SHOCKING DARK (1987)

 This Brune Mattei-directed Eurotrash flick was released in numerous countries as TERMINATOR II in order to fool audiences. It's actually way more of a remake of 1986's ALIENS with the android character(here named Samuel Fuller!) behaving a lot like ol' indestructible robot Arnie towards the end of the film. The alternate title of ALIENATORS is a little more accurate except it brings to mind a much more exciting movie than this. Missing much of Mattei's trademark gore and having no sex to speak of this this movie just sort of plods along from scene to scene with not much suspense at all. The goofy monsters look o.k. but just kind of stand around and grab people occasionally. Geretta Geretta plays the tough ethnic girl/Vasquez role and that elicites a few laughs but for the most part this is a fairly dull one.

                                                                             JAPAN!:

Released in germany as CONTAMINATOR:

ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING (2007)

 This is the very final film of Italian schlock-master director Bruno Mattei. In keeping with his usually low standards, it is pretty crappy. For something made in 2007 though it does at least have some of the aspects you'd expect from a Mattei flick that sets it a little apart from most modern-day horror garbage. It seems these zombies are made in a lab, so I guess they are more of your mutated freaks rather than your standard living dead. There are also a few cone-head zombies, a midget zombie with an eyeball growing out of the top of it's head and a talking brain behind glass that's never really explained very well. The plot is basically ALIENS and ALIEN 3 except with these mutant monsters. Mattei did already make a rip-off ALIENS with SHOCKING DARK but I guess he really liked that idea of soldiers fighting a bunch of monsters. The dubbing is laughable and the gore is plentiful. Sadly there's no nudity from our attractive Filipino star Yvette Yzon, also sadly this was shot on video and it sure looks it. There are some scenes where explosions take place that Mattei "borrowed" from CRIMSON TIDE. Of course those were shot on film and look great but don't match up at all. 

 This is actually a sequel to Bruno's previous film, ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD, so calling it the beginning is kinda dumb. 

 There was supposed to be a 3rd movie in this important "trilogy" but death got in the way. 

THE OTHER HELL (1981)

 Bruno Mattei is one of my favorite directors not because he actually makes "good" films but because he just seems to throw a little of everything into in his movies. Of course most of the times it seems like his ideas are just borrowed from other movies but that's besides the point. This here nunsploitation movie takes Ken Russell's THE DEVILS, ROSEMARY'S BABY and whatever random ghost movie you want to pick and mixes them in a blender of gross-out horror. It all starts out with a dead nun having her vagina cut out before the credits even roll, then the mother-superior of the convent(Franca Stoppi, who looks way too young to be in this role) gets a little stabby with another nun and then things start to get weird. There's a gardener(Franko Garafalo, who's that guy who does that stupid dance in Mattei's NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES) who keeps a bunch of dogs for some reason which leads into some "when animals attack" action, a mute nun who goes nutzo,there's stigmata, the Devil shows up looking like a prop from a Dio concert, lots of haunted house, or in this case haunted convent, shenanigans and it all ends with some revived corpses zombie action. There are a few lulls in between all this which throw the pace off at times but still a good time for horror whackos. The one thing Mattei oddly doesn't include in this is any sex or nudity which is normally the standard for these types of flicks. So shave off a few points if you're just looking for sleaze.

 AKA THE PRESENCE and GUARDIAN OF HELL

 

PRIVATE HOUSE OF THE SS (1977)

 So this strange, seemingly-homosexual, wannabe fuhrer Nazi officer(Gabriele Carrara) sets up a whorehouse towards the end of World War II. Maybe the weirdest thing about this film, which features lotsa Euro-bush and boobs on display, is the whore training sequences which include stuff like leap-frog lessons and gun-fight training which never comes in to play the rest of the film. Obviously this is trash-director Bruno Mattei's version of SALON KITTY minus all the artsy aspects and being a classic. The "beast in heat"(Salvatore Baccaro) from that classic nazisploitation flick THE BEAST IN HEAT puts in a cameo, there's an evil doctor character(Luciano Pigozzi) who looks like Howard Vernon but isn't. There's suicides galore, whippings, beatings, s & m hi-jinks, hinted-at bestiality, sex with a deformed fellow and some classic Bach fugue organ monster music thrown in for good measure. If you're looking for that downer cinema vibe this will be your bag. AKA SS GIRLS

                                 This DVD cover really pushes the doggie sex aspects!:

RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR (1984)

 Italian shlock-master Bruno Mattei here gets the brilliant idea of combining the post-apocalypse action film with the animals-gone-nutso horror flick.  While not a great example of either genre it at least has enough goofy moments to make for a fun, head-scratchingly dumb watch.
 The plot involves a biker gang roaming around after the holocaust who take shelter in a deserted scientists lab that is full of nasty rodents that occasionally fly into people's faces and eat them.  Most of the rat attack scenes involve someone off-screen dumping a bucket full of rats on someone's head, which I find pretty humorous.  One of the stranger scenes is when one of our gang members gets attacked by rats and instead of trying to help the poor guy they figure it's best to first shoot him with a flame-thrower and then, after a few minutes of being burned alive, he's finally put out of his misery with a gunshot.  It's all topped off with a ridiculous ending and you also get the hooker gal from DEMONS, Geretta Geretta, as what appears to be a mentally-challenged black chick ingeniously named Chocolate, then again pretty much every character in this acts like a complete retard and that might be it's biggest charm.  AKA BLOOD KILL and THE RIFFS III(in Germany this is the 3rd part of the Bronx Warriors saga following 1990: BRONX WARRIORS and ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX)

RATS!:

EMMANUELLE'S REVENGE (1975)

         "You tell that shithead we're not making arty-farty flicks for intellectual faggots!"

 Most of director Joe D'Amato's Emanuelle movies starred Laura Gemser as the title character who was a black version of the original French character made famous by Sylvia Kristel.  This one was before the Gemser-era so we get a different white Emanuelle whose sister is dating great character actor George Eastman who looks weird here without any facial hair on his mug.  Eastman plays a sleazy lowlife actor who  lets a film director rape his gal, convinces her to star in a porn flick, cheats on her and generally treats her shitty which results in her gory suicide by train.  From there it's time for Emanuelle's revenge which consist of seducing big George, drugging him and chaining him up behind a two-way mirror.  After this we get treated to some lesbian antics, an orgy, some fake cannibalism and other assorted sex acts that we watch from behind the mirror which I'm sure is a comment on the type of cretin who enjoys these sleazoid films.  Castration is threatened and meat-cleaver wielding shenanigans ensue.
 Co-written by one of my favorite filmmakers, the great Bruno Mattei, this film is filled with a creepy downer vibe and nihilistic ending that you don't get in a lot of sexploitation flicks and at a lot of points this feels more like a giallo than anything else which makes this one of my favs in the sexy shocker genre.  It's also supposed to be a remake of some 60's film from Greece.  There's also a pretty strong feminist message in there which you don't really expect from your average Joe D'Amato flick.
  The old VHS copy I have of this is heavily cut so look for the 100 minute version for the complete sexy and splattery show.  A.K.A. BLOOD VENGEANCE, BLOOD RAGE and EMANUELLE AND FRANCOISE

THE TRUE STORY OF THE NUN OF MONZA (1980)

Bruno Mattei is one of my favorite directors of  Italian exploitation films.  In such films as RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR and NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES he shows an over the top abundance of ineptness that translates into a so bad it's good vibe.  Even in his later shot-on video stuff I always find him entertaining in his eagerness to give the viewer shocking scenes amidst a sea of stupidity.  That being said this nunsploitation flick from the 80's is a relatively subdued viewing experience from the master of sleazy thrills.  There's the expected nun lesbianism and some whippings here and there but it never goes to the murky depths of depravity that Mattei usually wallows in.  I guess he took this material more serious or something.  Maybe for historical reasons since this was a remake of 1969's THE NUN OF MONZA which was one of the first nunsploitation movies ever.  This TRUE STORY OF THE NUN OF MONZA stars Zora Kerova, who gore fans will recognize as the chick who gets hooks through her boobs in CANNIBAL FEROX, as a naughty nun who gets power hungry and then has to be punished.  You get some footage of horse fucking stolen from Walerian Borowczyk's THE BEAST and not too much else that's all that memorable.  I prefer Mattei's other nun epic THE OTHER HELL at least in that one you get some crazy hi-jinks from Satan himself.  

No Satan at all in this movie just this ass-clown:

THE JAIL: THE WOMEN'S HELL (2006)

Bruno Mattei is my favorite crappy Italian director.  Insane dialogue, horrendous acting(one actress yells half her dialogue for no reason at all), completely naked women every few seconds, rampant lesbianism, silly and also gory acts of violence(including a machete in a dead girls vagina), mud wrestling, a cage full of underwater pussy-eating rats?, jailhouse orgies, and other acts of depravity fill this movie to the brim with enjoyable spectacles.  It seems that the prison is just used to turn out really bad strippers/prostitutes.  There's more of a plot somewhere in there but it's not very important.  Everything just kind of happens as an excuse to see someone being raped with a snake or some other such terrible thing happen to women in a prison.  Even though this was made later on in his career and was shot on video(which makes it look like some kind of sick TV show from a country with much better programming than we have in America) it still has all the components of Mattei's better known stuff like VIOLENCE IN A WOMEN'S PRISON.  Check it out if you're a sex maniac or just a general sick-o.

"and you're a shit-ass...":