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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017


  This one is a sort-of mix of a gangster flick, an action movie and a touch of kung-fu on the side. Of course it's mainly a mobster movie with Jack Palance as MISTER SCARFACE (which is also the more common title of this). Who heads of a crime organization that goes up against one headed by Edmund Purdom. Palance is not actually the star though, even though he has top-billing. Our main character (Harry Baer) is a young mobster who goes around collecting money and throwing flying kicks when he has to. I would probably rate this film higher if it had more Palance in it or if it wasn't directed by Fernando Di Leo, whose "Milano trilogy" is an example of some of the best Eurocrime films out there so I expected more. Also it gets a bit too action-y in spots which may not be a bad thing if you just want to see a somewhat silly action flick. AKA THE BIG BOSS and BLOOD AND BULLETS

Saturday, November 18, 2017


 Fairly generic slasher flick here. It contains all the standard elements including blood, nudity(boobs and full bush on display) and a half-assed mystery involving a childhood trauma. There's also a really wonky ending that throws a twist in for the hell of it. Daphne Zuniga, who was also in the similar THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD, is our main gal in distress and she would go on to become famous for stupid TV-shows like MELROSE PLACE. Clu Gulager from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD shows up for a bit. A new wave band called Refugee? plays a party scene where a guy dresses up like a giant dick and balls but besides them the music in this thing is pretty irritating. Only recommended to slasher completists or, I guess, big Daphne Zuniga fans.

                                           INICIACION SATANICA is a way cooler title!:

Tuesday, November 14, 2017


  I'd seen the original THEY CALL ME BRUCE? at some point in the 80s but I don't remember much about it besides that it was mildly entertaining at the time, and even though I don't remember much about the first film I'm pretty sure it wasn't as bad as this crappy sequel. They waited 5 years and the best they could come up with is basically a shitty version of CROCODILE DUNDEE with an Asian man instead of an Australian. Then they spoof ROCKY with some bad fight scenes as Bruce fights Ogre(Donald Gibb) from REVENGE OF THE NERDS. Pretty yawn inducing.
 Star Johnny Yune would give up trying to make it in America shortly after this and end up being a late-night TV talk-show host in Korea.
 Notable co-stars and cameos in this include Robert 'BENSON' Guillaume, John's little brother Joey Travolta and Pat Paulsen who shows up in a bunch of dumb 80s comedies most memorably, to me anyway, NIGHT PATROL.

Monday, November 13, 2017

C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD (1989)

 The first C.H.U.D. was a pretty decent 80s monster flick. This one is a stupid piece of crap comedy. It also changes the monsters into just being regular zombies who get into slap-stick-filled adventures. Maybe the only good thing going for this is that it has a bunch of weird cameos from people like Rich Hall from NOT NECESSARILY THE NEWS, Norman "Mr. Roper" Fell, June Lockhart from LOST IN SPACE, Mick Jagger's ex-wife Bianca Jagger, Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund, Robert Vaughn from THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. and more but even all this talent is wasted here and I personally felt embarrassed for everyone involved. It all plays like an 80s teen-sex-comedy except without any sex or nudity and not very much in the way of anything all that funny either so what you're left with is a kind of retarded zombie flick where dumb stuff happens constantly. A shameful scam but I'm sure there's some 80s-obsessed freaks that may enjoy it on some level.

             The monsters on this video cover are from the 1st movie and not in this one at all!:

Sunday, November 12, 2017


This one is probably better known as ASSIGNMENT TERROR. Calling it DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN is pretty dumb since those 2 monsters never fight and are working on the same team and there is a crappy Al Adamson film under that title and also a Jess Franco film known as such. THE WOLFMAN VS. FRANKENSTEIN woulda made more sense since that actually happens but weird aka's is pretty standard for Paul Naschy werewolf flicks. This is the 2nd(or 3rd if you count the unobtainable/uncompleted? NIGHTS OF THE WOLF-MAN) Naschy flick as Waldemar Daninsky and one of the few ones that actually works as a sequel. The plot revolves around a mad-scientist-type, played by Michael Rennie from the classic THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, and just like in that movie he's actually an alien but instead of trying to warn the Earth about its impending doom here he's actively trying to bring that about by re-animating various monsters including a mummy, a vampire, a Frankenstein-monster(though he's called the Faranksalan-monster to avoid copyright charges?) and, of course, Naschy's Wolf-Man. Instead of conquering the planet though they all seem to just hang out in this old castle. It's a pretty convoluted(part sci-fi/part-horror) mess of a movie that's closer in plot to something like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE than any of the classic Universal films it's attempting to mimic but for monster fans like myself it's still a great wacky watch and where else do you get go-go dancers mixed into your monster-mash?.

Known in Mexico as OPERATION TERROR!:

C.H.U.D. (1984)

 C.H.U.D., or Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers for long, is a film I sometimes think I give higher praise than it maybe deserves because it was made in the 1980s and it's actually a monster movie that isn't a comedy at all. Sure while it is a pretty silly plot about mutated cannibal creatures living under New York City it's done really well and there's not much to complain about besides some points in the action where it gets a little talky and slows down. There's also a lack of any real gore or any nudity to speak of but the acting is on-point and the main-attraction, the C.H.U.D.'s themselves look pretty impressive even when they're not lurking in the shadows. Also it's set in NYC back when it was still a grimy, sleazy location so that always gets extra-credit in my book.
 John Goodman from the ROSEANNE show appears for a tiny bit before becoming C.H.U.D.-chow.
 There was one sequel to this 5 years later where they threw the idea of being serious completely out the window and went with almost a straight-ahead comedy deal so, of course, it sucks.

                                                            Ol' rubber-neck CHUD!:

German 'PANIK' poster:


 One of the weirdest things I've seen in a while. This is a super artsy-fartsy mess of a movie that contains two plots, one being pro-communism?, I think?, and the other I'm guessing is all about the joys of the anarchist life? It starts off with an odd beauty pageant for virgin ladies then John Vernon shows up and pulls out his golden penis and pisses on the winner. From there things just get weirder as a whole slew of disgusting things happen that don't make any sense. There's simulated castration, lots of vomit, guys shitting on plates, guys pissing into each others mouths, stripping in front of little boys, bloody murder in a bunch of sugar and it all ends up with a lady rolling around in chocolate. The whole thing reminds me of a somewhat gentler, not as mean-spirited version of SALO, OR THE 120 DAYS OF SODOM by Pasolini which hadn't actually been released yet(and interestingly he was responsible for the Italian-dub of this film so perhaps it was inspirational for him). Something you watch once, that is if you're into disgusting French art-flicks and can deal with poop hijinks etc., just to say you experienced it.

                           I guess Marxists philosophies that lead to mass murders is sweet ??:

Sunday, November 5, 2017


 I've been working my way through the classic Universal Mummy boxset and figured this would be pretty much the same as the last one, and while it is in many ways they at least spice things up a bit with the inclusion of John Carradine as our main villain here who controls Lon Chaney Jr. as the titular Mummy named Kharis who isn't really a ghost but just your standard reincarnated mummy-man. and a pretty wonky ending that I don't mean to spoil but it involves the mummy kinda winning in the end which is pretty rare in these. Of course the story deals with the mummy's quest for his soulmate, as it often does, which in this case is reincarnated into an Egyptian lady(Ramsay Ames) who doesn't really look very Egyptian to me but what do I know?. Things take a pretty nihilistic turn by the end which is pretty shocking for 1944 and makes this entry stand out. Chaney would be back for the next and final film in the Kharis saga rushed out the same year.


 Being a child of the 70s it was kind of the law that you had to be into Star Wars and Kiss, unless you were some kinda weird mutant kid, so I first saw this film when it originally aired  on TV under the KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK title and I was 7 years old which is really the perfect age to watch this since the plot is basically a SCOOBY-DOO episode done live-action and with rock n' roll. Getting to see it again last night with a crowd of Kiss fans after seeing a Kiss cover band play  may have been a bit less exciting but it now has that nostalgic kitschy-value going for it. The story concerns a mad-doctor-type who designs realistic robots for an amusement park that Kiss is giving some big shows at. The band, I believe, is taken from their Marvel Comics incarnation because they possess special talismans that give each of them magical powers and kung-fu abilities that they use to battle a variety of robot assailants including a fake-Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolfman and a whole army of white sorta-Ape/sorta-Lion faced creatures. Very dumb fun that is vastly helped by actually liking Kiss' music or being 7 years old in 1978 or maybe a few beers.


Tuesday, October 31, 2017


 I never knew that this Paul Naschy werewolf flick was presented in 3-D in the U.S.A. back in the 70s until just recently. I also never figured I would get a chance to actually view it like that but thanks to a newly refurbished print I caught it in all it's glorious dimensions recently.
 The film itself is a pretty groovy monster-mash done Eurotrash-style. We get Mr. Naschy getting himself bitten and cursed while dispatching a Wolf-Man. Then in order to cure himself he ends up with a vampire couple posing as doctors who specialize in lycanthropy.  It's got sexy ladies, blood and monster brawling(including vampire vs. werewolf and some werewolf on werewolf action!). The only thing really missing is anything to do with Frankenstein. The American producer, Sam Sherman, tries to remedy this a bit by calling the main family Wolfstein but this is a pretty tenuous link. If you can overlook that one little thing though this is a great ride for appreciators of monster cinema and it's especially sweet in 3-D. AKA THE MARK OF THE WOLFMAN, THE WEREWOLF'S MARK, HELL'S CREATURES and THE VAMPIRE OF DR. DRACULA
 This is the 1st of Naschy's Waldemar The Werewolf flicks to be released. There was supposedly an earlier one titled NIGHTS OF THE WOLF-MAN that was never completed due to it's director, Rene Govar, dropping dead.
There are 13 sequels(or more accurately just follow up werewolf flicks) to this including:

5.   CURSE OF THE DEVIL (1974)
7.   THE CRAVING (1980)
8.   GOODNIGHT, MR. MONSTER (1982)(the only one where Naschy isn't named Waldemar Daninsky)
10. HOWL OF THE DEVIL (1987)

TV Terror!:

Sunday, October 29, 2017


 This is the 3rd mummy movie in the Universal studios series following THE MUMMY'S HAND. If you have not seen that one there's a lot of recapping going on here with a bunch of reused footage to start things out. When things finally get underway our  Mummy, this time played by Lon Chaney Jr., is revived and brought to America for his revenge on those who messed with his tomb. Chaney is pretty much wasted under all the makeup and this one is pretty by-the-numbers and never quite as entertaining as the last entry.
 I'm working my way through the whole Mummy box-set and I assume the next couple will be more of the same but I will keep my hopes up.

THE BELLS (1973)

 I first saw this Eurotrash/art flick on a cheap-o cut-to-crap DVD under the more common title of BELL FROM HELL and it didn't make any sense. It seemed visually interesting enough though so when I got the chance to check out an uncut version recently in the theater I figured I would give it another shot. Well come to find out it still isn't all that coherent. The story concerns a fellow(Renaud Verley) who is wrongly committed to an insane asylum by his shitty family for their financial gain. When he gets out it's revenge time. Seemingly simple enough premise it's runtime is filled with enough weird bits that things are never what they seem. Is our protagonist actually insane now or just acting? Why is he really into the idea of incest with his cousins? There are elaborate sequences of him faking gory acts like plucking his own eyeballs out and at one point he builds a completely life-size dummy of himself just to be a little prankster. This serves to throw off the audience as well as the film's characters. If you're a fan of obtuse European art-flicks, where the main character is a pretty unlikable sort of fellow, this might be better appreciated by you than myself who was expecting more of a straightforward sleazy horror film. Oh, and I guess you would also have to be ok with random slaughterhouse scenes of cows being bloodily butchered.
 More interesting than the movie itself, to me, is that the director, Claudio Guerin, fell of a belltower while filming the final scene resulting in his death. It's a shame because judging from this film he seems like a guy that could have done something worthwhile, or at least somewhat interesting, if he continued on.


Saturday, October 28, 2017


 This one falls into that really stupid 80s horror movie category. That being said it's also a pretty fun watch with the right crowd which I was able to experience last night at a rare public screening. Everything about this is just strange and wacky including the plot about a Satanic grandpa(Hy Pyke) who rapes his own daughter to spawn a kid whose sole purpose is to be an important soldier in the Devil's Army, at least I think that's the plot it gets a bit muddled at points along the way. It also falls into the slasher category except it has a fairly low-body count but at least the gore-scenes are kinda inventive including a death-by-corset, death-by-trident and a couple of deaths by various garden tools. There's also cemetary sex on top of a fresh corpse, a party where there's a fully bare-assed stripper performing, a couple of 80s hair-metal bands, violence to pumpkins, ass-tattoos(I guess technically they are ass-brandings) and a bunch of other oddball elements that need to be seen. Good off-the-beaten-track watch for the Halloween season. AKA DEATH MASK, THE DAMNING and HALLOWEEN NIGHT


Spawned this sweet tune!:

Festive VHS!:

Festive German VHS!:

Wednesday, October 25, 2017


 Director Russ Meyer starts out with his first full-length feature here. He would go on to way better stuff but the basic elements are present including the high-speed intro, the voice-over narration and most importantly the large-breasted ladies who have no problem getting naked constantly. The main problem with this film is that it really doesn't have any plot beyond our title character(Bill Teas) who goes door-to-door and runs into sexy ladies that he fantasizes about being in the nude. Also it gets really repetitive especially with their being no dialogue and just some wonky jazz tunes playing over the various nature romps and it's all extremely easy to fall asleep to. It does have some historical value though since this was the first of the nudie-cutie flicks that wasn't presented as a documentary on nudism but basically just sleazy titillation for it's own sake, so that's something. Nowadays this probably works better as background visuals at some slimy dive-bar than it does as a real movie-viewing experience but if you can make it through 60 minutes or so of grandpa porn, that sometimes feels way longer, give it a gander.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017


 Ordinarily movies that feature hallucinations that we're never quite sure are actually happening, or not, being being a main feature of a film is something I don't care for but in the case of this film I give it a pass. There are certainly enough ideas intertwined with the twisted realities that we are shown to keep me invested. This film sorta predicts the internet even if it got the exact medium wrong. Reality TV programming, virtual reality and obsessions with video games are also not too hard to see coming within the universe set forth here. What is basically an obtuse horror/sci-fi-art film that somehow received a major release seems very hard to comprehend being made today but maybe with stuff like that artsy MOTHER flick getting a shot it would be possible? Then again films these days seem to be play in theaters for about 2 weeks before they are gone so maybe it's not even that big of a deal anymore. Debbie Harry is really good here as the pain-loving gal pal of Max Renn(played equally brilliantly by the great James Woods who would go on to become a Republican which I guess is the worst sin in Hollywood since his career has yet to recover). This may be my favorite film by director David Cronenberg but it's really hard to pick since I love almost everything he has done pretty equally. Bizarre imagery including stomach vaginas, hands that turn into puss-oozing guns, veiny and throbbing television sets that suck you right into their warped reality and tumor-infested "bad guys"(are there really any good guys in this??) that melt like the wicked witch make for one of the all-time great mind-trips of cinema.


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

KING KONG (1933)

 Caught this recently on a theatrical double-feature release, playing before the classic giant-ant flick THEM!. While this was a Halloween lead-up event, this movie has always been more of a Thanksgiving tradition for me and probably a great many other people of a certain age-group who live in the New York City area since it was shown here at that time of the year for a long, long time until TV became an empty cesspool of non-stop commercials and unwatchable puke.
 What can you say about this classic except that it is the granddaddy of giant-monster movies thanks to it's variety of prehistoric creatures that pop-up, the FX-work by Willis O'Brien was revolutionary at the time and it's a great adventure/sci-fi/thriller of a movie that moves along briskly and doesn't ever get boring or bogged down. The actors are all amazing in that old-timey way, and Fay Wray becomes the icon of all scream-queens to follow.
 There's only 1 official sequel  but about a gazillion knock-offs and spoofs, a cartoon-version, a Japanese version and a few remakes including one from the 70s which I thought was pretty cool when I was a kid and a couple of newer cgi-ladened shitfests that I have no interest in ever bothering with.

Re-released 5 years later with this trailer:

                                                                    French poster:

There's about a trillion alternate posters for this film!:

Sunday, October 15, 2017


 Not to be confused with the giallo, THE FROZEN TERROR, this is definitely one of the worst things I've seen in a long time. Got to watch this as the first half  of a double-feature along with MICROWAVE MASSACRE and I'm not sure how I managed to stay awake through the whole runtime of this. There's lots of terrible acting and a nonsensical plot about a mad-scientist creating zombies that have to be kept at a certain temperature(hence the title). There's also terrible dubbing and one of the oddest things I've seen where they occasionally dub a narrator pontificating over the characters on screen who are still talking! It's almost like the movie itself knows that the dialogue is mostly pointless so they take you away from it rather abruptly from time to time to save your sanity. There's a little bit of blood and a little bit of nudity but nothing all that exciting happens. I'm kind of shocked this thing was made in the 70s since it seems way more like something that would have been shot-on-video in the 80s and it has a really crappy slasher movie-vibe going through it.

                                  This nice-looking lady does not ever show up in the movie!:

LOVE IN 3-D (1973)

 I once saw a porno film in 3-D on the big screen but I had never experienced a 3-D German sexploitation flick the way it was originally meant to be viewed until last night.  It's a pretty fun and equally dumb watch that does get a bit monotonous towards the end. The director of this, Walter Boos, also made a few of those SCHOOLGIRL REPORT movies which this has a very similar feel to.
 Judging by some of the comments I overheard, I'm guessing it also has the ability to aggravate current-day "feminists" with it's very 70s style of humour. Why someone who's that easily offended would choose to pay to see this movie I'm not quite sure but I'm also not really sure why people are into masochism either so whatever. So check this out, preferably in 3-D if possible, if you want to see juggs in your face, bouncing sex antics, lots of European bush on display and a very young-looking Christina Lindberg(most famous, of course for THEY CALL HER ONE EYE and various other Euro-sex epics)  popping out of the screen or if you're an ultra-sensitive-type who wants something to be perpetually pissed-off about.
Released on video as FIRST KISSES

The original German intro:

Saturday, October 14, 2017


 If you ever wanted to see Jackie Mason starring as the killer in a slasher movie this might be the closest to that you will find. You don't actually get Mr. Mason here but instead Jackie Vernon who I don't really know much about except that he kinda reminds me of that other Jackie and he was also the voice of FROSTY THE SNOWMAN on that famous 60s holiday cartoon. I caught this 80s kinda-horror but more of a comedy flick in a theater as part of a double-feature along with FROZEN SCREAM and in comparison to that turd this was refreshing. On it's own though I wouldn't recommend this to anyone except lovers of very stupid 80s stuff that's probably more famous for it's VHS box than the film itself. There is a bit of blood here and there and some decnet nekkid boobs on display to go along with its stupid Joe Schmoe-schlub turned cannibal storyline so that's something. One big thing lacking here is no one actually gets killed via the microwave(and this microwave is so big that you can fit a body in it so it did seem like a possibility) making the title a bit of a cop-out.

The best way to start off a nice classy film!!:

Tuesday, October 10, 2017


 Boris Karloff starts this movie out as a pretty sympathetic doctor whose goal is to help humanity conquer death. Unfortunately to achieve this goal he has to kill a guy to prove out his theory and test out his mechanical heart-thing-a-ma-jig(this movie sorta predicts artificial hearts and heart-transplants way before they actually existed, so that's kinda cool and gives things a bit of a sci-fi feel)). This results in Dr. Savaard(Boris) getting himself sentenced to death by hanging. Now, to be clear, his "victim" did volunteer for all this but I guess he forgot to get that in writing. The second half of the film sees Karloff in his more typical role as a revenge-seeking, back-from-the-dead, murder-crazy monster. A pretty neat and short flick that's worth a look for old-timey horror/thriller fans. This must have been somewhat successful since Mr. Karloff would go on to play a mad-scientist of some sort or another in a whole bunch more films after this.

This is not the trailer despite the title but it is Boris and assistant doing some sciency stuff:

                                                         "Do not see this picture!":

Sunday, October 8, 2017


 There have been quite a few versions of this Edgar Allen Poe story filmed over the years starting way back in 1928. This is the first in a series of director Roger Corman's adaptations of various Poe tales and it stars Vincent Price as a real creep who seems to be holding his sister hostage in what seems to be a haunted house full of ghosts of their ancestors. For the most part it's a real talky and pretty dull affair all the way up until the ending. Price does raise things above what they would otherwise be but even with someone being buried alive and the big climax this is still one of my least favorite things starring Mr. P. Corman, being the cheap guy that he was, would reuse some of the fiery special-fx shots that end this film in some of the other 7 films that would follow in the series. PIT AND THE PENDULUM still remains my favorite of the bunch.  AKA HOUSE OF USHER

Some other USHER'S:
THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER - 1950 (Made in England)
THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER - 1979 (TV-movie with Martin Landau)
REVENGE IN THE HOUSE OF USHER 1983 (Spanish Jess Franco production with Howard Vernon)
THE HOUSE OF USHER - 1989 (A British/U.S./Canadian co-production with Oliver Reed)

                                         Italian title THE LIVING AND THE DEAD!:

Wednesday, October 4, 2017


 Along with SOYLENT GREEN and PLANET OF THE APES Charlton Heston made a great sorta-trilogy and great triple-feature of 70s end-of-the-world flicks. This one, which is a remake of the Vincent Price flick THE LAST MAN ON EARTH, the great Mr. Heston takes on a gang of mutated psychopaths with guns blazing. There's a kind-of blaxploitation feel to some of this one due to an African-American lady(Rosalind Cash) that shows up and one of the not-so nice freaky killers(Lincoln Kilpatrick) who is a black man whose skin has turned white due to the apocalyptic plague that's running rampant. There was also a 2007 remake of this, or I guess more accurately the novel that all these are based on, titled, same as the book, I AM LEGEND with Will Smith that I know I've seen but don't remember liking it much. The original Price film is a good one and seemingly a big influence on NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, so it is important but this is the one I've gone back to rewatch the most and that's probably because I enjoy that 70s style the most. Heston gets to do his Jesus impression, there's a cool denim jacket with a big middle finger on it and manages to have a happy and sad ending all at the same time.

                                                        Japanese OMEGA MAN!!:


Wednesday, September 27, 2017


 Franco Nero Vs. JAWS? Kinda, sorta. Unlike the other movie I have this on a double-feature DVD with, DEADLY JAWS, this one does feature people getting ripped apart by sharks and Mr. Nero, or at least his stunt-double, does spend a lot of time hunting down and wrestling with sharks. Just like that other JAWS-reminiscent feature though this one is mainly concerned with a treasure in the ocean and some gangsters battling our hero to get their hands on it and really isn't any sort of horror film. Nero wears a wacky long blond wig that gives him the 70s glam-rocker look and director Enzo G. Castellari does a decent enough job with the action sequences but I would definitely recommend their earlier collaboration KEOMA over this but maybe if I was able to view this on a better looking DVD and it all not look so dark and murky I would rate it a bit higher. AKA GUARDIANS OF THE DEEP.  The German re-title of DJANGO AND THE SHARKS makes it sound like it might be an interesting spaghetti-western.


 Not to be confused with the sexploitation flick DEEP JAWS this is a completely different movie meant to be mistaken for JAWS only in it's American release that was obviously after JAWS premiered in 1975. The original film from Germany, titled NO GOLD FOR A DEAD DIVER, isn't similar to the Spielberg classic much at all and is actually an adventure film about finding some lost treasure. There's a couple of scenes where 2 sharks do show up, one of which is a hammerhead which doesn't seem all that scary, and also an octopus(so I guess they coulda just as easily retitled this to be a ripoff of that movie TENTACLES if they wanted to) but all of these creatures seem to be stock-footage which is pretty underwhelming. There's some dramatic scenes with a love triangle, double-crosses and a bunch of silly gun battles with Mexican pirates but this one doesn't really stand out much and I will probably forget about it a couple of hours after viewing.

There's also an out of place theme tune that seems like it escaped from a blaxploitation film which you can hear right here:

Original poster has no mention of sharks on it: