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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Sunday, July 26, 2015

SWITCHBLADE SISTERS (1975)


 This one is right up there with some of the Japanese STRAY CAT ROCK movies and HG Lewis' SHE-DEVILS ON WHEELS as one of my favorite girl gang flicks ever! What makes this one so sweet is the amazing drama that draws you into the story, the over-the-top acting styles of everyone, the slick 70's outfits, Farrah Fawcett-hairstyles, and retro feel of everything, awesome fights and an ending that looks like it might fit in a war movie better. Originally released under the not-as-exciting title of THE JEZEBELS and then switched to SWITCHBLADE SISTERS this somehow wasn't a big hit at the time and was way later on in the 90's re-released in theaters by Quentin Tarantino which is where I first encountered it's brilliance. A movie that moves along briskly, mixes in some women-in-prison, blaxploitation, sexploitation and seems like a comic-book for adults that can handle nudity and rape in their entertainment without passing out from how offended they are. A 100% all-time trash classic. AKA MAGGIE'S STILETTO SISTERS and PLAYGIRL GANG




Bad-ass Italian poster!!: 


CANNIBAL FEROX (1981)


 While CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST is clearly the high-point and most well known of the jungle cannibals sub-genre this obvious rip-off by Umberto Lenzi has it's own gory disgusting appeal and on certain days I even prefer watching it to it's inspiration. It borrows so much from HOLOCAUST that it gets pretty ridiculous; Robert Kerman appears in both(though a much smaller role here), a big-ass turtle gets hacked up in both, a giant anaconda gets to squash a cute little fury animal and of course intestines get ripped out of people dumb enough to travel into the heart of the Amazon. Everything in this one is dumbed down a bit though and if you think too hard about it all it doesn't make much sense. It also, for the most part, foregoes the moralizing and just focuses on how much grossness can be put on screen in it's 90 minute run-time. It does seem like there was a competition between director Lenzi and HOLOCAUST's creator Ruggero Deodato as to who could make the bigger gross-out with Deodato starting out with JUNGLE HOLOCAUST in '77 which is comparatively tame compared to these two and then Lenzi responding with EATEN ALIVE in '80 which is a bit gory and rapey but not super extreme. Then it's all topped by the extremity of HOLOCAUST and finally ends up with FEROX which features a couple of castrations, heads lopped off, limbs lopped off, giant grub-worm eating, severed dick-eating, giant hooks through tits in an "homage?" to that A MAN CALLED HORSE movie, etc, etc. John Morgen stands out as the best actor in this whole thing (besides Kerman who isn't really used all that much) as he portrays a sleazy murdering, native-torturing bad-ass while most of the other acting is pretty clunky but who cares since it's all about how many entrails can be munched and how much blood can be spilled and this movie delivers like a greatest hits package of depraved spectacle. AKA MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY



Sunday, July 19, 2015

WIDOW BLUE (1970)



This is definitely one of the stranger 70's porns I've seen. What makes it odd right out of the gate is it inter-cuts a straight sex scene with a gay romp featuring a couple of fellas set to some music from Walt Disney's FANTASIA. While the actual penetration is never shown between these two guys and they quite possibly are simulating that, they are sucking each others mostly limp dicks and this makes me wonder if this might be the first adult film made for a bi-sexual audience. I kinda doubt they actually had any high consciousness-raising, artistic-minded purposes with this one though and assume they were just going for as much shock value as possible since this is followed by some pretty outlandish bits. You get a meat-cleaver to the throat and a castration by teeth which also results in the biter chocking to death on the severed schlong. This all features that super-bright 70's blood and HG Lewis-levels of it to boot. In addition to this we get some incest, necrophiliac cock-sucking, gay-bashing and general sordid woman-hating. Johnny "Wadd" Holmes shows up for an impromptu orgy scene and lots of very hairy folks bang or pretend to bang depending on the scene you're watching. As with many of these 70's hardcore flicks the sex scenes really drag the movie's plot to a harsh stop and makes it seem way longer than it is but for something weird that might turn on your sexually-deviant demented friends this one is worth a viewing. AKA SEX PSYCHO and THE DEMON IN MISS JONES Director Walt Davis later on reused to Holmes' orgy sequence in his snazzily titled film HOW DO I LOVE THEE? LET ME COUNT THE LAYS...!

Available as part of a Walt Davis triple-feature disc from the fine people at Vinegar Syndrome:


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD (1957)


 A giant caterpillar, that I think is also supposed to be a big snail of some sort, rips the heads off of 1950's military personnel, The great thing about 50's monster movies is that they're usually pretty short. The bad news here is this thing drags on for almost 90 minutes which is way too long for this kind of deal. Luckily heads do get chomped off with big pincers every once in a while so that's nice. Also the monster has super dumb-looking googly eyes so that's something to laugh at. Besides that though there's lots of boring dialogue and science chit-chat. Probably woulda been cooler if this caterpillar-thing turned into a giant butterfly but we have to wait for 60's Japan to give us MOTHRA for that spectacle.




Sunday, July 5, 2015

VINYAN (2008)


 While I was expecting more of a CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST-type of a situation with this movie what you actually get is not quite that but an almost equally downbeat sort-of a movie experience. This French/Belgian/Australian/English film deals with a couple of parents who are searching for their lost child and end up in Burma dealing with all kinds of rip-off artists and scumbags in their journey. It's a totally somber view and not something to put on if you want to be in any sort of happy mood (and most likely even more of a downer if you actually do have kids, unlike myself). While I'm not sure if this qualifies as a true horror film or just a really intense drama and I'm also not sure if I would even recommend this to anyone it is better made and more interesting than pretty much any modern horror that's been made in the U.S. in the last 20 years. Also it does deliver on it's cannibals in the jungle premise so I wasn't mislead. I guess ultimately this feels too drama heavy for gore fans and too gory for people who enjoy made-for-Lifetime dramas so I guess it will appeal to that slim group that just wants to see something different. Just don't expect to feel very jolly afterwards.



Monday, June 22, 2015

TERMINAL USA (1993)


 Back in the 90's pretty much everything made by Hollywood was a waste of time so I became obsessed with the works of underground filmmakers like Nick Zedd, Richard Kern and the whole Cinema of Transgression movement. Back then I did see the name Jon Moritsugu pop up in zines here and there but outside of a couple of shorts I somehow avoided seeing any of his stuff. Thanks to a recent retrospective put on here in New York I was able to catch a couple of his strange, punk-rock fueled masterpieces with a theater full of art-cinema weirdos and other assorted oddballs.
 TERMINAL USA is a bizarre mix of Nick Zedd and John Waters told from the Asian-American perspective with a heavy emphasis on punk-nihilism. It tells the tale of a not-very typical Japanese-American family made up of two sons(both played by Moritsugu himself) one a drug-dealing "Live Fast Die Young", Sid Vicious-wannabe-sorta fella and the other a bookish nerd who masturbates by humping his rocking horse while perusing gay skinhead porn. There's also the slutty-cheerleader daughter who gives head to visitors in the bathroom, impotent dad, crazy mom and comatose grandpa whose life is constantly being threatened. Besides the Asian-stereotypes other stereotypical characters show up and get mocked including skinheads, jocks and a lawyer who runs a kiddie-porn ring. The dialogue is great and hilarious, which it kinda has to be in a film with a very low-budget, it all has that same kinda shock-value comedic effect that the classic John Waters movies have and everything ends in an insane sci-fi twist that you will not see coming.
I'm really glad I got woken up to the West Coast transgression master and will be seeking out whatever else is out there from Mr. Moritsugu. His greatest feat, to me, is that this film was somehow funded by PBS which boggles my mind that it played on Public Television Stations at some point because even in a censored form I can see this rubbing a lot of people the wrong way.

"Live Stupid, Die Dumb!":



 Horsey-humping!:

Thursday, June 18, 2015

PET SEMATARY (1989)



 Why do movies with cutesy misspelled titles always suck so much? Maybe there's one out there that isn't awful but I can't think of it at the moment. It is nice that Fred "Herman Munster" Gwynne got some film work in the 80's and I did get a chuckle when he slams the table just like his Frankensteiny alter ego but there's not much else to like about this one. It's got a cat muppet that's supposed to be scary, terrible annoying kids and even when one of the little jerks gets run down by my personal hero of the film, a Ramones-loving truck-driving fella, we have to suffer through his return as a precocious little zombie asshole who spouts more annoying dialogue! It's got some of the worst acting I've seen in a Hollywood movie and the story, written by everyone's mom's favorite author Stephen King, is really dumb. King shows up for a minute which might give someone a thrill but I was more thrilled that it was all over and we got to hear some Ramones.
 There was a sequel to this which I'm gonna assume is a piece of crap also because it stars Eddie Furlong and came out in the 90's.




At least The Ramones made a few dollars off of this:

Sunday, June 14, 2015

NAKED WEAPON (2002)


 If you asked me what year this movie was from right after I watched it I probably would've said sometime in the 90's due to the stupid techno music in it but it is also filled with a bunch of retarded MATRIX-y style slow-mo fight scenes so I guess 2002 is about right. The plot here is pretty cool and classic exploitation-like involving a bunch of little girls being kidnapped and taken to an island where they're trained to be sexy assassins when they grow up. There's a lot of scenes of girl-on-girl violence and killing which I imagine will appeal to all the women-hating slobs out there. In that way it reminded me of that Zoe Bell movie RAZE which may have taken some inspiration from this although I have no idea how popular this was in Australia. I can't help but feel that this woulda been a better overall film if it was made back in the golden-age(the 1980's/90's) of Category-3 nastiness (I initially picked up this DVD because I mistook it for NAKED KILLER which is a great example of how to mix sleaze and a sexy lady-killer). As it is now it's not a terrible film but it all feels a bit too glossy and as if it's trying too hard to feel like a big modern Hollywood movie, and that music is extremely grating and sounds like I'm playing a video game, but maybe that's just me. If you want to see hot Asian ladies butchering each other, getting gang-raped and generally abused by the world in between jiggling their boobs and sorta acting like lesbians and also don't mind that crappy Jet Li-style wire-fu check it out.




This Danish DVD cover invokes a CHARLIE'S ANGELS comparison which is kinda interesting since this movie is like the complete inversion of that show where the Angels end up slaughtering each other FIGHT CLUB-style before ever going on a mission!:

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

KID WITH THE GOLDEN ARMS (1979)


 One of the best old school Shaw Brothers kung fu classics. Blood, betrayals, crazy weapons(like a brass hat!) and almost nonstop fighting action! It starts out introducing all the villains like some kinda video game which is cool and makes things very easy for idiots like me. This is one of those movies that's ingrained in my mind as I watched it a bunch of times as a kid since it got much replay on New York's Saturday afternoon channel 5 Drive-In Movie show throughout the 70's and early 80's. It also has the best ending line ever with our victorious hero proclaiming "I'm gonna go get drunk!". Right on!
 Director Chang Cheh is responsible for a ton of Hong Kong martial arts classics including ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN and FIVE DEADLY VENOMS and the actors who play the Venoms all star here also.







LAST WOMAN ON EARTH (1960)


 Not a sequel to THE LAST MAN ON EARTH, although they probably made a cool double-feature at some point, this is basically a drama about a love triangle that uses an end-of-the-world/sci-fi backdrop to set everything into motion. It's probably the least science-fictiony sci-fi movie I've ever seen and I'm sure that has to do with it being directed by Roger Corman and the budget and locations being kept to a bare minimum. It does start out in an arena where a cockfight is going on, which should piss off any animal lovers watching, and from there takes us around Puerto Rico where Corman made a handful of films around this time. In fact this movie was apparently made as an afterthought during the making of CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA and that's not hard to see although I think this is overall a more interesting movie to watch than that stupid monster on the loose crapfest. There's actually some social commentary on the family structure, manliness and society in general which I can't help but think only appears more clearly looking back through the lens of time. I can see why this one is rarely mentioned though since it's pretty atypical of Corman's films at the time and if you're only looking for something wacky to laugh at stick with his creature features.

