18 FATAL STRIKES (1980)

 A Buddhist monk(Chiang-Lung Wen) becomes a rebel and fights against the new Ching Dynasty but unfortunately he gets his ass kicked and ends up hiding out with these two seemingly retarded fellows. The less retarded one of the two learns some kung fu and they get revenge after the standard evil white-haired guy kills their gal-pal. Fairly unremarkable kung fu flick, the most notable thing might be the main villain's strange fighting style where he shakes and shimmies to "Hulk" up. Not really amusing enough to recommend this one though unless you need something to take a nap to. AKA 18 WEAPONS OF KUNG FU(didn't really seem like all that many different weapons to me but I wasn't really counting)

 

KUNG FU YOGA (2017)

 Not to be confused with old-skool martial-arts flick KUNG FU VS. YOGA this one is a newer Jackie Chan movie. The first 5 minutes are complete CGI/video-game-looking nonsense. Then the rest of the movie is filled with CGI animals(cartoon lions and hyenas and wolves, oh my!)  and other enhanced fx to make things looks as terrible and unrealistic as possible. I understand Mr. Jackie was around 65 years old when this was made but maybe leaving the kung fu to the younger folks would have been preferable to enhancing everything to the point of ridiculousness. Also this is supposed to be a sorta mix of a kung fu flick and a Bollywood film so everything ends really stupidly with a big dance number. I would recommend sticking with sticking with way earlier Chan for better action unless you don't mind a movie that doesn't really look like a movie very much.
 There's some conjecture that this is maybe a sequel to Jackie's 2005 film THE MYTH since the character he plays in both films is an archaeologist named Jack but not having seen that one, and since it doesn't exactly look like prime Chan to me I'm in no hurry to, I can't say. 

THE RATS (2002)

 Very generic title for a movie about killer rats. In this case it's kind of appropriate though since this is a super generic movie. Killer rats invade various locations around New York City(though it was filmed in Toronto so don't look too close) including a high-end department store, a swimming pool full of kids, the subway etc. They spread a terrible disease if you're lucky and rip you to shreds if you're not. Nothing particularly gruesome is shown, probably because this was originally a made for T.V. movie though it was released in some countries outside the U.S. theatrically(poor countries!). There is a longer cut that has a bit more blood and even some boobs in it.
 This is allegedly a remake of 1982's DEADLY EYES but that one didn't feature a bunch of c.g.i. and I recall it being a lot more entertaining and fun. So if you don't feel like watching what look like video game rats(in one particularly terrible looking sequence the rats shoot up out of a drain like a fountain)chase people stick with the original.

                                                  Tonight on FOX!:

 

DON'T PANIC (1988)

 This is the 3rd horror film by Mexican director Ruben Galindo Jr. that I've seen now. After viewing this and the other two, CEMETERY OF TERROR(the one that's kind of reminiscent of HALLOWEEN) and GRAVE ROBBERS(the one that's kind of reminiscent of a FRIDAY THE 13th movie), I'm kind of getting the feeling that Mr. Ruben might be the king of Mexican rip-offs of popular 80's horror franchises. I know that is not much of a compliment but it does at least make him memorable to me. The films all, including this one which contains elements from A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, at least put some unique spins on the source material and make them different enough to not be entirely predictable. In this case we get a high-school kid who runs around in dinosaur pajamas trying to stop a vaguely Freddy-esque killer who appears in visions our "hero" has. There's a bit of blood but it never really gets as gory as Galindo's earlier films from what I recall. Though it's been a while since I've watched those 2 and I'm due for re-watches.
 Screaming Mad George is credited with fx work on this which was a bit surprising to me.

GUMS (1976)

 I had the pleasure of seeing Brother Theodore live in New York City when I was in my 20's and have been a huge fan of his bizarre stylings ever since. I can't say he's really been represented all that well in film though, usually just making small appearances. I think NOCTURNA is the film that I most identified him with until I saw this one and NOCTURNA is not exactly the best movie in the world. GUMS on the other hand is, while also not the best movie ever, an absurdly delightful porn(the version I caught was softcore but bordering on being hard) parody of JAWS that plays almost like a Mel Brooks' movie with naughty bits. I was lucky enough to catch this one at the local weirdo theater and it's definitely a great watch with a group of like-minded cretins. Where else can you see Brother Theodore playing a Nazi named Captain Carl Clitoris go up against a blowjob-giving murderous mermaid or a movie that ends in a bizarre puppet show?
 There is apparently a hardcore version of this available for the hardcore perverts though I found the censorship(covering genitals with pieces of meat and kosher certificates) in the soft version pretty humorous in itself.

                                                     Uncensored lesbian scene!:



                                                                  British VHS!:

Titillating porn double feature!:

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE (1953)

 Aliens, that are big floating one-eyed creatures, that can do that whole body snatching thing(3 years before INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS!), crash land on Earth and really just want to get back home. Of course that doesn't stop those pesky humans from wanting to stomp some ugly alien butt(when they finally start believing in them anyway). While this one is a pretty ground-breaking film for it's time it's not the most entertaining watch today and stuff like WAR OF THE WORLDS from the same year really blow this one out of the water. Still for some old-timey 3-D sci-fi it's decent.
 Director Jack Arnold would go on to make the iconic CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON among other sci-fi and monster classics.

                                                           Comin' at ya!:

 


                                                     Classic Jack Arnold double feature!:

THE BABADOOK (2014)

 I originally had no interest in seeing this. A modern movie featuring a little kid in one the lead roles is not exactly on the top of my list of things to watch. Due to a recent movie night gathering of friend and acquaintances I was forced to watch this. Luckily it was way better than I had anticipated. Perhaps due to it being made in Australia and not the U.S. it ditched some of the cliched ghost movie tropes that I was expecting and worked as a metaphor for dealing with loss and the inevitable accompanying grief. GHOST STORY meets HOME ALONE meets a psychological thriller that doesn't pander for mass acceptance. I'm not sure this one is very re-watchable but I'm glad I experienced it once anyway. 




This was based on a short film from 2005, also by director Jennifer Kent:

Monster - Jennifer Kent from Jennifer Kent on Vimeo.

THE BRAVE LION (1974)

 A bunch of workers at a lumber yard, owned by those terrible Japanese!, are treated like garbage, beaten and tortured to death for daring to ask for a day off. This one is basically a martial-arts version of a union organization video except instead of forming any sort of union all the workers just rise up and chop, kick and ultimately murder their oppressors. The great Fu Heng Cheng, the large fat dude from about a million of these movies, plays a Japanese henchman even though he's clearly not Japanese. Barry Chan is our main hero who seems to be going for the Bruce Lee persona. In fact this one was re-titled REVOLT OF THE DRAGON to try and remind people of Mr. Lee who had just died the year before.  Not the worst kung fu flick, pretty mediocre stuff overall but good to fall asleep to if nothing else. Also despite what that video box promises, unless it was for a split-second or the VHS version is different, I didn't see any nudity in this movie at all!




Unless Bruce Lee died in a lumberyard in China, which I don't believe he did, this film doesn't answer any of these questions!:

There is apparently another REVOLT OF THE DRAGON from this same year so I guess this was a popular title.

THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN (1967)

 One of the all-time classic kung fu flicks from Shaw Brothers studios. This is one of those movies where a guy is treated like crap for a good portion of the film and then gets revenge by the finale. There's a love triangle thrown in also which is a bit weird because one of the gals in this triangle is the one who chopped off our main protagonist's, Jimmy Wang Yu's, arm! It's all done super seriously and pretty downbeat up until the climax which works perfectly.
 There would be one official sequel with Wang Yu, RETURN OF THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN(1969), and one without him, THE NEW ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN(1971) and then some not quite as good unofficial ones after Jimmy left the Shaw Brothers like this one here.

EVERLASTING CHIVALRY (1980)

 The DVD I have of this one claims that it is a Shaw Brothers production, and while it has a few impressive sets on display it's clearly not up to their standards. This is actually made in Taiwan and is an adaption of a series of novels about a Robin Hood-esque character. Played by Meng Fei, our hero here tries throughout the film to remain faithful to a lady that he just seems to have randomly met in the woods while going up against some bad guy that keeps a dungeon full of slaves. He controls them, kinda like zombies, by sticking some magic potion or something into their heads. You get one scene of blurred out nudity and a bunch of fairly comedic fights. Everything ends up exactly how you would expect. Good film to help one sleep at 4 a.m. but not all that memorable.

HOLLYWOOD AFTER DARK (1961)

 Originally released in 1961 as WALK THE ANGRY BEACH and then re-released later on throughout the decade as THE UNHOLY CHOICE and HOLLYWOOD AFTER DARK. Whatever you call it, it's a pretty dull story of a junkyard owner who gets mixed up with some unsavory criminal-types who rob armored cars and also run a strip club. I guess the only reason to watch this is to see one of THE GOLDEN GIRSL(Rue McClanahan to be exact) do some strip-teasing. Why you would want to see this I have no idea, but hey we all have our own kinks. Miss Ruth would do a couple of other B-movies before becoming a T.V. staple from the 70's onward. There's not really much nudity despite it's sleazy subject matter. You only get some GOLDEN GIRL side-boob but there is an interestingly(for the early 60's anyway) diverse racial makeup of the other strippers with a black and Asian lady rounding out the troupe. Things end in a downer which makes this feel like one of those cautionary 30's films about the evils of sin or whatever.
I caught this as part of THE FILM CREW series, which was a post-MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000/pre-RIFFTRAX deal with the same cast and premise, and without the wisecracks this mighta been a tough watch.