/* Scroll box by BloggerSentral.com START */ Html2 .widget-content { height: 200px; overflow: auto; } /* Scroll box END */

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Sunday, July 23, 2017

CAPTAIN OF COSMOS (1983)

                                     "How can you bite a lady's rear-end like that?"

 This Korean animated(and pretty badly animated at that!) feature came out originally in 1979 but the dubbed version wasn't released until the 80s. Most of the film is fairly typical stuff with a hero battling some evil alien-types(including a huge green-skinned robot that looks like a Frankenstein monster). The one thing that did stand out to me is our hero's sidekick who is a little boy robot who bites ladies on the ass if they refer to him as a mechanical being and not a real boy. Sadly this only happens once and the rest is rather dull space battles and people getting zapped with disintegration rays. There is some really odd dubbing in the English version which is good for a few laughs if nothing else.
 There are supposed to be references to the MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM show where various characters are just recycled but I've never seen that program so it's all new to me. There were a few bad guys that looked like various SPIDER-MAN or DAREDEVIL villains from the 70s comic books to give this thing a real international rip-off flair. AKA JOHNNY DESTINY: SPACE RANGER and JOHNNY DESTINY: SPACE NINJA(The producer of this, Joseph Lai, was also responsible for a gazillion of those cheap-ass retitled composite ninja VHS movies throughout the 80s like GOLDEN NINJA WARRIOR , NINJA THUNDERBOLT etc.)




                                                                 Ass-biter!:

The Southern California Motion Picture Council must've had a bad year: 



Saturday, July 22, 2017

THE DAY OF THE WOLVES (1971)


 In addition to THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE this looks like a big inspiration for Quentin Tarantino's RESERVOIR DOGS in that it's the tale of a gang of anonymous gangsters(who each get a number here instead of a color like in R.D.) gathered together to pull off a big job. In this case the job is ransacking a whole town and splitting with over a million dollars. On the other side of the law we get a sheriff who's being forced to turn in his badge by a corrupt city council who turns into a real Rambo character when the shit hits the fan.
 All in all this is a really good heist flick despite having an obviously very low-budget for some of the action scenes attempted and is definitely something Tarantino fans should give a look at.

Comes complete with wonky hippie folk theme song!:



Thursday, July 20, 2017

SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS (1972)



This is one of those made-for-T.V. movies but it's from the 70s so that's not necessarily a negative thing. In this case the most of the movie plays out like a mystery with some decently creepy atmosphere involving a young gal(Pamela Franklin) trying to solve her sister's murder that was made to look like a suicide. Then it all just ends with some fire in a fairly uninspiring manner.
 This might only be of interest to fans of the CHARLIE'S ANGELS program since 2 of the ladies from that (Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd) appear here a few years before that show launched. For fans of better 70s television horror this seems pretty skippable. Great title though!
 For some reason there was a remake of this in 2000 starring Shannen Doherty which was also made-for-T.V. but watching anything on television from the year 2000 is something I don't have much interest in. 



ACROSS 110th STREET (1972)


 Great soundtrack(including the classic title tune that was reused in JACKIE BROWN amongst other places), great dialogue and a cool plot about some gangsters getting ripped off and murdered and all hell breaking loose in Harlem as a result. It's like if you took a classy mobster flick and added a helping of blaxploitation and mixed it all up into a standout 70s epic. All the actors here, including Anthony Quinn, Yaphet Kotto and Anthony Franciosa are perfect in their respective roles. My personal favorite Antonio "Huggy Bear" Fargas dons some sweet vines before the shit starts to get really heavy. We get an offscreen castration, lots of gun-fu and a bunch of 70s-style racism. A great example of why the 70s were the high-point of cinema and even a seemingly simple crime-drama can be a thought-provoking(besides the obvious racial questions raised there are ponderings on age and suicide brought up) piece of art.




This version of the theme song, that's on the soundtrack, is actually different, and better, than the one that's actually played in the opening of the film:




Italian style!:


and Japanese style!:



Sunday, July 9, 2017

DIE! DIE! MY DARLING (1965)


 Tallulah Bankhead was a big deal back in Hollywood's golden age but more so for her stage acting and being a real character than any big movies she was in. I know of her mostly from her appearances on TV in things like I LOVE LUCY and the BATMAN program. She also was allegedly a very free spirit when it came to sex and nudity way back before the hippies came along and made that kind of stuff a little more culturally acceptable.
 After WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? was such a big hit a lot of these older female stars found roles in horror (or thrillers as this one is more of) films and this is Tallulah's. The character she plays is about as far removed from what I know of the real Miss Bankhead in that she's a super religious nut who kidnaps her late son's fiance and holds her captive until she see's the light. Murder and catfights ensue. Tallulah does a great job as expected since you kind of feel sympathy for her character even though she's a really terrible person. Sadly this was her last film appearance but she would go on to be The Black Widow on BATMAN so that's a pretty cool ending. AKA FANATIC






The Misfits added an extra "Die" cuz that's the kinda guys they are!:




MANIAC (1963)


 Not to be confused with the 80s slasher movie or that 30s movie where they rip out a cat's eyeball, this is the Hammer studios MANIAC. The movie starts right out with a dad getting some sweet revenge with an acetylene torch after his daughter is attacked(and apparently raped but this is 1960 so this is never made all that crystal clear) by some creep. Unfortunately he takes things too far and is thrown in an asylum and branded a "maniac". Then for a long time it becomes a boring love triangle story between our maniac's wife and his daughter and some American dude. Then it gets weird when the imprisoned maniac's wife convinces her new lover to break her husband out of jail and he agrees to this for some bizarre reason? This part made very little sense to me. It all ends with a few twists and that's nice and all but I think my main problem with this is that the guy who's dubbed a maniac seems pretty justified in his initial revenge. I mean sure you shouldn't torture anyone with a welding torch but the man's daughter was just viciously attacked. Who wouldn't be a tad peeved off over this? Then this American fella comes along and hits on his wife and daughter?  This villain doesn't seem all that bad of a guy to me in his initial reaction and on the other hand this American doesn't seem like much of a hero in the story.  Hammer would head into mostly more monster and gothic stuff after this and that seems to have been their strong suit and a better idea than trying to do their version of PSYCHO.



            On the bottom of a double-bill with a William Castle directed Hammer remake:





THE BLOODY JUDGE (1970)



 As much as I generally love director Jess Franco I've never been much of a fan of this burn-the-witches flick that he did with Christopher Lee. Lee is great as always in the title role but the film overall pales when compared to it's obvious inspiration CONQUEROR WORM and it never gets as sleazy or bloody(with it's PG-rating) as MARK OF THE DEVIL from this same year.  It is probably one of Jess' most professional and best looking films and it's not terrible it just suffers for reminding me of  better movies in this sub-genre. Franco regular Howard Vernon is pretty great as the executioner/torturer of accused witch-ladies but the movie sadly isn't all about him and his limping sadistic ass. There are a bunch of alternate titles for this which were various cut versions including NIGHT OF THE BLOOD MONSTER, THRONE OF THE BLOOD MONSTER, TRIAL OF THE WITCHES, WITCH KILLER OF BROADMOOR and WITCHES' TRIAL




                                      Didn't spot this monster anywhere in this movie:


Saturday, July 8, 2017

TRAINED TO KILL: USA (1973)


 I've been a fan of Vietnam-Vet-revenge tales since I was 11 years old and first saw FIRST BLOOD in the theater with my mom. My favorite ever has to be ROLLING THUNDER but this one  here is a pretty decent slice of 70s exploitation where we even get a biker flick jammed into the last third. The bike gang is led by Sid Haig who is a real highlight as a shit-kicking, chain-swinging character named Pill Box. Why he's called this I'm not exactly sure except that perhaps it's because he deals drugs? He isn't the main villain though, that honor goes to Mr. BLACK SAMSON himself, Rockne Tarkington. He's exactly the opposite of SAMSON here as a badass murdering scumbag who takes no shit from anyone. The film ends with a great climactic massacre and a ballad that seems totally out of place after watching all that crazy violence.
 Originally released as THE NO MERCY MAN, which is also the title of the wonky tune that plays at the beginning of the movie,  and then re-released as TRAINED TO KILL and then finally put out on video as TRAINED TO KILL: USA so we can all be clear and proud of where all this carnage takes place.


                                                             

                                                           The glorious VHS!:



Monday, July 3, 2017

WILD ZERO (1999)



 Being a fan of the Japanese punk-a-billy band Guitar Wolf I've been wanting to see this movie since it came out but haven't had the chance. So when it got a showing down at the local artsy-fartsy theater over the weekend I couldn't pass it up. It was definitely worth the trip since this one is a great Asian mash-up of insanity where you get a rock 'n' roll band that are basically superheroes who look like the Japanese Ramones taking on zombies who come from flying saucers. There's also some baldie bad guys lead by this one snazzy fellow who wears extra tight hot pants and crazy wigs. There's also a strong pro-tranny message which I wouldn't've thought would be in a movie from '99 but I guess the director(Tetsuro Takeuchi) was a little ahead of the times. This film might not be very serious and there's cgi exploding heads but I still found it to be more entertaining than most American films made in the 90s and it made me love Guitar Wolf even more

Sunday, July 2, 2017

THE DAY THE SKY EXPLODED (1958)


This starts out with an astronaut traveling in orbit around the Earth, which in 1958 was still some pretty science-fiction-y-type stuff. Then, for reasons I'm not quiet clear on, this causes a bunch of meteorites to head towards our planet meaning certain doom when they collide. The reason I'm not exactly sure how these two things are connected is that this is a really boring, talky, old, dubbed Euro-sci-fi flick and staying conscious while viewing was a bit of a challenge. In fact calling this sci-fi is a bit of stretch since just about everything takes place on Earth in a command center where some dull pseudo-science dialogue takes place. Not exactly nail-biting action. I think the high-point was watching some stock-footage of horses galloping away from coastal flooding.  Avoid this unless you really feel the need to watch Italy's very first sci-fi film.
 Mario Bava apparently was the director of photography here except on the English-dubbed print he's called Mario Baja which doesn't really sound much more American to me. So maybe this thing looks good if you find a good print of it somewhere but I've only seen the crappy-looking cheap-o version that's on Youtube.






French poster:


Saturday, July 1, 2017

NEVER TAKE CANDY FROM A STRANGER (1960)


 I'd never heard of this movie until seeing it on a Hammer films box-set that I picked up recently. The idea of a Hammer movie about a child-molester seems pretty strange to me since when I think of that studio, Dracula and other gothic horror is what mainly springs to mind. Something this based in reality, and a pervy sick-o reality at that, is quite far removed from all that stuff. Being made in 1960 things never get too graphic outside of what is talked about, and that mainly concerns little girls dancing naked in front a dirty old perv-o. Overall this is a really well-made film that uses it's black & white palette very effectively to create some tense moments and makes some social commentary about power and wealth and corruption. It does turn into a courtroom drama for a while which is not my favorite genre but it all ends on a pretty shocking note and I'm sure it was especially shocking at the time it was made. Give it a watch for something from Hammer that's very different from what you would expect. AKA NEVER TAKE SWEETS FROM A STRANGER

 




Wednesday, June 28, 2017

KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS (1977)



 As a lover of spiders I'm torn between how cool this movie is with its portrayal of massive amounts of killer/world-conquering tarantulas and how many of said creepy-crawlies get quite clearly squashed to death by being stepped on or run over by various fleeing humans throughout the film. At least they perished for art(or in this case cheesy 70s animal-running-wild cinematic goodness). William Shatner is our heroic lead and as usual he's pretty awesome here playing a cowboy/ veterinarian, and of course he gets the ladies! Sammy Davis Jr.'s wife Altovise has a fairly big role playing the wife of spaghetti-western and 80s eurotrash staple Woody Strode. Spiders run around in packs and build big mounds to live in together just like they would never do in reality but I guess we can just blame their unlikely actions on all the pesticides which is the catalyst for their revenge in the first place. A great slice of 70s cheese that I was able to catch at the drive-in recently along with FROGS and SQUIRM on what might have been the greatest triple-feature I've ever seen.




                              On a double-bill with the not that great RUBY:


                             Known in France as THE HORRIBLE INVASION!:


Monday, June 26, 2017

FROGS (1972)



 Caught this classic animals-gone-wild flick at a drive-in over the past weekend and I think this may be the perfect way to view this film. Watching it before on TV showings, or on VHS, I was never a huge fan but now I feel it's really like a greatest hits of animals-run-amok cinema since it features a bunch of slithering and crawling creatures getting revenge(for the pollution in their swamp-home) besides the titular frogs who mostly only seem to act as the ringleaders of this group of various haters of humanity. Lizards, spiders, snakes and a few others join the fight and their main enemy is a rich scummy fellow named Jason Crockett, played by Ray Milland who you just love to hate here. It is rated PG so nothing gets too gruesome but it's still a 70s PG so it's not like the lame kiddy garbage you get today with that rating. One negative thing is that they lied to me on the poster since there are no gigantic man-eating frogs to be seen, although a cartoon one does show up after the end credits. If you ever get a chance to watch this on a giant outdoor screen definitely go for it!
 Originally released on a  double-bill with GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER which would make for quite the ecologically-conscious viewing experience.
 






Wednesday, June 21, 2017

THE LAST DINOSAUR (1977)

                                       
                                                        "You ding-dong!"

 So there's this old rich douchebag(Richard Boone), with the porn star-like name of Masten Thrust, whose drilling company finds a T-Rex in a secret land in Antarctica. Oh and he's also conveniently a big game hunter so he gets a group together consisting of a very large African tracker, a Japanese genius scientist, your standard white guy and a lady just so we can be constantly reminded of how sexist and macho he is and they go on to hunt down "the last dinosaur". The big twist here is that Masten himself, due to his outdated old-timey views on life, is really "the last dinosaur" of the title but this isn't much of a spoiler since they lay that out right from the beginning and the cringe-inducing theme song. Along the way they run into some trapped-in-time cave people and a couple of other giant prehistoric creatures including a triceratops and a pterodactyl. The monsters on display look on par with, or maybe even a bit worse than, something you might see on an old episode of THE LAND OF THE LOST which kinda  makes sense since the producers here and on that show are Sid & Marty Krofft. Tsuburaya Productions, of ULTRAMAN fame, worked on the FX which I guess explains their wonky rubber-suited Godzilla-ness which is still preferable than stupid cartoony c.g.i. (to me anyway).
 This was supposed to be released theatrically but, I guess due to it's general crappiness, it just got edited down and dumped to TV. Those lucky Europeans did get an extended version shown in theaters but not having seen that I can't tell you if there's an extended crusty old guy sex scene that's merely hinted at here but the idea of it will continue to haunt my nightmares.

                                     All the snazzy highlights!:




Monday, June 19, 2017

SPECIAL PRISON FOR WOMEN (1982)


 I've only seen this French women-in-prison/porn flick in it's original French language so maybe I missed some of the subtle nuances in the plot but from what I can make out with my very small understanding of French is that these two women(who I think are supposed to be Americans since they occasionally spout out some English lines like "Dirty Pig!" and "What is happening?") get arrested(for what I have no idea?) and thrown into a prison where they take sexy showers with the other female inmates and are repeatedly raped by the male and female guards. Now when I say rape it's the kind of rape that only happens in theses types of porn or sexploitation flicks where it's obviously consensual sex where the participants are very poorly acting like they are being forced to do something they don't want to so it doesn't pack quite the emotional wallop that it might under better-made circumstances. While the film is packed with sex each scene is relatively short which I think is a good thing to keep everything moving along. It all does move along and end up with the gals being used as prostitutes for some rich Arab gents and then running away in a pretty unexciting climax. If you dig Marilyn Monroe there is a very hot MM-look-alike that stars in this named Olinka Hardiman, and sometimes credited as Marilyn Jess, who plays another gal who gets locked up and boinked a bunch. I think I will try and find some of her other appearances, preferably something with some subtitles next time. AKA JAILHOUSE SEX







Wednesday, June 14, 2017

SCREAMERS (1979)


 I'd seen bits and pieces of this Italian-monster-gore classic over the years and I've owned the VHS forever but never felt the need to watch the whole movie up until recently thanks to a midnight showing in the local weirdo cinema. It's a pretty wacky but good example of Eurotrash horror involving an island of these fishmen creatures(hence the alternate title ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN) who will rip you to pieces and tear your head off in a gory fashion unless you are Barbara Bach and you feed them this special potion. It turns out Barbara's father(Joseph Cotton) is a mad scientist who may have been involved in the creation of the fish-faced monsters in the style of a certain Dr. Moreau that this movie may be ripping off. And there's also Richard Johnson (the doctor from ZOMBIE) who acts as the master of the island and is in search of the treasure of Atlantis which just so happens to be buried right in the local underground bay.
 I've only viewed this under the SCREAMERS title but apparently the original FISHMEN cut is longer and makes a bit more sense but it doesn't include the gore that producer Roger Corman added for the American version so I'm torn as to whether I really need to see this. Oh and sadly also no Cameron Mitchell(who only appears briefly in the opening sequence but it's still good to see that chubby old fellow) in the Italian print.
 The VHS box-cover and the poster for SCREAMERS promises us that we will see men turned inside out which is bullshit but there is a guy who our mad doctor is trying to turn into an amphibian-man who does kinda look like he's inside out with his lungs on the outside so I guess that's where they came up with this idea. AKA SOMETHING WAITS IN THE DARK

This is a really weird trailer since the scenes shown aren't even from this movie!:



I guess they thought the actual creatures looked a bit too goofy to advertise:


Lies!:



Thursday, June 8, 2017

VIRGIN HIGH (1991)


 Made well after the heyday of the 80s-teen-sex-comedy, this is the very low-budget and not very funny comedic story of a gal(Tracy Dali) who gets sent to an all-girls Catholic school after getting in trouble with her Dad(Burt Ward(Robin from the 60s BATMAN TV show)). Linnea Quigley is also a student there and plays the villain role well enough and was definitely the sexy highlight in this movie to me. Everyone else seems pretty retarded and annoying, especially our main gal's boyfriend and his even stupider friends. I think I laughed once during the whole runtime and the music, performed by a band called The Checks is pretty awful but you do get Miss Quigley topless in a sex scene and Mr. Ward involved in a whips and chains and bondage-filled marriage so that's something. For far superior naughty teen romps stick to the previous decade.

                                   Linnea's impure thoughts!!:






Thursday, June 1, 2017

DANCE OF DEATH (1976)


 Angela Mao, who's best known from Bruce Lee's ENTER THE DRAGON, stars here as a lady(though she's constantly referred to as a man for some reason) who gets trained in the kung fu arts by a drunken master and another guy who's always smoking(a pothead master??). While Mao herself is OK the movie itself is really dumb and has lots of very retarded comedy including fart jokes and jumping around like a 2-year old, which gets very tiring. It also doesn't help that it looks like crap on the DVD that I have of this. Right on the cover of the DVD it credits Jackie Chan as the director, which is a lie but supposedly he may have had something to do with supervising some of the fight sequences and since they're all in that comedic style of his I would tend to believe that. AKA THE ETERNAL CONFLICT

Monday, May 29, 2017

WHO FINDS A FRIEND FINDS A TREASURE (1981)


 This time around Bud Spencer and Terence Hill wind up on a tropical island in search of buried treasure. They run into a Japanese soldier still fighting World War II, natives who babble like idiots in pig Latin, some gangsters and a gang of pirates who dress like gay leather-daddy bikers. Directed by the great Sergio Corbucci, who also made some classic spaghetti-westerns including DJANGO, this one is an entertaining enough watch for a Sunday afternoon but being more of a fan of the Euro-westerns I can't help but rank those generally higher if just for the way better soundtracks. These movies are also probably more fun for nostalgic purposes, just like Abbott & Costello are for me, if you were raised on them as a kid which many folks seem to have been. AKA A FRIEND IS A TREASURE and KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THE ISLAND



Sunday, May 28, 2017

DOUBLE TROUBLE (1984)


 Bud Spencer and Terence Hill team up once again in this stupid 80s comedy that has the plot of something that Hollywood would spit out which concerns two fellows who look exactly like a couple of rich guys and have to take their place to make a million dollars. I'm gonna guess the idea may have come from that Eddie Murphy movie TRADING PLACES except they added a bunch of fight scenes and took out any of the actual funny bits(oh and sadly no Jamie Lee Curtis' boobs). You do get to see big ol' Bud as a sexy sax-blowing jazz man and as his look-alike who is a big pussy who runs away from every hint of violence. Hill, for his parts, plays a daredevil and his rich sophisticated doppelganger so the boys do stretch their acting chops a little bit here unfortunately it's a bit too dumb and repetitive to give this a thumbs up and I'd say stick to the duo's westerns for better quality action.

No boobs in this but there are some nice Brazilian asses on display!:



Known in Germany as 4 FISTS FOR RIO and in France as WATCH OUT FOR DAMAGE ?:

GOD FORGIVES ... I DON'T (1967)


 This is historically important as the first film to feature Terence Hill and Bud Spencer together on screen. Most of the film does focus on Hill as a character named Cat Stevens(but I'm pretty sure he's not a Muslim) aka "Pretty Face", who gets involved with a gold robbery and a red-headed gangster fellow(Frank Wolff). We do get to see the two familiar 'Trinity' faces working together more towards the climax. It's nothing like the 'Trinity' movies though as this one is done in a totally serious tone. There is supposed to be a re-edited cut-down version of this that has comedic elements inserted but I've never seen that and I'm not sure how well it would work that way. It was also released as a Django film in Germany as GOD FORGIVES ... DJANGO NEVER! Overall it doesn't really stand out but is more of a curiosity to see where Spencer and Hill started out from and you get to see them fight it out which is unique. AKA BLOOD RIVER







Sunday, May 21, 2017

THEY CALL ME TRINITY (1970)



 One of my all-time favorite spaghetti-westerns and, outside of the Leone ones, probably the one I've gone back and re-watched the most. It's got a great theme song, head-bonking action and some silly comedic elements but the main draw are the two main characters of Trinity and Bambino, two outlaw brothers portrayed so well by Terence Hill and Bud Spencer. These two had teamed up before but this is the movie that really brought them fame (in Italy anyway). The only thing missing is the sex and violence but this is a G-rated comedic western and as far as those go this one is most likely one of the best examples.
 There was one slightly less-great official sequel where we get to meet the brother's family and then a bunch of movies that were re-titled with "TRINITY something, something" that have nothing to do with this(and some of those don't even have Terence Hill in them which make them extra disappointing rip-offs!  AKA MY NAME IS TRINITY