MORITURIS: LEGIONS OF THE DEAD (2011)

  One of the more nasty films I've seen in a while. The easiest way to describe this is for about an hour it's reminiscent of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT with all the expected brutality that entails(a pair of scissors in some private parts was the part that got to me the most) before then swerving off into resembling TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD. I am generally a fan of this type of sub-genre-mixing and was surprised that anything made in 2011 was halfway decent. Check it out if you have a strong stomach. 

 This was apparently inspired by a real-life crime that occurred in Italy where a group of lunatics raped and tortured a couple of young girls, murdering one of them resulting in it being banned there. I'm assuming the 2nd half where some ancient Roman zombies show up to add to the nastiness is not based on anything real. 

THE BLACK CAT (1989)

  Luigi Cozzi gives us his version of the 3rd movie in the SUSPIRIA trilogy way before Argento gave us the official one with MOTHER OF TEARS. While I didn't completely hate M.O.T. this one is way more enjoyable and wackier watch. We get a movie-within-a-movie which is also a sequel to SUSPIRIA, a crud-faced witch who likes to puke green slime on people, a black cat lurking about(which is really the only thing this has to do with Edgar Allen Poe), Caroline Munro being her sexy self, an outer space fetus, laser beam fights, time travel, a rocking soundtrack which includes Bang Tango and a bunch of other nonsense that makes no sense but boy do I love it! 

 Released in Italy as DEMONS 6, and it has even less to do with the DEMONS series than it does Poe!

SLAUGHTER HOTEL (1971)

               

 Although the ad up there tries to make you think this will be about serial killer Richard Speck it's really more of a standard Eurotrash giallo deal featuring Klaus Kinski as a doctor at a rehab center and a mystery slasher hacking people up. I say standard but this one does feature quite a bit of nudity and sleaze thanks to Rosalba Neri and all the other ladies in the cast. There is some mass nurse snuffing towards the end though so it's not total false-advertising. 

 The original version features explicit vaginal shots which were edited out of the U.S. release to get an R rating. AKA ASYLUM EROTICA

Original Italian title is THE BEAST KILLS IN COLD BLOOD:

This ad just steals a shot from fellow sleazy Italian classic FRANKENSTEIN 80!:

RING OF DEATH (1969)

  Going into this I was thinking this would be a giallo and it kinda/sorta is because you're dealing with people getting killed but the movie focuses more on Franco Nero as a corrupt detective who's trying to figure out who's doing all the killing, and kicking anyone's ass that gets in his way, making it seem more like one of those politziotesche films. Eithr way it was kind of a disappointment. There's too much dialogie and not enough action and Nero comes off as a pretty scummy character that is hard to get behind.  AKA DETECTIVE BELLI(in case that other title is too exciting for you)

DJANGO KILLS SILENTLY (1967)

  The idea of casting George Eastman of ANTHROPOPHAGUS fame as the hero in this appeals greatly to me. Sadly most of the film isn't all that exciting despite having the tallest guy to ever play Django in it. You get women and kid-killing Mexican bandits and the usual spaghetti-western plot. For completists or big Eastman fanatics only. 

              AKA DJANGO KILL SOFTLY(that's sounds pretty nice!):

DJANGO AND SARTANA'S SHOWDOWN IN THE WEST (1970)

 You know how in biker movies they have a bunch of long scenes of guys riding their bikes to stretch out the run time? Well here we get them riding their horses instead. You also get former Hercules star Gordon Mitchell as the head of a gang of outlaws, Django(not played by Franco nero) and Sartana(not played by Gianni Garko) who despite the title promising us will have a showdown actually team-up towards the very end of the movie. Not the best spaghetti-western I've seen but it seems to have been shot pretty well with the usual beautiful scenery on display. AKA DJANGO AND SARTAN ARE COMING... IT'S THE END, FINAL CONFLICT... DJANGO AGAINST SARTANA and SARTANA IF YOUR LEFT ARM OFFENDS CUT IF OFF. 

 Director Demofilo Fidani had made a couple of previous Sartana movies(SHADOW OF SARTANA and FOUR CAME TO KILL SARTANA) and one previous Sartana Meets Django film(ONE DAMN DAY AT DAWN... DJANGO MEETS SARTANA!) all with various Sartanas and Djangos.

 

SYNDICATE SADISTS (1975)

 Seven years before FIRST BLOOD we get Tomas Milian as a hero named Rambo(apparently Milian was trying to get a movie of the FIRST BLOOD novel made but only got as far as using the name here). Original Italian title of THE VIGILANTE CHALLENGES THE CITY. Instead of a Vietnam vet we get a biker sort-of helping the police take on some mobsters. It has some DIRTY HARRY elements thrown in thanks to director Umberto Lenzi and despite feeling a bit long makes for a decent action flick. AKA RAMBO'S REVENGE

The DVD I own of this has this for a cover which reflects nothing that happens in the movie. Maybe they were thinking of Lucio Fulci's CONTRABAND which features some torch hijinks:

PANIC (1982)

  I caught a trailer for this Italian horror flick at the drive-in recently during a weekend of zombie flicks so I naturally assumed it was a zombie movie. Turns out it's not really but is more of a mutated monster on the loose deal concerning a virus that turns a scientist into an ugly murderous freak. It's ok for what it is but I guess I was expecting more. It basically plays like a crappy European slasher film. David Warbeck from Fulci's The Beyond stars as Captain Kirk(no not that one!). 

Released on DVD with the slightly more memorable title of MONSTER OF BLOOD, though that makes it sound like one of those Filipino "Monster of Blood Island" movies.

CEMETERY MAN (1994)

  This is one of those horror films that it seems like everyone I know, that's into such things, just loves and I can never really figure out why. Sure there's sex and violence and some pretty lame zombies show up intermittently but I guess the mixture of a faux-artsy-fartsy Italian gore film with a comedy just never sits right with me. It's probably also due to being such a fan of Italy's superior 70s and 80s horror junk that this one seems so pale and pointless by comparison. It seems to get praise for being intellectually deep which it isn't while also appealing to the gorehound which all the philosophical nonsense negates but apparently my view is in the minority so judge for yourself I guess.

CREATURES FROM THE ABYSS (1994)

                                  "Professor, how long have you been fucking fish?"

  Really stupid Italian horror flick about 5 people who decide to take a ride out into the ocean on a small raft and end up stranded on an experimental research ship that's full of mutant fish monsters. There's a lot of things that don't make sense in this but do make for a fun watch if you dig dumb trashy movies. For one thing the inside of the ship is designed more like some weird futuristic hotel where there's a talking clock, a smart-shower that talks sexy to you and a lamp that has it's bulb on the end of a lawn-gnome's large erection! Besides the interior decorations things aren't really ever fully explained, probably thanks to the shitty dubbing job. The only surviving scientist on the ship apparently enjoys fucking fish, but only if they're "old enough" whatever that means for a fish-fucker. Our main characters are also either annoying or just really dumb but if you can overlook that this one's good for a laugh and has some pretty crazy cheap-o FX work on display ranging from Claymation to what looks like cartoon monsters(no doubt this is due to the director being Italian FX artist Al Passeri). Originally titled PLANKTON. Known in Asia as PIRANHA 4 which is kind of fitting since some of these fish monsters look like piranha and fly around like the ones in PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING.

SCREAM OF THE DEMON LOVER (1970)

 A lady scientist(Erna Schürer) shows up at the castle of a Baron(Carlos Quiney) who has a reputation for loving women and then murdering them. But is he the murderer or is there a darker secret to unveil? Well this is a gothic Eurotrash 70s flick so inevitably things will get a bit weird and sexy before it's done. A bit of a slow-moving one but if you enjoy these types of old dark castle flicks it's probably worth a look and there is a crap-faced monster involved. AKA ALTAR OF BLOOD, KILLERS OF THE CASTLE OF BLOOD and BLOOD CASTLE

 

                                  Known as THE CASTLE OF FRANKENSTEIN in Mexico!:

Original Italian title THE CASTLE WITH THE GATES OF FIRE:

Originally played in The U.S. on a double bill with this American vampire flick:

THE MONSTER OF THE OPERA (1964)

 I know director Renato Polselli mainly for that movie THE REINCARNATION OF ISABEL which is a pretty crazy Eurotrash flick. This is an earlier work of Mr. Renato but it still has some pretty wild elements. Clearly influenced by THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA but in this case instead of a phantom(was the original PHANTOM even really a phantom at all?) you get a vampire who likes to chain his female victims up in his secret chamber underneath an old haunted opera house for fun. You also get a really wacky scene of a bunch of girls dancing for their lives because apparently vampires can only get you if you stop moving?   There's also a sprinkling of lesbian overtones thrown in. While not everything makes a lot of sense it's still an enjoyable enough gothic trip. Released on DVD more precisely as VAMPIRE OF THE OPERA

Known in France as ORGY OF THE VAMPIRES:

TARZAK AGAINST THE LEOPARDS MEN (1964)

  No that's not a typo, but the actual onscreen title of this 60s Eurotrash Tarzan rip-off flick. The original Italian title is TARZAN VS. THE LEOPARD MEN. When I think of Tarzan movies(technically our heroic jungle man is dubbed Zoltak in English prints but it's pretty obvious who he's supposed to be) clearly the highpoints were way back in the 30s and 40s and this one comes off as more of a Hercules in the jungle adventure than anything resembling those. Ralph Hudson as Zoltak/Tarzan surely has the fit body but his curly red hair kinda stands out. I found this to be quite the snooze-inducing chore to get through. AKA APEMAN OF THE JUNGLE

TRAGIC CEREMONY (1972)

 Director Ricardo Freda made a few of those old "ghosts in an old spooky haunted house" films back in the 60s including THE GHOST. This here is kind of an updated version of one of those except it takes a few strange twists from being completely predictable. Instead of Barbara Steele here you get Camille Keaton, who would go on to I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE fame, as our main gal in peril. You get a Satanic ritual complete with decapitation and other gory head-bashing fun. The only downfall here might be that the big bloody spectacle takes place about halfway through the movie making the ghostly revenge climax seem a bit lackluster in comparison. I still dig it though for it's unorthodox trappings. AKA TRAGIC EXPERIENCE AT VILLA ALEXANDER

 The original Italian title of EXTRACT FROM THE SECRET FILES OF THE POLICE OF A EUROPEAN CAPITAL is not quite as spooky:

THE ARK OF THE SUN GOD (1984)

  You would think given this title and year of release that you would get a straight-up RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK rip-off but for the most part Italian director Antonio Margheriti gives us instead a more James Bond-ish tale starring David Warbeck in the heroic lead role. To drive this home Roger Moore even gets name-dropped at one point. It does get more into Indian Jones territory towards the end when the discovery of a lost ancient artifact gets put into play. For an action movie this is overall a pretty dull watch that never reall grabbed me and took a couple of attempts to even get through without dozing off. 

 Strangely the DVD I have of this says it's called TEMPLE OF HELL which I don't believe it ever actaully was. 

Margheriti, Warbeck and John Steiner had all made the similar HUNTERS OF THE GOLDEN COBRA 2 years earlier.

Released on video in Sweden(and apparently somewhere else that speaks English) as THE HUNTER: 

DEATH RAGE (1976)

  Yul Brynner stars in this Eurocrime thriller as an American hitman in Italy out to get revenge for his murdered brother while taking on the mob and the police.  They also shoehorn a bit of an homage to THE MECHANIC with Brynner taking on a young apprentice(Massimo Ranieri) and showing him the ways of an assassin. Barbara Bouchet plays the lovely love interest and Martin Balsam plays the police chief. Car chases and gunplay are plentiful in this formulaic actioner. The version I watched of this seems to be missing a few minutes and is terribly panned and scanned though so perhaps I would give this a higher ranking if I could see an uncut/better-looking print.  

 Released on video as BLOOD RECKONING

                               Original Italian title was WITH ANGER IN HIS EYES:

THE SCORPION WITH TWO TALES (1982)

  This is a pretty uneventful Eurotrash horror flick. I've seen it described as a giallo but it's really not. Rather than really being a mystery it's more of a case of some naughty Etruscan spirits killing off various people including John Saxon who has a pretty small role. Also dragging this down is the very low gore quotient since almost everyone gets killed by having their head turned quickly which is hardly the most exciting death sequence. Maybe the only highlights I found in this were the recycled soundtrack cues which borrowed from GATES OF HELL and NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES and made me wish I was watching either one of those instead.

 There is an earlier actual giallo, directed by the same director as this, Sergio Martino, called THE CASE OF THE SCORPION'S TAIL which looks way better. I need to check that out at some point. 

Original way less artsy title of MURDER IN AN ETRUSCAN CEMETERY:

STAGEFRIGHT: AQUARIUS (1987)

 One of my favorite dumb Italian slasher movies! By this point in Italian cinema they had, for the most part, given up on making good giallos and went for ripping off their dumber American counterparts, the slasher film(which of course were themsleves just more stripped-down versions of giallos(which were souped-up iterations of Hitchcock mysterious(oh, it's all just one big circle of influences!!))). Here we get a lunatic wearing a big ol' owlhead mask weilding various instruments of destruction including knives, a drill, a needle and a chainsaw that he employs on a group of very stupid actors and anyone else in his way. It's about as dumb as they come but if you like laughing at stupid actors meeting gory deaths check it out. AKA SOUND STAGE MASSACRE

Known in France as BLOODY BIRD which is the perfect title for this.

 

                         Known in many places as just AQUARIUS: 

THOR AND THE AMAZON WOMEN (1963)

  This has nothing to do with the Norse god/Marvel superhero, they just named our very Hercules-like hero Thor this time out. He's also not really the star of the film. Most of it deals with his friends( a chick and a little boy)who are kidnapped by a tribe of women gladiators who like to battle each other to the death for kicks. Not the most exciting example of the peplum genre but the ladies are nice to gawk at I guess. Thor does have a black servant which I'm sure will have any pc-jackoffs vehemently clutching at their pearls. AKA WOMEN GLADIATORS and THE AMAZON WOMEN

GIALLO IN VENICE (1979)

  Called "the goriest giallo" by many there are 2 scenes(one involving a leg and the other a vagina) that help it live up to that moniker. Outside of those show-stoppers it's just a very strange giallo featuring a detective(Jeff Blyne) who seems to always be chomping on hard-boiled eggs investigating the apparent murder of a couple of weirdo sexual degenerates. A top-tier nasty giallo from the end of the sick 70s when they really had to pull out all the stops to get noticed. AKA GORE IN VENICE, MYSTERY IN VENICE and THRILLER IN VENICE.

  Mariangelo Giordano, who would go on to play the mom who gets her boob bitten off in BURIAL GROUND doesn't fare much better here being the victim off a hideous leg dismemberment.  

                                                      Sexy mussels!