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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Saturday, January 23, 2021

KILLER COP (1975)



  Everything is played super serious in this Italian poliziotteschi film except they throw in this one bumbling goofy-ass cop supporting character(Franco Fabrizi). It's not really enough to ruin the movie or anything but it always strikes me as an odd choice for a film like this which was based on an actual tragedy where terrorists set bombs off around Italy in 1969. The film itself also doesn't offer much in terms of action, has a fairly confusing plot, has a bit of a slow pace for a lot of it and never lives up to the exciting DIRTY HARRY-ish title it was tagged with in certain countries(the original, less exploitative title is THE POLICE HAVE THEIR HANDS TIED), which doesn't make it a favorite of mine. Still an amazing soundtrack, top acting(Arthur Kennedy in particular) and great production values make it worth a look for Eurocrime fans. 

                                                  Funky soundtrack!:





Friday, January 22, 2021

DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS (1975)

 


 Not to be confused with the earlier Eurotrash classic, this one is a cheap one hour long porn flick about a dork who moves into an apartment that is full of Satanic folks. Our main gal(Helen Madigan) even has a big "tattoo"(which looks like it was drawn on with a pen) of ol' Beelzebub that goes all the way from her tits right down past her hairy 70s snatch to her knees. Most of the movie is comprised of not very exciting fucking and sucking while a familiar, but I can't quite place it, horror soundtrack plays. A young Joey Silvera shows up about halfway through as our devil cult leader, an interracial scene with a black fellow in a swami getup, that looks like it's from a different movie, happens and then it all ends with a stupid "was it all a dream?" cop-out. Not the best example of the horror/porn hybrids.  




Tuesday, January 19, 2021

DANCE WITH ME, HENRY (1956)




 This is the very last Abbott and Costello movie. Before this they did ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE MUMMY and that would have been a way better way to end things. This one is a pretty lame comedy with the duo running an amusement park, getting mixed up with gangsters and a murder due to Abbott being a gambling addict. The worst thing though is all the little kids in this and they're all pretty annoying. There is one beatnik/hipster character that seems pretty chill though.
 A & C would break up the following year and Costello would go on to make that 30 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK that I still haven't gotten up the nerve to watch. I guess I will one day just to be a completist. 



There were a few different covers of this tune. Doesn't really have much to do with the movie besides little bits popping up occasionally: 



                             The Spanish title, MYSTERY IN THE PARK, is not quite as rockin':


Known in Turkey as TWO OPENGROUND GANGSTERS ARE AFTER?:



In Italy Abbott & Costello are dubbed Gianni & Pinotto and the movie is called BANDITS WITH A BANG!:







ALLIGATOR (1980)


 

 One of my personal favorite animals-run-amuck features that I first saw on T.V. as a wee lad. In what is ostensibly a JAWS rip-off(especially in the underwater alligator-viewpoint scenes) you get a stellar cast led by Robert Forster as the cop who's in charge of finding our titular giant mutated menace. Henry Silva also shows up as a big game hunter sent to track down the beast and my favorite character actor, Sidney Lassick is the guy responsible for the alligator becoming gigantic in the first place thanks to him dumping some dead laboratory animals in the sewer. A kid gets chomped in a swimming pool, the gator crashes a party and generally wreaks havoc on the world that flushed him down a toilet. So it's really just a tale(tail?) of sweet revenge.

 There was a sequel called ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATION but that didn't come out until the 90s so it probably sucks. 



                                         Known in Turkey as REVENGE OF THE BEAST!: 



The Japanese poster has a very James Bond-ish flair to it!:






Saturday, January 16, 2021

FEMALE PRISONER SCORPION: JAILHOUSE 41 (1972)


 

 This is the 2nd part of the Female Scorpion saga and I think I liked this one as much as, if not more than, the first one. It picks up right where we left off with Scorpion(Meiko Kaji) stuck in a women's prison, rotting away in solitary confinement in the basement. Luckily her amazing recuperative powers have not diminished in the slightest because she has to deal with being gang-raped by the guards, beaten by her fellow inmates and pretty much go through all types of hell before getting any vengeance on her tormentors. The artiness with which this was shot is something to see and makes me want to go back and re-watch the original film now. 

                                                POPULAR AND BRUTAL!:

UNHINGED (2020)

 


 Not to be confused with that boring banned-in-Britain slasher movie from the 80s. This is a new movie starring a fat Russell Crowe and while it's not boring, thanks to some CGI car crashes and people getting offed in various violent ways, like most new movies it's pretty stupid. What you get is basically a rehashed version of that FALLING DOWN movie with Michael Douglas except mixed with a bit more of a slasher movie vibe and of course the angry "unhinged" white man is clearly the bad guy here. And since it was made in 2020 there has to be a totally unrealistically tough, ass-kicking female hero character and annoying young people that we're supposed to care about. Sadly every decision our "hero" makes seems like the opposite of what any sane person would do, which kind of belittles the whole "girl-power" message but I guess they needed to move the plot along somehow and original ideas are in very limited supply these days. I guess I'll give credit to Crowe for looking pretty gross throughout the film but I'm not sure if that's much of a recommendation. 

Friday, January 15, 2021

I SPIT CHEW ON YOUR GRAVE! (2008)

                                                         


                                                            "Tongue my bung!"


Edgelord is a popular term that seemingly-retarded children use to put each other down in online arguments. I've never actually seen it used in an appropriate way. Well here's the only film I've seen where it can honestly be applied to describe it. 

 This is barely a movie, at 58 minutes, and more of a comedic skit that you might see on YouTube. The "idea" is to make a reverse version of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE where a gang of "edgy" alterna-women led by a gay dude cosplaying as David Bowie from LABYRINTH run around raping men. One guy gets raped by a garden-weasel, a white couple talks like stereotypical black folks for no reason and there's never any nudity or gore which might be things you would put in your dumb rape/revenge skit. 

 The director, Chris Seaver, was also responsible for the equally terrible THE TERROR AT BLOOD FART LAKE so he's clearly a piece of garbage.  

                                       Even this trailer is way too long!: 

Saturday, January 9, 2021

THE AFTERMATH (1982)


  There are a couple of problems I had with this post-apocalyptic flick. Number one is "star" Steve Barkett, who just so happens to also be the writer and director doesn't exactly make the most convincing action hero. Number two is the overwhelming score that seems totally out of place in a film of this sort and seems lifted from A Spielberg film or possibly an enthralling Disney presentation. Looking beyond these two things, which is kinda tough, you get a bizarro version of PLANET OF THE APES(and it was even shot on the same beach as the original APES) but instead of apes there's mutants(guys in terrible Halloween masks) and a gang of rapers and pillagers led by the great Sid Haig. There's quite a few gory bits including head explosions by shotgun, an arm is chopped off(allegedly an arm reused from THE CORPSE GRINDERS) and some pretty gruesome stabbing takes place. Mr. Famous Monsters, Forrest Ackerman shows up for a talky cameo. Maybe if this was re-scored I would have been less annoyed by it. 

This was originally shot in 1978 but that version was never released. It was later re-shot with different actors. I can't even begin to imagine how crappy that first version must have been. 

There was a remake of this in '87 called SURVIVOR


Tuesday, January 5, 2021

GUYANA: CRIME OF THE CENTURY (1979)


  Mexican director Rene Cardona Jr. brings us the unauthorized story of Jim Jones and his famous Jonestown suicide cult. Being unauthorized basically just means that they changed Jones' name to James Johnson. I'm not exactly sure how close to reality the gay rape as punishment and torture of children as discipline are but I'm sure it's possible. This did get released only a year after the actual tragedy and is ostensibly an exploitation movie and not a history lesson so that's probably a good way to view it. Unfortunately the version I own of this cuts down some of the more lurid scenes. I'm guessing the version with the CULT OF THE DAMNED might be the more complete cut. Either way though it's way too long at 107 minutes cut or 115 minutes uncut with a lot of down time. Also everyone knowing the ending makes it less than spectacular when it finally occurs. It was nice to see Yvone "Lily Munster" DeCarlo as Johnson's henchwoman though. 







All the cool kids know it was FlavorAid not KoolAid!:

Monday, January 4, 2021

HIT MAN (1972)



 Two things that stick out to me about this movie: 1. Bernie Casey plays the smooth sex-machine to all the chicks main character here and since I mainly identify him with the title role in DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE, where he plays Mr. Hyde with not very much makeup at all besides some white powder on his mug, it makes it tough to see him as the irresistible ladies man this movie wants us to believe he is. 2. Pam Grier plays one of the bad guys in this, which is something I've never seen her do before. Besides these 2 weird aspects it's a pretty rudimentary tale of Casey trying to find out what happened to his brother that resulted in him ending up dead. It's a blaxploitation version of the movie GET CARTER which was released the prior year. Someone gets fed to a lion at one point. I should probably check out the original at some point just to see if that happens in that version also. 


Wednesday, December 30, 2020

MY NAME IS NOBODY (1973)



 This spaghetti-western manages to pull off the trick of combining comedy(in the personification of Terence Hill from the great TRINITY series of films) and serious pathos(via Henry Fonda's performance as the aging gunslinger, Jack Beauregard who's just looking to get away to Europe and retire). It probably didn't hurt that it was produced by Sergio Leone with a score by Ennio Morricone. It recycles that sped-up slapping gag from the TRINITY movies but I imagine this one had a much bigger audience, at least here in America, thanks to Fonda's name. While never reaching the epic feeling of Leone's other masterpieces it's still up there near the top as far as Euro-westerns go. 







Tuesday, December 29, 2020

CARLOS THE TERRORIST (1980)


  This one starts out amusingly enough with a long preamble about how our titular character ends up on the run from the same terrorist scumbag organization that he used to work for. Then we get some Mexican kung fu as Carlos(Andres Garcia) tries to elude not only criminals but also the CIA! The whole movie is pretty much just one long chase scene and it gets a bit tedious after a while despite the explosions thrown in every once in a while. Not one of director Rene Cardona Jr.'s best efforts(He made almost 100 films so it's kinda hard to choose what that actually might be. I'm pretty partial to this one though) but I can respect it's simplicity. 

 Luckily there's not a lot of dialogue throughout this film because about midway through the English-dubbers seem to have given up on the version I watched. 

                                    CARLOS EL TERRORISTA!:





Monday, December 28, 2020

BLOODY NEW YEAR (1987)


This is one of those 80s horror films where a bunch of stuff happens but none of it makes any sense. The plot, from what I can understand, has something to do with a time-travel experiment back in the 50s that caused things to go kooky an island somewhere off the coast of England. Then back in modern times some teens end up there after running away from some stupid carnival hijinks. Not really a slasher movie(which I'd always assumed it was), not really a zombie movie(though a couple show up), not really much of a New Year's holiday film and not particularly bloody either. It's just a sort-of mish-mosh of a bunch of junk that might be worth watching if you just want something to laugh at.

 This is director Norman J. Warren's last feature film. I mainly know ol' Norman from that INSEMINOID movie which also wasn't that great so I guess he's maintained his low level of quality over the years. There is a boxset of his stuff that I have been looking to pick up but that's probably because I am a masochist. 



                              The alternate title of TIME WARP TERROR is way more fitting!: