SLAUGHTER HOTEL (1971)

               

 Although the ad up there tries to make you think this will be about serial killer Richard Speck it's really more of a standard Eurotrash giallo deal featuring Klaus Kinski as a doctor at a rehab center and a mystery slasher hacking people up. I say standard but this one does feature quite a bit of nudity and sleaze thanks to Rosalba Neri and all the other ladies in the cast. There is some mass nurse snuffing towards the end though so it's not total false-advertising. 

 The original version features explicit vaginal shots which were edited out of the U.S. release to get an R rating. AKA ASYLUM EROTICA

Original Italian title is THE BEAST KILLS IN COLD BLOOD:

This ad just steals a shot from fellow sleazy Italian classic FRANKENSTEIN 80!:

FIVE FOR HELL (1969)

  So for long stretches of this movie it is really quiet which seems very bizarre for a war flick and also makes it extremely difficult to stay awake while viewing. On the contrary when the soundtrack does kick in it seems like something way more suitable for a light-hearted comedy romp than a WW2 film where Nazis are getting mowed down by machine guns. Besides the music though there's not a whole lot that sets this one apart from any cheap Eurotrash war movie of the 60s beyond Klaus Kinski who's always fun to watch. here he's a German colonel who gets to bang Margaret Lee who's the only female character that shows up. For Kinski completists only! 

JACK THE RIPPER (1976)

  So having Klaus Kinski play the title role here is a big plus, unfortunately director Jess Franco imbues the film with such a leisurely pace that it really drags things down. There are a few gory bits in the uncut version, including poor Lina Romay getting one of her tits cut off and multiple stabbings happen but it's hard to get over the dullness of it all. Also it plays like a mystery but we all already clearly know who the killer is. 

 My favorite-named actor Herbert Fux shows up and Franco reuses the Dr. Orloff name for ol' saucy Jack. 

Cool-sounding Italian title of EROTIC DEEP?:

Spinal Tap tribute!:

THE HAND THAT FEEDS THE DEAD (1974)

 The main reason I took a chance on this Italian horror flick is because it stars the great Klaus Kinski in the lead role of a mad scientist. I guess technically he's the mad-scientist's assistant, but since the original mad-scientist(named Ivan Rssimov in some kinda weird tribute to the Italian actor with that same name) is dead before the film even begins he gets promoted and gets himself a new assistant in the form of a demented, rape-happy hunchbacked fellow(Erol Tas, who mostly appeared in Turkish cinema). Things pretty much follow the EYES WITHOUT A FACE path with some fairly gory operation scenes of skin transplants and a body with it's face peeled completely off. Kinski, for his part, is fairly restrained here which is unfortunate and drags the movie down a bit. There is some lesbianism thrown in which is nice. Worth at least one watch for Eurotrash-cinema people but probably not something I will ever revisit.
 Also in 1974 director Sergio Garrone made another movie with pretty much the same cast as this, very similar character names and reused some of the same footage called LOVER OF THE MONSTER. I might need to see if Klaus is any more lively in that one.
 Released on DVD as EVIL FACE(which I guess is a good description of Mr. Kinski)


                                                           Knee gore!:

SALT IN THE WOUND (1969)

 Klaus Kinski is the main draw in this Italian World War II action flick as a dirty rapey soldier who gets sent to his death by a firing squad until an unexpected attack by some German soldiers gives him a chance to redeem himself. An alternate title for this one is THE DIRTY TWO and that gives you the basic idea as Klaus along with a fellow black prisoner(Ray Saunders) end up reluctantly teamed-up with a scaredy-pants lieutenant played by George Hilton. Hilton normally played the more heroic star of spaghetti-westerns at this time so this is a bit of a departure for him. An o.k. war film that gets a bit predictable but does a good job in fleshing-out it's three main characters for dramatic purposes.
AKA WAR FEVER, BADGE OF COURAGE and THE LIBERATORS

                                             Action-packed trailer!:

ANDROID (1983)

 Weird sci-fi flick with a pretty subdued Klaus Kinski as a doctor/scientist who builds a couple of synthetic humans. Klaus does get to fondle some robot tits(which is a bit odd for a PG-rated film) and act like a creep from time to time but the main plot involves 3 fugitives who end up on Klaus' spaceship which is run by his male android Max. There's on laser gun fight, some space-cruisers fly around and a bunch of slow scenes fill in the rest. Definitely an offbeat watch for lovers of strange cinema but probably a bit too dull and cheaply done for most. It would probably be better if Klaus had more to do and played up the mad-scientist shtick a bit more.





Super cool trivia note! = The female criminal here, Maggie,  is played by Brie Howard who was the 2nd drummer in the early 70s all-female band Fanny!:

A BULLET FOR THE GENERAL (1967)

 I had tried to watch this one a long time ago on VHS and couldn't get into it. Upon a recent rewatch, this time on way better-looking DVD, I found this to be a lot more of an interesting spaghetti-western. The plot deals with some Mexican bandits, led by Gian Maria Volonte(who is most memorable from being in a couple of the Eastwood/Leone spags), who hate the government and the rich and steal guns and aid a revolutionary General. From what I've read the writer of this film, Salvatore Laurani, was trying to put forth some very pro-Communist ideas and while I don't doubt that, there aren't really any clear-cut heroes in this and it can still be enjoyed even if you don't enjoy being preached to about politics. Klaus Kinski plays his usual "insane person" character, in this case a grenade-lobbing preacher, which is always a plus and the ending leaves a strong impression even if you don't plan on violently overthrow any overy-fascistic governments anytime soon. Check it out if you enjoy the spaghettis.
  One weird thing about this movie is how they try and pass Martine Beswick, an attractive British lady as a Mexican with the help of some blackface, or I guess in this case brownface, makeup. So if cultural-appropriation is something that makes you weep this might offend you. 




                    Volonte(El Chuncho) gets the movie named after him in some versions:

WEB OF THE SPIDER (1971)

 Klaus Kinski doesn't look very much like Edgar Allan Poe but that didn't stop director Antonio Margheriti from casting him as such in this goth tale. It all starts off with a raving mad Kinski making a bet with Anthony Franciosa that he can't stay the night in an old haunted castle. After Franciosa gets there he runs into some ghosts. It's all a bit too slow-moving for me but Margheriti as usual delivers on the creepy atmosphere so if you're into old dark castle flicks this might be of interest. Of course if you've seen Margheritis earlier CASTLE OF BLOOD you've basically already seen this except now you don't even get Barbar Steele to ogle. Perhaps if Kinski had a bigger role this might have more to recommend it for.  AKA IN THE GRIP OF THE SPIDER and DRACULA IN THE CASTLE OF BLOOD(weird title since there's no vampirism going on)

DRACULA IN THE CASTLE OF HORROR!!:

THE GREAT SILENCE (1968)

 A couple of years before this, director Sergio Corbucci made the great DJANGO, which is one of my favorite spaghetti-westerns ever. After seeing this one, in it's revamped, restored and re-beautified version, at a recent theatrical showing in NYC, I'm thinking this actually tops it. Perhaps it's Klaus Kinski's standout performance, though all the acting in this is pretty top-notch, or the snowy setting which reminded me of THE CUT-THROATS 9, another favorite. Most of all though it's probably the bleak ending that makes this one really stand out for me though it's probably not everyone's cup of tea. . Corbucci drives home quite the anti-capitalist message here which I'm not even sure I totally agree with but it's all done so well that it's hard to find any other faults here. 
 There's an alternate cut of this that actually has a happy ending which I think really reduces the films power and effect.
 The hot and sexy Vonetta McGee would go on to be in BLACULA and that women-in-prison flick THE BIG BUST OUT. This was only her second role and while everyone blames the movies downer ending on it not getting a release in America or England I can't help but think that her interracial love scene played at least a small part in this being viewed as pretty controversial for the times. 

