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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Thursday, September 29, 2016

SATAN'S CHILDREN (1975)

     

                             "Your ass is sore. Poor little boy got raped by some queers."

This is one of the best things I've seen in awhile. This is mostly because it's so very strange. Basically it's a rape revenge movie except the victim here is a teenage boy who gets anally-violated by a group of rowdy homosexual fellows. Also, as you may have guessed from the title, there's a cult of Satanists who get involved in our poor rape victim's horrible downward spiral. If that's not nutty enough for you you get a crucifixion, a hanging, torture by ants, decapitation in silhouette, electrocutions, quicksand antics, horribly laughable fight scenes and a cute stuffed goat-head that that's supposed to be The Devil himself who talks in what sounds like an old Casio keyboard.
 Trying to decipher a message after this film is over is a little rough. On the surface it just seems to be very anti-gay but the gays in this are horrible rapists so you probably should be anti-that. Instead of all that it might just serve as a cautionary tale of what can happen if you run away from home but our main character(Stephen White) has such a terrible home life that staying would suck only slightly less. Perhaps it's best to forget any message and just enjoy a nice trashy sleaze-film where a boy in his tighty-whities smashes a bottle over his father's head for telling him to shut the refrigerator door.

BLOOD ORGY (1972)


 Much better known under the title THE GORE GORE GIRLS this is 'The Godfather of Gore's'(aka director H.G. Lewis') final opus in his classic gore film series. He did return in 2002 with a couple of less-than-stellar attempts to appease his gore-hungry following but I think it woulda been fine with me if this was where he stopped.
 Equal parts absurd black comedy and goss-out splatter epic this one has the memorable distinction of playing wonky cartoonish circus music while we watch various strippers get their faces smashed-in or their eyeballs smushed or their asses beaten with a meat-tenderizer until dead!?! The one stand out bit for me is always the part where we get a gal who has her nips snipped off to produce regular and chocolate milk from each boob. What a nutty guy! Henny Youngman shows up briefly to give this some sorta star power and I'm sure he was very proud of being in something like this. While this isn't my favorite of Lewis' movies(BLOOD FEAST, 2000 MANIACS and JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT are in the top spots for me) and it gets a little repetitious at times it is a pretty good summation of his work and since Mr. Lewis checked out a few days ago you should give this a watch in his honor.

 

                            One of the greatest VHS covers ever!!:

An H.G. Lewis Gore-stravaganza!!:


Tuesday, September 27, 2016

THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE (1972)



 This film really seems like something that woulda been made back in the 50s but it's actually a pretty low-budget sci-fi deal from 1972. The plot is a really simple one that concerns a spaceship to Venus that winds up holding the last few humans left alive after those rascally Chinese blast the Earth to smithereens with their "doomsday machine". Four men and two women comprise the crew which leads to some uncomfortableness including one near-rapey scene (since this wasn't actually made in the 50s) and lots of pondering humanity's weaknesses. America's Top 40 radio host Casey Kasem shows up briefly working in mission control and a couple of guys from M*A*S*H*(Mike Farrell and Wayne Rogers) play reporters but most of the movie takes place in the stuffy confines of our spacecraft. For the most part a serious piece of 70s sci-fi(with some goofy bleeding eyeballs!) that uses quite a bit of stock footage from the Japanese flick GORATH and the American movie THE WIZARD OF MARS and is a little tough to stay awake through at 4am so pick a more respectable time and give it a look if it sounds like your cup of tea.
 This was one of the more boring movies Elvira hosted on her Movie Macabre show.
AKA ARMAGEDDON 1975 and DOOMSDAY.



                              Released on VHS as ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH:

Monday, September 26, 2016

MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS! (1973)


 This one seems like it coulda been a porn flick but the producers decided at the last minute to try and make something slightly more respectable. What we get is a tough one to recommend because it never gets as sleazy as you hope but it's still entertaining. Mostly for me this was due to an appearance of Brother Theodore who does his whole insane-o act while being interrogated by a couple of cops investigating a string of sorta-gory(with really bad sub-HG Lewis fx-work) killings of massage parlor employees/hookers. Things never get as sexy as you might suspect besides a bit of nudity and one not explicit at all sex scene. If ol' Theodore hadn't of shown up and there wasn't so much excellent footage of 42nd Street in it's grimy heyday this would probably be a lot lower on my groovy goodness scale. Check it out if you wanna see what feels like a long bad episode of STARSKY AND HUTCH with tits and blood.




             Re-released in a shorter and re-edited version as MASSAGE PARLOR HOOKERS:



Sunday, September 25, 2016

THE FIFTH FLOOR (1978)


 I've occasionally wondered why ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, after winning multiple Academy Awards and whatnot, didn't have more rip-off movies made in it's wake. I know there was that horrible more modern movie with Angelina Jolie that just switched up genders for no reason but in the 70s, off the top of my head, I can't think of many. This one here fits pretty well into that category though and accelerates the sleaziness factor, mostly thanks to Bo Hopkins portraying a gropey/rapey orderly, and also throws in more horror touches in the way it's filmed and all the creepy music cues. The story deals with a disco-dancing barmaid who ends up being inadvertently poisoned and sent to an asylum for the not very sane. No one believes she doesn't belong there, and some of the ways the main actress(Dianne Hull) plays this character you do understand why they might think this. It all ends up being a very heavy drama supposedly based on a true-life ordeal. Robert Englund plays one of the friendlier nutjobs, 'Large Marge' is another and if you look really hard you might be able to spot Michael Berryman from ONE FLEW.. in the background. You even get a sorta-"Chief"-like character who helps dish out some bloody justice to the shitty hospital staff. The only thing missing is Sydney Lassick!



                                                           Classy Thai poster!:


Thursday, September 22, 2016

WU TANG MAGIC KICK (1977)



 I feel like Taiwanese kung fu flicks have to be graded on a curve since so many of them are fairly awful things. So with that in mind this one isn't that bad. Unfortunately the audio is pretty shitty on the DVD that I own of this but the story itself, although standard as it is, is pulled off well enough. The main villain(Wei Tung) here has some sweet extra-bushy eyebrows and thanks to the sub-par DVD his hair looks blue so that's pretty cool. His underling(Bao-Yun Tan) has what appears to be a cold sore on his bottom lip for much of the movie which I found quite distracting but it did add to his sleaziness(also the fact that he stole our hero's(John Liu) wife helped with this judgment). The soundtrack is obviously mostly lifted from a spaghetti-western(HANG EM HIGH I think?) which does add to the epicness. So in summation as far as really cheap kung-fu films go this one isn't the worst you could suffer through and in addition to all the chopsockey it has people getting locked in cages and turned into nutjobs which is something to see. AKA THE MAR'S VILLA(this would sound very sci-fi to me if I didn't know that the main character's name is Mar) Known in Germany as SHAOLIN: WAITING LIST OF DEATH(I guess they weren't down with Wu Tang)

 

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

ORGY OF THE DOLLS (1973)


 So this Professor guy makes a bunch of life-sized dolls that you need to stick a big key into to wind up and make "come alive". This chick named Svon Hilda? comes by one day and "turns on" all the dolls and has an orgy. Mother Goose never shows up and it's not a cartoon despite the DVD cover trying to make us think this is the case. There's really only the bare hint of a plot in the beginning and very end of this 60 minute long vintage smut porno epic and most of the movie is just seemingly endless very hairy 70s sexual antics on display, so if that's your bag enjoy. I personally woulda licked to have seen a gorilla or monster for some variety and a couple of laughs. AKA ORBIT OF THE DOLLS (I guess this is the less pornographic title)

  Buttersidedown - Orgy of the Dolls, Free Porn 67: xHamster nl: Orgy Of the Dolls!

Monday, September 19, 2016

DARKTOWN STRUTTERS (1975)


 I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this movie. The first time I viewed it was late one drunken night a few years ago at a bar with no sound. The visuals we're so awesomely bizarre that I knew I had to give it a proper watch at some point. After finally doing that I think it may have actually been better with the sound shut off. It's not that it's a bad film it's just that it is such a strange spoof of a blaxploitation film complete with cartoonish sound fx that it's hard to judge it as anything other than a complete goofball comedy. It's also a little bit of a musical mixed with a biker flick(the leader of the gang is led by none other than THE MACK's brother(Roger E. Mosley)) and what I imagine a live-action version of FRITZ THE CAT would be like if anyone ever attempted to film such a thing in the 70s. Definitely for more adventurous film purveyors only.

Featuring this big funky hit!:




Re-released under this title:




Sunday, September 18, 2016

THE CRANE FIGHTER (1979)


 There's so many of these made-in-Taiwan kung fu flicks that are very sleep-inducing and this is another one of them. It starts out sorta serious and then we get that jokey sad-trombone a couple of times and a "dirty" song about touching a girl's hair which makes me think this is gonna maybe be a comedy but instead it just gets really boring with pretty dull fight scenes and dull drama for the rest of it's runtime.  The only thing that kinda makes it stand out is a hunchbacked retard who really wants to marry the leading lady(Chia Ling aka Judy Lee) but ends up getting his eyes gouged out 3 STOOGES-style. Besides that though I would skip this one unless you really need a good nap. AKA CHAMP OF CHAMPS

COTTON COMES TO HARLEM (1970)


 This is an entertaining enough blaxploitation flick from the golden era of these types of films. It's a kinda weird tale of a black preacher/scam-artist(Calvin Lockhart) who is raising money to build a boat to send poor black folks back to Africa. While this seems to me to be some kinda white-racist aryan dream scenario that is strangely never brought up in the movie itself. The film plays out rather oddly going from scenes of people being graphically gunned down by  bullets one second and then being tossed around Three Stooges-style the next. It also flipflops from kinda having a political message(about the disadvantaged getting swindled, commentary on the black-power movement and racism in general) and being a comedy(see a dumb white cop get tricked into stripping down naked in public and we even get a pie in the face!). While this does seem a bit disjointed the main draw here for me is seeing Fred Sandford himself(Mr. Redd Foxx playing a junkman a couple of years before his big TV series started) in his only appearance in a blaxploitation flick. While the movie could have used more Redd to push it into classic status it's still an enjoyable enough ride.
 Two years after this there was a sequel, COME BACK, CHARLESTON BLUE, which I have yet to check out.


                                                              Japanese style!:



Thursday, September 15, 2016

BAD LIEUTENANT (1992)



 This is probably one of the best American movies made in the 1990's. This is primarily because it feels a lot more like a 70s or 80s flick than something from the most dreaded of decades. Harvey Keitel must get most of the credit here with his amazing performance of a pretty horrible human-bieng that we(or at least me myself) care about as he goes on a completely self-annihilating downward journey. There is a strong Christian/Catholic bent to thing especially towards the back half where Jesus gets cursed out and then gets his tootsies kissed. Director Abel Ferrara also must get much props here for his stylistic vision. The way it's shot brings a real TAXI-DRIVER/MEAN STREETS-vibe to everything and I could see this story easily existing in the same world as those two films.
 So to sum it up gratuitous public masturbation, Harvey Keitel's cock on full display, tits, junkies, cocaine abuse on school grounds, old grimey New York and a very naughty detective doing bad things that ends in blaze of glory. What else do you want from your cinema?
 There was a mostly shitty remake of this made in 2009 which I wrote about here right after viewing it.




  

THE TOXIC RETARDS (2015)



 This movie was compiled by video camera footage taken by a retard so at least it has an excuse for being fucking awful. Calling this an actual movie is a bit of stretch since there's no real plot(there is some attempt to tell a story of aliens invading with really shithole fx but it's totally incomprehensible) or any solid narrative that I could make out. It's basically all just random unrelated scenes of director Carl Sukenick doing stuff(getting completely naked in one part!) or some girls(where the hell did he get these women from?? I'm gonna guess local prostitutes perhaps) that he musta coerced into getting naked somehow and long senseless monologues, oh and how could I forget the shitass gore scenes? For a schizophrenic mental-case ol' Carl at least seems to have some ambition. This movie is so bad and disjointed that it almost falls into the art film category. This is all completely unintentional of course but who am I to tell a retard what constitutes art. For someone with a lot of patience for bad editing looking to get into the mindset of a mentally handicapped man this might be interesting. For most of the rest of humanity this is totally unwatchable. I drank much beer to try and help me through the runtime(which seems really long at 75 minutes or so) and besides the one hilarious scene of Mr. Carl stripping himself down until he's butt-ass naked there was nothing to really hold my interest here.
 Scenes of the aliens in this are taken from director Sukenick's 1991 video ALIEN BEASTS which I don't think I will ever be drunk enough to attempt viewing.


   

Monday, September 12, 2016

CONFESSIONS OF A PSYCHO CAT (1968)


 THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME meets a 60s sexploitation flick. Groovy tale of a nutty chick who goes on a hunting safari for 3 men around Manhattan. One is an actor, another is a junkie and the 3rd is Jake LaMotta playing a former world champion pro wrestler named Rocco. There is some typical 60s softcore nudie scenes inserted into the story now and then(including a window-licking naked lady) and a little bit of bloodshed shown thanks to our wack-a-doo title lady spearing fellows. Got a chance to see this in a makeshift artspace turned into a makeshift theater over the weekend with all the free beer I could consume which definitely helped raise the entertainment value but I think this would be watchable even sober which is more than I can say about some of these old 60s sex flicks.

 

The Cramps dug it!:



                                           AKA 3 LOVES OF A PSYCHO CAT: