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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Sunday, October 15, 2017

FROZEN SCREAM (1975)


 Not to be confused with the giallo, THE FROZEN TERROR, this is definitely one of the worst things I've seen in a long time. Got to watch this as the first half  of a double-feature along with MICROWAVE MASSACRE and I'm not sure how I managed to stay awake through the whole runtime of this. There's lots of terrible acting and a nonsensical plot about a mad-scientist creating zombies that have to be kept at a certain temperature(hence the title). There's also terrible dubbing and one of the oddest things I've seen where they occasionally dub a narrator pontificating over the characters on screen who are still talking! It's almost like the movie itself knows that the dialogue is mostly pointless so they take you away from it rather abruptly from time to time to save your sanity. There's a little bit of blood and a little bit of nudity but nothing all that exciting happens. I'm kind of shocked this thing was made in the 70s since it seems way more like something that would have been shot-on-video in the 80s and it has a really crappy slasher movie-vibe going through it.




                                  This nice-looking lady does not ever show up in the movie!:


LOVE IN 3-D (1973)



 I once saw a porno film in 3-D on the big screen but I had never experienced a 3-D German sexploitation flick the way it was originally meant to be viewed until last night.  It's a pretty fun and equally dumb watch that does get a bit monotonous towards the end. The director of this, Walter Boos, also made a few of those SCHOOLGIRL REPORT movies which this has a very similar feel to.
 Judging by some of the comments I overheard, I'm guessing it also has the ability to aggravate current-day "feminists" with it's very 70s style of humour. Why someone who's that easily offended would choose to pay to see this movie I'm not quite sure but I'm also not really sure why people are into masochism either so whatever. So check this out, preferably in 3-D if possible, if you want to see juggs in your face, bouncing sex antics, lots of European bush on display and a very young-looking Christina Lindberg(most famous, of course for THEY CALL HER ONE EYE and various other Euro-sex epics)  popping out of the screen or if you're an ultra-sensitive-type who wants something to be perpetually pissed-off about.
Released on video as FIRST KISSES

The original German intro:

Saturday, October 14, 2017

MICROWAVE MASSACRE (1983)


 If you ever wanted to see Jackie Mason starring as the killer in a slasher movie this might be the closest to that you will find. You don't actually get Mr. Mason here but instead Jackie Vernon who I don't really know much about except that he kinda reminds me of that other Jackie and he was also the voice of FROSTY THE SNOWMAN on that famous 60s holiday cartoon. I caught this 80s kinda-horror but more of a comedy flick in a theater as part of a double-feature along with FROZEN SCREAM and in comparison to that turd this was refreshing. On it's own though I wouldn't recommend this to anyone except lovers of very stupid 80s stuff that's probably more famous for it's VHS box than the film itself. There is a bit of blood here and there and some decnet nekkid boobs on display to go along with its stupid Joe Schmoe-schlub turned cannibal storyline so that's something. One big thing lacking here is no one actually gets killed via the microwave(and this microwave is so big that you can fit a body in it so it did seem like a possibility) making the title a bit of a cop-out.




The best way to start off a nice classy film!!:




Tuesday, October 10, 2017

THE MAN THEY COULD NOT HANG (1939)


 Boris Karloff starts this movie out as a pretty sympathetic doctor whose goal is to help humanity conquer death. Unfortunately to achieve this goal he has to kill a guy to prove out his theory and test out his mechanical heart-thing-a-ma-jig(this movie sorta predicts artificial hearts and heart-transplants way before they actually existed, so that's kinda cool and gives things a bit of a sci-fi feel)). This results in Dr. Savaard(Boris) getting himself sentenced to death by hanging. Now, to be clear, his "victim" did volunteer for all this but I guess he forgot to get that in writing. The second half of the film sees Karloff in his more typical role as a revenge-seeking, back-from-the-dead, murder-crazy monster. A pretty neat and short flick that's worth a look for old-timey horror/thriller fans. This must have been somewhat successful since Mr. Karloff would go on to play a mad-scientist of some sort or another in a whole bunch more films after this.

This is not the trailer despite the title but it is Boris and assistant doing some sciency stuff:



                                                         "Do not see this picture!":



Sunday, October 8, 2017

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER (1960)


 There have been quite a few versions of this Edgar Allen Poe story filmed over the years starting way back in 1928. This is the first in a series of director Roger Corman's adaptations of various Poe tales and it stars Vincent Price as a real creep who seems to be holding his sister hostage in what seems to be a haunted house full of ghosts of their ancestors. For the most part it's a real talky and pretty dull affair all the way up until the ending. Price does raise things above what they would otherwise be but even with someone being buried alive and the big climax this is still one of my least favorite things starring Mr. P. Corman, being the cheap guy that he was, would reuse some of the fiery special-fx shots that end this film in some of the other 7 films that would follow in the series. PIT AND THE PENDULUM still remains my favorite of the bunch.  AKA HOUSE OF USHER

Some other USHER'S:
THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER - 1950 (Made in England)
THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER - 1979 (TV-movie with Martin Landau)
REVENGE IN THE HOUSE OF USHER 1983 (Spanish Jess Franco production with Howard Vernon)
THE HOUSE OF USHER - 1989 (A British/U.S./Canadian co-production with Oliver Reed)



                                         Italian title THE LIVING AND THE DEAD!:

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

THE OMEGA MAN (1971)


 Along with SOYLENT GREEN and PLANET OF THE APES Charlton Heston made a great sorta-trilogy and great triple-feature of 70s end-of-the-world flicks. This one, which is a remake of the Vincent Price flick THE LAST MAN ON EARTH, the great Mr. Heston takes on a gang of mutated psychopaths with guns blazing. There's a kind-of blaxploitation feel to some of this one due to an African-American lady(Rosalind Cash) that shows up and one of the not-so nice freaky killers(Lincoln Kilpatrick) who is a black man whose skin has turned white due to the apocalyptic plague that's running rampant. There was also a 2007 remake of this, or I guess more accurately the novel that all these are based on, titled, same as the book, I AM LEGEND with Will Smith that I know I've seen but don't remember liking it much. The original Price film is a good one and seemingly a big influence on NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, so it is important but this is the one I've gone back to rewatch the most and that's probably because I enjoy that 70s style the most. Heston gets to do his Jesus impression, there's a cool denim jacket with a big middle finger on it and manages to have a happy and sad ending all at the same time.



                                                        Japanese OMEGA MAN!!:


EL ULTIMO HOMBRE!!:



Wednesday, September 27, 2017

THE SHARK HUNTER (1979)


 Franco Nero Vs. JAWS? Kinda, sorta. Unlike the other movie I have this on a double-feature DVD with, DEADLY JAWS, this one does feature people getting ripped apart by sharks and Mr. Nero, or at least his stunt-double, does spend a lot of time hunting down and wrestling with sharks. Just like that other JAWS-reminiscent feature though this one is mainly concerned with a treasure in the ocean and some gangsters battling our hero to get their hands on it and really isn't any sort of horror film. Nero wears a wacky long blond wig that gives him the 70s glam-rocker look and director Enzo G. Castellari does a decent enough job with the action sequences but I would definitely recommend their earlier collaboration KEOMA over this but maybe if I was able to view this on a better looking DVD and it all not look so dark and murky I would rate it a bit higher. AKA GUARDIANS OF THE DEEP.  The German re-title of DJANGO AND THE SHARKS makes it sound like it might be an interesting spaghetti-western.





DEADLY JAWS (1974)


 Not to be confused with the sexploitation flick DEEP JAWS this is a completely different movie meant to be mistaken for JAWS only in it's American release that was obviously after JAWS premiered in 1975. The original film from Germany, titled NO GOLD FOR A DEAD DIVER, isn't similar to the Spielberg classic much at all and is actually an adventure film about finding some lost treasure. There's a couple of scenes where 2 sharks do show up, one of which is a hammerhead which doesn't seem all that scary, and also an octopus(so I guess they coulda just as easily retitled this to be a ripoff of that movie TENTACLES if they wanted to) but all of these creatures seem to be stock-footage which is pretty underwhelming. There's some dramatic scenes with a love triangle, double-crosses and a bunch of silly gun battles with Mexican pirates but this one doesn't really stand out much and I will probably forget about it a couple of hours after viewing.

There's also an out of place theme tune that seems like it escaped from a blaxploitation film which you can hear right here:


Original poster has no mention of sharks on it:

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

STREET WARS (1992)

                                               

                                                        "They killed neck-bone!"

 Being a big fan of all of director Jamaa Fanaka's films that I have seen so far, which at this point is all but one of his features, I had to check out a local retrospective on his work in the artsy-fartsy theater that's currently playing. While I would never classify Mr. Fanaka's movies as high-brow snobby art-flicks they do always have a message about the struggle of being an African-American and more broadly of just being a poor-person in America and they are squarely within the exploitation with some of the more far-out ideas in them all. This one is no exception and might be one of the only good true examples of the blaxploitation-genre made in the 1990s, not exactly a decade known for campy-depictions of urban environments thanks to the beginnings of the ultra-politically correct movement we have in full disgusting bloom these days. There's a clear message about how crack-cocaine and battling drug-dealers are keeping the ghettos a real shithole but also and equally aload of absurd comedic elements including the main one about our gang-leader character's brilliant idea of outfitting his group of uzi-wielding crack-dealers with ultralight aircraft, basically little shitty go-karts with wings, to battle his rival gang("Whoever controls the skies. Controls the streets!"). There's also the more typical elements like a super-racist white mobster, characters with ridiculous names like Sugar-Pop, Neck-Bone and Humungous(not to be confused with that guy from THE ROAD WARRIOR) and a bunch of gun-violence. If the movie fails anywhere it's in that the budget was obviously super low and it does look it but it's so high in camp-value, including some very wacky original rap-tunes and out of place funeral dance numbers that it has to be seen to be believed. It's a real shame that Mr. Jamaa stopped making features after this, because the 90s surely could have used more stuff that wasn't boring unwatchable crap.




                              The 90s sure had some shitty-looking cover-art on everything!!:

                            A little sample of the insane world of Street Wars!:

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

SPIDER'S VENOM (1971)

This is a weird little obscure British movie that seems more like a mainland 70s Eurotrash horror flick. Mainly because it takes place in Germany but also because it has that typical plot of a stranger(Simon Brent) in a strange village where he can't trust anyone and lots of  unexplained strange stuff happens. To be fair I have to say the crappy cheap-o DVD I watched of this was transferred directly from an old pan-and-scan VHS tape and it looks and sounds like garbage and I imagine it may have been sourced from a censored cut since it looks like whatever blood is present may have been chopped out. Even if this was in pristine condition though I'm not sure I would have a much better opinion. There's a spider goddess character(Neda Arneric) who ends up getting anyone who dares to touch her killed by spiders(of course) except I'm not sure if those scenes are just dreams or imaginary or what the hell is going on and that's the main problem with this. Also there's a pretty dumb suicidal ending which leaves things off in a pretty unexciting way. There are some creep-crawly spider hijinks and a little nude skinny-dipping but not quite enough to get excited over. AKA THE LEGEND OF SPIDER FOREST and VENOM



Italian poster! Sadly she never turns into this spider-creature in the movie:




Sunday, September 17, 2017

THE KILLING OF AMERICA (1981)


 I first saw this shockumentary back in the VHS rental days along with all the other FACES OF DEATH, TRACES OF DEATH etc., etc.-type videos and those all kinda blend together in my foggy memory. Just yesterday I got the opportunity to see the Japanese cut of this, which is also sometimes known under the snazzy exploitation title of VIOLENCE USA, and hear the director(Sheldon Renan) give his thoughts on making the film and what it all means to him. While this one does get lumped in with all the other shock videos that came out in the 80s I think it delves a bit deeper and hearkens back more philosophically to the mondo-movies that came out in the 60s and 70s with the main glaring exception that in this case all of the footage is actually real and mostly culled from news sources or security cameras. There is, at least in this Japanese version, a strong anti-gun bias and it all ends in a big hippie love-fest with John Lennon that kinda made me want to shoot my brains out but besides this it's a pretty compelling look at what living in a large multi-racial, easily media-manipulated western country is like when anger(or as in many cases here just insanity and/or stupidity) leads to violent outbursts. I do need to re-watch the USA cut to see all the differences besides some strange feel-good stuff with a dog playing with a Frisbee, footage of the grand canyon and a less grim-sounding Japanese narrator.



                                                                   Mexican poster!:



The perfect punk song that shows up in the film!:

LADY GANGSTER (1942)


 Probably the most interesting thing about this 40s gangster/crime-noir flick is that it features Jackie Gleason as one of the tough-guys in a criminal gang of bank-robbers. Having been raised on a nightly diet of HONEYMOONERS reruns it's a bit jarring seeing Ralph Kramden himself running down the police and getting into knock-down brawls with our hero character(Frank Wilcox). Mr. Gleason does turn out to not be all that bad though and has a soft spot for the titular "Lady Gangster" by the time the film credits roll, which only takes a snappy 60 minutes which is the perfect length for a fairly basic film like this. It was also pretty neat to see what turns into a 1940s version of a women-in-prison flick for a long part of it's run time which is obviously quite a bit less graphic and way more wholesome than it's 70s incarnations. An interesting watch for old-timey gangster fans.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

THEY MADE ME A CRIMINAL (1939)


 This is an early Bowery Boys flick, back when they were still known as The Dead End Kids, having to do with a boxer who gets framed for a murder and ends up on the run from the law. Claude Rains "The Invisible Man" is the detective on his trail. This earlier Dead End Kids incarnation is not as comedic as the boys would become later but they're still pretty goofy in what is mostly a pretty heavy dramatic film. This was directed by Busby Berkeley who is known mostly as a choreographer of big garish musical numbers from the 30s to the 50s but there's none of that crap here and apparently he was a fellow of many talents since this is a pretty solid epic and held my attention throughout even though it's unusually long for a 1930s movie. I guess I just dig the even more serious Bowery Boys stuff. AKA THEY MADE ME A FUGITIVE