Thursday, October 6, 2016
CEMETERY GATES (2006)
I don't watch a whole lot of modern horror movies, since they more often than not suck ass, so I occasionally wonder how they treat the whole issue of cell phones in these movies. I mean if you're in some crazy dangerous situation being stalked by a psycho or monstrous-being why not just call for help? I know some films do the "we're getting no signal/there's no phone-service here, aaahh!!"-thing. This movie apparently just exists in a world devoid of cell phones altogether so I guess that's the other route you could take to avoid that question. I guess my point is that there doesn't seem to be any thought put into this besides taking the most basic slasher-movie plot and instead of having a Jason-type character insert a mutated Tasmanian Devil. Reggie Bannister of PHANTASM fame is the only actor I recognized here and I will give this movie props for being a modern movie with no cgi and instead actual fake blood and body parts. I almost fell off my couch when I didn't see any cheap-shit asshole computer blood! Sadly with the bad acting and stupid lame-ass characters this is just about the only positive thing besides a nice pair of tits on display by the standard dumb-blonde chick character(Kristin Novak).
This song doesn't show up at all in this movie: