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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

SEEDING OF A GHOST (1983)


 This fits right in there with BLACK MAGIC and THE BOXER'S OMEN as another awesome and crazy Shaw Brothers Hong Kong horror flick. This one is the tale of a taxi-driver(interestingly some musical cues from TAXI DRIVER feature prominently here) whose wife ends up cheating on him(lots of full nudity on display in these parts) and then getting raped and murdered. From there on it's all about the revenge which he goes about getting with the help of an old witch doctor. The movie features lots of insanity but things really get amped up for the last 15 minutes or so when a corpse gives birth to a monster that reminded me a lot of the one from THE DEADLY SPAWN and things get very EVIL DEAD-like with the blood and gore splashing about. Some of the weirder things that happen here: a guy gets run over by a cab but is then magically OK, an undead lady corpse rapes a a guys spirit, a guy sets up an IV so that an evil monster baby can feed on his blood, there's an homage to the ALIEN chestburster scene where a Doctor Wang gets his face hugged and then ripped off, Three Stooges sound effects are used when a head gets bonked and monster-tentacles are wrestled. Good strange fun!
 AKA BLACK MAGIC 5

EBOLA SYNDROME (1996)


 As far as actors go Anthony Wong has to be the king of sleazy Category 3 Hong Kong flicks. This movie along with THE UNTOLD STORY(both directed by Herman Yau) show Wong portraying the most vile and disgusting of characters. In this one Wong plays a maniac named Kai who has a bit of a short fuse that is initially set off when his boss catches him banging his wife. This leads to bloody murder and severe trauma to a little girl. From here we move the setting to South Africa where the titular ebola virus shows up. At this point the film becomes equally funny, disgusting and violent. Bodily fluids fly around all wily-nilly, frogs get chopped up while still alive, this really weird autopsy takes place and a few rapes happen. There's also cannibalism, lots of puke and of course various people melting from the inside out thanks to the ebola running rampant. I think the whole thing works great as horror and totally black comedy so check it out unless you're a squeamish type then stay far away.




Sunday, March 1, 2015

KILLER BARBYS VS. DRACULA (2001)



 I had been wanting to see this one for a while since I really liked the original KILLER BARBYS movie from 1996 which felt like Jess Franco's version of a SCOOBY-DOO episode, and I've rewatched it a few times over the years, so I figured this sequel would have to at least be halfway decent. Unfortunately it really isn't. By the 2000's Mr. Franco was stuck shooting super-duper low-budget shot-on-video stuff that really doesn't convey his artistic visions very well. I probably coulda saved a bunch of time and gotten just as much enjoyment out of watching a couple of Killer Barbies music videos since all the stuff wrapped around their performances is pretty pointless. There's a bald Nosferatu-type Dracula, Lina Romay runs around doing a Transylvanian accent and it's all played for giggles. Also this is one of the few Franco movies that doesn't feature graphic nudity or sex in it. You do get a few scantily-clad ladies including the lovely lead-singer Sylvia Superstar, lots of Eurotrashy rock music and a bunch of people getting bitten in the neck that you don't really care about. Stick with the first one for better sleazy Franco thrills.

 

MESSAGE FROM THE FUTURE (1981)


 I haven't seen that many films from Israel but I can't imagine they're all as strange as this one. The story, as far as I can figure out, is about a man from the future(or maybe he's an alien?) who comes back to the 80's to speed up World War 3, which I guess will then spur on technological advancements. The whole film is really disjointed and odd. A naked lady pops up every now and then, we get some full-frontal male nudity, there's karate robots who just look like regular karate guys and the whole movie has weird musical breaks in it featuring new-wavey/futuristic-disco-sounding stuff. There's parts where different people from around the world speak various undubbed/unsubtitled languages, there's a spoof? of news broadcasts and I suppose there's some political message in there somewhere but I'm not exactly sure what the hell it could be. I can't say this movie is actually good unless you are just a fan of the totally offbeat and bizarre and in that case check it out.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

THE PEANUT BUTTER SOLUTION (1985)


 This Canadian kid's movie seems to be pretty popular with nerds who worship the 1980's. Why that is I'm not exactly sure. I certainly don't recall it being a big deal back in the 80's, in fact I don't think I ever even heard of it back then.
 The plot deals with this kid who gets so scared that his hair falls out. Then a couple of homeless ghosts give him this recipe for dome goop that will make hair grow(i.e. the titular "peanut butter solution"). Unfortunately it grows like crazy! There's also an evil French(French-Canadian?) art-teacher who kidnaps kids and keeps them as slaves which is a bit creepy. There's also our main character's Asian(Asian-Canadian?) friend who rubs some of the peanut butter hair solution on his balls which is pretty risque for a children's film. It's all pretty stupid but what else would you expect? The worst thing about this is the music by Celine Dion who might be one of my least favorite singers ever!
 I wouldn't recommend actually watching this to anyone but perhaps if you're an 80's nut or Canadian or if you did watch this when you were a kid in the 80's  it will give you some sorta thrill.




EASY (1978)

         
                             "I want you to put your fingers in the butter and put them up my ass"

 Jessie St. James plays the lead role in this porn about a teacher who gets sexually assaulted by a couple of students which then makes her realize that she's a nymphomaniac. Then she quits teaching altogether and moves to the big city and has lots of sex including this one scene involving a blind guy and a stick of butter. Then she finds true love but Georgina Spelvin shows up and they have a ridiculous cat fight that turns into a lesbianic clam-bumping session. Then she finds true love again but watch out for the twist 70's downer ending! Pretty standard stuff for a late 70's adult film.
 There's a scene in this with Desiree Cousteau where I think they make a reference to DIXIE RAY HOLLYWOOD STAR which was an earlier porn flick by director Anthony Spinelli that had Cameron Mitchell in it.




Saturday, February 21, 2015

KILLING MACHINE (1976)


 Sonny Chiba plays the Japanese guy who created Kempo(Kenpo?) karate in what I imagine is a pretty loose interpretation of events in the man's real life. It's a pretty straight ahead heroic role for Chiba with none of the ambiguity/anti-hero stuff present in THE STREETFIGHTER but it's still pretty good. You get rape and revenge including a guy who gets his genitals snipped off with scissors and fed to a dog which is a fairly rough scene. Also a guy gets his arm sliced off with a sword and pants are pissed in fright. Besides this there are tons of kung fu fights and lots of arms are broken. Worth a look if you like martial arts extravaganzas.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

MURDER WEAPON (1989)


 This is basically a slasher movie mixed with a typical stupid David DeCoteau(directing here under the alias of Ellen Cabot) booby movie. So it's really just an exceptionally dumb slasher flick. Maybe the most annoying thing is the way the movie starts out with no sound and continues that way for about 10 minutes! Linnea Quigley stars(and was also the producer) as a mental patient who gets out of the asylum and along with her equally crazy sister(Karen Russell) has a party where all of their ex-boyfriends show up(the most familiar to me being Ricky, the killer, from SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2). Then things get bloody. The most memorable effect involves a sledge-hammer to some guy's head which squishes like some sort of a gore-filled melon(which it very well may have been). There is one guy at this party who is supposed to be portraying a metalhead which is good for a chuckle. Besides a few giggles and the opportunity to see lots of bare female flesh on display this is pretty skippable stuff.
 Lyle Waggoner, featured in lots of cool TV-shows in the 70's, shows up very briefly as a doctor. The original working title of this was BEVERLY HILLS CORPSE which would have been way better than the forgettable, action-movie-sounding(the poster even wants us to think this is a LETHAL WEAPON rip-off for some reason?) title they went with.






Sunday, February 15, 2015

DEADLY EMBRACE (1989)


 We get plenty of boobs here(mostly thanks to the lovely Linnea Quigley) and that's really about the only positive thing I can say about this. There is a plot about a love-triangle(or maybe a love-rectangle if you include Jan-Michael Vincent who isn't exactly in the movie a whole lot despite being top-billed) which ends up in some homicidal murder. Getting to the climax of this film takes forever though and the pacing of this thing is very snail-like. Michelle Bauer also shows up briefly as "the spirit of sex" or something and naturally gets nekkid! This was supposedly shot in 3 days so I guess that's impressive but it's all a little too drama-heavy with little payoff except tits. Fortunately there are many other movies you can view Linnea's naked chest in to avoid sitting through this.

Whoever uploaded this first part of the movie musta forgot the other parts:

Friday, February 13, 2015

GARDEN OF THE DEAD (1972)


 Probably the best thing about this zombie flick is the version that I have of it runs under one hour! Now I imagine perhaps at one point there was a longer cut of this but it's not very good so I don't really feel any need to see it. The zombies in this thing don't follow any of the Romero rules. They get shot in the belly and fall over dead, they run around like maniacs, they use tools(mostly pick-axes) to kill there victims, they don't eat flesh and they get killed by light. That's right, so if you have a flashlight handy these would be the easiest zombies to kill ever! Why anyone in this movie wastes bullets shooting at these creatures is beyond me. The coolest thing to me about this whole film is the way these monsters are created by huffing formaldehyde. Apparently this prison has a bunch of formaldehyde that is being disposed of and the prisoners decide to get high off of it. This then leads to the old life-after-death-crazy-mixed-up-zombies shtick. Maybe worth a look only because it's so short! AKA TOMB OF THE UNDEAD
 This was originally released as the 2nd movie on a double-bill with GRAVE OF THE VAMPIRE which was probably a good night out at the drive-in anyway.





Wednesday, February 11, 2015

THE ENFORCER (1976)


 In the third Clint Eastwood Dirty Harry movie our badass cop teams up with that chick(Tyne Daly) from CAGNEY & LACEY and takes on a multi-racial gang of anti-American militant terrorists. Now never having actually watched CAGNEY & LACEY I have no idea if Daly's character is in any way similar to the one in that show but from what I recall from all the commercials during shows that I did watch back in the 80's they were some kinda detectives so I guess so.
 This chapter in the super popular series is pretty typical and doesn't come near the power of the first one or even some of the cool stuff in the second movie, MAGNUM FORCE, with the killer cops and stuff. Also the ending is not all that spectacular, excluding one thing that might surprise someone viewing this for the first time that I will not reveal, and it just kinda ends how you would think. Still Eastwood, as usual, is great in this role so worth watching just for that if you dig the man and if you dig 70's action movies at all you probably should.

The dirtiest Harry of them all!(not really but that is a great tagline!):

Sunday, February 8, 2015

NIGHTMARE SISTERS (1988)


 The first half hour or so of this is really talky and dumb but then our three main ladies, Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bauer(credited as Michelle McClellan) and Brinke Stevens, become possessed by a demonic succubus and become naked and horny. This leads to prolonged scenes of bubble bath taking, molesting food and humping stuff. It also leads to growing fangs and biting guys' genitals since this is a horror film(or at least a comedy disguised as a horror film). It does remain consistently stupid throughout but if you don't mind ample nakedness and lame jokes it's a fun harmless movie to watch on a Sunday morning to chase away a hangover.  Also they manage to use a pretty punk rock-ish soundtrack which is nice. Quigley also gets to perform a punk music video and has a throwaway line that references her most well-known film RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD.
AKA SORORITY SUCCUBUS SISTERS





GODZILLA VS. THE THING (1964)


 This is the fourth movie in the original GODZILLA series and follows KING KONG VS. GODZILLA(and I guess it's also technically the 2nd movie in the MOTHRA series following that film). In this one Godzilla takes on Mothra, the giant moth and his two kids who are a couple of grubworm-looking caterpillar things that hatch out of a giant Easter egg. The big G's 60's movies are pretty goofy and this one is no exception. They would get even goofier later on when he has a son and teams up with a giant robot and stuff like that. Probably one of the best things in this is the use of music by Akira Ifukube and the two little magical fairies who return from being in the original MOTHRA in 1961. This movie played so many times back when I was a kid that it's hard to judge it subjectively without nostalgia clouding my perception but if you dig Godzilla movies at all this isn't a bad one to check out. The fight scenes are definitely unique to this movie since Mothra and kids aren't your typical guy-in-rubber-suit sort of foes that usually populate these movies so that's something.
 The Japanese version of this, titled MOTHRA VS. GODZILLA, is 29 minutes longer and while I haven't watched that version yet from what I know it's mostly just missing some footage of the army fighting Godzilla.
AKA GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA

The American AIP release of this referred to Mothra as The Thing and kept his appearance a secret in the movie posters and trailers. Though they do show the two baby Mothras:


In Japan not so much of a secret: