GORE FROM OUTER SPACE (2001)

  This title here promises something potentially pretty cool. Perhaps a bloody alien invasion romp will ensue? Nah, instead of anything like that let's just have a bunch of semi-comedic scenes thrown together that really don't seem to tell any kind of a coherent story but are loosely about a woman who maybe encounters aliens and maybe has a daughter who is kidnapped and maybe can shape shift into a balding fellow. I have to keep saying maybe because nothing is very clear after watching this thing. Maybe if you're really into weirdo David Lynch movies this might be more appealing to you. 

 This is technically a sequel to director Hirohisa Sasaki's CRAZY LIPS which I don't think I've ever viewed so maybe if you've seen that first things might make a little more sense though I kinda doubt it. 

ALIEN FROM THE DEEP (1989)

  1989 was not exactly the best year for Italian horror(or sci-fi) films and this one really doesn't stand out all that much besides featuring a really bizarre giant monster that consists of a giant claw attached to what might be an alien in a space suit? It's kinda hard to decipher exactly what the creature actually is. In addition to that you get Charles Napier of RAMBO-fame as the main bad guy, quite a bit of gore and an homage to the final scene of ALIENS.  AKA ALIEN FROM THE ABYSS 

I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE (1958)

  If you mixed INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS with MARS NEEDS WOMEN(which wouldn't actually be made for another 10 years) you pretty much get the plot for this schlocky 50s sci-fi flick. Just like INVASION it's all a thinly-veiled metaphor for the evils of communism, or possibly in this case how crappy marriages can get. If you read pretty much any review of this some cinema-critiquing snob will explain all that to you. While not up there with the heavyweight classics from this era it's still a fun old b-movie watch and one of the snazziest titles to boot!

ALIEN PREDATOR (1986)

  I remember renting this one back in the VHS days when it was still a new release and finding it to be a big ol' turd. There was probably a lot of fast-forwarding to get through the slow-pace of it all. Re-watching it now, after seeing so much more cinematic garbage, I found it slightly more entertaining(no FF button needed!) but still nothing to actually recommend to anyone. Obviously inspired by ALIEN(but surprisingly not PREDATOR since that hadn't come out yet) the monster action is very lacking with a very miniscule creature that doesn't really get shown until the very end. It's really more of a contagion/virus movie which is way cheaper to make. Very skippable. AKA THE FALLING and MUTANT 2(making it a sequel to that other movie about a virus that turns people into homicidal zombies.)

                                                            VHS trailer!:

FOES (1977)

 Super leisurely-paced low-budget version of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND except this came out, in a very limited release, the same year as CEOT3K so it's clearly not a rip-off but more of a mining-the-same-70s-UFO-hysteria-that-Spielberg's-film-does situation. I've seen plenty of worse sci-fi/alien-invasion movies but this one would probably be a tough endurance test for general audiences who haven't scraped the bottom-of-the-barrel like myself. 

 I caught this in a rare theatrical-showing showing last night and can't say it got much of a positive reaction from what I could tell. There is a shorter director's cut available on Blu-ray that might be the better choice if you're curious enough to give this one a try. 

PREY (1977)

  Not to be confused with that new feminist PC PREDATOR nonsense this is a 70s British sci-fi/horror joint. More commonly known as ALIEN PREY when it was released on VHS to help confuse it with that other old school movie about a gal and an alien. In this case though we get two gals and not just any gals but lesbians, which gives us a great excuse for some homosexual female on female hijinks(sexual and violent) to ensue in between scenes of a malevolent visitor from the stars (who just looks like a guy with a dog nose, some fancy contact lenses and fangs thrown in his mouth) chomping on various wildlife, police and other local denizens. This is a very weird movie because it shoehorns a fish out of water story(our alien trying to fit in with his lesbo hosts) into a flesh-chomping monster on the loose tale. It does get bogged down a bit in the drama bits but it was odd enough to keep me interested. Also you get an alien wearing drag so that's something!

 Director Norman J. Warren would go on to make another sorta-ALIEN-rip-off called INSEMINOID a few years later but I found this one way more interesting. 

