ANOTHER PIECE OF ROMANCE (1994)

 This might be the most castration-filled movie I've ever witnessed. The weird thing about that is that it's not really a horror movie of any sort or even a rape-revenge flick. What you get is the tale of a businessman trying to get some priceless magical vase from his competitor so he hires a wizard fellow who uses our ruthless businessman's virgin daughter to cast spells that end up with a bunch of guys getting their cocks cut off by angry scissor-wielding women. There's so much castrating going on that at one point even a little dog ends up the victim of this penis-snipping spree. While you might think this all sounds pretty horrific, in common category III-style of the time. a lot of it is just played for laughs, in particular one unlucky fellow who winds up the recipient of the aforementioned little dogdick to replace his formerly large appendage. A very strange Asian movie that I would only recommend to someone who can deal with a yuck-filled dick-chopping drama that is decidedly not very romantic despite it's title

The exciting chase scene!:


 Full movie is available HERE!!

FEAST OF FLESH (1967)

 This Argentinian horror flick, actually made in 1965, about a creepy masked fellow who stalks gals so he can inject them with heroin and keep them around as slaves is a bit too leisurely-paced to stay awake through. After many attempts I did manage to make it to the ending but outside of a very disturbing villainous creep and some effective atmosphere there's not much else to recommend unless you just like watching long scenes with eerie music. There is a bit of nudity flashed here and there but overall this is a dull one. AKA THE DEADLY ORGAN
 Director  Emilio Vieyra went on to make THE CURIOUS DR. HUMPP and that one is a way better(and stranger) choice. 

                                                     Naptime cinema!!:




                                  Double-billed with this way more exciting headliner!:

WOMEN IN CAGES (1971)

 Somehow I never saw this Pam Grier-starring women-in-prison flick until now. It's part of the Roger Corman-produced, Filipino-made prison epics series which follows THE BIG DOLL HOUSE and was then followed by THE BIG BIRD CAGE. In comparison to those two it's definitely of lesser quality but still sordid and sleazy enough to entertain fans of these lowbrow efforts. You get multiple shower scenes, Miss Grier exposes her lovely assets, wanton lesbianism, bumbling attempted murder hijinks and there's a sorta gang-rape ending. It's also interesting in that you get Grier in a villainous role instead of her usual spot as the tough prisoner. While the direction, under Gerardo de Leon, is a bit lacking and he's no Jack Hill  you could do worse in the sleazy thrills category so give it a pervy look. AKA BAMBOO DOLL HOUSE and WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY III
 Apparently Quentin Tarantino took Pam Grier's character's name, Alabama, for his main female character in TRUE ROMANCE.

A recycled poster design from THE BIG DOLL HOUSE:

SOMETHING WEIRD (1967)

 This dude(Tony McCabe) gets his face half-melted by an electrical wire and then gains the power of extra sensory perception. Oh and then he meets an ugly witch(Mudite Arums) who sometimes appears as a sexy lady(Elizabeth Lee) who heals him up if he becomes her boytoy. Then some government agent gives him LSD for some reason and he trips out and fights a blanket. This is obviously not a movie that makes a whole lotta sense and every time the witchy lady shows up I think it's going to turn into a kiddie movie. While not the best movie in director HG Lewis' oeuvre it's a passable time waster just for living up to its title.
 More importantly this film's title spawned the greatest video-releasing company of the 80s and they are still around today so give them a look for all your weirdest movie needs: https://www.somethingweird.com/

                                                                                                                                                                       
                                                                   HG Lewis 2-fer!:

FEELS LIKE SILK (1983)

 Sharon Mitchell and her blonde friend who looks slightly retarded(Dana Dennis credited as Diana Rogers) open up a whorehouse, except that it's a whorehouse where you bring your own whores. So basically they just open up a fancy hotel where they hook up monitors to watch all the sex-activities. Jamie Gillis shows up with Shauna Grant(credited as Callie Aims for some reason) unless you watch the DVD-version of this where his scenes are cut out. Bill Margold plays a Nazi into disciplining his hooker and Jessie St. James and Billy Dee also appear along with a bunch of people that I've never heard of. It's all pretty dull typical porn stuff that was directed by Alan Vydra(credited as Alan Everett) who is a European fellow who had mostly done Euro-porn before this so maybe that's why it's a bit lacking as it seems to be trying for a more artsy feeling and just ends up being extra-tedious. aka DIANA, LOVE AND ECSTASY

 

ESCAPE 2000 (1982)

 Director Brian Trenchard-Smith, who is clearly the greatest Australian exploitation movie director, gives us a futuristic fascist government that throws people into re-education camps for the slightest of infractions and then murders them if they do not get with the program to become model citizens. Things start off with a very women-in-prison-feel(even though there are men prisoners also including Steve Railsback who will forever remind me of Charles Manson, whenever I hear his voice, giving me flashbacks to the classic TV-movie HELTER SKELTER, where he so expertly portrayed the world's most famous crazy person) before going into THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME-territory when a handful of prisoners are released only to be hunted down by our Nazi-like guards and warden named Thatcher(very subtle social commentary there!). If all this isn't exciting enough Mr. Trenchard-Smith also throws a naughty werewolf into the mix(I guess technically he's supposed to be some kinda mutant but he sure looks like a werewolf to me) who likes to rip off people's toes and chomp on them like wolf-people do. It's a great mix of action, there's some blood despite cutting away from a few graphic scenes(there is an uncut 90 minute version that is supposed to be quite a bit more graphic in this department), mandatory naked shower scene and heads get blown apart! AKA TURKEY SHOOT and BLOOD CAMP THATCHER(this was obviously the popular British title)

  The title should technically be ESCAPE 1995:
                                           "The blood and thunder shocker" of 1982!!:

Known in Germany as ISLAND OF THE DAMNED:

SHARK (1969)

 This was originally titled CAINE, which is the name of the main character played by a yet-to-be-very-famous Burt Reynolds, and is a much more appropriately dull title for what is a mostly boring movie. There are sharks involved in the quest for some sunken treasure but they are not the main focus.
 Apparently one of the stuntmen on this was killed by a shark while filming one of the attack scenes and it's still in the film somewhere which they would exploit in promoting it. So I guess if you want to see some snuff-footage in the middle of a fairly unexceptional heist movie give it a look.
 Director Samuel Fuller was mostly known for his film-noirs of the 50s so I guess that's why there are unexpected jazz tunes playing in the background of many scenes. AKA MANEATER

                                                            Hype!!:

 

                          This had some crappy VHS covers that tried to link it to JAWS!:

Known in Germany as OUTSIDER:

Known in Spanish countries as THE FILTHY WEAPON?:

None of the sharks in this are quite this big:

THE WRESTLER (1974)

 Way before that overly-melodramatic Hollywood movie starring Mickey Rourke, came this 70s wrasslin' flick about a promoter(Ed Asner) trying dealing with the mob and the everyday turmoil of the "king of sports". Produced by and featuring world champion wrestler Verne Gagne, who was, in reality, the owner of the Minneapolis-based American Wrestling Association, which was one of the big 3 promotions at the time, this, of course, features a bunch of stars from that area including Dusty Rhodes, Nick Bockwinkel, Larry "The Ax" Hennig, Ray "The Crippler" Stevens(who blatantly kills a guy right in the ring!), The Crusher and a bunch more. If you look really closely you can even see a young fat Ric Flair. Also Vince McMahon's dad Vince Sr. shows up for a meeting of America's top promoters for a super-bowl of champions, which we never actually get to see.
 Having been raised in the Northeast on the WWF I always viewed the AWA back then as the weakest promotion and having an old bald-man as your champion was probably the main reason. Well in this movie they sorta deal with that with Mr. Gagne(for some reason under the pseudonym of Mike Bullard) being forced out of the top spot by Ed"Lou Grant" Asner and up and coming grappler Billy Robinson( called Billy Taylor for no discernable reason) . Sadly in real life Gagne would hang on for another 7 years or so as champ. The overall plot in this thing is pretty weak and they shoehorn in a love story with Asner and his secretary, who acts enough like Mary Tyler Moore that it made me feel uncomfortable to watch,  that goes nowhere and the mobster angle is also never realized by the time the credits role. Hard to recommend this to anyone who's not  an old-school wrestling fan and wants to see whose face will pop up next.  Anyone else would probably be totally disinterested.

BUCKTOWN (1975)

   

                                            "No coon looks good to a decent man"

 Most of the classic blaxploitation flicks deal with the black man overcoming the evils of the racist white man and a terrible unjust society. This was obviously the most popular plot device for the intended audience of that time. This Fred Williamson and Pam Grier-starring vehicle takes that idea one step further and deals with what happens after our oppressed group rises up and kicks whiteys ass. Spoiler alert: it's not about the skin color but the content of one's character that makes for either beneficial or debilitating leaders. 40+ years after this film was made I don't think the majority of the planet's citizens have grasped this simple concept yet.  But even if you don't care about all the pseudo-political/social-comment mumbo-jumbo this still works as a great action flick where Fred "The Hammer" gets to lay the smackdown on jackasses of many different shades including Carl "Apollo Creed" Weathers, Thalmus Rasulala and your more typical Southern racist honkeys. You get full Miss Grier breasts on show and a killer funky soundtrack.I find this one highly re-watchable every couple of years.

SECRET OF WOMEN'S PRISON ISLAND (1970)

 I was introduced to this Japanese women-in-prison film under the alternate title of DECAPITATION ISLAND so I was expecting a pretty violent tale. There is one actual (offscreen) decapitation to start thing off and things do get rather graphic in the punishement department for our ladies in captivity but not as many heads roll as I was expecting. There are some unique tortures on display including a bowl of boiling oil that a lady has suspended over her that she has to hold still by an attached chain stuck into her mouth while lecherous prison guards poke her with sharp sticks. Lots of nude female Asian flesh, no real heroes and some samurai-style sword fights to end things. Pretty good WIP flick and unique enough to stand out. AKA ISLAND OF HORRORS

Some choice scenes!:
Decapitation island 1970 / Watch online

My bootleg DVD has almost the exact same cover as this, which is also the cover for THE JOY OF TORTURE also from 1970 which I have not seen so maybe there are other close similarities:

WAKE IT UP, KILL IT 4 (1994)

 The DVD that I have of this says it's called SPIRITED KILLER but the actual onscreen title is WAKE IT UP, KILL IT 4 (or at least that's the best translation I can figure out since it's all in Thai. It could also be WAKE IT UP TO KILL for all I know) which means this is the 4th part of a series of Thai movies that I'm gonna guess deal with zombies or ghosts of some sort that have to be killed. Not that any of that matters because the plot is pretty simple and has to do with an evil wizard/priest/magician? who kills some folks and then is chopped up with machetes by some angry villagers and then returns along with a very TERMINATOR-like ally to wreak his vengeance. I think this "monster" is also some sorta zombie but maybe his origin is  explained in the earlier films. There's one terrible musical interlude that reminds me of every Bollywood flick that is the low-point and the high-point is whenever two ridiculous badly-dubbed stoner types have any dialogue. The whole thing basically plays out like a slasher movie mixed with a kung-fu film and ultimately it's all pretty unremarkable.
 The only reason this received a DVD release here in the U.S. at all is because Tony Jaa is in it(but only briefly) and he has been touted as the new Bruce Lee for a while now though I'm not sure he has the personality or presence of Mr. Lee in his prime.

 The 3 films that precede this are:
1987 -  WAKE IT UP, KILL IT
1989 - WAKE IT UP, KILL IT 2
1990 - WAKE IT UP, KILL IT 3 aka THE NAKED HAUNTED GHOST

 There are two more supposed sequels in this series(though I have no idea if these are the actual original titles or even actual sequels of any kind):
1997 - SPIRITED KILLER 2: AWAKENED ZOMBIE BATTLES(doing further research it looks like this actually was released in 1991 which would make it obviously not a real sequel but possibly a prequel?)
1998 - SPIRITED KILLER 3: GHOST WARS(looks like this is from 1991 also and originally titled SONG KRAM PHEE)

Fabulous dubbing!!:

KUNG FU ZOMBIE (1981)

 Very similar to KUNG FU FROM  BEYOND THE GRAVE which came out the next year, also starred Billy Chong and had him battling zombies and a vampire brought to life by a goofball priest/wizard fella. This one has ghosts being thrown into various dead bodies being reanimated to get some chopsocky revenge. Exactly what the revenge was originally for I was never exactly clear on since the plots get a bit muddled in the wacky dubbing job these Hong Kong martial-arts films often get. If you don't dig comedy-fu this one is really not for you. It's about 70 % slapsticky cartoonish nonsense and 30 % fighting. My favorite bit is a very quick battle where our vampire kicks his opponents head clean off and drinks right out of the blood-spurting neckhole. I also learned you can kill a vampire with the power of Buddha and a sharp spike through the top of the head. Not exactly a zombie classic or even much of a horror film at all but goofy enough for oddball kung-fu-loving weirdos. Now I just need to watch KUNG FU VAMPIRE and I feel my life will be complete.

Strange that this German video of a Hong Kong film was released by a company called American Video??:

THE MUMMY'S CURSE (1944)

 Rushed out the same year as the previous installment (THE MUMMY'S GHOST) in the Kharis The Mummy saga this one manages to wrap things up pretty well by giving us a reincarnated Mummy's bride as well. They throw in a pretty standard plot about the monster being reincarnated because some land developers are draining the swamp where he last met his demise except now it's in a Louisiana bayou instead of Massachusetts. Oh and also some stock footage from THE MUMMY'S HAND. They do leave it open for a sequel at the end but that didn't really happen although we did get ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE THE MUMMY 11 years later but that's a totally different Mummy-man named Klaris.

SCHOOL KILLER (2001)

 So this Spanish production takes what might be the thinnest idea for a plot ever about a group of teenagers, played by people older than that of course, spending the night in a creepy old school-building and make it into a slasher movie with the great Spanish horror star Paul Naschy playing the killer. That in itself might not horrible but then they throw in a bunch of paranormal/ghost bullshit and that really helps drag things down. In the middle of the movie they flashback to the 70s where it's just a regular gory slasher flick and I can't help but think just that woulda been a better film. Also they forgot to come up with any sort of ending so things just end abruptly with no real explanation. Not Naschy's finest but he does a decent enough job with what he's given to do. For prime Naschy stick with his 70s werewolf opuses.

AMERICAN NIGHTMARE (1983)

 Right off the bat this movie is lying to me since this was filmed in Canada and not the U.S. They do manage to make Toronto look pretty grimy though so if we just ignore a couple of Canadian accents and all the knitted hats(tooks?) I guess we could pretend this is some big sleazy American city. Overall it's kind-of a middle-of-the-road slasher being that it's not the worst and certainly not the best of the genre. The plot all revolves around strippers/prostitutes getting offed so there's an over-abundance of nudity which is a plus. Unfortunately nothing exceptional, besides it's sleazy aura, really stands out about this and ultimately it's a pretty forgettable experience that is only recommended to slasher fanatics or Canadian horror-completists.

                                           The ol' stalk & slash!:

Cheap-o VHS goodness!:

RULERS OF THE CITY (1976)

  This one is a sort-of mix of a gangster flick, an action movie and a touch of kung-fu on the side. Of course it's mainly a mobster movie with Jack Palance as MISTER SCARFACE (which is also the more common title of this). Who heads of a crime organization that goes up against one headed by Edmund Purdom. Palance is not actually the star though, even though he has top-billing. Our main character (Harry Baer) is a young mobster who goes around collecting money and throwing flying kicks when he has to. I would probably rate this film higher if it had more Palance in it or if it wasn't directed by Fernando Di Leo, whose "Milano trilogy" is an example of some of the best Eurocrime films out there so I expected more. Also it gets a bit too action-y in spots which may not be a bad thing if you just want to see a somewhat silly action flick. AKA THE BIG BOSS and BLOOD AND BULLETS

THE INITIATION (1984)

 Fairly generic slasher flick here. It contains all the standard elements including blood, nudity(boobs and full bush on display) and a half-assed mystery involving a childhood trauma. There's also a really wonky ending that throws a twist in for the hell of it. Daphne Zuniga, who was also in the similar THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD, is our main gal in distress and she would go on to become famous for stupid TV-shows like MELROSE PLACE. Clu Gulager from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD shows up for a bit. A new wave band called Refugee? plays a party scene where a guy dresses up like a giant dick and balls but besides them the music in this thing is pretty irritating. Only recommended to slasher completists or, I guess, big Daphne Zuniga fans.



                                           INICIACION SATANICA is a way cooler title!:

THEY STILL CALL ME BRUCE (1987)

  I'd seen the original THEY CALL ME BRUCE? at some point in the 80s but I don't remember much about it besides that it was mildly entertaining at the time, and even though I don't remember much about the first film I'm pretty sure it wasn't as bad as this crappy sequel. They waited 5 years and the best they could come up with is basically a shitty version of CROCODILE DUNDEE with an Asian man instead of an Australian. Then they spoof ROCKY with some bad fight scenes as Bruce fights Ogre(Donald Gibb) from REVENGE OF THE NERDS. Pretty yawn inducing.
 Star Johnny Yune would give up trying to make it in America shortly after this and end up being a late-night TV talk-show host in Korea.
 Notable co-stars and cameos in this include Robert 'BENSON' Guillaume, John's little brother Joey Travolta and Pat Paulsen who shows up in a bunch of dumb 80s comedies most memorably, to me anyway, NIGHT PATROL.

C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD (1989)

 The first C.H.U.D. was a pretty decent 80s monster flick. This one is a stupid piece of crap comedy. It also changes the monsters into just being regular zombies who get into slap-stick-filled adventures. Maybe the only good thing going for this is that it has a bunch of weird cameos from people like Rich Hall from NOT NECESSARILY THE NEWS, Norman "Mr. Roper" Fell, June Lockhart from LOST IN SPACE, Mick Jagger's ex-wife Bianca Jagger, Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund, Robert Vaughn from THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. and more but even all this talent is wasted here and I personally felt embarrassed for everyone involved. It all plays like an 80s teen-sex-comedy except without any sex or nudity and not very much in the way of anything all that funny either so what you're left with is a kind of retarded zombie flick where dumb stuff happens constantly. A shameful scam but I'm sure there's some 80s-obsessed freaks that may enjoy it on some level.



             The monsters on this video cover are from the 1st movie and not in this one at all!:

DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN (1970)

This one is probably better known as ASSIGNMENT TERROR. Calling it DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN is pretty dumb since those 2 monsters never fight and are working on the same team and there is a crappy Al Adamson film under that title and also a Jess Franco film known as such. THE WOLFMAN VS. FRANKENSTEIN woulda made more sense since that actually happens but weird aka's is pretty standard for Paul Naschy werewolf flicks. This is the 2nd(or 3rd if you count the unobtainable/uncompleted? NIGHTS OF THE WOLF-MAN) Naschy flick as Waldemar Daninsky and one of the few ones that actually works as a sequel. The plot revolves around a mad-scientist-type, played by Michael Rennie from the classic THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, and just like in that movie he's actually an alien but instead of trying to warn the Earth about its impending doom here he's actively trying to bring that about by re-animating various monsters including a mummy, a vampire, a Frankenstein-monster(though he's called the Faranksalan-monster to avoid copyright charges?) and, of course, Naschy's Wolf-Man. Instead of conquering the planet though they all seem to just hang out in this old castle. It's a pretty convoluted(part sci-fi/part-horror) mess of a movie that's closer in plot to something like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE than any of the classic Universal films it's attempting to mimic but for monster fans like myself it's still a great wacky watch and where else do you get go-go dancers mixed into your monster-mash?.

Known in Mexico as OPERATION TERROR!:

C.H.U.D. (1984)

 C.H.U.D., or Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers for long, is a film I sometimes think I give higher praise than it maybe deserves because it was made in the 1980s and it's actually a monster movie that isn't a comedy at all. Sure while it is a pretty silly plot about mutated cannibal creatures living under New York City it's done really well and there's not much to complain about besides some points in the action where it gets a little talky and slows down. There's also a lack of any real gore or any nudity to speak of but the acting is on-point and the main-attraction, the C.H.U.D.'s themselves look pretty impressive even when they're not lurking in the shadows. Also it's set in NYC back when it was still a grimy, sleazy location so that always gets extra-credit in my book.
 John Goodman from the ROSEANNE show appears for a tiny bit before becoming C.H.U.D.-chow.
 There was one sequel to this 5 years later where they threw the idea of being serious completely out the window and went with almost a straight-ahead comedy deal so, of course, it sucks.




                                                            Ol' rubber-neck CHUD!:

German 'PANIK' poster:

SWEET MOVIE (1974)

 One of the weirdest things I've seen in a while. This is a super artsy-fartsy mess of a movie that contains two plots, one being pro-communism?, I think?, and the other I'm guessing is all about the joys of the anarchist life? It starts off with an odd beauty pageant for virgin ladies then John Vernon shows up and pulls out his golden penis and pisses on the winner. From there things just get weirder as a whole slew of disgusting things happen that don't make any sense. There's simulated castration, lots of vomit, guys shitting on plates, guys pissing into each others mouths, stripping in front of little boys, bloody murder in a bunch of sugar and it all ends up with a lady rolling around in chocolate. The whole thing reminds me of a somewhat gentler, not as mean-spirited version of SALO, OR THE 120 DAYS OF SODOM by Pasolini which hadn't actually been released yet(and interestingly he was responsible for the Italian-dub of this film so perhaps it was inspirational for him). Something you watch once, that is if you're into disgusting French art-flicks and can deal with poop hijinks etc., just to say you experienced it.



                           I guess Marxists philosophies that lead to mass murders is sweet ??:

THE MUMMY'S GHOST (1944)

 I've been working my way through the classic Universal Mummy boxset and figured this would be pretty much the same as the last one, and while it is in many ways they at least spice things up a bit with the inclusion of John Carradine as our main villain here who controls Lon Chaney Jr. as the titular Mummy named Kharis who isn't really a ghost but just your standard reincarnated mummy-man. and a pretty wonky ending that I don't mean to spoil but it involves the mummy kinda winning in the end which is pretty rare in these. Of course the story deals with the mummy's quest for his soulmate, as it often does, which in this case is reincarnated into an Egyptian lady(Ramsay Ames) who doesn't really look very Egyptian to me but what do I know?. Things take a pretty nihilistic turn by the end which is pretty shocking for 1944 and makes this entry stand out. Chaney would be back for the next and final film in the Kharis saga, THE MUMMY'S CURSE, rushed out the same year.

ATTACK OF THE PHANTOMS (1978)

 Being a child of the 70s it was kind of the law that you had to be into Star Wars and Kiss, unless you were some kinda weird mutant kid, so I first saw this film when it originally aired  on TV under the KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK title and I was 7 years old which is really the perfect age to watch this since the plot is basically a SCOOBY-DOO episode done live-action and with rock n' roll. Getting to see it again last night with a crowd of Kiss fans after seeing a Kiss cover band play  may have been a bit less exciting but it now has that nostalgic kitschy-value going for it. The story concerns a mad-doctor-type who designs realistic robots for an amusement park that Kiss is giving some big shows at. The band, I believe, is taken from their Marvel Comics incarnation because they possess special talismans that give each of them magical powers and kung-fu abilities that they use to battle a variety of robot assailants including a fake-Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolfman and a whole army of white sorta-Ape/sorta-Lion faced creatures. Very dumb fun that is vastly helped by actually liking Kiss' music or being 7 years old in 1978 or maybe a few beers.