HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT (1979)

  I've enjoyed pretty much all of the Pete Walker horror films I've seen up to this point so I figured I would check out his attempt to break out of the horror genre with this movie about a rock song writer(James Aubrey) who falls in love with a gal(Alison Elliot) who turns out, unbeknownst to him, to be underage. It's certainly something different for Mr. Walker and apparently it didn't work out so well because his next, and last, film(the all-star extravaganza HOUSE OF THE LONG SHADOWS) was back in the horror realm. It's an interesting film with plenty of nudity on show but least favorite of Walker's output. 

 The band Jigsaw appear, and provide the soundtrack, as the fictional band Bad Accident.

                               Jigsaw's big hit!:

STAGEFRIGHT: AQUARIUS (1987)

 One of my favorite dumb Italian slasher movies! By this point in Italian cinema they had, for the most part, given up on making good giallos and went for ripping off their dumber American counterparts, the slasher film(which of course were themsleves just more stripped-down versions of giallos(which were souped-up iterations of Hitchcock mysterious(oh, it's all just one big circle of influences!!))). Here we get a lunatic wearing a big ol' owlhead mask weilding various instruments of destruction including knives, a drill, a needle and a chainsaw that he employs on a group of very stupid actors and anyone else in his way. It's about as dumb as they come but if you like laughing at stupid actors meeting gory deaths check it out. AKA SOUND STAGE MASSACRE

Known in France as BLOODY BIRD which is the perfect title for this.

 

                         Known in many places as just AQUARIUS: 

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN (1940)

 Just like with THE MUMMY series of classic Universal monster films, I've never been the biggest fan of the original INVISIBLE MAN but I sure do find the sequels goofily entertaining! This one might be the goofiest but also my favorite. You get a nutty professor played by John Barrymore, his maid played by The Wicked Witch of The West herself(Margaret Hamilton) and a tough guy gangster played by that notorious tough guy Shemp of The Three Stooges! Clearly meant as a comedy or spoof this one is a good co-feature with any of the Abbott & Costello monster meeting romps. 

 There is a 1983 TV-movie with this same title starring Gilligan(Bob Denver) who makes a lady invisible which I think I need to see sometime. 

LADY OF THE STABLE (1991)

  Japanese director Hisayasu Sato is known for making pretty extreme pinky violence movies and this certainly falls into that category. Not so much violence in this one, until the very end which gets very stabby, this one deals more with a lady who has a very strong affection for horses(she even masturbates with a bloody severed horsedick at one point!) and seems to get seuxally assaulted a whole lot. Sadly the copy I watched of this, and seemingly the only version currently available, is a very dark VHS rip which makes following what little plot exists a bit rough. Not sure though if even a pristine blu-ray would help all that much since this is clearly in the obtuse artsy-fartsy zone and even at a mere 59 minutes this was a bit of a chore to finish. 

 Also goes by the amazing title of NEIGH MEANS YES!

LES GLOUTONNES (1975)

  Possibly due to the fact that the version I watched of this obscure Jess Franco sex flick was taken from a pretty crappy-looking video and the acting was very stagey it reminded me of something Andy Milligan woulda made. This was also the last film in a 14+ hour marathon of Uncle Jess' work so my mind was feeling a bit altered by this point. The most hardcore film from this event, there are probably a couple of different versions  ranging in explicitness, this one featured lingering zooms into vaginas and even a fake cumshot. The plot has to do with horny women who have escaped from the doomed continent of Atlantis and their sexual exploits. Not exactly the most riveting thing but Franco completists will dig it.

Jess Franco's LES GLOUTONNES

LETHAL ANGELS (2007)

  Picked this Hong Kong girl-power kung-fu flick up on DVD under the title of NAKED AVENGERS where it compares itself to NAKED WEAPON from 2002 which I wasn't a big fan of but I am a big fan of NAKED KILLER from 1992 so I was hoping for something along those lines. While it's not up to the heights of it's 90s predecessor it is pretty decent for something from the 2000s and I'd put it over NAKED WEAPON just for invoking a more classic category III feeling in some of it's gruesomeness which includes a scene of a whole family, including some young kids, being slaughtered by some mobsters with machetes. There is unfortunately also a love story shoehorned in to slow things down which I have to minus points for. All in all though for something made in 2007 I'm not complaining too much.  

 There's a different LETHAL ANGELS series of movies from the 1990s that has nothing to do with this film.

STRIKE BACK (1981)

  Revenge in 80s Germany featuring a Dolph Lundgren-looking fellow named Dave Balko. Scored with some new-wave/punk of the time this one isn't terrible even if it's also not all that engaging of a story. To be fair I've only seen this on a crappy-looking VHS so perhaps it would be somewhat improved if one of these boutique labels got their hands on it and cleaned it up. 

VACATION OF TERROR (1989)

  The grandson of  legendary Mexican horror film director Rene Cardona brings us this tale of a haunted vacation house that's inhabited by an evil doll that's possessed by the spirit of a witch burned at the stake a hundred years ago. Walls bleed, various creepy-crawly animals show up, knives get thrown about and things burst into flames. It's kind of like a crappy version of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR but it must have been popular enough in Mexico to warrant a sequel 2 years later. 

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR (1973)

 Made in 1973 but not released unitl '76, this is sort of a proto-slasher film from Eurotrash legend Jess Franco though not really all that horror-related. It's really more of an overly dramatic tale of a lady(Emma Cohen) with some serious daddy issues. Papa here(Howard Vernon) decides to hang himslef because his daughter is in a shitty relationship. This leads to some murderously bad stabby behavior aand somehow a mirror gets involved in all of this. A bit of a slow one, there are some long musical bits plus I caught a showing of this towards the tail-end of a recent theatrical Franco marathon so I wouldn't rank this too high in the overall Franco pantheon. AKA INSIDE A DARK MIRROR and THE OBSCENE MIRROR(this is supposed to be the more hardcore version which includes Lina Romay!). 

                                 Jess sure does love that jazz!:

 

THOR AND THE AMAZON WOMEN (1963)

  This has nothing to do with the Norse god/Marvel superhero, they just named our very Hercules-like hero Thor this time out. He's also not really the star of the film. Most of it deals with his friends( a chick and a little boy)who are kidnapped by a tribe of women gladiators who like to battle each other to the death for kicks. Not the most exciting example of the peplum genre but the ladies are nice to gawk at I guess. Thor does have a black servant which I'm sure will have any pc-jackoffs vehemently clutching at their pearls. AKA WOMEN GLADIATORS and THE AMAZON WOMEN

IRON FIST: THE GIANTS ARE COMING (1970)

 Caught this on a double feature of very oddball superhero movies recently with ROBOT NINJA. Not sure which one is weirder but being made in Turkey this is clearly more foreign to me. The Iron Fist of the title is actually on of our bad guys who has a metal fist that he shoots out of, the other is a rather effeminate Fu Manchu character who are both battling it out to find some secret treasure or something. Our hero is a cop who doesn't actually seem to have any superpowers but sometimes, for reasons that are never really explained, wears a superhero outfit to help him fight crime(I guess it gives him that extra oomph he needs!). This ensemble consists of a kind-of Superman outfit with Batman's belt and a mask(I guess they just used whatever costuming they could find?).  Complete with surf music(including some Ennio Morricone and Blue's Theme from THE WILD ANGELS), a hook-handed henchman, belly dancing and machine-gun gals this is a good one for trash movie fans. Sadly there are no giants to be seen. 

ROBOT NINJA (1989)

 I had pretty low expectations going into this superhero movie but was pleasantly surprised by director J.R. Bookwalter's dumb but super gory tale of a horror-obsessed comic-book artist/nerd who kinda/sorta gets to live out his fantasy of fighting crime. You can certainly tell that this was directed by the guy responsible for THE DEAD NEXT DOOR since some zombies show up in a dream sequence, limbs get chopped off, eyes are gouged out, wounds gape open, rape occurs and blood flows copiously in one of the grossest superhero movies I've ever witnessed. Bookwalter himself claims that this is his worst film but I think I personally dig it more than his more well-known debut film. Robin from the 60s BATMAN TV-show(Burt Ward) and scream queen Linnea Quigley show up to add to the schlocky goofy feeling of it all. You mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for cheesy violence.

 

HOUSE OF THE LIVING DEAD (1974)

 

 This one was a real slog to get through. Retitled to make people think it's some kinda zombie flick, which it very much is not, what you actually get is a very slow-moving story of a mad doctor who's trying to transfer souls between living things or something like that. He's also really freaked out by horses and enjoys bloody player pianos and abusing monkeys. This has a very lively and loud final scene which might help wake you up after you've slept through the rest of this clunker. 

 AKA CURSE OF THE DEAD and DOCTOR MANIAC(this title is the closest to what you actually get). IMDB claims this was released on video as KILL, BABY, KILL but I think they might be confusing the fact that the Mario Bava movie with that title was also known as CURSE OF THE DEAD.