This old VHS cover always made me think this was a way gorier movie than it actually is!:

Known in Germany as THE DESTRUCTER:

Known in Italy as TERROR IN AMITYVILLE PARK: 

THE DARK (1979)

  Easily forgettable title and an equally fairly forgettable film that deals with a monster from outer space, nicknamed "The Mangler" ripping people's heads off and shooting killer laser beams out of it's eyeballs. You would think that maybe with some better FX this would have made more of a splash but apparently this movie was originally supposed to be a pretty standard slasher-type deal with an actual human killer but then a little movie named ALIEN came out which caused producers to switch gears and do a bunch of re-shoots to scenes which I'm guessing didn't help the outcome of the final product. You get some decent acting by Cathy Lee Crosby, William Devane and even American Top 40 radio program host Casey Kasem but it doesn't help enough to give this one a higher ranking.   

 Director John 'Bud' Cardos(who replaced Tobe Hooper after he split) would go on to make that  zombie/monster movie MUTANT a few years later which has similar generic elements but I think was an overall improvement.  AKA THE MUTILATOR

KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988)

  I had successfully managed to avoid seeing this for many years up until a few nights ago when a friend of mine took me to a midnight showing in a local theater and it was just as stupid as I had anticipated. I know it's a favorite of many 80s kids, in fact there were a few folks in attendance all dressed up in full clown attire for this event, but I've never really seen the appeal of clown cinema(unless you're making a John Wayne Gacy docudrama of course!) I will give the film high points for all the great-looking practical effects done by The Chiodo Brothers. Can't say much for their directing abilities but apparently most people don't seem to mind. Luckily for me Stephen Chiodo never directed another feature. 

This could have been a much better film if it was 4 minutes long and starred The Dickies!:

THE TERRORNAUTS (1967)

  This is a British sci-fli movie that feels kinda like an old episode of DR. WHO that's stretched out to feature length. There's a group of scientists that are sent to outer space, along with a couple of older folks whose sole purpose seems to be to act as comic relief from time to time, to learn the secrets about some warring aliens and how to defend the Earth from the bad aliens(aka The Terrornauts!). It's a bit talky at first but if you manage to stay awake you get an oversized Dalek-like robot, an alien with an eyeball under it's arm our green -skinned titular Terrornauts looking to do some human sacrificing of ladies. Goofy enough for a chuckle but hardly essential viewing. Maybe the weirdest thing I've ever seen from Amicus Studios though. 

                                         Known in Mexico as SPACE RAPTURE!:

THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA (2001)

  Making modern movies that are throwbacks to older films is inevitably a stupid backwards thing to do that shows zero creativity and thought. Also they almost never actually look anything like what they are trying to mimic, so they just come off as intentionally badly made garbage. This usually says more about the filmmakers than it does the things they are poorly trying to mock or homage or whatever the case may be. That being said this one at least gave me a couple of mild chuckles, so if stupid comedies are your thing check it out. You get aliens, a sultry animal woman, a goofy monster and an evil skeleton of course. I was a little upset that they didn't throw in a gorilla. Maybe one shows up in the sequel which came out 8 years later. 

THE EARTH DIES SCREAMING (1964)

  This British end-of-the-world sci-fi flick has a cool NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD-vibe going on as it concerns a group of survivors dealing with a doomsday scenario which turns out to be an alien invasion. The ending also, while not as nihilistic as NOTLD, leaves things open-ended enough that it may not be as happy as is evident. Oh, and the aliens can bring back dead humans as radio-controlled "zombies" so maybe George Romero was a fan of this one. The robot-aliens themselves are not all that spectacular but it works well enough for this story. 

 Director Terence Fisher, who I know mainly as that Hammer and Amicus studios guy, went on to make 2 more alien/monster invasion films, ISLAND OF TERROR in '66 and NIGHT OF THE BIG HEAT in '67. Both of which I have not seen but I probably should. 

HORROR EXPRESS (1972)

 

 1972 is one of the greatest years for horror films and this Spanish/British co-production is further proof of that. You get the rare treat of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee both being on the same side, a plot that mixes horror and sci-fi in an ORIENT EXPRESS setting featuring a prehistoric monster and an alien force, and most importantly the great Telly Savalas acting his ass off. Bloody eyeballs, dodgy science, white-eyed zombies and good claustrophobic horror elements make for a great ride. 

 The original Spanish version, titled PANIC ON THE TRANSIBERIAN, features a funkier soundtrack. This version is 88 minutes long while there's a shorter, 85 minute T.V. version out there also. Allegedly re-released at some point as THE POSSESSOR. Known in Japan under the snazzy title of ZOMBIE EXPRESS TO HELL.

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE (1953)

 Aliens, that are big floating one-eyed creatures, that can do that whole body snatching thing(3 years before INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS!), crash land on Earth and really just want to get back home. Of course that doesn't stop those pesky humans from wanting to stomp some ugly alien butt(when they finally start believing in them anyway). While this one is a pretty ground-breaking film for it's time it's not the most entertaining watch today and stuff like WAR OF THE WORLDS from the same year really blow this one out of the water. Still for some old-timey 3-D sci-fi it's decent.
 Director Jack Arnold would go on to make the iconic CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON among other sci-fi and monster classics.

                                                           Comin' at ya!:

 


                                                     Classic Jack Arnold double feature!:

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (1951)

 All-time classic sci-fi film about war and peace and aliens and as a bonus a robot that can kill you with it's death ray. While a lot of 50s sci-fi is full of giant monsters or other goofy elements this one plays it all very serious and if you can get over the clunky-looking robot named Gort it has a serious message about trying to live in peace without destroying everything. The phrase "klaatu barada nikto" would be recycled for the 3rd EVIL DEAD movie and everything else in this film went on to inspire all the great sci-fi to follow it.
 There was a British remake of this 3 years later titled STRANGER FROM VENUS that looks interesting and then a 2008 remake starring Keanu Reeves which doesn't.




Also inspired the first line in this tune:

XTRO (1982)

 I'd first seen this movie back in the VHS days and thought it sucked except for that one scene, the only memorable one really, where a lady gives birth to a full grown man after being raped by an E.T. Fast forward some 30 years later and I figured I would give this another chance since I've heard a few people claim to really like this one for some reason. Well upon my recent rewatch I have to say this one is still pretty crappy. I mean there's a couple of cool things, a guy getting his throat cut by a toy top, midget clown hijinks, alien bloodsucking and some really bizarre imagery that almost make this feel like an attempted art-film. Unfortunately the boring Britishness of it all tends to outweigh the positives and the fact that nothing makes much sense and it all ends with nothing being resolved or explained doesn't help. I guess I was right the first time.
 Somehow there were 2 sequels to this made by the same director(Harry Bromley Davenport) in the 90s but I'm in no hurry to watch them. Also I think they are sequels in name only and don't have anything to do with this movie's nonsensical story at all.

Italian VHS:

Spanish DVD:

GOLDEN TRIANGLE: THE GHOST ISLAND (1985)

 Having never seen a Columbian horror flick before I was somewhat hyped to check this one out. Maybe this was a bad one to start with because now I'm not too sure I want to see anymore from that country. I can certainly overlook the micro-budget but the monotonous repetition on display made this one a rough watch. A man ends up dead after traveling to a mysterious island, which I guess is somewhere in the vicinity of The Bermuda Triangle, to find a big valuable solid golden triangle that was placed there by aliens. Then our hero, Jorge Pinilla, who's a large chubby man who kinda looks like Mr. Clean and has this one acting credit to his name, goes on his own quest to bring back the triangle and figure out what the hell is going on. A lot of the movie is taken up by endless scenes of walking, there's an annoying little boy character and a green alien kid that shows up. On the plus side there are a couple of humorous clunky kung-fu scenes, some man-eating shrubbery and the score(lifted from 1978's SUPERMAN soundtrack) is pretty epic. To be honest I did doze off a couple of times so I'm sure I missed at least a couple of important plot points. Unfortunately I could not sleep through the whole movie because whenever anyone gets near the big titular golden triangle it emits an ear-shattering high-pitch noise that makes for a harrowing alarm clock.
 There was a second Columbian feature playing right after this at the theater I was in titled STRANGE REGRESSION but after reading a pretty crappy review of it online I figured I would cut my losses at that point and split. Maybe one day I will regain enough courage to give this country another chance.

 

TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE (1959)

 Some aliens who seem a lot like Earthlings and speak excellent English are on a mission to raise giant lobster-monsters, to be harvested later on for food, on the Earth. One of them is a rebellious "teenager"(who seems to be in his 30s) who runs away, falls in love with an Earth-lady(Betty Morgan) and screws everything up for them. The aliens use a cool ray gun that makes flesh disappear and leaves nothing but a skeleton behind(kinda like Tim Burton's MARS ATTACKS). Clunky acting, silly dialogue and dumb stuff abounds but hey it was still the 50s so you kinda know what to expect here.
 The lobster-monster went on to rape Divine in MULTIPLE MANIACS and some of the background music went on to be in NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.




Pretty sure this movie was the inspiration for this lovely tune although they never actually say they are from mars in the film:

TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA (1975)

This was the last of the goofy-looking 70's Godzilla films and it was directed by Ishiro Honda who was the guy who directed the very first GODZILLA back in the 50's. I saw pretty much all of these films as a kid growing up on TV in full-screen cropped versions but you can really tell now by looking at some of the great prints out there how this one really stands out as having been beautifully shot, especially when compared to some of the other lower-budgeted entries that came before it. Also the music cues(bringing back the original Godzilla-theme among them) really help set the tone. The plot is pretty standard with some aliens and a mad doctor using Mechagodzilla and a dinosaur/dragon with a little head named Titanosaurus to kill Godzilla and take over the Earth but there are some downer touches like a suicidal android lady and people actually getting killed by these terrorist ape-aliens. There are two different cuts of this(Japanese and English) with some small differences between the two. Also the Japanese version has some quick nudity which clearly Americans couldn't handle at the time. Check it out if you're either old and nostalgic like me and want to get sad, silly and nostalgic while watching your childhood end or if you're just a cool kid who digs watching giant monsters fight and break shit. AKA THE TERROR OF GODZILLA

 

U.K. poster:

NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST (1958)

 This astronaut crash-lands his spaceship and ends up dead. Except that it turns out he's not really dead and has brought back some kinda mutating aliens, that look like Sea-Monkeys, in his blood and also one very ugly, big-headed, hulking alien/monster. The monster goes on to rip a scientist's head off and cause bad feelings all around.
 Produced by Roger's brother Gene Corman, this AIP monster-flick runs a little over an hour, which is a good thing since it's pretty basic and also pretty talky when our monster ain't around. The gestating-alien-thing is sort of a precursor to ALIEN minus the gory exploding out of bodies of course. Probably worth a watch if you like the old AIP monster flicks but there's a lot better ones to check out first. AKA THE CREATURE FROM GALAXY 27 and THE MONSTER FROM GALAXY 27

CONTAMINATION (1980)

 This is sort-of an Italian rip-off of ALIEN except since it's Italian and has a fairly low-budget it takes place on Earth. The story is actually completely different  and the only things it takes from ALIEN is the big alien eggs, an alien monster of course and the gloriously gory chest-bursters except here you get about 20 more people exploding from within than you do in the original movie. Having only seen this on an old VHS as TOXIC SPAWN this was never really one of my faves but after watching the uncut CONTAMINATION print I gotta give this one credit for being pretty entertaining and fun for a rip-off movie. The movie starts out just like ZOMBIE with a ship pulling into a New York harbor and it even has ZOMBIE-star Ian McCulluch in a pretty cool action-hero role. Goblin throws some cool tunes in there and they don't skimp on the explodey gore. Worth a look for Italian gore aficionados. AKA ALIEN CONTAMINATION and CONTAMINATION: ALIEN ON EARTH
 There is another Italian rip-off from 1980 that I often mix-up with this one titled ALIEN 2: ON EARTH but from what I can recall that one was pretty awful.