HOT CATS IN GREEN HELL (1981)

  This Asian obscurity goes under a plethora of aliases including ANGELS WITH GOLDEN GUNS, TERROR IN A WOMEN'S PRISON, ANGER and my favorite VIRGIN APOCALYPSE. What we got here is one of those movies that seem to be 2 different movies spliced together(One of which I believe is a movie simply titled MARKING). One story we follow is a women-in-prison deal where various ladies are forced into a prostitution ring. The other plotline follows an Asian Charles Bronson-type cop who's trying to find the head of a criminal organization. There are some great scenes of him disco dancing and being hit one by a gay crime boss. In addition to all the girls with guns rebellion going on you get some male genital torture, Goblin's music from SUSPIRIA used to score a sex scene, a baby pig getting snuffed out for real(beware vegans!) and what appears to be 2 mummies fighting(mummy-fu?) to wrap it all up. 

VAMPARIAH (2016)

 If I just describe this movie it sounds like it could possibly be cool. You get multiple aswangs(those Filipino monsters that can separate their bodies and fly around sucking blood and killing fetuses) fighting each other, a couple of those hopping vampires and a bunch of monster hunters who seem to be doing an impression of Blade by wearing all-leather outfits. Unfortunately it was made in 2016 so all the not very special FX were done with CGI so it all looks like total garbage. The crappy techno music also doesn't help much. I did appreciate the joke about Americans not being able to pronounce the word "aswang" correctly though. 

 This is actually a remake of a movie from 2006 called BAMPINAY which looks to be a similar situation of Filipinos shooting a movie in California.

 

EASTERN HEROES (1991)

 Originally titled FURY IN RED this is a Hong Kong/Taiwan/Filipino action flick(there's also shots from the U.S.A. inserted to give this quite the international feel). Revenge is the main motif as a battle between Hong Kong police and a Philippines gang takes place. We get an annoying American FBI agent, 2 different pregnant women murdered(one of which is violently raped and carved up first) and lots of kung and gun-fu. There's also gratuitous shots of LETHAL WEAPON 2 and CASUALTIES OF WAR marquees in Hollywood. While not the greatest it's perfectly suitable for lazy Saturday afternoon viewing. 

 Not sure if the Hong Kong movie magazine EASTERN HEROES had any relation to this retitling but it wouldn't surprise me. 

RUCKUS 2 (1987)

 Better known, if known at all, as ULTIMAX FORCE, since that's what it was released as in America. This has best been described as a Filipino version of Chuck Norris' MISSING IN ACTION mixed with AMERICAN NINJA. Instead of one Michael Dudikoff though we get 4 ninja masters heading back to 'Nam to rescue our POWs there. Plenty of explosions, gun-fu and other martial arts action ensue. Treacherous Viet Kong leader does treacherous things. It's about as predictable as can be and only really entertaining if you have the lowest of action movie expectations/standards. 

 Director Willy Milan was pretty prolific for over 20 years but most of his stuff didn't get released outside of The Philippines. 

 The first RUCKUS film was a sort-of a proto-FIRST BLOOD deal with Dirk Benedict as a Vietnam vet who gets hassled in a small California town and Linda Blair helps him. There's obviously no real connection between these 2 films.

THE MUTHERS (1976)

  Filipino blend of blaxploitation, kung fu, women in prison and jungle action cinema directed by the prolific Cirio H. Santiago. Fairly standard by-the-numbers action movie plot that is unique for starring 4 black ladies in the lead roles. Jeannie Bell is the one I'm most familiar with having been the star of TNT JACKSON before this. Lots of terrible martial arts and gun-fu is on display. Not much more to recommend this one though. 

                       Not very much like RAMBO but there is lots of action in the jungle!:

TERROR IS A MAN (1959)

  This is thought of as being the first of the "Blood Island" films and the co-director here, Eddie Romero, went on to direct all of those later films. This one sort-of plays out like a mash-up of FRANKENSTEIN and ISLAND OF LOST SOULS where we get a mad scientist(Francis Lederer) creating a pantherman who spends a good portion of the film getting treated like shit so he becomes a sympathetic character just like ol' Frankie. The monster, with his panther head and claws and wearing bandages like a mummy, strikes a fairly imposing figure for a 50s monster. The movie is nice enought to ring a buzzer for the squeamish to cover their eyes before we see a graphic surgery scene(actually a scalpel slicing into some pigskin) so that's something. Speaking of graphic displays the one downside to this, since it was filmed in the 50s, is that it never reaches the bloody heights of the later Blood Island movies but it's probably the best-looking of the bunch. AKA CREATURE FROM BOOOD ISLAND and THE GORY CREATURES

Known in Japan(and re-released in America) as BLOOD CREATURE:

1964 re-release poster:

THE BEAST OF THE YELLOW NIGHT (1971)

 70s Filipino horror flick that plays like a throwback to something from the 1950s with a green-faced werewolf-like beast running around slashing people up. Since this is 1971 though we do get some bloody wounds and some gut-munching. 

 John Ashley stars as a dude who makes a deal with Satan(played by Philippines favorite Vic Diaz) that not shockingly doesn't go well. Director Eddie Romero(my 2nd favorite director named Romero!) would next make THE TWILIGHT PEOPLE and a whole slew of cool Philippines-based exploitation flicks. I'd rank this one somewhere in the middle of all those. 

 

            Commonly paired-up with this German Klaus Kinski movie upon it's original release:

VHS cover!:

SUPERBEAST (1972)

 I recall viewing this one many years back on a T.V. showing and finding it rather dull. Upon re-watching it now (in super pristine blu-ray-o-vision!) it's still a pretty slow-moving affair. It is an interesting idea to mix ISLAND OF LOST SOULS with THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME I just think it coulda used a bit more action to liven things up and maybe a bit less in the talky-talk department.
 This not-cut-for-T.V. version does feature boobs and some actual autopsy footage so I guess that's a slight improvement.


                    Originally released on this equal opportunity double-bill with a Satanic 70s epic!:

EQUALIZER 2000 (1987)

 Fairly unmemorable ROAD WARRIOR rip-off flick directed by Filipino hack-meister Cirio H. Santiago who made a whole slew of very similar films around this time and didn't seem to ever get much better. This one has the added impediment of having no nudity(despite top-heavy co-star Corinne Wahl playing what I'm guessing is one of the only women left alive after the apocalypse) to go along with the copious amounts of gun violence on display.
 I viewed the unrated version of this recently and it really just adds a bit of blood and some longer scenes adding up to about 10 minutes extra footage. This really didn't boost my feelings toward this one much either way. Good movie to goof on with some friends though if that's your bag.

 

WONDER WOMEN (1973)

 The plot of this movie seems like something some knucklehead would have made up to make one of those modern day throwback "grindhouse"-type flicks but strangely enough this was actually made back in '73. It deals with mad-scientist/gang boss lady  Dr. Tsu(Nancy Kwan) who has a whole island of female kung-fu killers that she sends out to kidnap the world's top athletes so she can cut them up and create a sort-of super-jock/Frankenstein creation. Also Sid Haig(back when he had an almost full head of hair) acts as her sidekick/money-man. There's lots of groovy 70s fashion on display, gargantuan afros, kung-fu and gun-fu fighting, a ridiculously long chase scene and nekkid supervillainesses. Our hero, Ross Hagen, comes of as a bit dull to me but overall I still find this one more entertaining than any of the big James Bond flicks from this era that it seems to be emulating/spoofing? Just make sure to skip over the Filipino cock-fighting scene if you're a big rooster lover.




                                                       That's one clunky tagline!!:

STRYKER (1983)

 Having just seen director Cirio H. Santiago's FUTURE HUNTERS in a theater recently, a film that starts out as a ROAD WARRIOR-rip-off and then moves into modern-day 80s action flick, it was interesting to see this earlier film of his where he goes full-blown post-apocalypse epic. Not that the movie is all that interesting. You've seen it all before, the Earth's freshwater-supply is all gone for some reason that's never explained, people dress like punk rockers and souped-up vehicles explode a lot.  Similar to FUTURE HUNTERS there's a gang of midgets(did Cirio just keep these guys on his payroll?) and an all female troop of amazons(who of course wear super-skimpy short-shorts because that's so functional in a desert wasteland but I'm not really complaining). The main hero here(Steve Sandor) is also pretty dull. I did find it interesting that there's a poster referring to this as MAD MAX 3 and if I had to choose my favorite between this and that stupid THUNDERDOME movie it might be a toss-up.

FUTURE HUNTERS (1986)

 OK, so this movie starts out in the future year of 2025 where it's a cheap-ass ROAD WARRIOR rip-off. After about 15 minutes or so of that the hero(Richard Norton) jumps back in time to the current day of 1986. We meet our new replacement heroes(Linda Carol and Robert Patrick(the T-1000 from TERMINATOR 2 in his first movie role)) and some Nazi villains. Then we travel to Hong Kong and meet up with Bruce Li where the film becomes a kung-fu movie for awhile. From there it's off to the Philippines where there's Mongols that look like they rode out of the 13th century, a village of midgets who look they are from the stone age and finally a tribe of Amazon women who like to feed people to their hungry alligator pets.  Directed by crap-meister Cirio H. Santiago this is clearly not the best-made action movie you could watch but I do love his kitchen-sink/running-the-gamut approach to filmmaking on display here and this might be my favorite(and the easiest to stay awake for) of his movies I've viewed so far.

Shown on TV and with presumably edited out boobs as DEADLY QUEST. Here's a promo:

DARNA AND PAGBABALIK (1994)

 Darna is the Philippines version of Wonder-Woman(although she can fly which makes her a bit more like Supergirl really). I'm gonna guess she's pretty popular in that country since they've been making movies featuring her since the 50s. This is her 15th film appearance and as far as I know this was the final one. She takes on Pagbabalik who is a snake-haired Medusa-looking villain/goddess and her snake-people helpers. Right at the beginning Darna loses her magical powers so for a good portion of the movie she's just a regular gal. I think this woulda been a lot more exciting viewing experience if this wasn't the case. To add to this sadness Darna's civilian alter-ego, Narda, unfortunately has a little annoying kid-brother with a terrible high-pitched voice. Also this thing is 105 minutes long which is a bit much for such a silly film. On the positive side the couple of fight scenes are so ridiculous that they really stand out from the rest of the film. Also the actress playing Darna(Anjanette Abayari) looks exceptionally good in her skimpy super-heroine outfit!  Sadly this was the only film featuring this lady in the starring role. So watch it just for that.
AKA DARNA: THE RETURN

WOMAN OF MUD (2000)

 This is the most modern Filipino movie that I've seen and oddly enough it looks almost identical to something that woulda been made in 1980 with maybe the cameras being upgraded and giving you a slightly crisper picture. The plot here has to do with a college student going off into the backwoods(back-jungles?) of The Philippines to write a great horror novel just like Stephen King or Anne Rice. While there he runs into a magician who gives him some magic seeds that grow into a tree that hatches into a beautiful lady who also happens to transform into a snake-lady version of THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON and kill people occasionally. Complete with kung-fu, arrow-fu and gun-fu this is as wack as it sounds. It does drag a bit and the runtime goes on for a bit longer than necessary but it's good to know that The Philippines can still (or at least still could 16 years ago) be counted on to make an off-the-wall creature feature even if most other countries had turned into cgi-heavy shit-mills by this point

BEAST OF BLOOD (1971)

 This is the last of the "Blood Island" trilogy and a sequel to MAD DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND with John Ashley reprising his role from that film. The movie starts out with a bang as our rampaging monster from BLOOD ISLAND kicks ass aboard a boat killing the entire crew before causing the ship to explode into a million pieces. Unfortunately as is the case in most of these Filipino horror epics the middle part gets very talky(and boy is there some stupid dialogue in this!) and then it turns into more of a war movie having to do with some battling tribes which is kind of a letdown. There is some footage of a monstrous head-removal/head-transplant that gets quite graphic with the surgery scenes and it all ends pretty violently with a headless ghoul on a rampage so it's not a total waste of time. AKA BLOOD DEVILS, BEAST OF THE DEAD, HORRORS OF BLOOD ISLAND and RETURN TO THE HORRORS OF BLOOD ISLAND
 I'm gonna assume the CURSE OF THE VAMPIRES on the movie poster is the one from 1966 which was an earlier Filipino horror.

THEY CALL HIM BRUCE LEE (1979)

                      "He's good boss, damn good. Fuckers fast man! I couldn't even touch him!"

I would think this title was meant to capitalize on the success of or confuse people with the comedy THEY CALL ME BRUCE except that movie didn't come out until 1982 so I'm, not sure how that works. Of course actual release dates are often a bit sketchy on these bottom-of-the-barrel kung fu flicks. The main character here is a guy named Jack Lee who looks nothing like Bruce Lee even when he wears the yellow tracksuit. Also the title has lied to me since no one ever calls him Bruce Lee. Besides this the main problem with this film is that there's very little fighting or action in it and a major portion of this is concerned with love triangle drama or maybe it's supposed to be a comedy. Either way it's not much fun. On the positive side sometimes people make Three Stooges noises when they get hit and for a few seconds they play a Muzak version of Jigsaw's song "Sky High" which might be one of the greatest ridiculous 70's pop songs ever! Unfortunately neither of these things make this movie worth a watch.

BAMBOO GODS AND IRON MEN (1974)

 This is an AIP version of a kung-fu flick. It's also produced by Cirio H. Santiago so it has that crappy Filipino action movie feel to it. Also the main couple in this are black so it has a blaxploitation feel. As you might suspect by all this it really feels like quite the mish-mosh of genres and overall it's a pretty standard unexceptional viewing experience. The one thing this has going for it is there's quite a bit of female nudity for a martial-arts movie. Outside of all the naked Asian ladies I'll probably forget most of this within a few days. One thing I'll probably not forget is that this might be the only movie that ends with the whole cast in black-face(even the black folks!).

The 70's, when people still listened to the radio:

D'WILD WILD WENG (1982)

 This might be the only western that has a gang of ninjas in it. It might also be the only western where Mexican banditos are played by Filipino gentleman with big Mexican hats and I'm certain it's the only western where the Indians(aka Native Americans for you sensitive types)are played by midgets(aka little people for you PC-robots). The story involves our 3 foot tall hero Weng Weng, his very tall buddy Gordon(who looks like the Philippines version of George Eastman) and their mute pal(who's mute because he had his tongue cut out) Lupo, who take on a vicious gang of girl-snatching bandits and ninjas. I would probably rate this Weng Weng adventure slightly under his two James Bond-rip-offs (FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY and THE IMPOSSIBLE KID) simply because you don't get as many insane stunts from Mr. Weng but he does get into the expected kung-fu and gun-fu and any Weng is still good Weng!

Workout with little Weng!:

ANGELFIST (1993)

 Director Cirio H. Santiago made crazy action and exploitation movies in The Philippines all the way through the 70's and on into the 2000's. By the 90's I'm pretty sure most all of his stuff, like this movie here, went direct to a video release(at least here in America they did). This movie mixes martial arts(there's a tournament backdrop) with a revenge plot(Cat Sassoon looking for her sister's murderers) and rolls it all up in ample nudity including multiple shower scenes and even some topless kung fu which is one of the best types of kung fu there is. I've never seen any of the other Cat Sassoon movies, mostly just because they're from the 90's which is never a good sign, but if they're as wild and naked as this one I might have to give them a chance.
 Got to watch this in a theater yesterday which is probably a pretty rare opportunity and it's definitely an entertaining watch with a crowd of bad movie lovers. AKA KICK ANGELS

 

BLIND RAGE (1978)

                                             "Get off her... sex hungry bastard."

An unlikely group of 5 blind guys, who are also conveniently really good at kung fu, gets put together to rob a bank in the Philippines. One of the gang is that bad D'Urville Martin of DOLEMITE fame who plays a bit of a rape-happy fella here. We get to see how most of these guys became blind which includes everything from acid in the face to the ol' Moe two-finger poke to eyes gouged out with an electric drill. Besides these little shock bits it's fairly standard action movie/martial-arts stuff. Once the movie is just about over and you forget his name was even in the credits Fred "The Hammer" Williamson shows up to save the day in what almost seems like another films ending tacked on to this one. There's an epic battle atop an IHOP restaurant which is obviously L.A. and not southeast Asia. Strangely, unlike just about every other exploitation film I've seen from the Philippines, this was not directed by Cirio H. Santiago.