SOUP TO NUTS (1930)

 Historically important since this is the very first appearance of The Three Stooges on film. Not necessarily a great movie though. The Stooges, consisting of Shemp, Larry and Moe(credited under his real name of Harry Howard). here are goofy women-crazy firemen. They're not really the stars though which brings this one down a bit. Our main character is played by Ted Healy who was the leader of the vaudeville group before they ventured out on their own. AKA RUBE GOLDBERG'S SOUP TO NUTS(this was allegedly written by Mr. Goldberg(this seems to not be true) and he and some of his wacky inventions show up in the film) 

A very young Billy Barty does running headstands over and over!:

STRANGE DARLING (2024)

  I'll give this movie extra credit for being a modern production that was actually shot on film and for using the old TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE scrolling b.s. message about it being based on a true story at the beginning. I made the mistake of reading a "review" of this before watching which was just an excuse to spoil the big plot-twist for everyone. Thanks jackass! Unlike that retarded reviewer, and his attempt to dissuade my enjoyment, I actually did still enjoy this mix of serial-killer hi-jinks, drugs, sex-games and revenge and wouldn't think of being self-centered enough to ruin it for anyone else looking to check this rare example of something new(not based on something old) that doesn't completely suck out.  

INSTANT DEATH (2017)

 Lou Ferrigno was in his 60s when this movie was made but he still takes his shirt off quite a bit and seems to be in excellent shape. I have to believe he would easily beat Arnold Schwarzenegger in a pose down these days! The film itself though is filled with some pretty terrible acting and a completely predictable action-movie revenge plot where Lou's granddaughter gets killed and his daughter gets raped and blinded and then it's gun-fu time.  AKA RAGE(why a movie that I doubt ever played in a theater anywhere needs an alternate title I have no clue)

Unfortunately the YouTube version of this movie has all the violent bits cut out:

LEGEND OF THE SHADOWY NINJA : THE NINJA DRAGON (1990)

  Go Nagai is one of the most important figures in manga and anime, pretty much inventing the giant robot genre. This here shot-on-video production is currently his only foray into live-action as writer and director. It's not up to the level of some of the better animes he was involved with(MAZINGA Z, DEVILMAN, GRENDIZER etc.) but it's an ok watch with some absurd elements(the movie comes to a halt while we watch 2 lady wrestlers battle it out and it all ends with a spaceship popping up) and gore(a guy gets his face ripped right off!) thrown in between all the expected ninja/kung fu action.

THE BLACK PANTHER (1977)

  Having nothing to do with the Marvel comic book hero of the same name or the American radical 60s pro-black group, this Black Panther is the true story of a black-hooded British serial killer who seems to only become a murderer because he bungles some bank robberies.  While our main character Donald Neilsen comes off as a complete prick who's pretty much a total asshole to everyone around him, including his wife and teenage daughter, you almost feel a little sorry for him since his objective appears to be to just obtain money. The movie kinda/sorta seems to blame his overly militarized mind on his willingness to blast apart anyone who gets in his way with a shotgun. His kidnapping plan becomes the final thing which goes awry and ultimately leads to his capture. The whole thing is an interesting portrayal of a nutjob and also a pretty big downer. 

 Since the film came out only a year after the real-life Neilsen was sentenced to life in prison and only a couple of years after the actual events portrayed it certanl;y pissed off the family of the victims and the police, who are not shown as doing the greatest job in capturing our naughty boy, and was inevitably banned in England up until it reappeared in the video era giving it a certain forbidden allure. 

SLUGS: THE MOVIE (1988)

  I've always considered this to be one of the dumber animals run amok movies out there but upon a recent re-watch I found it to also be pretty damn entertaining. Of course you get armies of killer man-eating slugs with big chomping teeth who can swim(leading to some JAWS-rip-off scenes), some pretty gory deaths as people's skin is ripped right off(this was directed by Juan Piquer Simon the man responsible for one of the greatest slasher movies ever PIECES so you know what to expect) and our hero is a health inspector named Mike Brady(Michael Garfield). 

 It is all based on a book by Shaun Hutson who apparently never allowed another film based on any of his books after this which seems like a terrible business decision! 

POSSESSION (1981)

  A married couple(Sam Neil & Isabelle Adjani) argue for a good portion of this arthouse film, then our lead woman gives birth to a squid monster who eventually turns into a doppelganger of her husband. There's lots of scenes of a wife screaming at her husband so naturally feminists love this movie. There's also some convoluted message about the violent nature of breakups or something. "It's all metaphor man!"

 I did get to watch this at a drive-in recently and it looked great on the big screen even if it is quite the grating spectacle. 

ROBO GEISHA (2009)

  While usually CGI-filled movies are at the very bottom of my list of things I enjoy in these early 2000s over-the-top Japanese gorefests it doesn't really detract all that much since what we're viewing is basically a live-action anime with very little basis in reality to begin with. BIG TITS ZOMBIE and MACHINE GIRL are the other 2 similar films from this era that I recall enjoying for their sheer stupidity and ludicrousness. In this one you get all kinds of deadly weapons that emerge from various nether-regions of the body of various cyborgs. It also shoehorns a story about sisterly love and features a building that turns into a giant robot and other Transformers-like hijinks. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense and things are weird just for the sake of being weird so check your brain before watching. 

              Yes, even the trailer doesn't make sense!:

 

HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT (1979)

  I've enjoyed pretty much all of the Pete Walker horror films I've seen up to this point so I figured I would check out his attempt to break out of the horror genre with this movie about a rock song writer(James Aubrey) who falls in love with a gal(Alison Elliot) who turns out, unbeknownst to him, to be underage. It's certainly something different for Mr. Walker and apparently it didn't work out so well because his next, and last, film(the all-star extravaganza HOUSE OF THE LONG SHADOWS) was back in the horror realm. It's an interesting film with plenty of nudity on show but least favorite of Walker's output. 

 The band Jigsaw appear, and provide the soundtrack, as the fictional band Bad Accident.

                               Jigsaw's big hit!:

STAGEFRIGHT: AQUARIUS (1987)

 One of my favorite dumb Italian slasher movies! By this point in Italian cinema they had, for the most part, given up on making good giallos and went for ripping off their dumber American counterparts, the slasher film(which of course were themsleves just more stripped-down versions of giallos(which were souped-up iterations of Hitchcock mysterious(oh, it's all just one big circle of influences!!))). Here we get a lunatic wearing a big ol' owlhead mask weilding various instruments of destruction including knives, a drill, a needle and a chainsaw that he employs on a group of very stupid actors and anyone else in his way. It's about as dumb as they come but if you like laughing at stupid actors meeting gory deaths check it out. AKA SOUND STAGE MASSACRE

Known in France as BLOODY BIRD which is the perfect title for this.

 

                         Known in many places as just AQUARIUS: