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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Saturday, July 14, 2018

TEEN LUST (1978)

 I think technically this wasn't released until sometime in the 80s as TEEN LUST to cash in on the popularity of teen-sex comedy stuff like PORKY'S, before that, back in the 70s, it came out in a differently edited version as THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR. Also at some point it was known as HIGH SCHOOL TEASERS, MOM NEVER TOLD ME, POLICE ACADEMY GIRLS(I think this was one of the video-release titles made to remind people of POLICE ACADEMY) and in England as POLICE GIRLS ACADEMY. The version I viewed, in a theater on glorious 35mm, had no title but I'm guessing it was from its 1980s incarnation. What you got here is pretty much what you would expect from a sex-comedy unless of course you're thinking of an 80s sex-comedy because this one feels very 70s despite it being re-released so much in the later decade. It's full of nekkid boobs, close-up ass shots and really retarded comedy skits including one character who is an actual retard. Everyone is clearly older than high-school age despite what they're portraying and the humor is decidedly non-pc( the dreaded "n-word" anyone?) which I found highly amusing since I was watching it with an apparently easily shocked crowd of sophisticated city-fied morons. My personal favorite scene, and the most bizarre thing in this film, was the part where an unruly gang of 10 to 12 year old boys attempts to gang rape the main actress(Kirsten Baker) and proceed to rip her clothes off to the theme tune to THE PEOPLE'S COURT before being stopped by the law. Who thought this scene up?? Pure genius or madness? Either way it made the film way more memorable in my opinion. Obviously only recommended if you can handle really dumb sexy 70s flicks should you give this a watch.
 Probably the most interesting thing for most cult movie fans is that this was directed by James Hong, that Asian dude with the artificial eyeballs from BLADE RUNNER and one of the Asian dudes in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA amongst many other roles, who I didn't even know was a director before this. Apparently he also made a porno flick called HOT CONNECTIONS before this that I would be interested in perusing someday.

Thursday, July 12, 2018


 Sexploitation and porn director Joe Sarno died in 2010 and is buried not too far from where I live so I went and visited his grave a short time ago. After that I decided that I needed to see more of his films. This might not have been the best film to start with though since it's a bit of a snoozer. There's these long intermittent shots of ladies walking around New York City intercut with this incestuous tale of two sisters who used to fool around when they were younger and the older sister, Julia, wants to rekindle this kink. There's also a pervy neighbor who employs an old-timey vibrator on herself and anyone that happens to wander into her apartment thus giving the movie's title some relevance. Sarno tries to imbue the film with an artsy veneer which you might find interesting or just dull depending on your mood and tolerance level for this kind of smut.

Sunday, July 8, 2018


 A Mario Bava film that I had not seen until now. Probably because I've read so many lukewarm reviews of this one I was in no rush to check it out. That shows how you really can't trust the general consensus about films because the majority of people are sheep-like robots that follow whatever viewpoint is the safest. But I digress. Needless to say I enjoyed this one quite a bit. Probably one of the most stylish Bava flicks out there. A jazzy score with a big rock finale add a lot to what's a fairly basic plot done up with an abundance of style. It's basically a forerunner to his BAY OF BLOOD except that it's not as much of a slasher movie experience since all the murders take place offscreen and falls on the more standard mystery side of things. Edwige Fenech looks amazing and would go on to be in a bunch more giallos after this. So don't believe the standard review and give this a look if you haven't yet. AKA ISLAND OF TERROR

In Pakistan they just shortened the title to MOON AND DOLLS:

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

ANDROID (1983)

 Weird sci-fi flick with a pretty subdued Klaus Kinski as a doctor/scientist who builds a couple of synthetic humans. Klaus does get to fondle some robot tits(which is a bit odd for a PG-rated film) and act like a creep from time to time but the main plot involves 3 fugitives who end up on Klaus' spaceship which is run by his male android Max. There's on laser gun fight, some space-cruisers fly around and a bunch of slow scenes fill in the rest. Definitely an offbeat watch for lovers of strange cinema but probably a bit too dull and cheaply done for most. It would probably be better if Klaus had more to do and played up the mad-scientist shtick a bit more.

Super cool trivia note! = The female criminal here, Maggie,  is played by Brie Howard who was the 2nd drummer in the early 70s all-female band Fanny!:

Sunday, July 1, 2018


 While not the best women-in-prison film(CHAINED HEAT?) Eurosleaze director Jess Franco's BARBED WIRE DOLLS holds a special nostalgic place in my heart for being the grimiest movie that I ever lent to my dad back in the VHS years and being asked by him for more films of this quality. By quality I know that he meant the explicit bare vagina shots, Lina Romay being given the old shock-treatment in all her nekked glory until she pisses herself and tons of wall-to-wall bush-filled antics. Having watched this so many times over the years I think my favorite scene now is watching ol' Jess trying to molest his onscreen daughter(Romay) and then getting killed for his troubles and falling down in slow-motion, which instead of actually filming in slow-motion he just attempts to very badly fake. Obviously influenced by stuff like the ILSA series this never rises to the level of any of those films but is still a satisfying watch for viewers with the right perverted mindset for this stuff. AKA WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY IV and CAGED WOMEN

                     First couple of slimy minutes for just a taste of the sleaze!:



Tuesday, June 26, 2018


 Got a chance to see this early Umberto Lenzi-directed thriller at a drive-in a few days ago. Not to be confused with Lenzi's other PARANOIA from the next year(which also starred Carroll Baker and is allegedly the last part of a trilogy which includes this film and SO SWEET...SO PERVERSE) this one is a psychological thriller about a widowed woman who runs afoul of a couple of young hipsters who at first befriend her and then ultimately attempt to drive her to suicide to obtain her cash. While it's an awesomely-shot film I couldn't help but think it would have made a good giallo if they only threw a couple of murders in there or something. As it is with it's twists, s & m trappings and all it's fine but probably not one I need to revisit anytime soon. Still a cool drive-in experience following Lenzi's amazing zombie epic CITY OF THE WALKING DEAD!
 Apparently there are 2 different endings to this depending upon which version you're watching. The ORGASMO version(it's original title) has a longer and better ending which actually explains a whole bunch more and the American release gives us a bit of a happier outcome by excluding some details. Also some versions trim the bare nipples out like stupid prudes.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018


 This is a pretty dumb tale of a group of cheerleaders who run afoul of a gang of Satanists that include their school janitor. It starts out like a stupid teen sex comedy(strangely not all that much nakedness on display though) and eventually turns into a pretty light-hearted horror tale. At least as light-hearted as a movie with offscreen rape and onscreen devilish abduction can be. It is cool to see Lily Munster(Yvonne De Carlo) herself as one of the lady devil-worshippers even if she is a bit past her prime. John Carradine, as a dirty bum, also pops up. I think my favorite thing about this movie is the poster though the idea of melding these two cult genres together coulda been good if they just had some less irritating cheerleaders and turned up the sex and horror.

             This film has such a great poster but the VHS release went with this crappy image!:


 Found an old VHS tape of this recently but before that I never knew there was a post-apocalyptic flick featuring Lou Ferrigno as an evil barbarian(don;t worry kids he's not 100% evil). Of course Mr. Lou is best known as being THE INCREDIBLE HULK in the 70s TV show of that name and not know for his great acting abilities. Luckily he doesn't need to do much acting here and just has to look imposing (despite wearing what looks like He-Man's armor), fight and run around a bit which are all things he's very qualified to do. This is a pretty stupid film that was obviously inspired by THE ROAD WARRIOR with some STAR WARS-esque laser fights thrown in for added thrills. It's rated PG-13 so there's not any blood but surprisingly there are naked boobs on display. Not the worst futuristic post-nuke films out there but definitely recommended only for lovers of real cheese-fests.


Sunday, June 17, 2018


 This seems to be one of those Martin Scorsese-directed films that doesn't get brought up much when people talk about his career. That's kind of a shame because, even though it's not my favorite of his filmography(TAXI DRIVER? MEAN STREETS?), it's still a pretty amazing film for being so early in his career. Made for producer Roger Corman's AIP studios to obviously cash-in on the success of  BONNIE AND CLYDE from a  couple of years earlier, this definitely has the Corman-feel to it throughout most of it's run time up until it pulls out all stops and gives us a super bloody ending scene which includes multiple gory shotgun wounds and even a crucifixion! This ending wallop foreshadows the one in TAXI DRIVER though things seem even bleaker here under the depression-era circumstances. Worth checking out instead of any of that more current junk Mr. Martin has put out. Also as a bonus you get to see Barbara Hershey very nude if that's your thing and in what I'm thinking is a rare occurrence David and his dad John Carradine get to act opposite each other in at least one scene.

                                        Known in Italy as AMERICA 1929:

and in Germany as THE FIST OF THE REBELS?: 


 Elizabeth Montgomery is, of course, best remembered as the witchy star of the BEWITCHED program but after that series ended she starred in a bunch of made-for-TV movies where she got to show off her acting abilities outside of the comedic box she was typecast into. Although I haven't seen many of these this one was a memorable highlight from her foray into drama that I do recall playing when I was a stupid little kid and probably didn't appreciate it because there were no giant monsters in it. What you do get here  though is the very well-known story of a young lady who took an axe and whacked away at her parents. While technically it is a courtroom drama which is usually a terrible subgenre this one fills it with enough flashbacks and interesting bits that things never become as boring or drawn out as they might be. Also if you can get a hold of the European-theatrical release of this you get a little blood and a quick glimpse at some Montgomery boob plus some creepy molesting scenes. A good example of back when TV wasn't solely a brainwashing tool but actually a medium that made an attempt to entertain people on some level.

                                    Still playing on TV into the dread 90s!:


Friday, June 15, 2018


 This is one of those movies I've only seen on MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 and RIFF TRAX and I really have no interest in seeing it any other way because it is a pretty fucking stupid film. It stars Reb Brown, who is probably best remembered as playing Captain America in a couple of  TV movies back in the 70s, as a hunky beefcake hero who has to quell the titular mutiny aboard a spaceship. This is not just any spaceship though, thanks to a bunch of recycled footage it's actually the ship from the BATTLESTAR GALACTICA program (also from the 70s). John Philip Law is the horribly overacting villain and Cameron Mitchell wears a big silver ensemble that makes him look like he weighs about 500 pounds. There are boobs thanks to our heroine(Cisse Cameron) but I don't think it's worth watching the un-riffed version just for those. There's also lots of dumb laser blaster fights, really slow "futuristic: golf-cart chases, a very 1980s disco, scantily-clad interpretive dancing alien ladies, a nonsensical plot and bad-acting all around. A perfect movie to be mocked but that's about it. AKA MUTINY IN SPACE

Sunday, June 10, 2018


 So the star of this film, Britton K. Lee, was also the producer. I'm assuming this means he put up a bunch of money and really wanted to be a famous action film star so he just made himself the main character. I assume this because this was the only film he was ever in and he's also not particularly charismatic. He deos pull off the martial arts well enough though I kept thinking that he was like a very poor-man's version of Jackie Chan during the fights. The director was Robert Clouse who a couple of decades earlier gave us ENTER THE DRAGON. Apparently he was a bit senile during the filming of this so don't expect anything close to the quality of that film. The main reason I watched this is because the VHS tape I found of this lists the great Bolo Yeung as the star and puts his pretty face right on the cover. Unfortunately I'm still looking for a movie where he is actually the star. He really only gets one big fight scene in this despite being second-billed which was a letdown. There is an unexpected decapitation in this which was really the only unexpected thing that happened.
 A footnote for pro wrestling fans is that Scot Levy, AKA ECW's Raven, is one of the tough guy extras.

Outside of the 90s dance club scenes the music in this is about the most generic stuff you will ever hear!:


 Amando de Ossorio is one of the great Eurotrash directors thanks mostly to his series of Blind Dead films. I would put this one up there right alongside those also though. What you get here is basically a monster movie with a monster who is a female CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON mixed with the monsters from HORROR OF PARTY BEACH-looking thing who dispatches young women at a school in an excessively gory fashion. The overflowing blood moves things right into slasher-movie territory with hearts being ripped out of chests, necks being slit and even a boob gets ripped off. And speaking of boobs the ladies here are not shy about showing theirs. To throw in another element the monster is actually a beautiful woman(Helga Line) who only turns into the creature when the moon is out which gives things that old WOLFMAN feel. If, like me, you love that everything-including-the-kitchen-sink approach to horror movies check it out. AKA WHEN THE SCREAMING STOPS, THE NIGHT THE SCREAMING STOPPED and THE SWINGING MONSTER which makes it sound like some kinda sex flick.