HOLLYWOOD MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE (1976)

  You would think a movie most commonly known simply as MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE might actually contain someone getting killed with a meat-cleaver but don't count on that. There is a massacre though consisting of strangulation, bludgeoning and a kitchen knife, but no cleaver action, which sets the story into motion and then we focus on the sole survivor of said massacre getting his revenge from his hospital bed which kinda reminded me of that movie PATRICK(which wouldn't come out for a couple of years) though in this case he uses some kinda Satanic demon conjuring instead of just psychic powers like in that one. It's not very exciting. Christopher Lee pops up in the opening and closing to tell stories that vaguely relate to the main movie. Apparently the producers just bought some footage of him to get his mug on the poster.

 Released on video as REVENGE OF THE DEAD. 

NIGHT OF THE EAGLES (1989)

  This is one of the best-looking films directed by Euro-sleaze master Jess Franco, unfortunately it's also one the more boring films of his. It's basically a drama about a love triangle set during World War 2. There's a minimum of actions scenes and stock footage, from a 1971 Italian war movie titled HEROES WITHOUT GLORY, is used for some of that. It's is a little weird to see Luke Skywalker himself(Mark Hamill) in a Franco flick but this is a very tame version of a Eurotrash film with nothing very exploitative about it. There's also a bit of music that makes me think ol' Jess wanted to do his version of CABARET or something. Christopher Lee, as always, does a decent job and might be one of the only reasons to watch this. AKA FALL OF THE EAGLES

                                                   Very CABARET-like!:

STARSHIP INVASIONS (1977)

   I saw this film at a recent gathering of friends to view films on 16mm and was told that this was a STAR WARS ripoff. I think that might have been pretty tough to pull off since it was released only 5 months after Lucas' all-time blockbuster. What it actually is though is one of the weirdest roles for horror icon Christopher Lee. Mr. Lee plays an alien who dresses up in something that resembles a superhero outfit, doesn't have to speak any lines of dialogue since he communicates telepathically and runs around killing some competing enemy aliens that look like albino Braniacs or something. There's also a goofy spiky helmeted robot and Robert Vaughn as a turtleneck-wearing earthling who gets abducted and taken for a flying saucer trip.  It's all pretty awful and should probably only be viewed in it's Riff Trax version if you really feel the need to see this.

                                                                          Thai-fi!:

French poster!:

THE BLOOD OF FU MANCHU (1968)

  I've never seen any of the other Fu Manchu movies in this series but this, and the other one directed by Jess Franco, have the reputation of being the 2 worst. I can't really argue with that since it took me a few attempts to get through this one. Christopher Lee plays the title role so I can assume if these movies were popular at all they would have been cancelled by now so at least that's cool. You do get some torture scenes, nudity and women get bitten on the tit by a poisonous snake giving them super-powers to kill anyone they kiss(hence the alternate title of KISS AND KILL).  Sadly it's all a bit boring and too slow-paced to be very engaging. Maybe I should check out the earlier installments sometime.

Christopher Lee's Fu Manchu series:

 1. THE FACE OF FU MANCHU (1965)

2. THE BRIDES OF FU MANCHU (1966)

3. THE VENGEANCE OF FU MANCHU (1967)

4. THE BLOOD OF FU MANCHU (1968)

5. THE CASTLE OF FU MANCHU (1969)

DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS (1965)

 

 This Amicus anthology features Peter Cushing on a train with five other passengers including Christopher Lee and a young Donald Sutherland. He ends up telling them all their futures using a deck of tarot cards. Spoiler alert: none of them has a very bright future since this is a horror film with "horror" right there in the title. The 5 tales include a werewolf one, a vampire one, a killer plant one( which is sort-of a short version of DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS, which had come out 2 years prior), a voodoo curse one featuring a jazz band and lots of music and what's probably my fav, a killer disembodied hand(yes just like Thing from THE ADDAMS FAMILY) that stalks snobby art critic Christopher Lee. Pretty simple yarns but they're all effective enough and the acting is top-notch throughout. AKA THE BLOOD SEEKERS and THE HOUSE OF HORRORS

Played, for some reason, with a western in the U.K.!: 

This old 1940s spook show had a very influential name!:

HORROR EXPRESS (1972)

 

 1972 is one of the greatest years for horror films and this Spanish/British co-production is further proof of that. You get the rare treat of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee both being on the same side, a plot that mixes horror and sci-fi in an ORIENT EXPRESS setting featuring a prehistoric monster and an alien force, and most importantly the great Telly Savalas acting his ass off. Bloody eyeballs, dodgy science, white-eyed zombies and good claustrophobic horror elements make for a great ride. 

 The original Spanish version, titled PANIC ON THE TRANSIBERIAN, features a funkier soundtrack. This version is 88 minutes long while there's a shorter, 85 minute T.V. version out there also. Allegedly re-released at some point as THE POSSESSOR. Known in Japan under the snazzy title of ZOMBIE EXPRESS TO HELL.

THE GORGON (1964)

  This is kind of a goofy one for Hammer studios because it deals with a monster from Greek mythology coming back from the dead and possessing a woman, oh and then turning people into stone and killing them. No, not Medusa, but her sister Maguera, the lesser known of the three Gorgon sisters(in actual Greek mythology the 3 gorgon sisters were Euryale, Stheno and Medusa, so I'm not sure where they got this name from but it is slightly easier to pronounce. Maybe they borrowed it from that giant Japanese robot in THE MYSTERIANS). As usual Hammer makes everything look great(except those very fake-looking snakes in Maguera's hair) and you get to see Christopher Lee in a rare heroic role. Also since the Gorgon only appears during a full moon it all plays like a weird female version of a werewolf tale which is cool.

THE TWO FACES OF DR. JEKYLL (1960)

 Not being a super big fan of any of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde films I've seen(though DR. BLACK & MR. HYDE is pretty groovy!) I wasn't expecting too much from this one and I wasn't disappointed. It's a Hammer Studios version of the familiar tale so the sets are amazing, you get to see dancing girls underwear and a snake-dancer lady but it's generally all pretty pedestrian stuff.
 The Mr. Hyde here is actually a handsomer and less hairy version of Dr. Jekyll he just doesn't have any conscience to speak of which makes him the de facto "monster". Of course the people in Jekyll's life, including his friend Paul(Christopher Lee) who's sleeping with Jekyll's wife, are no great shakes either.
 The original U.S. release of this edited some of the harsher language out because I guess Americans in 1960 couldn't handle hearing "trollop" in a theater. AKA JEKYLL'S INFERNO and HOUSE OF FRIGHT

SCREAM OF FEAR (1961)

 Solid mystery thriller by Hammer studios. Known in England as TASTE OF FEAR this one is clearly inspired by Alfred Hitchcock in the way it twists and turns and keeps you guessing until everything is revealed in all it's grimy details. Christopher Lee is, as always, great in this and we get to see him in an unusual role here that I will not spoil for anyone that hasn't viewed this yet. Shot exceptionally well complete with some creepy moments involving a corpse that pops up at unfortunate times. A good one for fans of more classy less graphic spooky mystery-type stuff.

THE BLOODY JUDGE (1970)

 As much as I generally love director Jess Franco I've never been much of a fan of this burn-the-witches flick that he did with Christopher Lee. Lee is great as always in the title role but the film overall pales when compared to it's obvious inspiration CONQUEROR WORM and it never gets as sleazy or bloody(with it's PG-rating) as MARK OF THE DEVIL from this same year.  It is probably one of Jess' most professional and best looking films and it's not terrible it just suffers for reminding me of  better movies in this sub-genre. Franco regular Howard Vernon is pretty great as the executioner/torturer of accused witch-ladies but the movie sadly isn't all about him and his limping sadistic ass. There are a bunch of alternate titles for this which were various cut versions including NIGHT OF THE BLOOD MONSTER, THRONE OF THE BLOOD MONSTER, TRIAL OF THE WITCHES, WITCH KILLER OF BROADMOOR and WITCHES' TRIAL




                                      Didn't spot this monster anywhere in this movie:

DRACULA A.D. 1972 (1972)

 This is the 7th film in Hammer's Dracula series and while I like the idea of Dracula Vs. swingin' 70's British hippies, this movie, for the most part, is pretty dull. Many Hammer films are slow and talky and often the old-timey setting is pretty unexciting. This time they set it in the modern-day(1970's) so at least you get an acid-rock band and some partying acid-heads. The whole Dracula part though is so predictable and standard that it's really hard to get into the film on any level. It starts with a flash-back which wasn't in the previous movie(SCARS OF DRACULA) and then ends in a pretty similar way. Hammer couldn't have come up with something at least a little bit original here? Pretty disappointing despite the presence of Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, some super red blood and a couple of scantily-clad English birds including most notably the lovely Caroline Monroe.




 In Denmark this is known under the title VAMPIRE HUNTER HOTPANTS which might be one of the most amazing titles ever!:

   In some European countries this didn't come out until 1973:

HORROR OF DRACULA (1958)

 This along with CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN and all their various sequels ushered in a new era of monster movies which led to stuff like FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND magazine becoming popular and THE MUNSTERS being a hit TV program. So these films are historically important and are basically remakes of the old Universal monster flicks but with some ultra-red blood thrown in and much more British-ness. As I kid watching these movies on TV I found the parts without Drac to be a real drag but now I can appreciate the building of tension and atmosphere a lot more. Christopher Lee portrays the title monster and while he's no Bela Lugosi he's certainly more athletic and cuts a pretty imposing figure. AKA DRACULA and DRACULA 1958
 There's a slightly longer Japanese cut that was released a couple of years back that I've yet to see.

CORRIDORS OF BLOOD (1958)

 While this title might make you think you will be getting something pretty gruesome this movie is pretty tame, even for the 50's. There are a couple of surgery scenes with a little of the red stuff but that's about it. Apparently a few of the more graphic shots were cut out by censors before this was released(which wasn't until 1963). The main story concerns Boris Karloff as a doctor who's trying to invent anesthesia which isn't really all that exciting of a concept. Also since alcohol clearly exists in this world people musta known that numbing pain was very possible so it seems so strange that everyone laughs at this idea of ol' Boris'. One neat thing here though is that you get a fight between Karloff and an evil Christopher Lee which is kinda like watching two Frankensteins fight it out. In addition they throw in a sorta-KING KONG ending which I always enjoy(and this time it's a great big fat guy which makes it extra special!). So while this isn't an essential watch at least it's acted well.

Shock!:
)   

THE CITY OF THE DEAD (1960)

 Better known in the U.S. as HORROR HOTEL this is a classic example of British horror starring Christopher Lee. The main hook here is the deep atmosphere that saturates the film. It's a familiar story of a witch who gets burned at the stake in olden times Massachusetts and returns, still wreaking vengeance 300 years later. The Italians would produce similar goth classics with Barbara Steele throughout the 60's and those would amp up the violence and blood but this one has to be given credit for helping to get the ball rolling and serving as a blueprint. Christopher Lee is also pretty awesome as usual. Overall it's a good Halloween-time movie, with all the fog and witchery going on and it ends with a large wooden cross inexplicably shooting fireballs at witches and warlocks(and maybe just some run-of-the-mill Satanists thrown in?). That's some crazy god vengeance there!
 I saw this as part of a horror marathon recently and it was by far the best thing on the bill.
 This was originally released in the U.S. on a double-bill with a movie called THE HEAD which is supposed to be a German version of THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE that looks pretty nutty.



 also The Misfits dig it:

SCARS OF DRACULA (1970)

 A big fake-looking bat pukes up some blood on a bunch of ashes and Christopher Lee returns as Count Dracula in this 5th sequel in the Hammer studios series. While I'm not a big fan of this series in general I do find the ramped-up cheese factor as they went into the 70's to at least be mildly amusing. This one has a ladies bare ass on display, a bat chomping on the face of a priest, a sexy vampire chick, Drac's masochistic helper and a really stupid ending involving unlikely lightning saving the day. Besides these standout features it all runs along the exact lines you would expect an English Dracula movie to. This one is still set in olden-times but after this they would move the series to modern day, with stuff like SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA, which made the movies even nuttier.



Played on a double-bill with HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN also from 1970:

THE SKULL (1965)

 Amicus studios in England made a bunch of anthology-type horror movies. This isn't one of them but I think maybe it would have worked better as a shorter story in one of those. As it is this is one of the stupider movies I've seen in a while. Apparently the skull of the Marquis de Sade turns people into psycho-killers. Now I'm no literary historian but I believe the Marquis de Sade was just some guy who wrote books about S & M and didn't murder people but what do I know? Peter Cushing is our star here and he plays a collector of strange antique items. He ends up getting attacked by a skull on obvious strings and it's all very dumb and very British. Christopher Lee is in this also but doesn't do much. Also that paralyzed guy from A CLOCKWORK ORANGE that tells Alex to "please try the wine" shows up in a small part and I always enjoy seeing him besides that though I would say stick with the Amicus anthologies instead.  Perhaps even FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE or THE MONSTER CLUB would be nice.

THE SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA (1973)

 This is the 8th Dracula movie in the Hammer studios series and while I'm generally more of a fan of the classic Universal monster flicks this one at least gives us some Satan stuff which includes naked gals being sacrificed to Beelzebub and some sexy chained-up vampire chicks to spice things up.  Dracula in this one decides to bring back the plague and wipe out humanity.  I'm not exactly sure what this accomplishes but it does seem pretty evil.  It was the last film with the classic pairing of Christopher Lee as Drac and Peter Cushing as Van Helsing and while they do a good enough job it also has a lot of boring stretches and a pretty uneventful ending involving Dracula fighting a thorn bush.  I think I agree with the general consensus that this is skip-able unless you're a big Hammer films fanatic.  Released in America as COUNT DRACULA AND HIS VAMPIRE BRIDE


                               

                         Played on a groovy double-bill with BLACULA!:

BRAM STOKER'S COUNT DRACULA (1970)

The idea to get Jess Franco to direct a by-the-book version of DRACULA seems odd. I mean it's those odd quirky things that Franco adds to his films that make them so interesting in the first place. You do get the trademark zoom lens shots here and some other odd camera placements but that's about the only Franco touches present. The idea to get Klaus Kinski to play Renfield is a good one, since he seems bat-shit crazy in real life anyway, but he's kinda wasted here just hanging out in a jail cell and jumping out of a window. In fact the whole cast here is pretty awesome on paper with Christopher Lee in the tile role and Herbert Lom from MARK OF THE DEVIL as Van Helsing. It's too bad none of these stars were actually in any scenes together(although they do try to fool you with Lee & Lom) since ol' Jess seems to have had them all shoot their individual scenes on different days. This isn't the worst version of DRACULA out there but it's also not very good with very little blood on display and a pretty boring feeling to the whole thing. Franco would go on to make DRACULA, PRISONER OF FRANKENSTEIN a couple of years after this and that one's filled with his unique vision of what a monster movie should be and is way more entertaining as a result.

THE DEVIL RIDES OUT (1968)

 I picked up a few of these Hammer Collection movies cheaply on VHS recently and have been working my way through them.  Not being a huge fan of Hammer studios in general most of the stuff has been at least mildly entertaining but this one is probably my least favorite so far.  It's a little surprising since I've only heard good things about this and have even seen it near the top of a few people's lists of favorite Hammer flicks.  I did like the silly Satanic rituals on display and it all seems shot well enough. Maybe it's just the fact that Christopher Lee plays the movie's hero that throws me off.  I mean the guy is so great at being the evil villain!  Why didn't they cast him as the head of the devil-cult?  Was Peter Cushing too busy for this good-guy role?  I think that would have made the movie a bit more entertaining to me.  Another thing that stood out in a bad way were the terrible special FX, especially the scene of the giant magical tarantula attacking which looked really awful but I guess I should be happy that it wasn't some CGI cartoon crap.  Also speaking of magic this movie relied on lots of magic spells and whatnot which I found pretty dumb.  I probably won't be watching this again anytime soon but if you're a real Hammer fan apparently it's wonderful. A.K.A.-THE DEVIL'S BRIDE

RASPUTIN: THE MAD MONK (1966)

 Christopher Lee gets to play a villain a little bit different than the Dracula's and Frankenstein monsters that he normally did in this one.  Here he plays a monk who seems to have some supernatural healing and hypnotic powers as well as being a nifty dancer.  I like the way this film starts out since old Rasputin is portrayed basically as a long-haired drunken part-animal  who then turns into a bit of a woman-beating rapist.  After this he's kicked out of his monastery and goes about climbing the social ladder using his charms and spooky powers.  We're never really told exactly what the hell his powers really are so basically he's just an evil dude.  The rest of the movie pretty much plays out like the more typical Hammer films of this time with the monster doing naughty things until he's tricked into getting himself killed.  Not the best or worst from Hammer but an OK time-waster and you get a hand chopped off, acid thrown in the face, a slit-wrist suicide and just about the most G-rated sex scene I've ever seen.
 Director Don Sharp would go on to make the great zombie biker flick PSYCHOMANIA.  RASPUTIN was released in America on a double-bill with THE REPTILE and you got a free clip-on beard.  Not sure how that was supposed to protect you from Rasputin but that's the gimmick they went with.