PRIVATE HOUSE OF THE SS (1977)

 So this strange, seemingly-homosexual, wannabe fuhrer Nazi officer(Gabriele Carrara) sets up a whorehouse towards the end of World War II. Maybe the weirdest thing about this film, which features lotsa Euro-bush and boobs on display, is the whore training sequences which include stuff like leap-frog lessons and gun-fight training which never comes in to play the rest of the film. Obviously this is trash-director Bruno Mattei's version of SALON KITTY minus all the artsy aspects and being a classic. The "beast in heat"(Salvatore Baccaro) from that classic nazisploitation flick THE BEAST IN HEAT puts in a cameo, there's an evil doctor character(Luciano Pigozzi) who looks like Howard Vernon but isn't. There's suicides galore, whippings, beatings, s & m hi-jinks, hinted-at bestiality, sex with a deformed fellow and some classic Bach fugue organ monster music thrown in for good measure. If you're looking for that downer cinema vibe this will be your bag. AKA SS GIRLS

                                 This DVD cover really pushes the doggie sex aspects!:

RAGING PHOENIX (2009)

 A chopsokey flick that features some really stupid looking break-dancing-style kung fu. I guess it's supposed to be a mix of muay-thai and drunken-monkey-style but it comes off kinda wonky. The wacky dubbing of the characters using this style sure doesn't help take things very seriously either. There's a gang of fighters on bouncy stilts with sharpened blades on them that was definitely something I'd never seen before and I will say the fighting is unique if not very realistic. There's a very thin and weird plot about battling a ring of kidnappers that target women that they then harvest their tears to make perfume? At least I think was the plot since I admittedly dozed off a couple of times during the middle half off this from the repetitious nature of everything.  Unfortunately it takes almost 2 hours to wrap things up which felt very padded out but if you're a fan of very long fight scenes, or strong female fighters. since there's a few on display(in addition to star Jija Yanin there's end-baddie body-builder Roongtawan Jindasing), I guess check it out.
 This is star Yanin's follow-up film to CHOCOLATE, the story of a "special needs" gal who is also a master of the martial arts. I have not seen that one yet but it looks like it may be worth a watch.
 In Germany this was re-titled as FIGHTING BEAST 2 making it a sequel to a completely unrelated Thai movie. 

THE SHADOW BOXER (1974)

  As is often the case this kung-fu flick has a pretty generic plot involving a student of tai-chi(Chen Wo-Fu), who is taught to never use his abilities for fighting but only in self-defense, whose has to get some butt-kicking revenge after his master is assassinated. There's rape, heads smashed against rocks and a pretty epic showdown. Well done enough to get you to root for our crapped-upon hero even though it's pretty standard stuff the Shaw Brothers studio puts it's usual gloss on things.
 Interestingly star Chen went on to commit suicide before this movie was even released. I think he does a pretty admirable job. Sadly it was the only thing he was the featured star in.

SUPERVAN (1977)

 I think the main thing people seem to remember about this one is that it features a cameo by drunken poet Charles Bukowski, in one of many party scenes, as the wet t-shirt water boy. It should probably also be remembered as part of the very short-lived vansploitation sub-genre(which is basically just this movie and 1977's THE VAN). The plot here, what little there is of one, concerns a van competition that our hero(Mark Schneider, who would go on to be in a bunch of T.V. productions) enters with the help of his nerdy scientist friend who has built a solar-powered van that is somehow miraculously imbued with super powers from the Sun. The movie kinda meanders around a lot, there's some rapey bikers that show up a couple of times, boobs get shown and there's lots of partying. It's very 70's that way so if you're not into that this one will likely be pretty dull even with all the sweet vans on display.
 The "Supervan" was built by legendary automobile designer George Barris(who created the 60's Batmobile among many other famous cars) who shows up as a judge at the big van freak-out competition.

   Not featuring that "Making Love in My Chevy Van" song but an incredible simulation!:


 

                                                      Ad from TRUCKIN' magazine!:

PRIVATE SCHOOL (1974)

 Probably best known under the its original title THE SINGLE GIRLS this is a bit of a weird sexploitation flick that is unexpectedly almost equal parts a slasher movie(or I guess a proto-slasher since this is 1974 and all). The setting is this oddball new-age-type resort where strangers fondle each other in the dark to learn about relationships or something. Then someone starts offing people in various ways including, most memorably, a garden hoe to the face. It is all fairly tame by more modern slasher movie standards though and ultimately pretty forgettable stuff. There is a good bit of nudity and attractive ladies on display though including the great Claudia Jennings from GATOR BAIT.


Re-titled as BLOODY FRIDAY for VHS to capitalize on it's more slashery aspects!:

THE HUMAN MONSTER (1939)

 So Bela Lugosi plays an insurance salesman named Dr. Orloff who sells policies to folks that he is the sole beneficiary of and then has them killed off by his big ugly blind henchman named Jake(the titular Human Monster?). You see, as is pretty common in films from this era, Lugosi is also a mad-scientist-type on the side who can make bombs out of beakers full of liquid and that sort of thing. Oh and he's also a master of disguise which comes in very handy when he's found out.(so maybe he's the real 'Human Monster' after all)
 I think this movie does a fairly decent job of conveying how outward signs of morality and generosity don't necessarily mean that a wholesome character lies beneath the surface. Then again maybe casting Lugosi, who always seems a bit ominous even when he's smiling, might not have been the most inspired casting to convey this idea. It is pretty obvious who is committing all these homicides throughout and it makes Orloff appear kinda naive thinking he was going to get away with it for very long. Luckily it wraps everything up in just 74 minutes, so that's a big plus.
 Originally released in England as THE DARK EYES OF LONDON. Whereupon it was rated H for horrific!(there is one fairly gruesome, for the time anyway, drowning scene by our crazed Orloff) Jess Franco musta been a fan since he loved using the Dr. Orloff name quite often. There was a German remake in 1961 as THE DEAD EYES OF LONDON.   




                                                      Beautiful Turkish poster!:

and beautiful clunky artwork on the Super 8 version (which I assume is some kinda 15 minute long condensed edition): 

I bet every kid in 1939 was just dying to be Jake for Halloween!:

REFORM SCHOOL GIRLS (1986)

 Former lead singer of The Plasmatics and all-around legendary punk rock goddess Wendy O. Williams really should have made more movies. As it is she is really the highlight, to me anyway, of this film. In what is basically a spoof of the women-in-prison genre Wendy can't help but stand out among the other very high hair-sprayed gals at this reform school. Other highlights include a kitten-stomping monster of a women(Pat Ast) as our head guard and the great Sybil Danning as the head warden(unfortunately her role was originally written for a man so she tragically stays very dressed throughout the film). Lots of explodey action goes on, you get the mandatory shower scene. lots of pantie shots and it all culminates with a KING KONG-ending. Pretty perfect for something so goofy. Luckily it never falls as low as one of those Troma films from this same era.
 Director Tom DeSimone previously made THE CONCRETE JUNGLE which was a pretty good women-in-prison flick in it's own right but more on the serious side.
 There's a 1950's REFORM SCHOOL GIRL that really has very little in common with this one.

EXTERMINATORS OF THE YEAR 3000 (1983)

 ROAD WARRIOR-rip-off film from Italy. This one unfortunately features a little kid, though he's not as overly annoying(besides his absurd New Yawk accent) as most of the kids in these Italo-horror/sci-fi flicks tend to be. Pretty action-packed, a kid gets his arm ripped off, which is something you won't see in any American films, heads roll and people have wacky names like Trash and Alien so it feels like you're watching a biker movie(oh and there are post-apocalyptic bikers of the future). Good 80's synth-pop soundtrack also helps. Excellent flick to watch with a few friends and some adult beverages.
 Director Giuliano Carnimeo(hiding out here under the Americanized name of Jules Harrison) previously made a whole bunch of spaghetti-westerns, and that groovy CASE OF THE BLOODY IRIS giallo as Anthony Ascott.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN SHANGHAI (2014)

This modern kung fu flick is a remake of 1972's Shaw Brothers classic BOXER FROM SHANTUNG which I sadly still need to see. I hope in that one everything is not colored different tones of grey and looks so drab that suicide seems like a better option than existing in the world these characters occupy. Since it wasn't shot digitally, like this, but on actual film I'm probably pretty safe. Besides this terrible trait the action scenes here are decent enough, even though they all rely heavily on looking like something from THE MATRIX(thanks to stunt coordinator Yeun Wo-Ping who did the stunts for THE MATRIX) like a lot of modern films do and remind me more of a cartoon than anything I'm supposed to take seriously. Sammo Hung does a good job in what little he gets to do. Main star Philip Ng has a sort of Bruce Lee look(he would go on to play Bruce in the bio-pic BIRTH OF THE DRAGON in 2016) so that helps. The best thing I can say about this is that it has inspired me to go back and catch up on some 70's fu flicks that I've missed.

Even the trailer looks washed-out as hell and practically black & white!:

NEW WORLD (2013)

 Modern Korean movies are all way too long and here's another example of that. There's a lot of talky talk parts that could probably be cut down quite a bit to help this. Saying that though I did find this one to be a pretty engaging epic of Korean mafia action. There are some pretty brutal scenes including a guy who gets his head sawed off by a large knife(offscreen) and a poor undercover lady cop who ends up in a barrel. One scene in particular, which takes place in an elevator with one quite tough guy vs. a whole bunch of knife-wielding fellows determined to finish him, is reminiscent of the hammer fight bit in OLDBOY. Of course also reminiscent of OLDBOY is it's star(Choi Min-sik) who has a pretty big role here and is great as an aging policeman. All the acting in this thing is topnotch and the mobsters vs. undercover cops story is done very well so I'll let it's lengthiness slide. There is a weird ending involving a flashback which does feel sorta unnecessary though and seems added on just to test my endurance. For a modern film though this beats pretty much anything made recently in the cesspool of Hollywood. 

BRUTE CORPS (1971)

 Character actor Alex Rocca really stands out here in this tale of a group of badass mercenaries who don't mind getting a little rapey and a little murdery when the opportunity arises. Some bikers show up briefly but don't fare much better than a couple of hippies that bear the brunt of our unruly gang of murderous hooligan's wrath throughout most of the film. A Mexican town is also the setting of some hi-jinks including trying to buy a bartenders daughter. Pretty obscure title that's worth seeking out for 70's exploitation thrills after you're done with all the more well-known rape/revenge titles.

 

GOTHIC (1986)

 Remember that opening scene from THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN? Well Ken Russell made a whole movie out of that same evening. This time around though there's way more drug use, homosexuality and general craziness because it's now 1986 and you can film that kinda stuff if you're Ken Russell. The FRANKENSTEIN story doesn't really get brought up until the end and the whole film is more about spoiled rich people getting wacky. I've watched this one a few times over the years but I'm still not sure if I would recommend it to anyone. It is an interesting concept to explore and the visuals are exciting to watch but the whole thing seems like it could have been wrapped up in about 15 minutes. Still if you're a classic horror fan it's probably worth at least one viewing.