BULLITT (1968)

  Steve McQueen stars in this classic cop action flick as an officer tasked with protecting a mob informant. He spends the whole movie in a kind of sleepwalking state which is supposed to reflect how numbed he's become due to all the death and violence he encounters on the job. It definitely doesn't glamorize things and works as a sort-of proto-DIRTY HARRY-take on gritty urban drama. There's a famous car chase scene(just ignore that one green Volkswagen Beetle they pass 3 or 4 times!) that's maybe only topped by the one in THE FRENCH CONNECTION and a plethora of excellent co-stars including the great Don Gordon as Bullitt's sidekick. Robert Duvall, Robert Vaughn, Jacqueline Bisset and even Mr. Roper(Norman Fell) and Mel Sharples(Vic Tayback) show up. Despite a few slumps in the middle section an all-time classic. 

                                                                   French poster!:

STUNT SQUAD (1977)

  This was originally titled THE POLICE ARE DEFEATED in Italy before being renamed STUNT SQUAD in other countries and this title is way more fitting. STUNT SQUAD is a kind of goofy title and it's not that type of film at all. It's pretty much a straight up police vs. crime syndicate flick and yes there is a special motorcycle squad that's formed that do some jumps and shoot their guns while riding but that's not really the main focus of the film. An extortion ring terrorizing the city vs. the cops is the basic outline. A couple of public telephones are blown up taking out businesses that don't pay protection money with them, a guy gets castrated by a straight razor and lots of people are taught what "eating lead" means. Pretty spectacular ending with the common folks rising up against the head of the criminal scumbags. Plays out ina  fairly standard fashion but worth a look if Eurocrime is your bag.   

 The police chief here is played by Marcel Bozzufi who is best known as the main bad guy in THE FRENCH CONNECTION.

HEROIN BUSTERS (1977)

                                                      "We're all son-of-a-bitches"

  One thing I learned from this Italian action/crime drama is that it's star, Fabio Testi, a really tall dude. David Hemmings, of DEEP RED fame, also seems to be very short but that might just be in comparison. This poliziotteschi deals with international drug rings, undercover cops, junkies, an Indian guru and lots of weird 70s wardrobe choices. Another weird thing is the band Goblin, mostly known for their Argento scores, is used here and there music seems a bit out of place in a non-horror setting. While not the best example of an Italian DIRTY HARRY rip-off it's still a brisk watch with enough gun-fu and chases scenes to keep things lively.

HELLGATE (1989)

  This one of those 80s movies that doesn't really make any sense but is basically just an excuse to show off some makeup fx work. Horseshack(Ron Palillo) from WELCOME BACK KOTTER stars and if you ever wanted to see his naked ass here you go. The plot, from what I can decipher, concerns a magic crystal that can revive life or just make things mutate and explode depending on what the story needs to do. There's a cool mutant fish that doesn't last long enough and a ridiculous biker gang comprised of old people. A bunch of stupid crap happens and the characters are all pretty annoying too which doesn't help make this much of an enjoyable watch.  One big plus is main zombie/ghost gal Abigail Wolcott spends a good portion of the film mostly naked showing off her fake boobs. Besides that and one cool decapitation scene it's pretty dire stuff.  

KILLER COP (1975)

  Everything is played super serious in this Italian poliziotteschi film except they throw in this one bumbling goofy-ass cop supporting character(Franco Fabrizi). It's not really enough to ruin the movie or anything but it always strikes me as an odd choice for a film like this which was based on an actual tragedy where terrorists set bombs off around Italy in 1969. The film itself also doesn't offer much in terms of action, has a fairly confusing plot, has a bit of a slow pace for a lot of it and never lives up to the exciting DIRTY HARRY-ish title it was tagged with in certain countries(the original, less exploitative title is THE POLICE HAVE THEIR HANDS TIED), which doesn't make it a favorite of mine. Still an amazing soundtrack, top acting(Arthur Kennedy in particular) and great production values make it worth a look for Eurocrime fans. 

                                                  Funky soundtrack!:

DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS (1975)

 

 Not to be confused with the earlier Eurotrash classic, this one is a cheap one hour long porn flick about a dork who moves into an apartment that is full of Satanic folks. Our main gal(Helen Madigan) even has a big "tattoo"(which looks like it was drawn on with a pen) of ol' Beelzebub that goes all the way from her tits right down past her hairy 70s snatch to her knees. Most of the movie is comprised of not very exciting fucking and sucking while a familiar, but I can't quite place it, horror soundtrack plays. A young Joey Silvera shows up about halfway through as our devil cult leader, an interracial scene with a black fellow in a swami getup, that looks like it's from a different movie, happens and then it all ends with a stupid "was it all a dream?" cop-out. Not the best example of the horror/porn hybrids.  

DANCE WITH ME, HENRY (1956)

 This is the very last Abbott and Costello movie. Before this they did ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE MUMMY and that would have been a way better way to end things. This one is a pretty lame comedy with the duo running an amusement park, getting mixed up with gangsters and a murder due to Abbott being a gambling addict. The worst thing though is all the little kids in this and they're all pretty annoying. There is one beatnik/hipster character that seems pretty chill though.

 A & C would break up the following year and Costello would go on to make that 30 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK that I still haven't gotten up the nerve to watch. I guess I will one day just to be a completist. 

There were a few different covers of this tune. Doesn't really have much to do with the movie besides little bits popping up occasionally: 

                             The Spanish title, MYSTERY IN THE PARK, is not quite as rockin':

Known in Turkey as TWO OPENGROUND GANGSTERS ARE AFTER?:

In Italy Abbott & Costello are dubbed Gianni & Pinotto and the movie is called BANDITS WITH A BANG!:

ALLIGATOR (1980)

 

 One of my personal favorite animals-run-amuck features that I first saw on T.V. as a wee lad. In what is ostensibly a JAWS rip-off(especially in the underwater alligator-viewpoint scenes) you get a stellar cast led by Robert Forster as the cop who's in charge of finding our titular giant mutated menace. Henry Silva also shows up as a big game hunter sent to track down the beast and my favorite character actor, Sidney Lassick is the guy responsible for the alligator becoming gigantic in the first place thanks to him dumping some dead laboratory animals in the sewer. A kid gets chomped in a swimming pool, the gator crashes a party and generally wreaks havoc on the world that flushed him down a toilet. So it's really just a tale(tail?) of sweet revenge.

 There was a sequel called ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATION but that didn't come out until the 90s so it probably sucks. 

                                         Known in Turkey as REVENGE OF THE BEAST!: 

The Japanese poster has a very James Bond-ish flair to it!:

FEMALE PRISONER SCORPION: JAILHOUSE 41 (1972)

 

 This is the 2nd part of the Female Scorpion saga and I think I liked this one as much as, if not more than, the first one. It picks up right where we left off with Scorpion(Meiko Kaji) stuck in a women's prison, rotting away in solitary confinement in the basement. Luckily her amazing recuperative powers have not diminished in the slightest because she has to deal with being gang-raped by the guards, beaten by her fellow inmates and pretty much go through all types of hell before getting any vengeance on her tormentors. The artiness with which this was shot is something to see and makes me want to go back and re-watch the original film now. 

                                                POPULAR AND BRUTAL!:

UNHINGED (2020)

 

 Not to be confused with that boring banned-in-Britain slasher movie from the 80s. This is a new movie starring a fat Russell Crowe and while it's not boring, thanks to some CGI car crashes and people getting offed in various violent ways, like most new movies it's pretty stupid. What you get is basically a rehashed version of that FALLING DOWN movie with Michael Douglas except mixed with a bit more of a slasher movie vibe and of course the angry "unhinged" white man is clearly the bad guy here. And since it was made in 2020 there has to be a totally unrealistically tough, ass-kicking female hero character and annoying young people that we're supposed to care about. Sadly every decision our "hero" makes seems like the opposite of what any sane person would do, which kind of belittles the whole "girl-power" message but I guess they needed to move the plot along somehow and original ideas are in very limited supply these days. I guess I'll give credit to Crowe for looking pretty gross throughout the film but I'm not sure if that's much of a recommendation. 

I SPIT CHEW ON YOUR GRAVE! (2008)

                                                         

                                                            "Tongue my bung!"

Edgelord is a popular term that seemingly-retarded children use to put each other down in online arguments. I've never actually seen it used in an appropriate way. Well here's the only film I've seen where it can honestly be applied to describe it. 

 This is barely a movie, at 58 minutes, and more of a comedic skit that you might see on YouTube. The "idea" is to make a reverse version of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE where a gang of "edgy" alterna-women led by a gay dude cosplaying as David Bowie from LABYRINTH run around raping men. One guy gets raped by a garden-weasel, a white couple talks like stereotypical black folks for no reason and there's never any nudity or gore which might be things you would put in your dumb rape/revenge skit. 

 The director, Chris Seaver, was also responsible for the equally terrible THE TERROR AT BLOOD FART LAKE so he's clearly a piece of garbage.  

                                       Even this trailer is way too long!: 

THE AFTERMATH (1982)

  There are a couple of problems I had with this post-apocalyptic flick. Number one is "star" Steve Barkett, who just so happens to also be the writer and director doesn't exactly make the most convincing action hero. Number two is the overwhelming score that seems totally out of place in a film of this sort and seems lifted from A Spielberg film or possibly an enthralling Disney presentation. Looking beyond these two things, which is kinda tough, you get a bizarro version of PLANET OF THE APES(and it was even shot on the same beach as the original APES) but instead of apes there's mutants(guys in terrible Halloween masks) and a gang of rapers and pillagers led by the great Sid Haig. There's quite a few gory bits including head explosions by shotgun, an arm is chopped off(allegedly an arm reused from THE CORPSE GRINDERS) and some pretty gruesome stabbing takes place. Mr. Famous Monsters, Forrest Ackerman shows up for a talky cameo. Maybe if this was re-scored I would have been less annoyed by it. 

This was originally shot in 1978 but that version was never released. It was later re-shot with different actors. I can't even begin to imagine how crappy that first version must have been. 

There was a remake of this in '87 called SURVIVOR

GUYANA: CRIME OF THE CENTURY (1979)

  Mexican director Rene Cardona Jr. brings us the unauthorized story of Jim Jones and his famous Jonestown suicide cult. Being unauthorized basically just means that they changed Jones' name to James Johnson. I'm not exactly sure how close to reality the gay rape as punishment and torture of children as discipline are but I'm sure it's possible. This did get released only a year after the actual tragedy and is ostensibly an exploitation movie and not a history lesson so that's probably a good way to view it. Unfortunately the version I own of this cuts down some of the more lurid scenes. I'm guessing the version with the CULT OF THE DAMNED might be the more complete cut. Either way though it's way too long at 107 minutes cut or 115 minutes uncut with a lot of down time. Also everyone knowing the ending makes it less than spectacular when it finally occurs. It was nice to see Yvone "Lily Munster" DeCarlo as Johnson's henchwoman though. 

All the cool kids know it was FlavorAid not KoolAid!:

HIT MAN (1972)

 Two things that stick out to me about this movie: 1. Bernie Casey plays the smooth sex-machine to all the chicks main character here and since I mainly identify him with the title role in DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE, where he plays Mr. Hyde with not very much makeup at all besides some white powder on his mug, it makes it tough to see him as the irresistible ladies man this movie wants us to believe he is. 2. Pam Grier plays one of the bad guys in this, which is something I've never seen her do before. Besides these 2 weird aspects it's a pretty rudimentary tale of Casey trying to find out what happened to his brother that resulted in him ending up dead. It's a blaxploitation version of the movie GET CARTER which was released the prior year. Someone gets fed to a lion at one point. I should probably check out the original at some point just to see if that happens in that version also.