THE DEFIANCE OF GOOD (1975)

One of the best classic 1970's porn films. DEFIANCE is the bizarre tale of young Cathy played by young Jean Jennings(whose age at the time of shooting has been questioned by some). She's kicked out of the house by her parents, sent to a hospital to be cured of her "drug problems" where she's molested and raped by the other patients and the help. From there she ends up in a crazy-ass s & m "clinic" run by Fred J. Lincoln (who, of course, played Weasel in THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT). Lincoln here does an amazing job as the guru/teacher who breaks down Cathy's morals to rebuild her anew using spankings and other bondage type stuff. A sleazy weirdo porn from the golden age. See it and then take a shower you scumbag.

SATAN'S SLAVE (1976)

OK so if you take a soap opera and cut in a bunch of scenes of Satan worshiping and sacrificing people and stuff like that you would have this movie. There are also some sorta bloody murders here and there and a few naked boobs. This description makes the movie sound better than it is. I mean it has all the key components of a good exploitation flick but I think the main problem is that this film is British and like many British films it's just very boring. I wish I could recommend this one because on paper it looks like a winner. I can't really but if you find it for $1 or so go for it.

AKA EVIL HERITAGE:

CAPTAIN KRONOS: VAMPIRE HUNTER (1974)

 I put off seeing this movie for a long time. Not sure why. I guess it was my apprehension at watching another boring period-piece Hammer studios film about vampires. Well this one is sorta different. There's no Peter Cushing or Christopher Lee and it actually moves along pretty quickly for a Hammer flick. I kept thinking about how this was such a better version of BLADE(a movie that I detest for all it's shitty-CGI-ness stupidity). Caroline Munro is great as Kronos' main chick and there's a hunchback sidekick. Hunchback's make just about any horror movie just that much better. This fella kind of reminds me of Riff Raff from ROCKY HORROR for some reason. This was originally supposed to be a series and it's kinda sad that they never made another one due to the shitty reception this got at the time from the public. Maybe I'll actually go back and check out some other Hammer stuff even though some of it is as dull as watching a pretty painting for 2 hours.
My only question is why is that guy on my DVD cover? That's not Kronos at all!




Bonus trailer!!:

Super cheesey 50's KRONOS:

BOARDING GATE (2007)

Asia Argento and Michael Madsen talk a whole bunch in this one. Some other stuff happens but the action never gets exciting. I think the only reason to ever watch this is to see Asia in her underpants or less for many scenes. You would really have to be Asia Argento's biggest fan to appreciate this movie on any level. I am a pretty big fan of hers but I still wouldn't recommend this. I also blame Madsen for making yet another boring movie. It feels like forever until anything happens and it's not all that exciting when something does. Watch SCARLET DIVA or maybe THE HEART IS DECEITFUL... instead. Great boobs though!

The trailer ain't so great either!:

BLACK DYNAMITE (2009)

Awesomely done spoof/homage to the 1970's blaxploitation genre. Everything looked authentic in this. It's a shame that there was no advertising or promotion of this thing anywhere. My and my girlfriend were the only 2 people in the theater to see this showing. Damn shame. How this even got released into theaters anywhere is kind of a mystery to me. It really stands no chance of making any money with the brain dead crowd of typical moviegoers these days. Most black audiences in the times we're living in now will probably be offended by the insane stereotypes. It's too bad films can't be fun/ridiculous anymore without offending the childlike sensibilities that people insist on carrying on their sleeves. It's movies like this that make me miss the 70's even more. Captain Kangaroo pimp!!?? Pair this up with BLACK DEVIL DOLL for an amazing double-feature of modern-day flashback insanity!

HIT AND RUN (2009)

Well if you like movies full of people doing totally illogical things just to move the movie along with little rhyme or reason to anything that happens you will love this. If you prefer movies with some type of logic you shouldn't watch this. For example there's a guy who is a victim of a hit and run who comes back from the dead and turns into a maniac bent on torturing the girl responsible just so the movie can emulate one of those SAW piece of shit movies. It just doesn't make any sense. There are only a couple of people in the whole movie and they're all really annoying. This is probably the worst thing I've seen in a long time. The only reason I even own this is because I mistakenly thought this was the Stuart Gordon movie STUCK when I picked it up. Big mistake! Now I need to get that one.

Fuck HIT AND RUN here's the STUCK trailer. It looks like a comedy which couldn't be any worse than the brainless horror movie route that H & R chose.

FLICKCHART

My top 10 on Flickchart:
1. THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY
2. TRUE ROMANCE
3. DOGMA
4. KILL BILL Vol. 1
5. CITIZEN KANE
6. YOJIMBO
7. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
8. FAHRENHEIT 9/11
9. THE GRADUATE
10. TAXI DRIVER

Now this site doesn't have an extensive amount of cult and/or exploitation films so that does skew things towards a decidedly more mainstream list. Also the way it ranks stuff is very random. If I arranged this list myself TAXI DRIVER would of course be on the top and I'm pretty sure TRUE ROMANCE and FAHREMHEIT 9/11 wouldn't be in the top 10 at all. But this site is a cool time-waster for movie-geeks even if it is frustrating as well. So check it out.

www.flickchart.com

DEAD SNOW (2009)

Mindless fun Nazi-zombies in the snow movie. They got a fat movie nerd, sluts and all the typical stupid people in a slasher movie thing going on. The movie does seem to get sillier and sillier as it goes along so if you're not into stuff like BRAIN DAMAGE, DEAD ALIVE and THE EVIL DEAD, which this movie is trying really hard to be, you might want to skip it. I saw this one as part of an all-night horror movie fest and it kept me awake in the late hours so I guess that means something. Even if you're sick of zombie movies in general, which I pretty much am myself, this one has enough silly things going for it that it works for what it is. There is another foreign nazi-zombie flick that's supposed to be coming out eventually called WORST CASE SCENARIO which has an amazing trailer but I believe they ran out of money at some point so who knows what's going on with that one. Oh yeah and DEAD SNOW a.k.a.- DOD SNO is from Norway so learn to read subtitles you stupid inbred hillbilly assholes that can't do more than one thing at a time. I mean seriously if you can't look at subtitles and pay attention to a movie at the same time you really have some kinda brain deficiency. How the fuck do people like that even cross a street? "Ein! Zwei! Die!"

PINK FLAMINGOS (1972)

What can you say about one of the greatest cult/underground/midnight-movies ever made? Did they pass a law at some point in the late 70's-early 80's that outlawed insane/crazy/original sleaze movies from being made? John Waters stopped making them and since then who has stepped up to take his place as Prince of Puke or Sultan of Sleaze? Not anyone in this country that I've seen. There's those brainless gore movies that try to be more "brutal" than the last one i.e.-AUGUST UNDERGROUND and its sequels. But stuff like that isn't even anywhere near the level of subversiveness or entertainment as this 30 year old piece of filth. Waters was a genius in his own disgusting way. 30 years from now I can't imagine anything being made today being held up as anything worthwhile for any reason or even remembered. But what do I know? Maybe time has a way of making garbage look better in hindsight. Many people would argue that about this movie too I suppose.

UNDER THE RAINBOW (1981)

 Here's a movie I'm sorta mixed about. I love midgets. I hate Chevy Chase. See my dilemma? This movie is packed full of midgets, dwarfs and assorted little people of all types up to no good shenanigans. The plot is pretty silly. It's supposed to take place during the shooting of THE WIZARD OF OZ and there's assassins and secret-agents and even a nazi-midget. All of the little people that played the munchkins are drinking and partying throughout most of the movie. Tons of ridiculously offensive stereotypical scenes follow with midgets hanging off chandeliers falling drunkenly down steps and every Japanese person in the movie getting inadvertently killed. Overall it's a good brainless watch as long as you don't let Chevy Chase bring you down. Oh yeah and Princess Leia is the leading actress looking as good in her undies as she did in that gold bikini.

S. DARKO (2009)

                                                                "Are you a gay?"

Wow, so if you take the movie DONNIE DARKO and get rid of the amazing soundtrack and add in a bunch of horrible actors with terribly written cliche-riddled dialogue this is what you get. Some of the characters from the 1st movie seem to be mimicked here but very poorly. There's the religious pervy guy and a guy who kinda looks like Donnie. I will say that the cinematography looked very good and that's about the only positive thing I can think to say. And just for the record I am a fan of DONNIE DARKO. I feel like that movie had the right combination of music, visuals and a deep engaging story of time-travel and general darkness plus some talented and believable acting going on. This time they got the visuals right and that's about it. Seems like something that coulda went straight to the Sci-Fi Channel.

MARTYRS (2008)

I heard a lot about this movie, both good and bad, before finally seeing it. I was somehow able to avoid all the spoilers out there and I'm glad I did. MARTYRS is a great and memorable horror movie. Seeing it without knowing too much about it is the way to go. I can see where the "endurance test" nature of the film will be too much for many people. Reading some of the negative reviews I see that people who can't take the grueling nature of certain scenes turn into the biggest nit-picky assholes there are. I've read reviews where the movie is called boring and grotesquely offensive at the same time. I'm not sure how someone can be disgusted and bored all at once but if someone can't relate to this film on a deeper level than that I have no desire to think like them. This film works on a deeper level than the torture-porn films like SAW & HOSTEL that it's being compared to. Most of the reviews I have read just list the story components. For such a multi-level constructed film that seems like the lamest way to review it possible. So far it's my fav out of all the nuevo-French movies that started off with HAUTE TENSION. I'm not sure it can be topped by them but I'll be looking forward to other new French horror stuff. This director is supposed to be doing the HELLRAISER remake. That might actually be something worthwhile unlike every other remake of the last 10 to 15 years.

BLACK DEVIL DOLL (2007)

 How can you go wrong with a movie starring Precious Cox? I caught the east coast premiere of this last night. The closest thing I can compare this to is a 1970's blaxploitation porno but you would have to mix that with gore, vomit, anal-raping and a killer puppet among other scenes of ridiculousness. Independently made by the guys at Rotten Cotton T-shirts, this is a great sorta remake of the Chester Turner shot-on-video classic BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL. If you have never seen that one I recommend it as well. Not sure where you would find it though. It takes that movie and turns it into big bloody boobied mess. Yes, it does top the original which is a rare feat. Now if they would finally release this DVD so more people can see this the world will be a better more fucked-up place.