ASSAULT OF THE PARTY NERDS (1989)

  In my ongoing quest to see everything that Linnea Quigley ever acted in before I die I arrived at this. A very USA UP ALL NIGHT-type of sex-comedy/boobie-movie, this one is clearly inspired by ANIMAL HOUSE which only came out a mere 11 years earlier. It involves a nerd-filled fraternity dealing with a rival group of jocks(or are they preppies? Maybe both). Linnea and Michelle Bauer both get their tits out but beyond those highlights it's the expected really stupid stuff.   

 There was a sequel 6 years after this which is most likely just as dumb. 

                                                 Glorious VHS cover!:

BEACH BABES FROM BEYOND (1993)

 You get a cavalcade of celebrity relatives in this feature from director David DeCoteau. Joe Estevez, Don Swayze, Joey Travolta and Jackie Stallone round out that quartet. You also get TV's Robin Burt Ward and scream queen Linnea Quigley who seems to be playing a character who's supposed to be a good deal older than she obviously is. Our main beach babes, and much of the rest of the cast, are comprised of porn stars and models with very minimal acting ability. The movie itself alternates between goofy beach party movie with some goofy ass music to softcore sex flick with every scene taking way longer than it has any right to. The boobs and butts are definitely top notch though.

 There is also an unrated more explicit version of this out there and a sequel that came out in 1995 called BEACH BABES 2: CAVE GIRL ISLAND minus all the z-list "stars" that looks even worse than it's predecessor if that's possible. 

CREEPOZOIDS (1987)

  This is a pretty monotonous exercise in tedium as a group of  people roam around an abandoned research facility with giant rats and an ALIEN-like creature(or a CREEPOZOID if you will) picks them off. Some gooey FX work. a creepy mutant killer baby and Linnea Quigley are the only real bright spots. Due to the small cast and infrequent action a lot of this seems like it could almost be a stage play(a really terrible one too!). 

 There was supposed to a sequel to this but luckily we were all spared of its existence. 

 10 years later Fred Olen Ray remade this as a shot-on-video thing called HYBRID which I would assume is even worse!

ROBOT NINJA (1989)

 I had pretty low expectations going into this superhero movie but was pleasantly surprised by director J.R. Bookwalter's dumb but super gory tale of a horror-obsessed comic-book artist/nerd who kinda/sorta gets to live out his fantasy of fighting crime. You can certainly tell that this was directed by the guy responsible for THE DEAD NEXT DOOR since some zombies show up in a dream sequence, limbs get chopped off, eyes are gouged out, wounds gape open, rape occurs and blood flows copiously in one of the grossest superhero movies I've ever witnessed. Bookwalter himself claims that this is his worst film but I think I personally dig it more than his more well-known debut film. Robin from the 60s BATMAN TV-show(Burt Ward) and scream queen Linnea Quigley show up to add to the schlocky goofy feeling of it all. You mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for cheesy violence.

 

GRADUATION DAY (1981)

  OK 80s slasher dealing with a killer taking out high school students right before graduation. Some interesting, if not highly unlikely kills, involving spikes and a pole vault and a spear-loaded football. Notable caste members include Christopher George of PIECES fame, scream queen Linnea Quigley and in her 2nd ever movie role WHEEL OF FORTUNE's Vanna White! Also look out for new wave band Felony who show up to rock during the big roller skating graduation party. There are way worse slashers out there.

SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA (1988)

 Dumb 80s movie about a jive-talking imp(alternate title- THE IMP) that gets released from a bowling trophy by some stupid college kids(one of which seems to be a chubby Bill Paxton impersonator) and then turns them into murderous demons(one of which looks like The Bride of Frankenstein for some reason). Linnea Quigley also shows up as a punk chick with a bad attitude. Disappointingly she does not get naked. Luckily there's other boobs and asses on display to raise the entertainment quotient. Thanks Michelle Bauer and Brinke Stevens. Not the worst thing you would see on USA's Up All Night program back in the day but don't expect a timeless horror classic.




                                                             Not a sexy cover!:

Jiggly double-feature!:

Known in Germany under this strange title!:

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (1988)

  I have avoided watching this one for 20 years now because it just looked like another stupid 80s comedy-horror flick and turns out I was correct. On the positive side you get to ogle Linnea Quigley's ass for a while at the beginning but from there on it's just cliched 80s stereotypes(dumb Italian guy, quirky black dude, "good girl", jock etc.) trapped in a haunted(or demonic I guess) house. There is one disgusting, fat punk rocker fellow named The Stooge who is at least a bit unique for the times(though even he just seems to be doing an imitation of an annoying Bill Paxton character most of the time). At least they used real fx(including the memorable lipstick in Linnea's nipple trick for no apparent reason bit) and If you were a kid weened on cartoons in the 1980s then this will probably be way more entertaining to you. I think I will stick with THE EVIL DEAD for what's basically the same movie done a lot better and with some real gore. AKA HALLOWEEN PARTY
 There were two sequels to this(part III being some 90s shot-on-video crap) but I don't think that even fans of this first one are into those.


  

MURDER WEAPON (1989)

                                   "Shit, I think I fucked him to death." 

 This is basically a slasher movie mixed with a typical stupid David DeCoteau(directing here under the alias of Ellen Cabot) booby movie. So it's really just an exceptionally dumb slasher flick. Maybe the most annoying thing is the way the movie starts out with no sound and continues that way for about 10 minutes! Linnea Quigley stars(and was also the producer) as a mental patient who gets out of the asylum and along with her equally crazy sister(Karen Russell) has a party where all of their ex-boyfriends show up(the most familiar to me being Ricky, the killer, from SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2). Then things get bloody. The most memorable effect involves a sledge-hammer to some guy's head which squishes like some sort of a gore-filled melon(which it very well may have been). There is one guy at this party who is supposed to be portraying a metalhead which is good for a chuckle. Besides a few giggles and the opportunity to see lots of bare female flesh on display this is pretty skippable stuff.
 Lyle Waggoner, featured in lots of cool TV-shows in the 70's, shows up very briefly as a doctor. The original working title of this was BEVERLY HILLS CORPSE which would have been way better than the forgettable, action-movie-sounding(the poster even wants us to think this is a LETHAL WEAPON rip-off for some reason?) title they went with. The working title was BEVERLY HILLS CORPSE(obviously a play on BEVERLY HILLS COP) which makes way more sense since the killer uses a variety of weapons. 

DEADLY EMBRACE (1989)

 We get plenty of boobs here(mostly thanks to the lovely Linnea Quigley) and that's really about the only positive thing I can say about this. There is a plot about a love-triangle(or maybe a love-rectangle if you include Jan-Michael Vincent who isn't exactly in the movie a whole lot despite being top-billed) which ends up in some homicidal murder. Getting to the climax of this film takes forever though and the pacing of this thing is very snail-like. Michelle Bauer also shows up briefly as "the spirit of sex" or something and naturally gets nekkid! This was supposedly shot in 3 days so I guess that's impressive but it's all a little too drama-heavy with little payoff except tits. Fortunately there are many other movies you can view Linnea's naked chest in to avoid sitting through this.

Whoever uploaded this first part of the movie musta forgot the other parts:

NIGHTMARE SISTERS (1988)

 The first half hour or so of this is really talky and dumb but then our three main ladies, Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bauer(credited as Michelle McClellan) and Brinke Stevens, become possessed by a demonic succubus and become naked and horny. This leads to prolonged scenes of bubble bath taking, molesting food and humping stuff. It also leads to growing fangs and biting guys' genitals since this is a horror film(or at least a comedy disguised as a horror film). It does remain consistently stupid throughout but if you don't mind ample nakedness and lame jokes it's a fun harmless movie to watch on a Sunday morning to chase away a hangover.  Also they manage to use a pretty punk rock-ish soundtrack which is nice. Quigley also gets to perform a punk music video and has a throwaway line that references her most well-known film RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD.
AKA SORORITY SUCCUBUS SISTERS