AN IDEAL PLACE TO KILL (1971)

  This was the first film shown during a recant giallo-marathon at the local weirdo art theater and it really started things out nicely. A fast-moving tale of two hippies who sell porn to finance their anarchic adventures through Europe. This was one of those films which made me want to be magically transported into the world portrayed in the movie, at least up until the murder stuff shows up because this is a giallo after all. Directed by Umberto Lenzi, who's probably best known now as a gore director for stuff like MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY, this is a great example of one of his early gems. Not a very high body count but quite a few twists and turns and sexy adventures to keep you watching. The only downside to starting off a marathon of gialli with this one is that it's kinda hard to keep the pace up. 

 I have read that Lenzi wanted to make something akin to EASY RIDER but the producers wanted a more typical giallo formula which explains the mashed-up feel of this one. AKA OASIS OF FEAR and DIRTY PICTURES

 Lenzi did make the similarly-titled A QUIET PLACE TO KILL the year before but it has no connection to this film.

THE RED STAINED LAWN (1973)

 After watching FOOTSTEPS ON THE MOON years ago and being disappointed with it's lack of science fiction I had been searching for an actual sci-fi giallo. Well I finally found one! This movie contains a bloodsucking robot that is used by a rich family to suck the blood from lowlife/undesirable-types that they then sell to third world countries in a scheme that I'm not entirely sure of the goals of but it certainly works as an ideal metaphor for society with the wealthy living off the blood of the poor and all that. Beyond any political musings though(our main character  makes sure to call the bad guys "fascists" in case we misunderstand anything) we get all the trappings of a sleazy exploitation flick including lots of nudity and bloodletting and as a bonus one goofy-ass robot. Give it a watch. AKA THE BLOODSTAINED LAWN

                                     Some easy-listening bloodsucking jams!:

MY DEAR KILLER (1972)

  This Italian/Spanish giallo starts right off with a bang as a guy gets his head lopped off by a construction vehicle. Things do slow down a bit but the gory kills are pretty consistent throughout. The main mystery here revolves around who kidnapped a little girl and left her to starve to death so it doesn't exactly leave you with a very uplifting feeling after viewing. Check it out if you're not too sensitive because this might be one of the most depressing giallos I can think of. 

THE DEVIL WITHIN HER (1974)

 So the opening credits of this Italian EXORCIST/ROSEMARY'S BABY rip-off/mash-up list the title as THE DEVIL WITHIN HER(not to be confused with that porno where the devil wears a cock-ring) but the closing credits give us BEYOND THE DOOR as the title which is a bit odd. In fact the whole movie is a bit odd and fairly incomprehesible in exactly what the hell is going on for most of it's runtime. You get Richard Johnson(Dr. Menard from ZOMBIE) who is sent back to earth after dying in a car crash by the devil himself to make sure a lady has a baby which I guess is supposed to be the Antichrist?(foreshadowing THE OMEN which was yet to be made) None of this is made all that clear from the English dub so I'm making a few guesses here. There are a couple of foul-mouthed kids, one of which drinks cold Campbells pea soup with a straw, which are good for a few laughs, you get the puking up green slime and a very Exorcist-ish possession scene. Though not my favorite EXORCIST-rip-off, if weird confusing Eurotrash is your bag I guess give it a look.

 There is a BEYOND THE DOOR II but it's just Mario Bava's SHOCK under a misleading title. 

       

In VIBRASOUND!:

THE CHINESE CONNECTION PART II (1977)

  As we all know Bruce Lee's FIST OF FURY was re-titled THE CHINESE CONNECTION in America which this is a direct sequel to. We get Bruce Li as Lee's brother here taking up the fight against those terribly abusive imperial scumbag Japanese who killed his brother. To make it more confusing it's also known as FIST OF FURY II even though there had already been a movie with Jackie Chan called NEW FIST OF FURY made a year before. We can ignore that one though since this movie does exactly that. As far as Brucesploitation flicks go this is one of the better made ones and from what I recall is better than the official Jackie Chan one. 

 There was a FIST OF FURY III made in 1979 which also starred Bruce Li and is a direct sequel to this.

                                                   Rated X in England!:

SLAUGHTER IN SAN FRANCISCO (1974)

  Chuck Norris started out his film career making kung fu flicks in Hong Kong, including most famously with Bruce Lee in 1972's WAY OF THE DRAGON. This is an example of one of those early badly-dubbed movies and just like the Lee movie Norris plays a bad guy here. In fact he's the main, very hairy, bad guy who happens to be named Chuck Slaughter, which is pretty disappointing  if you were expecting any type of actual slaughtering going on the movie. Fairly mediocre stuff here with Don Wong as our hero cop who is sadly not anything close to Bruce Lee in the charisma department. AKA YELLOW FACED TIGER, KARATE COP and CHUCK NORRIS VS. THE KARATE COP 

 The original language version of this is something like 18 minutes longer. Not sure how much that could possibly improve things though. 

KONGA (1961)

  As far as silly giant monster movies go this one is certainly entertaining enough for a watch. Made the same year as the definitive British giant monster movie GORGO, this time instead of a GODZILLA-influenced monster we get a more KING KONG-inspired creature who starts out as a chimpanzee and as he gets bigger is magically(and unexplainedly) transformed into an ape. The story itself is nothing like KONG and owes more to your standard mad-scientist yarns of the 50s. In addition to a giant ape running loose you get some over-sized man-eating plants which can't help but remind us all of THE LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS which came out the previous year. Now if they only made a GORGO VS. KONGA flick it woulda been cinematic gold! 

Inspired this comic book series which ran for 23 issues and is very expensive to find today!:

THE PACK (1977)

  I got to see a very blurry copy of this a couple of weeks back so it was not the optimal viewing experience. What I could make out though I did enjoy. It's a pretty standard 70s animal-run-amok tale of a bunch of dogs, who act more like a pack of insane, vengeance-driven wolves, getting revenge on humanity for leaving them abandoned in the woods. Probably would be a good watch for vegans, vegetarians and other folks who value other animal's lives over people except, of course, you're gonna see a bunch of dogs getting offed in various ways including run down by a truck and blown away with rifles.  WALKING TALL's Joe Don Baker is our hero in what starts off like a made-for-TV movie and ends up being a pretty action-packed flick. There are also a bunch of familiar 70s character actors including R.G. Armstrong and Ned Wertimer(from THE JEFFERSONS). I really need to see a print that doesn't look like it was shot underwater.  AKA THE LONG DARK NIGHT and THE LONG HARD NIGHT

THE ONE AND ONLY (1978)

 I had seen the clips of Henry Winkler(aka The Fonz) as a bad guy Nazi wrestler before but was never actually able to view this whole film until recently. As someone who grew up in the 70s watching HAPPY DAYS, and worshipping Fonzie and everything he stood for, it was a bit jarring to see him in such a nerdy role as this but I guess that's why they call it acting. Most of the film is a dreaded romantic comedy and it takes a while before we get to any of the wrasslin' bits so be prepared. In addition to being a Nazi, Winkler also portrays a fighting hypnotist character and a Gorgeous George-type of flamboyant gay-stereotype grappler that you can see on the poster. Herve Villechaize is his little manager and we get a couple of real life wrestlers thrown in including Chavo Guerrero Sr. playing an Indian in full headdress and the great Hard Boiled Haggerty. If you can get through the schmaltzy romance stuff  and The Fonz being quite annoying and obnoxious throughout most of the movie it is certainly a 70s-era curiosity that's worth a one time watch.

 

                                              Known simply in Spanish as "I"M UNIQUE":

WITCHBOARD (1986)

  I'm still amazed that there are 2 sequels to this but I guess that's what the 80s was all about. Tawny Kitaen(of Whitesnake video fame) is clearly the highpoint here as far as eye-candy goes. Most notable to me though was Kathleen Wilhoite, who I know mainly as the foul-mouthed girl in the Charles Bronson vehicle MURPHY'S LAW, as a snazzily-dressed psychic character who I wanted this whole movie to be about. Also of note Rose Marie from THE DICK VAN DYKE show appears for some reason. If dumb 80s horror with a lot of jump scares is your thing check it out. 

WITCHBOARD 2: THE DEVIL'S DOORWAY (1993) This one would replace Tawny with The Monkees Micky Dolenz' daughter Ami Dolenz 

WITCHBOARD 3: THE POSSESSION (1995) This one doesn't feature anyone worth noting like most 90s horror films.

Director Kevin Tenney also made a movie titled WITCHTRAP in 1989 that the VHS box and the opening credits assures us is in no way a sequel to WITCHBOARD!

                                                                        Spanish DVD!