GOD'S ANGRY MAN (1980)

Back when I was a kid before we had a VCR, and before we had cable, local UHF stations were my main source for obscure horror films, WWF wrestling, The Uncle Floyd Show, weird Japanese cartoons and other assorted strange stuff that the main stations never showed.  If you fiddled with the antennae just right you could find a whole world of bizarre programming that most people didn't give a shit about.  One late night I tuned into a Connecticut station to find a strange white-haired, bearded man wearing a cowboy hat sitting quietly in front of a live studio audience reading a bible and puffing on a big cigar while some band, decked out in used car salesman suits, played some pseudo-religious jazzy number.  The man would stop reading occasionally to yell at  me and any other viewers, insane enough to be watching this at 1 in the morning, for not sending him money for his church then he would yell at his band to play the same song over and over again.  That was where I discovered Dr. Gene Scott and whenever there weren't any worthwhile trash films airing I would end up watching this clearly unhinged, so-called man of God terrorize and threaten people into coughing up some dough for Jesus.  Although I never sent Scott any money I feel I should thank him in some way for the hours of entertainment back then and also unintentionally for my views on the insanity of religion today.  In this documentary, director Werner Herzog lets Scott tell his own story and doesn't add any narrative at all.  Not sure if this would appeal in any way to an audience who doesn't know anything about Scott prior to viewing it but for me it was a trip down memory lane to a time when I had nothing better to do with my life than get yelled at on a Saturday night by God's angry man.

GOING TO PIECES: THE RISE AND FALL OF THE SLASHER FILM (2006)

Slasher films were churned out in such quantity throughout the 80's that it's amazing to look back at how many movies with almost the exact same plot were made in that decade.  This documentary on the phenomenon only really touches on the more well known big slashers so if you're a fan you probably know everything that's talked about.  It's still kind of cool to see everything in one place like a greatest hits package of your fav slashing maniacs.  It never really goes much deeper than the superficial fluff piece that it's designed to be.  If you're a thirteen years old gore fiend (or like me have the mentality of a thirteen year old gore fiend) it might be cool to watch once and then read a book if you want to actually learn anything about these films.  Perhaps you might even want to read the book this was based on which I have not but I'm hoping it has a little more information in it.

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (1976)

Probably one of the weirdest porn flicks and possibly the most unsexy 70's porn flick I've ever seen.  Sexiness was likely not the goal anyway.  The 70's were a time when many talented directors were stuck making adult films because it was the easiest way to start out and some of them never made that jump from XXX to more mainstream films of the day.  I feel like in this case director Jonas Middleton could have gone on to make a great horror film.  He did go on to write and produce the 80's slasher JUST BEFORE DAWN which is one of my fav's from that genre but apparently never directed anything outside of three porn features which is too bad because this movie really plays out more like a bizarre nightmare than anything that would remotely turn on any normal human being.  If you go into this expecting the typical porn spoof of ALICE IN WONDERLAND you will be disappointed.  About 30 minutes in you do get a bit of a nod to ALICE but it's all done in a very weird offbeat way that you never fully know what to expect.  It's basically the story of a kooky woman who descends into madness thanks to a ghost that may be her dad or a demon or both(played by the late, great Jamie Gillis) and ultimately ends up trapped inside a mirror which seems a lot like hell.  You get daddy-daughter incest, pissing in bath tubs, A guy fucking the desert, a camera journey deep into a vagina, jerking-off into cups and other strange sexual shenanigans.  Music score is by Harry Manfredini who went on to score FRIDAY THE 13th.  Check it out for some artsy porn that seems a lot closer to being a horror film than a porn at all.

HEADER (2006)

Thoroughly disgusting redneck-filled movie that really needs to be seen to be appreciated.  Directed by someone with the awesomely wacky name of Archibald Flancranstin this movie reminds me of THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE in that I feel the writer had one disgusting idea and made a film around it.  The difference between this and CENTIPEDE though is that this movie actually does have a story in addition to the disgusting spectacles you get.  The main part of the story concerns an ATF agent doing some dirty deals with local drug dealers.  The other half is about two backwoods stereotypes up to some very sick pervy business.  When the two stories come together it all ends up in a bloody mess.  A "header" according to this movie is the ultimate act of revenge dealt out by hillbillies when they have been wronged.  I guess they take the term "skull-fuck" very serious down south.  Some of the acting is not so amazing which makes the whole thing seem like some sorta gross-out comedy about inbred family feuds.  Worth watching if you're a sick-o like me.    

OMEGA COP (1990)

Pretty lackluster Americanized MAD MAX-type action/karate flick featuring the amazingly awful acting of former BATMAN star Adam West.  West is fortunately not the ass-kicking hero here. The main "cop of the future" is someone named Ronald Marchini who has done a shitload of karate movies that I have never seen or even heard of.  Mr. Marchini, although I'm sure a decent fighter, isn't exactly Bruce Lee and here comes off pretty uninspiring in both his fighting and acting. Some of the "mutants" look remarkably like former WWF wrestler The Ultimate Warrior which is more amusing than frightening.  The baddies are selling women yet we see no nudity and very little blood which feels like a big cop out.  Pretty much a waste of time all around.  Old time actors Troy Donahue and Stuart Whitman  both shows up in  embarrassing bad roles.  How this thing got any kind of name actors at all is shocking to me.   The Italians made these kind of films so much better throughout the 80's.  Might be of interest to fans of really cheesy 80's style action flicks or Adam West but everyone else should stay far far away.

PASSION IN THE SUN (1964)

If rather unattractive floppy 60's boobs are a particular fetish of yours this might be the movie of your dreams. PASSION IN THE SUN a.k.a THE GIRL AND THE GEEK is an almost unwatchable train wreck of a movie mostly due to the monotonous excuse for a chase scene that eats up a majority of the running time.  What starts out as a monster on the loose flick ends up being mostly just a boring caper movie with some criminals chasing a briefcase.  The titular Geek character looks like some sorta deranged beat-nick and unfortunately goes missing for a majority of the movie until another chase scene is added at the end for extra dullness.  In between these sleep-inducing chases we get a TWILIGHT ZONEesque narration, a couple of "women" who suspiciously look like men in drag, a woman running away from some gangsters but finding time to stop and take a skinny dip  and some footage at a strip joint where some old time strippers, that may look surprisingly like your mom, bump and grind away.  I would recommend this one only to someone looking for a good nights sleep.  Thank god it's only 70 minutes!
 Director Dale Berry went on to do something called HIP, HOT AND 21 which at least looks more humorous than this GEEK flick.

                                                                   Something Weird!:

LEMORA, A CHILD'S TALE OF THE SUPERNATURAL (1975)

An interesting, almost fairy-tale like story of a young girls loss of innocence amidst a world of vampires, zombies and witches.  This once obscure 70's flick kind of reminds me of the also once obscure art film VALERIE AND HER WEEK OF WONDERS but not quite as artsy or trippy as that film.  While this is a more subdued version of that tale it still contains a bit of blood here and there.  Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith does a good job as the kid who goes through some crazy changes after being forced into the world of the supernatural.  Having only seen Ms. Smith in women-in-prison and other sexy exploitation type movies I never really thought of her as a particularly good actress but she does a decent job here of conveying the emotional aspect of the journey she's on.  With touches of lesbianism, pedophilia and even incest it's obvious why this one was condemned by The Catholic Church when released.  Check it out for some blasphemous strangeness. 

The Italian trailer makes this looke like a genuine Eurotrash EXORCIST rip-off!:

THE GEEK (1971)

The tender story of a rapist Bigfoot creature known here simply as "The Geek".  Probably one of the most inept pieces of film I've experienced in a long time.  I've seen a 15 minute version of this film and a 45 minute version(which includes more very unattractive hardcore sex footage) but neither one feels totally complete since both version conclude with our main characters vowing revenge and then never getting it.  The plot, as it is, concerns a group of hippie couples who go camping in the Pacific Northwest woods.  We see them screw a few times and then they finally meet "The Geek".  Now this particular Bigfoot looks like just another overly hairy hippy wearing a partial gorilla suit and some dark paint.  Our hippie heroes try to make friends with the monster but instead wind up having their women raped and then getting beaten silly in an absurd slap-fight/shove match with the horny creature.  The unending footage of the campers walking is almost unbearable and the sex scenes are far from sexy but I feel this is a film that should be seen just for the spectacle of a rapey Bigfoot.

All the excitement of a home movie from 1971!:

THE ENTITY (1981)

The CITIZEN CANE of ghost-rape movies?  Well since it's the only one I can think of at the moment I'll say yes.  Barbara Hershey stars and does a good job in this surprisingly well acted and, for the most part, well done movie. The film takes the stupidest of subject matter (a violent rapist ghost) and delivers a better film than you would expect given the material.  Purportedly based on a true story (why do I find that hard to believe?) the script is pretty simplistic yet our sympathies are all over the place.  The sympathetic psychologist character comes off as an asshole since he never believes Hershey's claims of poltergiesty-rape even though we, as the audience, clearly see it happen.  Hershey herself comes off as a weird nutty mom who seems a bit overly touchy with her son in a borderline incest-fueled way.  We probably wouldn't believe her story either if we didn't observe it firsthand. And to me the ghost hunter characters also come off as some sorta sci-fi nerd ass-wipes since I just think ghost hunting in general is pretty fucking stupid.  So I'm not sure who I'm supposed to relate to in this thing.  I can't help but feel with some minor alterations the director could have made the film more of a mystery where we're not sure what to think but then again seeing an Emmy award winning actress raped by an invisible intruder is a thrill in and of itself.  I'll say check it out for something different.

THE NEW TALK DIRTY TO ME PART III (1989)

Originally released in 1984 without the "new" part of the title and, unfortunately for the filmmakers, starring a 16 year old Traci Lords this 1980's porn rip-off of the Tom Hanks Hollywood hit SPLASH was re-shot with all of her scenes really sloppily edited out and replaced with a barely acting Lisa DeLeeuw that you can hear getting yelled directions by the director.  The new scenes seem to have been cheaply shot on video so there's a jarring difference when we cut from that to the older film stock.  Now I do recall seeing the original version of this back when I was young man and avid viewer of the Playboy Channel so I can remember it obviously being a lot better in its original form.  The movie is filled with lame jokes and your typically big haired blond 80's gals including Ginger and Amber Lynn. You also get John Leslie as the main ladies man, who also appears in the re-shot stuff looking a bit older plus Jamie Gillis as his buddy.  I think the message of the movie is that all women are secretly mermaids?

In Japan they don't care about fake I.D.'s:

ZOMBIE SELF-DEFENSE FORCE (2006)

Super silly Japanese zombie/comedy flick loaded with lots of ridiculous gore and blood.  The movie strangely starts off with an anti-American political diatribe that at the same time praises George Romero as a genius.  It then quickly turns into a more goofy thing that's hard to take seriously at all.  It seems that a UFO has crashed causing a nasty zombie outbreak.  There's a cast of assorted Japanese stereotypical characters including an annoying J-Pop star, a cheating businessman, Yakuza members and whole group of soldiers.  For some reason I find stupid Asian shot-on-video zombie movies way less annoying than their American counterparts.  That's probably due to the attractive Asian ladies on display.  You get a flying zombie fetus that chokes people with its umbilical-cord, a little green alien octopus, a female cyborg soldier built so Japan can get revenge for World War II and a bunch of crappy CGI.  This is part of a series that includes ATTACK GIRLS SWIM TEAM VS. THE UNDEAD and ZOMBIE HUNTER RIKA which are both probably skip-able, though I might watch them just to see more Japanese schoolgirls fighting zombies.  Check this out only if you want something exceptionally stupid.  

THE TRUE STORY OF THE NUN OF MONZA (1980)

Bruno Mattei is one of my favorite directors of  Italian exploitation films.  In such films as RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR and NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES he shows an over the top abundance of ineptness that translates into a so bad it's good vibe.  Even in his later shot-on video stuff I always find him entertaining in his eagerness to give the viewer shocking scenes amidst a sea of stupidity.  That being said this nunsploitation flick from the 80's is a relatively subdued viewing experience from the master of sleazy thrills.  There's the expected nun lesbianism and some whippings here and there but it never goes to the murky depths of depravity that Mattei usually wallows in.  I guess he took this material more serious or something.  Maybe for historical reasons since this was a remake of 1969's THE NUN OF MONZA which was one of the first nunsploitation movies ever.  This TRUE STORY OF THE NUN OF MONZA stars Zora Kerova, who gore fans will recognize as the chick who gets hooks through her boobs in CANNIBAL FEROX, as a naughty nun who gets power hungry and then has to be punished.  You get some footage of horse fucking stolen from Walerian Borowczyk's THE BEAST and not too much else that's all that memorable.  I prefer Mattei's other nun epic THE OTHER HELL at least in that one you get some crazy hi-jinks from Satan himself.  

No Satan at all in this movie just this ass-clown:

MIGHTY PEKING MAN (1977)

This is my personal favorite of all the KING KONG rip-off movies to come out over the years.  The FX are ridiculous, the acting is horrible and the plot is absurd, in other words it's everything you could want in a movie like this.  You even get some brief nudity if you look close enough due to the skimpy little outfit lead actress Evelyn Kraft has to wear while jumping around the jungle acting like a female Tarzan impersonator.  The love scene with the two leads romping around while romantic music plays is cheesy enough to make you wonder how they made this movie with any type of serious intentions but they apparently did and supposedly the original version plays out a lot sadder and more tragic which is hard to even imagine.  This movie is so entertaining if you're in the right state of mind and I would rather watch this a thousand times than watch that Peter Jackson Hollywood CGI-filled piece of garbage once.  I'm not sure if the Shaw Brothers made any other giant monster movies but if so I need to check them out.