdo elements that make this one stand out from all the more generic holiday horror flicks of the time including our wack-a-doo Santa Harry's big books of good and bad children, his use of treetop stars as weapons not to mention the flying van/sled that Harry rides around in! There's also a very TAXI-DRIVER-esque vibe to many scenes with Harry emoting to himself in seasonal joy before going off on some violent escapade. Strangely this movie didn't get the mass outrage that SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT did over depicting a killer Claus.  Perhaps that's because the advertising budget wasn't as high here and it played more seedy Times Square showings and the typical public morons just weren't as aware of it. Would make a nice holiday double feature with SILENT NIGHT but this one is definitely a higher quality/better made film that actually seems to have a message buried under it's bizarre veneer about how screwed up the modern world is even on Christmas. AKA YOU BETTER WATCH OUT and TERROR IN TOYLAND