The version I saw recently in a theater was colorized but it was originally in black & white which I think looks better:

THE WITCH WHO CAME FROM THE SEA (1976)


 Not entirely sure where to classify this movie. On the surface it's a horror film, especially if you're a man, since it features a demented mass-murdering, psychotic, castrating main character named Molly. It's also a psychological tale of a little girl that's repeatedly raped by her father who grows up to unsuccessfully deal with her childhood trauma and the way it's all filmed has some very art-house touches. Is it a commentary on feminism taken to an absurd extreme, ending in the destruction of all masculinity? Is it a meditation on the evils of male-dominated society? Taken at face value it's just the story of one very messed up lady and sort of the ultimate example of a rape-revenge tale where the revenge is manifested years after the rape against anyone with a penis who gets on the wrong side of Molly and just for that this one is highly re-watchable to me.
 This has to be the best film that George "Buck" Flowers has a big part in, playing a pretty unlikable detective character. And speaking of unlikable characters all of the males presented here are not very lovable fellows. There is this one weirdo tattoo artist, complete with tattoos on the face, named Jack Dracula who, besides having the world's best name, seems to be the only adult male our protagonist seems very comfortable around. Maybe if ol' crazy Molly just hung around fringe artsy types and stayed away from those stupid jocks things woulda gone better for her. Interestingly she also gets along well with her two young nephews which I think shows her search for the innocence that was taken away from her at such a young age but I ain't no therapist.
 To sum it up I'd say this is a great watch for horror fans as well as artsy film lovers and way better than a movie where a nutso bitch castrates men with a razor-blade should be.

Monday, June 8, 2015

LOST SOULS (1980)


 This might be one of the roughest Shaw Brothers movies I've seen yet. In fact I didn't think they ever got this grimy. It's basically a pretty intense women-in-prison movie except there's also men in prison and they're not even really actual prisons but these shitty makeshift barns/hovels that they're being held captive in and they're all illegal immigrants. So I guess there's some kinda political message in here also about how shitty illegal immigrants were treated in Hong Kong. But regardless of all that what you get is a lot of beatings and raping with women being thrown around like rag dolls and then sold into a life of forced-prostitution, pissy cow dung thrown in the face, various tortures including some candle-wax to the privates and hanging people upside down from poles. And, so as not to leave the men out, there's even a pretty graphic man-on-man rape scene which doesn't end up very well for anyone involved. This sleazy film was directed by Mr. Ten Fei Mou who was also responsible for the depressing classics MEN BEHIND THE SUN and  THE NANKING MASSACRE and that's not hard to see as this one gives off a similarly downbeat and hopeless vibe as those two. Check it out for some sleazy action but you will probably need a good shower afterwards.



That is one strange lobby card but it would certainly get me in the theater!:

THE DEATH DUEL OF THE CHINESE SORCERER (1983)

 While this kung fu flick follows the standard guy-gets-killed-then someone-gets-revenge-for-him plot-line(in this case his son) it has quite the few little quirky touches to put it over the top and make for a head-scratchingly fun watch. It starts off with a fellow with a skinhead-girl haircut being a bully and then getting his ass-kicked by another guy named Fat Ho(which leads to great chuckle-worthy lines like "that guy sure learned a lot from that Fat Ho!"). From there we get all kinds of wackiness including this wizard guy who's referred to as an exorcist who enjoys eating live wriggling maggots in his spare time and fighting like a robot, a beggar who goes around embarrassing various people, totally cartoonish dubbing, THREE STOOGES-style fighting and some weird cross-dressing. Much of the movie doesn't make any kind of clear sense but that's the way it often goes with these far-east low-budget chopsocky epics which makes this one for hardcore kung-fu lovers who don't mind a lot of goofiness. AKA INVINCIBLE OBSESSED FIGHTER