LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)

A good rule of thumb has been to look outside the U.S.A. for quality horror films. Hollywood stopped making movies that weren't geared towards zombies/consumerists a long time ago. According to my girlfriend if you take that big hit teeny-bopper movie TWILIGHT and add some blood and gore and reverse the gender and lower the age of the characters you would have this movie. Having never seen that mass-produced, mall-mentality Hollywood romance garbage I'll take her word on that. Overall I found this to be a really well-done take on a vampire movie. Having the vampire be a young female child made it unique in a way. Bordering on the artsy pretension that many Swedish films seem to fall into it realistically conveys a cold world. Who can't relate to the spazzy nerdish kid who's picked on and terrorized by his peers? I guess jocks and other insecure members of the mainstream can't but I know I can. George Romero's MARTIN is still my #1 vampire movie of all time but this one is worth checking out.

FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

 How do you screw up a FRIDAY THE 13th movie? I really didn't think it was possible for me to hate a movie with Jason Voorhees in it as much as I hate this one. They've put Jason in space, had him travel to New York, had him fight Freddy Kreuger and Carrie, they even made him a body-jumping black slug and all of those things I found at least slightly entertaining. Movie makers currently think all they have to do is remake something so it's new. The sad thing is that it seems like the majority of horror fans agree with this. As long as it's new it's quality? It's a strange concept that I can't wrap my head around. Of course most younger movie fans wouldn't watch anything older than 1990 anyway so I guess it makes some kind of strange sense. This movie set a box-office record for a R-rated horror movie. Unfortunately my money was included in that total. This is the worst most boring FRIDAY THE 13th ever. Worse than the shitty TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake(which it even sorta resembled in a few ways)made by the same team of douche bags. A perfect example of Hollywood garbage trying to cash in on 80's nostalgia. The sad thing is that I will be first in line to see part 2 cuz I hear it's gonna be in 3-D. I love 3-D! MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D blew this away by far. Let's hope they try to rip off some of that movie for the next one.

This trailer can't begin to convey the shittyness of the whole film:

HARD CANDY (2005)

I like movies where there aren't any heroes. Kind of reminds me of real life a whole lot more than something like RAMBO. In real life the right answers aren't always very clear cut. I'm guessing this movie wants you to side with the psycho 14 year old girl character over the pedophile and yeah that is the side people would identify with more but neither one is especially likable in their actions. This movie does make you flip back in forth in your thoughts a few times and that's pretty cool in my book. Of course I don't really read that many books just watch stupid movies. This movie though isn't too stupid. There are a few scenes that stretch the believability factor a bit. I mean this guy murdered a girl before but he can't get it together to kill this little girl? Overall I found it entertaining but mildly flawed. It's a movie that doesn't need to be seen more than once but that's OK. I think I'd score this a 5 or 6 out of ten stars. Credit for the realistic scummy human beings portrayed and minus points for the absurdity of certain situations.

Here's Ellen Page squeezing her boobs from another movie and don't worry she's over 18:

FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3 (1982)

FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3 has always been my favorite of this whole slasher series. It's simple and dumb just like all the rest but it's just always been the one I think of as the best example of why I like this series at all. The first few F13's have that exploitation movie element that the later ones are missing once Jason becomes a zombie/monster. Those later movies are simply monster movies. Not that there's anything wrong with a monster movie but I usually like my slashers with at least a touch of realism and sleaze. There's even some vague reference to Jason being a rapist in this one that I don't think most people notice. This is just the perfect Jason as slasher/retard. When the fuck did he cut his hair from Part 2? Who knows. Don't bother buying the new DVD of this though. I waited forever to see this thing in 3-D and the new DVD doesn't look very 3-D at all. Fuck Paramount. Don't call your movie 3-D if the effect doesn't work. Pricks! Gonna go see the remake tonight even though I'm sure it will never stack up against any of the 80's classic slashers.

THE WIZARD OF GORE (1970)

                                                                   "It was Montag!!!" 

  Yeah, this is one of the original H.G. Lewis gore flicks that paved the way for all the slasher and other gore movies and made history and made Lewis "the godfather of gore". Hard to put a movie like that down. It's stupid, silly gore for gore's sake. But it's a fun movie to watch anyhow. This last time I watched it I noticed how painfully illogical and meaningless the ending scenes are. So it wasn't really Montag doing the killings the whole time?? Or was it?? I guess these things aren't ever meant to be fully known by mortal men. This movie is sort of a quaint old-time blueprint of BLOODSUCKING FREAKS. I wanna check out the Crispin Glover remake sometime soon. I don't imagine it will stack up in the campy kitsch department like the original but it might be interesting anyway. I liked the 2000 MANIACS remake enough. Not really a remake but a sequel BLOOD FEAST 2 was kinda crappy but it had some good points in it too(like John Waters creepy priest character). I think BLOOD DINER was a better remake of that one. Wow, how many gore movies can I reference in one paragraph? Anyway like most all of Lewis' films this one's very stupid but fun and historical.

                                              One of the all-time great VHS covers!: