HOT CATS IN GREEN HELL (1981)

  This Asian obscurity goes under a plethora of aliases including ANGELS WITH GOLDEN GUNS, TERROR IN A WOMEN'S PRISON, ANGER and my favorite VIRGIN APOCALYPSE. What we got here is one of those movies that seem to be 2 different movies spliced together(One of which I believe is a movie simply titled MARKING). One story we follow is a women-in-prison deal where various ladies are forced into a prostitution ring. The other plotline follows an Asian Charles Bronson-type cop who's trying to find the head of a criminal organization. There are some great scenes of him disco dancing and being hit one by a gay crime boss. In addition to all the girls with guns rebellion going on you get some male genital torture, Goblin's music from SUSPIRIA used to score a sex scene, a baby pig getting snuffed out for real(beware vegans!) and what appears to be 2 mummies fighting(mummy-fu?) to wrap it all up. 

THE BLACK CAT (1966)

  Being a fan of the legendary punk rock group The Angry Samoans, I knew this film as supplying the cover image on their 1980 album INSIDE MY BRAIN. Unfortunately this is quite a big spoiler as there aren't a whole lot of characters in this tale of a demented fellow who seems to be on a downward spiral due to a black cat that has come into his life and it depicts the gory demise of one of the main players. Luckily it's still a decent enough watch even if you know there's an axe murder going in. Loosely based on the old Edgar Allan Poe tale with some rockin tunes, animal abuse, a car chase and possibly a zombie cat thrown in for added thrills. 

                         On a 60s double feature with a Filipino horror:

Los Angeles punk rock!:

THE INCREDIBLE KUNG FU MASTER (1979)

  They shoulda probably called this THE 2 INCREDIBLE KUNG FU MASTERS since the plot revolves around a couple of teachers who start off as buddies but then due to jealousy open up rival martial arts schools. Sammo Hung plays another adept fighter who, as usual, likes to eat a lot. A mix of comedy and seriousness that never really works all that well. AKA KUNG FU MASTER NAMED DRUNK CAT and THE KUNG FU MASTER. Released on video as THEY CALL ME PHAT DRAGON.

Crappy old VHS cover:

RETURN OF THE FAT DRAGON (1993)

  This was originally titled KING SWINDLER which would explain why it's not really a sequel to Sammo Hung's ENTER THE FAT DRAGON. It is similar to that movie in that it is a comedy. This time though we get way less kung fu and way more scenes of annoying little kids. For almost a third of the film Sammo is sent to jail and we focus on these kids getting into hijinks which really gives this an Asian LITTLE RASCALS feel. There is some gross-out humour including snot-eating, fart-gags and a piss-filled balloon to the face so that's something. A bit too shmaltzy for anyone besides real hardcore Sammo fans. 

Fun fact: Stolen music from the horror flick TOURIST TRAP pops up when the 2 little kids are held hostage.

Sammo is called The Oriental Turtle but sadly never wears this Ninja Turtle outfit that appears in the posters:

FRENCH BLUE (1976)

  This starts off with what's billed as the world's first porno cartoon as a pre-credit sequence then once the movie starts we get a behind-the-scenes look at French director Lasse Braun trying to figure out the mechanics of what might the world's first double anal penetration put on the big screen. In between these scenes we get a bunch of shortened loops also directed by Mr. Braun. One particular gross loop is titled CAKE ORGY and it mixes an orgy with a food fight. Probably of interest nowadays as a historical artifact more than anything all that titillating. Also more comical than stimulating. AKA PENETRATION and LASSE BRAUN'S PENETRATION (these versions appear to remove the animated sequence at the beginning)  

                Playing here on a double bill with another porn/comedy from 1975:

PORNO MONDO: AN IN DEPTH STUDY OF PORNO FILMS (1971)

 A really dull pseudo-documentary about the very early days of hardcore adult films. They get a bunch of porn actors to portray different makers of these films and be interviewed about them while also cutting in a bunch of scenes of screwing and sucking. Rene Bond shows up as the writer of scripts(because classic porn is so well known for it's great storylines!) and sadly never even gets naked. The film is obviously espousing a viewpoint that is very strongly against censorship, so that's nice. Too bad they couldn't do it in a more entertaining manner.

         Playing with a porno from 1970 which I think was actually titled ERNIE'S JOINT?:

THE SIDEHACKERS (1969)

                                                  "C'mon, men aren't beautiful."

  I own this in a DVD set with a bunch of biker movies and even though there are a couple of scenes where our characters race motorbikes(motorbikes with sidecars hacked on!) it really is more of a rape/revenge movie. The things do go a little further than just rape and the revenge ends on a very nihilistic note. A movie that seems to be universally hated but I have watched it a few times now and I think I enjoy it more each time. It is famously featured on an episode of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 but obviously that's a very edited version. AKA FIVE THE HARD WAY

                    Playing with another biker movie that's not all that much about bikers:

DEATH RIDERS (1976)

 There was a big fascination with stuntmen back in the 70s. No doubt this was spurred on by the popularity of Evel Knievel. As a documentary this is probably more interesting to me as a time capsule looking back at a crazy decade where it seemed like anything goes than anything else. Of course your propensity for nostalgia will determine how you rate this since it's not a particularly informative documentary but more of a slice of life for some folks with a unique occupation. AKA STAR SPANGLED BUMMER

SCREAM OF THE DEMON LOVER (1970)

 A lady scientist(Erna Schürer) shows up at the castle of a Baron(Carlos Quiney) who has a reputation for loving women and then murdering them. But is he the murderer or is there a darker secret to unveil? Well this is a gothic Eurotrash 70s flick so inevitably things will get a bit weird and sexy before it's done. A bit of a slow-moving one but if you enjoy these types of old dark castle flicks it's probably worth a look and there is a crap-faced monster involved. AKA ALTAR OF BLOOD, KILLERS OF THE CASTLE OF BLOOD and BLOOD CASTLE

 

                                  Known as THE CASTLE OF FRANKENSTEIN in Mexico!:

Original Italian title THE CASTLE WITH THE GATES OF FIRE:

Originally played in The U.S. on a double bill with this American vampire flick:

ONE SHOCKING MOMENT (1965)

                    "You're like the rest of the perverted bastards that call themselves men!

  Ted V. Mikels 3rd movie features a couple(Gary Kent and Lee Anna) who end up in swinging 60s Los Angeles. Not the most exciting sexploitation flick of that time but you do get the usual cheating, stripping and softcore thrills. There's a lesbian dominatrix character(Verne Martine) who enjoys abusing men that adds to the spiciness. AKA SUBURBAN AFFAIR

So shocking that you can watch the whole thing right on YouTube!:

MAU-MAU (1955)

  In true classic exploitation style this was marketed at the time like it was some nudie-cutie featuring romping nekked natives. In reality what you get is mostly just really dull newsreel footage and a blandly narrated documentary about a Kenyan tribe rising up against British colonial rule. It is mildly interesting in that it's basically the blueprint for what became mondo movies in the next decade. 

WEEKEND OF TERROR (1970)

  Robert Conrad and The Six Million Dollar Man himself(Lee Majors) kidnap 3 nuns and hold them hostage for a ransom. Pretty decent made-for TV movie from back when those things were still good. I feel like if you threw in a few sleazier elements this could have been a classic exploitation flick for drive-ins and grindhouses. 

BURNOUT (1979)

  Lots of scenes of cars drag racing fill out this slim tale of an aspiring driver(Mark Schneider) who argues with his dad(Bob Louden) a lot. There's not much I can say about this except watch it if you really like copious amounts of stock footage of race cars. Despite the sexy poster there's no sex in this one. Director Graham Meech-Burkestone would thankfully go on to do makeup on a few other films instead of directing anything else.