NOSFERATU: PHANTOM OF THE NIGHT (1979)

 Director Werner Herzog is one of my all-time favorite humans to ever make a movie. He might also be one of my all-around favorite humans to exist. His visual style is amazing and blows away so many other so-called film-makers in this regard. Here he remakes the 1920's classic vampire tale in color and with Klaus Kinski in the starring role. It trades the abstract expressionism of the original for more typical artsy flairs.  Kinski adds that special extra kookiness that he always does and actual shows some range here playing a role outside of the usual insane sort that he would become known for and he also looks radically different then anything else I've seen him in. I can't say that there aren't some stretches in this movie that go one for too long where not much happens because there are a few super slow points where I feel like nodding off but luckily I'm always pulled back into the film enough to never want to give up on it. This film proves that remakes can be a worthwhile endeavor if you have the imagination to make them work. Unfortunately after the 70's/80's were over remakes seem to just be repackaged garbage designed to squeeze a few dollars out of the most gullible robotic viewers. AKA NOSFERATU THE VAMPYRE

CRAWLSPACE (1986)

 I first viewed this movie back in the VHS days when I was a teenage obsessed slasher-movie fan. Didn't care for it much back then since I probably didn't know anything about Klaus Kinski and it's not much of a gory slasher flick. Watching it again in a theater recently, with the director in attendance who regaled us with tales of Kinski's madness, this was a much better watch. Realistically it's not a great film but it does move along quickly enough and enough weird crap happens that there's no time to get very bored. Kinski plays a role he's well-suited for, the deranged son of a Nazi who's also a mad doctor and also runs a hotel and randomly kills people after peeping on them from the crawlspace(which seems huge and endless! how big is this place??). Oh and he also keeps a gal, who's tongue he's removed, in a cage in his attic so he has someone to talk to. Also in his spare time he plays Russian roulette with himself(which is probably not the best solo sport to engage in). This does raise the question of how he's stayed in business so long and stayed out of prison or even stayed alive but this isn't a very deep thinking kind of movie. You're just there to take a crazy ride with the master of insane actors and this does serve to showcase Mr. Kinski's unique insanity. Hearing from director, David Schmoeller, what a pain in the ass Kinski was to deal with it's a miracle this thing was ever even completed.

BLACK KILLER (1971)

 Though the title makes you think this might be a blaxploitation film in reality it's a spaghetti-western starring Klaus Kinski and doesn't have any black folks in it at all. There are quite a few Mexicans though(or at least dark-skinned Italians/Spaniards? playing Mexicans). For a lot of this film I couldn't help but feel that Mr. Kinski is wasted as a lawyer who hands out legal advice instead of some insane gunman running amuck. It's also unclear for parts of the film if Klaus is a hero or villian. He does get some law books with guns hidden in them that he uses from time to time. There are also some memorable bits including an Indian-gal getting gang-raped and some nudity which is rare in a lot of these old westerns(at least in the edited/censored versions floating around). Overall I think this coulda been way better with more Klaus insanity. Which is something I could also say about most westerns.

Mediocre movie but cool soundtrack:

GRAND SLAM (1967)

 While this is a pretty typical heist movie there's a few things that make it stand out to me. One is Klaus Kinski as a German criminal. Kinski can really make any movie he's in a little better just by being his insane self. The second is the ending. I'm not an expert on American heist films from this time I imagine the Italians(and in this case the Germans and the Spanish) get a little bleaker in their "crime doesn't pay" analogies, here being more of a "crime kills you dead" motif. There is at the same time also a bit of humor thrown in which I think really separates the European movies of the 60's from the darker tone the 70's brought on. This was also interesting to me since it's probably the oldest example of a Eurocrime film I've seen and while it does seem very old-timey and creaky in spots, and it's run time feels quite long at just over 2 hours, I think the pay off finale made it worth the watch. It also helped that I saw this in a theater on a 16mm print in scope as opposed to some crappy full-screen version. It should also be noted that the rest of the cast, including Janet Leigh and Edward G. Robinson, are pretty great here also.

IF YOU MEET SARTANA ... PRAY FOR YOUR DEATH (1968)

                                                   "I'm your pallbearer"

 Gianni Garko stars here as Sartana.  Now I'm not sure if this Sartana has any relation to the Sartana in the other bunch of movies they used his name in but here it seems like Sartana has some supernatural powers working for him and it's not up until the very end that we find out if this is true or not.  This adds certain spooky horror-elements to the film and even has our main man returning from the dead like a zombie or something.  Klaus Kinski shows up for a bit as a knife-flinging assassin who wears bells on his boots(which seems like a bad-idea for a guy who needs to sneak up on people a lot).  You also get the stereotypical cackling old man, a creepy casket-maker/gravedigger guy and the leader of the Mexican bandits(Fernando Sancho) plays this same role in just about every other spaghetti-western out there.  There's some good stylish action in this one even if it coulda gave us some more Kinski goodness.  AKA GUNFIGHTERS DIE HARDER

VENOM (1981)

 Without the great German madman Klaus Kinski(AGUIRRE, THE WRATH OF GOD) and the alcohol-infused Englishman Oliver Reed(THE DEVILS) having main parts in this film and having lots of great exchanges between each other this would probably not be very memorable. But thanks to these two and the lovely Susan George from STRAW DOGS who we get to ogle in her underpants this movie is at least mildly amusing to lovers of campy throwaway thriller fluff.
 The main story here concerns two kidnappers(Kinski and Reed) who plan on holding a little namby-pamby wuss of an asthmatic rich kid hostage. Thrown into this simple tale is a super venomous black mamba snake who is loose and enjoys biting people right in the face and killing them. It's a little weird how I just recently viewed THE SADIST and in that film a bunch of snakes are the heroes and in this film we also get a snake who basically gets the role of the heroic action star of the film in his spare time when he's not playing the menacing monster. So basically what you get here is a tense hostage standoff flick with an animal on the loose monster flick shoved in there for added thrills.
 While the movie is a little too slick-looking for me and the acting is pretty awful(with the exception of our two bad guys) this might be worth a look if you dig crazy old European actors. Also there are some crazy stories behind the scenes which may or may not be true about how Reed would get extremely drunk and challenge Kinski to brawl. This caused original director Tobe Hooper to flee his job and go work on POLTERGEIST instead which may have been a wise decision.  If only someone had a camera to record that action we might have had a truly classic film here.

 

BRAM STOKER'S COUNT DRACULA (1970)

The idea to get Jess Franco to direct a by-the-book version of DRACULA seems odd. I mean it's those odd quirky things that Franco adds to his films that make them so interesting in the first place. You do get the trademark zoom lens shots here and some other odd camera placements but that's about the only Franco touches present. The idea to get Klaus Kinski to play Renfield is a good one, since he seems bat-shit crazy in real life anyway, but he's kinda wasted here just hanging out in a jail cell and jumping out of a window. In fact the whole cast here is pretty awesome on paper with Christopher Lee in the tile role and Herbert Lom from MARK OF THE DEVIL as Van Helsing. It's too bad none of these stars were actually in any scenes together(although they do try to fool you with Lee & Lom) since ol' Jess seems to have had them all shoot their individual scenes on different days. This isn't the worst version of DRACULA out there but it's also not very good with very little blood on display and a pretty boring feeling to the whole thing. Franco would go on to make DRACULA, PRISONER OF FRANKENSTEIN a couple of years after this and that one's filled with his unique vision of what a monster movie should be and is way more entertaining as a result.

AND GOD SAID TO CAIN... (1970)

 The cool thing about this is it's a spaghetti-western that stars the patron saint of insanity Mr. Klaus Kinski and he gets to play a hero which is something I haven't seen him do before. A man wrongly sent to prison for ten years and then released to seek vengeance on those who wronged him. Yes, it's about as simple of a plot as you can get and of course he's a bit of an unhinged brooding hero cuz that's what Klaus does best although in this he's nowhere near as crazy as in most of his other roles. The bad part is that Kinski is dubbed(at least in the English print I saw) so he doesn't have his lovely German accent. Also the action scenes mostly consist of our hero hiding and picking people off sniper style which, although very smart and a good plan(realistically who the hell would choose a showdown in the street when hiding works so much better?) isn't very cinematic or exciting. Unfortunately the rest of the film isn't really all that good overall either but has a few neat Gothic touches (wind-blowing, perpetual darkness, organ playing and a church-bell ringing constantly) and is probably only of interest to hardcore Klaus Kinski fans.

Known in Germany under the bad-ass title of  SATAN OF VENGEANCE!: