THE IMAGE OF BRUCE LEE (1978)

 The image of Bruce Lee that I have in my head is pretty bad-ass. The image of Bruce Lee in this movie is that he's a cop trying to bust some jewel thieves or something. Bruce Li is our imitation Bruce here but I don't think he's supposed to be playing the real Bruce since no one ever calls him that except for this one time a chick tells him he looks a lot like Bruce Lee. It starts out with Li trying to save a suicidal guy from jumping off a roof while music from the TAXI DRIVER soundtrack plays. Right off the bat he fails. This is some way to introduce your hero. After this Bolo Yeung is introduced as the heavy(credited here as Yang Szu). Bolo, as always, is awesome in this. I'm still trying to find a movie where Bolo plays a Schwarzeneger-esque action hero but I'm really doubting that exists. In this he's a total criminal/crook/scumbag but there is one scene where a group of fellow evil-doers gang up on him and I think we're supposed to root for him here. This might be the closest I will ever get to fulfilling my dream. Most of this movie is pretty dull but the filmmakers were nice enough to throw in a couple of nudie scenes involving a shower and some skinny-dipping. Recommended for Brucesploitation-completists only. 

KICK OR DIE (1987)

 This was released on VHS by AIP studios, but not the Roger Corman AIP. This is the crappy direct-to-video AIP company. I'm not sure if this particular title ever got any kind of a theatrical release but I doubt it was a very big release if it did. It's probably the whitest martial arts film I've ever seen with the exception of a couple of black thug characters. There are no Asians at all in this which seems strange to me while watching a kung fu flick but this was made in South Africa so I guess that explains it. The fighting might be some of the worst I've ever seen and the plot, involving this waitress who sings terrible songs and wants to be the next Madonna, is really stupid, but overall this isn't a complete waste of time. What saves it, besides the cool title, is that it features a rapist running around a college campus getting rapey and an absurd biker gang which were both very exciting. Plus I saw this in a theater with a crowd of kung fu fans who were very into it, which helps quite a bit. On the negative side the hero of this movie, Kevin Bernhardt, is a complete dorky nerd who drinks milk and is very hard to root for and the version that was shown looked like a blurry bootleg. Probably more negatives than positives with this one but if you can get a bunch of crazy martial arts fans with low standards together check it out. AKA NO HARD FEELINGS(they say this line a few times throughout the movie)

THE ALLIGATOR PEOPLE (1959)

 Probably the coolest thing about this movie is Lon Chaney Jr.'s performance as a hook-handed, swamp-dwelling molester. It's gotta be one of Chaney's sleaziest performances since he almost rapes the female lead(Beverly Garland) until ol' scaly-face breaks up his attempt at love-making. Besides that you also get an alligator-man(The title sorta lies since there is really only one full-blown alligator person. Everyone else just has some scaly skin-problems) who wears pants but for some reason never chomps anyone's head off but enjoys wrestling real alligators. A pretty groovy 50's monster flick just for the ridiculous monster.

THE SUSPECT (2013)

 Caught a free showing of this Korean action flick last night. While I'm not the world's biggest action movie guy this was OK and being free always makes things a little better. This is about a spy from North Korea who defects to the south and gets accused of murdering a politician. From there it's a bunch of standard chases, fights and gun-play and double crosses. This has a pretty big cast of characters from different groups with competing interests with a kinda complex plot that left me a little confused at first but everything wraps itself up pretty logically by the end. The one complaint I have with this and pretty much every modern action film is that the fight scenes are shot and cut in such a way that you can't really tell what the fuck is going on during most of them. Also, as is typical of most current Korean films, it's a little long at over 2 hours but is probably worthwhile for fans of movies where a lot of stuff happens at a quick pace.
 There are a lot of comparisons with this movie and those Bourne films but since I generally detest new films I haven't seen any of those. 

THE GETAWAY (1972)

 
 This is probably my least favorite of all the Sam Peckinpah films I've seen so far. I suppose if you're a big Steve McQueen fan this would be a much better watch, but outside of THE BLOB, I can't really say that I am. This is pretty much all McQueen and the title refers to a bank robbery that goes wrong and his attempts to avoid the law and some fellow criminals that are on his trail. There are some interesting supporting actors, as usual in a Peckinpah film, including Sally Struthers(Gloria from ALL IN THE FAMILY) as the easily manipulated wife of Jack Dodson(Howard Sprague from THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW). These two have a couple of very uncomfortable cuckold-type scenes together with Dodson being tied to a chair while his wife is used by a large hairy man with a huge sweaty gut. Peckinpah regulars Bo Svenson and Slim Pickens also show up briefly.
 There was a remake of this in 1994 but I'm gonna assume that, like almost everything made in the 90's, it's not something any human being with half-a-brain should bother watching.

THE BIG BUST-OUT (1972)

 This Eurotrash cinematic epic starts out like a women-in-prison flick but that's only for like the first few minutes. Then it becomes all about the escaping from imprisonment. This involves run-ins with angry rapist/murderer Arabs and other assorted bad guys including Gordon Mitchell. There's also a kidnapped nun who ends up helping out the gals and in the process becoming more violent as the movie goes on. It's hard to compare this to your standard women-in-prison kind of deal because it's pretty different then those. It does have the naked boobs, a catfight and tough chicks kicking ass so there's that. I've definitely seen worse things out there.


"Chained to a prison of passion where lust is a lifestyle!":

A NUN FOR THREE BASTARDS AND SEVEN SINNERS or something to that effect: 

THE MANSTER (1959)

 This Japanese/American co-produced monster movie starts out with a kind of DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE story involving a Japanese mad doctor who injects this American fellow and has him turn evil and start murdering people but then it goes off in a crazy direction which starts out with an eyeball popping out of the guy's shoulder, then for a bit he turns into a two-headed freak and finally splits into two beings, one all ape-like, hairy and bad and the other his regular old good self. This split-being thing was done similarly in ARMY OF DARKNESS but this movie is no comedy and has some pretty dark moments mostly involving our mad doctor who uses his brother and wife in some pretty horrific experiments turning them into mutated, melty-faced monsters. The two-headed thing was done a few times in the 70's with THE THING WITH TWO-HEADS and THE INCREDIBLE TWO-HEADED TRANSLANT but this was done way before those so it gets extra-credit. I really like most of the early Japanese horror flicks I've seen so far and this is another interesting one. AKA THE SPLIT, THE TWO-HEADED MONSTER and NIGHTMARE




Originally played in the U.S. on a double-feature bill with the re-titled EYES WITHOUT A FACE:

BOWERY BLITZKRIEG (1941)

 The sixth of the East Side Kids movies. Even though the title sounds like it, there are no Nazis in this movie at all. Instead it's about Muggs(Leo Gorcey) becoming a boxer and there's also some gangsters involved. It introduces Huntz Hall and he, along with Gorcey, would become the main two characters in the rest of these films. Keye Luke, Charlie Chan's son from the Charlie Chan series shows up here also. This is a pretty typical cheapie 40's comedy/drama. It goes by fast enough but I think I dig the kid's/boy's monster flicks like SPOOKS RUN WILD just a bit more.

BLOOD OF THE DRAGON (1971)

 This is a pretty generic kung fu flick about an evil government and some rebels. Jimmy Wang Yu plays the hero, there's quite a bit of blood spilled and there are some super long fight scenes that happen. The one thing that really stands out to me about this is the opening credits on the English-dubbed version which has some Pink Floyd-sounding 70's rock music by a band called Flood. AKA BLOOD OF THE NINJA(even though there are no ninjas in this) and DESPERATE CHASE



Opening credits jam:

KUNG-FU: THE PUNCH OF DEATH (1972)

 This kung fu flick starts out with a strange scene where guys are betting on a cricket fight. How you train crickets to battle each other I have no idea. The fellow with the losing cricket demands compensation for his loss! I don't know how much a cricket is worth in Hong Kong but where I live you can buy a whole bag full of crickets for 50 cents and if you're too cheap for that you could just go outside and look under a rock. As expected this bizarre scene leads to a big fight. From there it's your basic revenge tale where a guys dad gets killed by some thugs and he does some training. Now they kill his dad because this young fellow accidentally knocked-off one of their students so the revenge is kinda unjustified ultimately but I guess we're not supposed to think that deeply into this. Before the big revenge happens he does get his ass kicked multiple times, once so badly that he cries tears of blood which I'm pretty sure isn't biologically possible but cinematically a neat thing to see. Another of a thousand fairly generic martial arts films. AKA THE PRODIGAL BOXER(This is a generally unremarkable film without anything spectacularly memorable that happens in it so it's kind of surprising that there are two sequels under this title but maybe it was a hit in Hong Kong at the time for some reason or maybe they just liked to reuse the title)




                                                          One very odd double-feature!:

THE NEANDERTHAL MAN (1953)

 So this mad scientist guy cooks up a formula that sends animals and people back to their prehistoric forms. He's trying to prove how similar our current brains are to our ancestors or something like that. There's what's supposed to be a sabre-toothed tiger, portrayed by a regular modern day tiger, running around and a guy with a pretty awful rubber-mask playing the titular neanderthal man. This whole movie is pretty dumb but there is one part where these two "monsters" fight each other which probably sucked for whoever was under that mask. Also there's blood at the very end of the movie on a guy's shirt which is pretty rare to see in a 50's American horror movie.

 Neanderthal Man hates a picnic:

THE BAT (1959)

 

 So The Bat is this dude who dresses like The Shadow but has claws and likes to rip out people's necks. Of course this was made back in the 50's so there's never any blood to be seen. Also the film is more of a mystery than a horror flick so if you're into those check it out. Vincent Price is pretty suave here and naturally is the #1 suspect of all these murders going on. Darla from The Little Rascals has her last appearance but it's only a small role. 
 This is actually the third remake of this story on film. It was originally done as a silent film in 1926 and then in 1930 as THE BAT WHISPERS. Before those it was a Broadway show.

THE EVIL WEEKENDS OF COUNT ZAROFF (1976)

 This movie starts out like it's gonna be another MOST DANGEROUS GAME-clone but then turns into something else. It's the story of this very disturbed creep who's obsessed with this dead chick and kills a few folks throughout the film. At least I think he kills these people since much of this movie could possibly just be taking place in his mind. Technically this is a sequel to the original MOST DANGEROUS GAME as the Count Zaroff here is a descendant of the one in that film. It seems like a weird choice to make a Eurotrash sequel full of naked ladies to a classic American film, but OK. Howard Vernon is pretty good as the almost equally maniacal servant of Zaroff. The whole thing reminds me very much of a Jess Franco flick and is decent enough although by the end things start to drag along and get drawn out pretty badly.
 Supposedly this was banned in France but I can't really imagine why unless there's some rule against portraying a crazy person there since it's not really all that super graphically violent or anything. AKA SEVEN WOMEN FOR SATAN


This chick here pretty much deserves to die for not being smart enough to run behind a tree: