BALLGAME (1980)

 You would think by that title that this would be a sports-related porn movie but that's not how it starts off. We start off with a group of prostitutes(or "sex-workers" as all the cool kids call them nowadays) getting thrown in jail for plying their trade. So it becomes a dirty women-in-prison flick for a good bit before the warden decides to form a softball team of guards, called The Dicks, to take on the imprisoned ladies team of The Beavers. Seemingly inspired by the plot of THE LONGEST YARD you get quite a bit of lesbianism to go with the straight sucking and fucking, silly songs about beating dicks and splitting beavers, Lisa DeLeeuw as a frisky secretary and it all ends with her stealing a famous line from DEEP THROAT. There were probably a few zillion similar X-rated romps like this at the time, kind of the adult version of the teen-sex comedy which was becoming popular at the time, and this is another one. 

Ballgame (1980, US, Lisa De Leeuw, full movie, DVD): 

MADE IN BRITAIN (1982)

                                                              "Fucking wankers!"

  Working my way through the Alan Clarke Collection DVD boxset we get to this TV movie about a racist, violent and generally antisocial skinhead portrayed by a young, and very fit, Tim Roth. There's not really a plot but just a series of anarchistic clashes with various authority figures and "normal" members of society. Probably best to watch this if you're an angry youth. Also would make a good prequel to Clarke's SCUM(if the time frame was a bit different) since that's obviously where young Mr. Roth is ultimately headed. 

Music to throw bricks through a window to:

SCUM (1979)

 

 This was originally made, by British director Alan Clarke, as a TV movie in 1977. It was banned before it got shown so he then made this theatrical version. What you get here is a very downbeat look at life in an English Borstal(or juvenile detention center for young men for us Americans). Complete with male on male rape, suicide by slit wrists, plentiful racism and gratuitous violence. Not really an exploitation flick this has more of a pseudo-documentary feel to it and is definitely an interesting but very dated time-capsule.  

PUNK VACATION (1987)

  Filmed in 1987 but not released(straight to video) until 1990 this one is a sort-of biker flick if the bikers were a bunch of goofy-ass new-wave/punk rockers and valley girls instead of actual tough guys. When I compare this to the greatest goofy-ass punk biker-sploitation flick ever INTEPIDOS PUNKS, the only thing it really resembles, it really pales in comparison. The violence never really gets as over the top as that classic and some of the stereotypical characters here are more grating than anything else. There's a group of ultra-patriotic rednecks, even though this was filmed in the mountains of Santa Monica California, rats kept as pets, cucumbers used to silence a rifle, no nudity but gals in their underwear on display and you're never exactly sure who you're supposed to be rooting for. All in all a mildly-amusing non-essential timewaster.    

 

Snazzy German poster:

PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE (1989)

  Fake-out title which might make you think this is a sequel(it isn't) to some previous slasher flick. This one is a kind of forgettable entry in the whole 80s slasher avalanche of films. Notable for featuring Pauly Shore in one of his first big roles and being shot in the same mall where they made FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH among many other films from this era. Other big names include Morgan Fairchild as a pretty unnecessary character and Ken Foree, star of a vastly superior horror film in a mall called DAWN OF THE DEAD, in another pretty lame role as a security guard. In fact pretty much all the characters here are fairly unmemorable right down to our killer which is no mystery thanks to that title. The whole film, of course, tries to riff off the classic PHANTOM OF THE OPERA story(which also featured a kooky killer named Erik) but ultimately comes off as just a crappy imitation. There is a bit of gore with some eye-popping and head rolling. There are also some inventive deaths including death by a large fan, death by a forklift, death by an escalator, death by ice sculpture, death by a flame-throwing weed-killer, death by a snake popping out of a toilet and even a little kung fu thrown in. In only they had been as inventive with the plot as all that this might have been a better ride. AKA PHANTOM NIGHTMARE

 

HIT MAN IN THE HAND OF BUDDHA (1981)

  Just like one of the greatest kung fu movies of all time, MASTER KILLER, this is the tale of  heroic fellow(Jang Lee Hwang) who ends up in a Buddhist temple in order to learn the skills that will help him defeat his evil nemesis(Eddy Ko). It's actually Ko's underling(Tino Wong) who is responsible for raping and killing Hwang's sister and slitting the throat of her weird cock-eyed husband named Ah Choo but Ko is very swarmy so we can't wait for his comeuppance. A decent mid-level martial arts yarn that hold no real surprises.  

 A unique aspect to this film is that Hwang had never played a good guy before this. He was a co-director here so that may be the reason he gave himself the starring role.  AKA THE SWORDSMAN(this seems like a fairly bizarre choice of an alternate title since I don't recall any swords anywhere in this movie!)  

In this German poster, under the title IN THE EYE OF THE TYPHOON, our hero almost looks like Rambo!:

SNAKE FIST OF A BUDDHIST DRAGON (1979)

  Also released under the title of NORTH SHAOLIN and SNAKE TEMPLE this kung fu flick is very light on plot(I know it has something to do with Manchus vs. Chinese, which I always thought were the same thing but I guess that wasn't always historically the case. If you can figure out any more of the plot you're better than me at paying attention to some nonsensical crap!)  and very heavy on various fight scenes that appear to be taken from other films and clipped together. There are some comedic moments and some more serious elements which isn't all that unusual in martial arts films but it does make things a bit hard to follow here. The might be one of the worst examples of a competently dubbed kung fu movie out there, which is really saying something! 

 There seems to be some misinformation online about where this movie came from(either South Korea or Taiwan) and who actually directed it with some sites saying it was our old buddy who was responsible for a million clipped-together ninja movies in the 80s, Godfrey Ho. Apparently though he only had something to do with the story, which seems like at best he came up with 2 sentences! It was released by IFD Films which were the spliced-together movie masters for a long time so that makes sense. 

DEVIL'S EXPRESS (1976)

  This is a crazy one since it's a kung-fu/blaxploitation movie filmed in New York city but they also mix in a monster-on-the-loose plot featuring a bug-eyed creep who transforms into a hulking creature that sorta reminded me of THE OILY MANIAC. It starts off with a bunch of monks getting their heads lopped off in China then moves to our hero in NYC who wears gold bell-bottoms while chop-sockying. It really is something to witness.

 After the success of THE WARRIORS this was re-released as GANG WARS to capitalize on that. While there are a few scenes of a Chinese gang vs. a black gang it's not really very similar to THE WARRIORS and a much odder cinematic experience.

 

This GANG WARS trailer totally ignores the fact that there's a demonic monster in the movie!: