MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL MASSACRE (1983)

  I first saw this slasher flick way back in the 80s but until re-watching it yesterday I couldn't really recall anything about.  Now that I've viewed it again I know why. This might be one of the most generic slasher flicks I've ever seen! The killer is an old lady and everyone acts very stupid. The gore fx might be the only highlight as, for the most part, they're adequate. I think I can skip another 40 years before watching this again. 

 The original release title of this was just MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL. It was then re-released with MASSACRE in there with an added gory ending. 

                                                   Original poster:

HATCHET (2006)

                                                          "Your nipples are dumb!"

  Kane Hodder plays a very Jason-like killer in this attempt to emulate 80s slasher flicks in the 2000s. This is about as basic as any of these movies gets and feels like a real waste of time when it's all over and done. You do get some very gory death scenes(at least in the uncut version I watched) that I think are mostly done without CGI but I'm not sure I cared much about anybody in the whole movie. Somehow this was popular enough at the time to warrant 3 sequels. I guess when you compare it to other horror flicks from this decade it's not any better or worse than most of them. 

 Robert England has a small role before getting offed. 

                                                     The retro-looking poster!:

STUDENT BODIES (1981)

  It's kind of remarkable that this spoof of slasher movies came out in 1981 when those type of films were still being churned out in record numbers and the template had barely been set which would lead to them all becoming very predictable with set rules that they mostly all would follow.  It's also kind of weird that they chose to not include much in the way of blood and no nudity since those are both such hallmarks of the slasher flick. It's all very dumb, of course, and will really only appeal to people who are into that AIRPLANE-type of absurd humor. 

 The character of Malvert The Janitor is really the stand out highlight for me and sadly the ridiculously lanky rubber-limbed actor, credited only as The Stick, only appeared in this one film before an early death took him from us.

STAGEFRIGHT: AQUARIUS (1987)

 One of my favorite dumb Italian slasher movies! By this point in Italian cinema they had, for the most part, given up on making good giallos and went for ripping off their dumber American counterparts, the slasher film(which of course were themsleves just more stripped-down versions of giallos(which were souped-up iterations of Hitchcock mysterious(oh, it's all just one big circle of influences!!))). Here we get a lunatic wearing a big ol' owlhead mask weilding various instruments of destruction including knives, a drill, a needle and a chainsaw that he employs on a group of very stupid actors and anyone else in his way. It's about as dumb as they come but if you like laughing at stupid actors meeting gory deaths check it out. AKA SOUND STAGE MASSACRE

Known in France as BLOODY BIRD which is the perfect title for this.

 

                         Known in many places as just AQUARIUS: 

GRADUATION DAY (1981)

  OK 80s slasher dealing with a killer taking out high school students right before graduation. Some interesting, if not highly unlikely kills, involving spikes and a pole vault and a spear-loaded football. Notable caste members include Christopher George of PIECES fame, scream queen Linnea Quigley and in her 2nd ever movie role WHEEL OF FORTUNE's Vanna White! Also look out for new wave band Felony who show up to rock during the big roller skating graduation party. There are way worse slashers out there.

KILLER'S MOON (1978)

  "you were only raped, as long as you don't tell anyone about it you'll be alright. You just pretend it never happened"

 The closest thing I can compare this to is 80s slasher ALONE IN THE DARK since they're both about a group of escaped homicidal mental patients. Since this came out in '78 I guess you have to call it a proto-slasher and it really pales in comparison to it's 80s counterpart. There are multiple rapes and murders going on so it is pretty sleazy but it never feels anywhere near as sleazy as similar stuff from this era like LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT etc. Fellow British director Peter Walker managed some pretty great stuff  at this same time so I guess my main problem with this is comparing it to a lot of the superior exploitation flicks it never quite lives up to.

AFTER PARTY MASSACRE (2011)

 Rather than an actual movie-watching experience this felt way more like viewing a very specific fetish video. If death metal, slasher movies and metal chicks in various states of undress all mixed together in what's basically a really long music video seem like something that might turn you on maybe give it a gander. The list of atrocities include castration, dismemberment by miter saw, death by dildo, sledgehammer, axe and other implements of destruction. The bands Soulless and Incantation(whose drummer is also our main character) are featured.

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987)

  The first SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE is one of my very favorite stupid slasher movies of the 80s. This sequel successfully continues the tradition of being a fun dumb killer-on-the-loose-snuffing-out-teenagers flicks. In fact this one might be even dumber than the first movie with it's dancing rockabilly killer who seems to appear from main gal Courtney's(Crystal Bernard) nightmares(ala Freddy Kreuger). With his giant drill attached to a ridiculous-looking electric guitar there's no shortage of driller killing going on. There's also some real cheesy "rock" music, boobs, shitty cops, victims that you really want to see die, scenes that mimic music videos of the time and generally a good time to be had if you can appreciate 80s garbage cinema. 

 There is a Part 3 which came out 3 years later that I have never seen and a 2021 remake of the original that I can't imagine could top it in any way though I'm sure it's way more "diverse" which is the only thing that really mattered to filmmakers in 2021 anyway. 

THE REDEEMER (1978)

 While this is a pretty standard slasher flick about a super religious nutjob killing off a group of people at a high school reunion,(later released on VHS as CLASS REUNION MASSACRE) what makes it interesting is that it was actually released before the original HALLOWEEN which is the movie that's usually credited with ushering in all these clones in it's wake. There are a few interesting touches here like the killer changing his appearance and weapon of choice for each murder and he even uses some creepy mechanized helpers at certain points. Overall though it's kind of a dull trip with a lot of unexplained nonsense involving an appearing and then disappearing extra thumb on our murderer and a boy popping up out of a lake for some reason. 

 I did get an opportunity to catch a 16mm film print of this last night at a local theater which did raise it's entertainment value slightly in my eyes.  

                                                               Big box VHS goodness!:

Slipcase version:

EVIL NIGHT (1992)

  I caught this in the middle of a horror marathon last weekend and since it's a really low budget shot-on-video project it did not look very good projected on a large screen. Probably the coolest thing about this  was checking out all the horror movie posters in one of the rooms they filmed in. There is also a lot of gore and some heavy rockin' tunes but overall this is a pretty big waste of time. If it's not unwatchable enough some scenes appear to be shot on even crappier tape than others. There's a telekinetic killer who wears a clown mask for no discernable reason and some zombies show up to end it all. Somehow director Todd Jason Cook would go on to make a bunch more movies like this. 

 22 years later there was a remake and then 3 years after that there was a sequel to the original film churned out. 

                Even on a very small screen this is still blurry as hell!:

THE UNDERTAKER (1988)

  One of the last movies featuring the great Joe Spinell(best known as that maniac from MANIAC). Sadly he's not very great here and seemingly drunk for most of his scenes. The rest of the "acting" is also just as bad. Really garbagey bottom-of-the-barrel pointless slasher movie. Watch THE UNDERTAKER AND HIS PALS instead!

SILENT MADNESS (1984)

  Got a chance to catch this one in 3-D, the way God, intended recently. While it's a pretty by-the-numbers 80s slasher flick, 1. psycho escapes from asylum, 2. psycho kills sorority girls, 3. repeat, it was still fun to watch this in a theater full of enthusiastic horror fans so if you ever get a chance to see it presented this way give it a shot for some axe-flying action! I had previously, on two separate occasions, tried viewing this by myself and promptly fell fast asleep within the first few minutes, so I would not recommend that. As a bonus, the great Sydney Lassick, of course, steals every scene he's in as one of horror cinema's worst sheriffs.

 

PEARL (2022)

   Shot concurrently with it's sequel, X, and then released after it as a prequel, this takes us back 61 years to tell the back story of the killer in the first film played by Mia Goth. X was, by far, the better of these 2 films and it's clear why it was released first. Just about anything set in the 70s is going to be more entertaining to me than something set in Texas of 1918 and I generally don't think this film would hold much interest if you hadn't seen the other movie first. It's basically a fairly lame, but very well shot(throwbacks to THE WIZARD OF OZ abound!), slasher movie about a homicidal kook who wants to be a star. 

  

 There is a planned 3rd movie in this franchise which will be an actual sequel set in the 1980s, which if you're making a slasher movie seems like obviously the most fitting decade. 

PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE (1989)

  Fake-out title which might make you think this is a sequel(it isn't) to some previous slasher flick. This one is a kind of forgettable entry in the whole 80s slasher avalanche of films. Notable for featuring Pauly Shore in one of his first big roles and being shot in the same mall where they made FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH among many other films from this era. Other big names include Morgan Fairchild as a pretty unnecessary character and Ken Foree, star of a vastly superior horror film in a mall called DAWN OF THE DEAD, in another pretty lame role as a security guard. In fact pretty much all the characters here are fairly unmemorable right down to our killer which is no mystery thanks to that title. The whole film, of course, tries to riff off the classic PHANTOM OF THE OPERA story(which also featured a kooky killer named Erik) but ultimately comes off as just a crappy imitation. There is a bit of gore with some eye-popping and head rolling. There are also some inventive deaths including death by a large fan, death by a forklift, death by an escalator, death by ice sculpture, death by a flame-throwing weed-killer, death by a snake popping out of a toilet and even a little kung fu thrown in. In only they had been as inventive with the plot as all that this might have been a better ride. AKA PHANTOM NIGHTMARE

 

HALLOWEEN ENDS (2022)

 Well at least I spared myself the middle chapter of this newest trilogy of pointless killer on a dumb rampage movies. At least they tried something different with this supposedly last part unfortunately what they tried was really stupid. I don't recall ever watching the original HALLOWEEN and thinking to myself that the movie would be improved if only Michael Meyers got himself a partner but I guess someone actually thought that because here we are. I will say that the opening of the film gave me a slight hope that this could be interesting but then it inevitably falls into predictable territory right down to the big wrestling match finale with Jamie Lee Curtis. I guess only watch this if you're some kinda weirdo completist. 

TOURIST TRAP (1979)

  I'd first seen this on a TV showing when I was pretty young so it must have been only a few years after it first came out. I found it to be pretty disturbing back then. The scene I was bothered by the most was where our killer(the great Chuck Connors) slowly covers his victims face with plaster while describing how she is going to die to her.  Watching it more recently I feel like it hasn't lost much of it's punch despite there not being a whole lot of blood or gore shown. It definitely has a TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE-feel to it and since that's one of my all-time favs this is also ranked highly. The inclusion of our killer possessing telekinetic powers also adds to the bizarreness factor and despite there being no nudity Tanya Roberts adds to the overall sexiness quotient. Probably one of the best PG-rated horror films of all time!

                                                      An excellent night at the drive-in!:

Known in Italy as HORROR PUPPET:

and just PUPPET:

THE CHOOPER (1971)

 Ray Dennis Steckler directs one of the most simplistic proto-slasher flicks ever with this tale of a cursed shack(hence the alternate title of BLOOD SHACK) in the middle of some dusty desert town that people end up getting killed in.  Pretty dull stuff and to make things even worse ol' Ray stuck a 10-minute long rodeo sequence right in the middle of the movie. 

 One bright spot though is that rockabilly legend Ron Haydock sings the Chooper's theme song so at least that's a little something. 

Released on video as CURSE OF THE EVIL SPIRIT:

VICTIM NO MORE (2022)

  Fan-made short(40 minutes) film made by some Long Island locals that works as a tribute to the FRIDAY THE 13th franchise. Fairly well made for what it is. Unfortunately since it's made in 2022 instead of having an actual ending it just ends with the stupid "all women kick ass" message that every movie made since DEATHPROOF must be imbued with. If you enjoy dumb slasher movies with an extremely dumb ending I guess give it a look. 

HALLOWEEN (2018)

  Not only could they not bother to even give this an original name but they also neglected to come up with much of anything else original either. This is supposed to be a direct sequel to the original 1978 HALLOWEEN, ignoring all the sequels, but in essence it seems more like another crappy remake. The presence of original star Jamie Lee Curtis doesn't really help much to differentiate this from any of the numerous sequels that already exist. As terrible as Rob Zombie's remake was at least half of that film tried something new. This one deals a little bit with the trauma of being a final girl in a slasher flick but then basically just follows all the cliches of the genre. There is another chapter already released in what is supposed to be a trilogy but I don't think I really need to ever watch that.

THE SAVAGE ISLAND (1980)

  Probably best known as ANTHROPOPHAGUS(but I first saw it as THE GRIM REAPER back in the VHS days, sadly that's the most edited version missing the 2 big shock bits) this is the gory tale of a sorta zombie-like cannibalistic monster running around a Greek island slashing up and chomping down on a group of folks including Mia Farrow's little sister Tisa. George Eastman plays the maniacal creature, and at 6'9" is the perfect imposing figure for such a role. There are a few lulls in the action after the meat-cleaver-to-the-head opening but it more than makes up for that with all the absurdly gory scenes to follow. There's fetus-munching, scalping, neck biting, a severed head in a bucket and plenty of stabbings to go around. It's all topped off when our seemingly decomposing villian gets his guts spilled and decides he's gonna chow down on them. Definitely an all-time video-nasty classic memory! AKA THE ZOMBIE'S RAGE and known in England as THE BEAST.

Known in Germany as MAN-EATER!:

Known in Spain as GOMIA, TERROR IN THE AEGEAN SEA!: