FIRST LOVE (2019)

 You could call this one director Takashi Miike's version of TRUE ROMANCE where you take a couple and drop them into the middle of some mobsters fighting over drugs. Miike seems to have gone the David Cronenberg route where he starts out making really strange oddball cinema and then ends up making more straight forward gangster movies. Of course Miike has made way more fims then David so he's really ventured outside of any strict genre guidelines over the years. A bit overlong at almost 2 hours but it does manage to maintain a high energy level throughout. Heads roll, arms roll and lots of gun-fu commences.

 

WINTER HEAT (1976)

 This porn starring Jamie Gillis really has that LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT & I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE(which hadn't actually been released yet)-vibe going on. If you're a big fan of those rape/revenge movies but really only enjoy the first half of them then this roughie is custom made for you with Gillis doing his best David Hess impression. Certainly a product of it's time that can't really be emulated today and expect to play on any movie screens. AKA SNOWBOUND

 Soundtrack supplied(unknowingly I'm sure) by The Love Unlimited Orchestra which is quite the juxtaposition to the on-screen brutality.

FURIE (2019)

   I've seen a lot of Asian movies, and also a lot of non-Asian movies, that are supposed to take place in Vietnam but I'm not sure if I had ever seen a Vietnamese movie made by actual Vietnamese folks in Vietnam before this one. What you got here is basically that movie TAKEN if the Liam Neeson character was a little Vietnamese lady(Veronica Ngo, who was in one of those new STAR WARS movies that I don't really care about). Full of whatever they call kung-fu in Vietnam but surprisingly not really a lot of bloodshed despite all the knives, axes and other assorted implements of destruction that are employed. Pretty basic stuff that might entertain you on a Saturday afternoon.  

 There is a prequel called FURIES that came out 3 years later. 

                         In Vietnam they just used the character's name as the title:

SHINING SEX (1976)

 Glitter kills! Lina Romay gets abducted by a female being from another dimension(Evelyne Scott) and her human slave(Raymond Hardy, who was Lina's real-life husband at the time, in some cool shades) then is sent around to kill anyone who knows too much. She accomplishes this by getting rubbed with some lotion and then turning progressively more sparkly(thanks to all the glitter on her body) and becoming deadly to the touch. Director Jess Franco shows up as a professor who explains what the hell is going on. Light on plot and long on taking it's time to do anything at an hour and 45 minutes it is a bit of a rough watch. It does feature long closeup shots of Lina's shaved bare vagina so if that's your thing give it a sleazy glare. 

 There are shorter cuts of this including the French one with hardcore footage and an animated title sequence. 

ENTRAILS OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN (1986)

 I had seen the first movie in this series, ENTRAILS OF A VIRGIN, a while back and recall it being alright. This follow up, which is not really a sequel, ramps things up in the absurdity category. It all starts out like a Yakuza film(a very rape-filled Yakuza film!) before unexpectedly(unless you had seen the first movie) morphing into a monster movie. I guess you could technically call this a rape/revenge flick but it's certainly not your standard example of that subgenre. You get a melty, gooey creature that kinda reminded me of The Toxic Avenger but only if ol' Toxie had a giant monster penis that resembles the Alien baby from ALIEN. A good one for lovers of weirdo Japanese gore flicks if they can manage to make it through the first half. AKA GUTS OF A VIRGIN 2 and GUTS OF A BEAUTY

Our poor rape victim commits suicide(but luckily turns into a watermelon before hitting the ground):

THE BEAST MUST DIE (1974)

  Peter Cushing and Calvin Lockhart(of COTTON COMES TO HARLEM fame) are featured in this British horror film that some call a blaxploitation werewolf movie. Despite the funky soundtrack and a couple of black characters it really isn't much like an American blaxploitation flick. Still a fun one that starts out like THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME before settling into a more typical whodunnit tale. There is a bit where they stop the movie and take a "werewolf break" so you can guess who's the wolfman(or wolfwoman) so that's something. The monster itself is kind of a letdown though being just a big fluffy dog 

Released on VHS under this more exploitative title!:

PRIVATE VICES, PUBLIC VIRTUES (1976)

 Based on the true story of Prince Rudolph of Austria back in 1889. Not being a historical scholar I have no idea how much of this is actually based on any facts but in this film they sure make the prince(Lajos Balazsovits) out to be a real jerk. Obviously his obsession with a hedonistic lifestyle and snubbing the state is designed to convey some political message. It also works as a meditation on the hippie free love vs. a staunchly repressive government which might have been more relevant if this was made back in the 60s. It's artsy softcore porn aesthetic, with never-ending dancing, singing and laughing doesn't seem to help me relate to anyone in this and really begin to grate on your nerves after a while. As I've seen one reviewer state, orgies are usually way more fun to partake in then just watch. There's lots of nakedness, floppy dicks abound, a hermaphrodite shows up and butt-rapes a military general and we get an expected 70s downer ending. I can see fans of Walerian Borowczyk really digging this. 

TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES (1980)

  Not director Jess Franco's finest work but still a mildly entertaining romp that mixes a spy movie with Franco's signature sleaze. Lina Romay(billed here as Candy Coster) and Nadine Pascal are our frequently naked leads who go from strippers to detectives for some reason that is never really explained very well. There's also a gang of hippies who live in caves, a human trafficking group led by a  gal who uses a magical hypnotizing ring, torture, rape(not only of women but a gay dude gets molested against his will in a scene that's played for laughs), gun-fu and lots of Euro-bush. AKA OPAL OF FIRE: SEX MERCHANTS

THE LONG HAIR OF DEATH (1964)

 Director Antonio Margheriti(or Anthony Dawsom as he's credited here) gives us his take on Mario Bava's BLACK SUNDAY with a kinda similar witch's revenge tale(there are actually 2 so-called witches knocked off here so that's something different). Complete with Barbara Steele, it's hard not to compare these 2 films and Bava, as usual, is responsible for the more iconic movie.  Margheriti is no slouch in the gothic horror department though and if slow-moving, artfully-shot Euro-ghost/witch stories are your bag you could certainly do worse than this.  

 Despite the title there isn't anyone being strangled to death by any long hair. You'll have to watch more modern garbage for that type of literal horror junk. 

THE HORRIBLE DR. HITCHCOCK (1962)

 Slow-moving Italian gothic ghost(or is it?) story set mostly in an old dark house. The element of necrophilia practiced by our titular Dr.(Robert Flemyng) is pretty crazy to see in a film from this era. Doesn't contain any blood or gore but director Ricardo Freda is certainly a master of creating a certain dark atmosphere with his horror films. His next venture in this vein would be THE GHOST which is a similar lurid tale also featuring a Dr. Hichcock and Barbara Steele, though she is quite a bit more evil in that one. AKA RAPTUS: THE SECRET OF DR. HICHCOCK

LEGEND OF THE FOX (1980)

  So many characters in this Shaw Brothers kung fu flick! Also at 2 hours and 9 minutes it really over extends itself. Long flashback sequence, magical poison potions and some fairly repetitive swordfighting  puts this one a bit lower on my list of Shaw classics. Of course it still has the beautiful sets and is visually amazing. Based on a novel that might have been better in the written form. 

2LDK (2003)

  Two struggling Japanese actresses, with some serious mental issues, share an apartment. Yeah, having roommates sucks and this fairly short(70 minutes) exercise in showing that(and other run-of-the-mill female jealousy) takes that concept to the extreme horror area. A chainsaw, a samurai sword and other implements of destruction are brought into play. This movie was made on a bet by director Yukihiko Tsutsumi and shot in 8 days and you can really tell that. 

 The other movie made from this bet is something called ARAGMI by Ryuhei Kitamura and I'm told that is even worse so I'm in no hurry to watch it.

CALAMITY OF SNAKES (1982)

  Well a lot of snakes certainly lost their lives making this movie. What we got here is a Hong Kong version of an animals-run-amok movie. This time with an apartment built over a pit of various slithering snakes. If you don't like animal violence in your entertainment this one definitely isn't for you. A good portion of the movie is really just snake snuff footage with them being chopped up by shovels, swords and even an earthmover. If that's not enough they also get set on fire, beaten to death and skinned alive.  If you're a snake lover it's probably best to pretend this(and a lot of similar extreme Asian cinema) doesn't exist. It is quite the ride for people who enjoy gross spectacles though even if it all does get a bit repetitious with the snake attacks.

 There's an alternate South Korean cut of this titled WAR BETWEEN MEN AND SNAKES with different footage and plot. 

DEATH MACHINES (1976)

  This one always kinda reminded me of that Chuck Norris movie, SILENT RAGE, where he fights an unstoppable killing machine. This time though we get 3 killers(white, black and Asian- so diverse!) on the loose who are sent out as hitmen to assassinate various people. So you get our zombie-like killers taking on the mafia, a karate school and a police station among other things. The most unintentionally comedic thing about this movie is definitely the evil big-haired dragon lady boss(Mari Honjo) who hasn't quite mastered English yet.  There's also a totally inconsequential scene where a couple of morons trash the world's crappiest stripclub/dive bar that looks like it was fun to make. Not a terrible timewaster for fans of real trash cinema. 

                    Known in Greece under the glorious title of 3 HARD BASTARDS!:

Played with this sexy co-feature!:

THE BODY BENEATH (1970)

  Garbage-film master Andy Milligan does his take on the vampire movie. Made during Mr. Andy's adventures in England you will hear a lot of British accents in this which you better get used to since this is a a Milligan film and it's almost entirely made up of long boring speeches only interrupted occasionally by some decidedly not very bloody vampire antics. See vampire girls in green face-paint, a hunchback assistant and a bunch of talky talk. Someone does get the old knitting-needles-in-the-eye gag pulled on them in one of the only scenes even attempting anything gory. A lot of people claim this is one of Milligan's better films which really says a lot!  AKA VAMPIRE'S THIRST

                                             Quite the snooze-inducing double feature!:

EUGENIE...THE STORY OF HER JOURNEY INTO PERVERSION (1970)

 Not to be confused with director Jess Franco's later EUGENIE movie or his even later WICKED MEMOIRS OF EUGENIE, from 1980, this Eugenie helped kick off the sleazier era of Franco's filmography by telling the story of a young girl(Marie Liljedahl) corrupted by a couple of pervy rich jerks(Jack Taylor and Maria Rohm) who really dig the writings of the Marquis De Sade. Some whipping, murders and perviness ensues. Christopher Lee shows up for a couple of brief scenes(he claims he didn't know how "adult" this film was going to be when he agreed to be in it) and lots of Eurobush is on display.  A fairly tame film for the subject matter but much more hardcore sleaze was to come from Franco in this decade! AKA DE SADE 70

LITTLE LAURA AND BIG JOHN (1973)

  Crappier and lower-budgeted version of BONNIE AND CLYDE(not actually based on Bonnie & Clyde but on a different real life criminal group out of Florida known as the John Ashley Gang(no relation to BLOOD ISLAND-star John Ashley)). Karen Black and 50s pop star Fabian do a decent enough job with the acting I guess but the movie itself is fairly boring and forgettable. One of the weirder aspects in this is the music, some of which seems totally out of place and way too 70s for a movie set in the 1920s. Bruce Dern was originally supposed to star in this but I doubt if that woulda helped much. 

MASTER KILLER (1978)

 Whereas almost every kung fu movie builds up to a big climactic battle between the forces of good and evil this classic, from the Shaw Brothers studio, manages to make the training scenes(which take up a large portion of the overall runtime) the high points of the film. Up there in the top 5 for me of Shaw releases, I've loved this one since first seeing it on Saturday afternoon's Drive-in theater on TV here in New York as a kid. It also fooled me into thinking Buddhism must be the most kick-ass religion ever! Star Gordon Liu would go on to play similar characters and do unofficial sequels many times over the years but none of them top the O.G. AKA THE 36th CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN 

SKYJACKED (1972)

  This is one of the disaster movies from the 70s that no one ever brings up when talking about these films. You can sorta figure out why since it's similar to the better-known AIRPORT series which started off in 1970. It even stars Charlton Heston who was also in AIRPORT '75. In addition to Heston's star power you get Laurie Partridge(Susan Dey), Sheriff Lobo(Claude Akins) and Roosevelt Grier among others. Well done though probably pretty forgettable.

UNMASKING THE IDOL (1987)

  This is a James Bond-rip-off movie starring a fellow named Ian Hunter as the smooth ladies man/Ninja/spy Duncan Jax. Not to be confused with the former lead singer of Mott The Hoople this Ian Hunter is known only for this movie and it's sequel, THE ORDER OF THE BLACK EAGLE(where somehow Jax is no longer doing the ninja bit), that came out in December of this same year. While Bond-rip-offs are not my particularly favorite subgenre this one features a baboon, ingeniously named named Boon, as Duncan's partner in espionage antics and monkey movies sure are! There's a sexy evil Asian lady, wrestler Dan Spivey as an evil henchmen, a cheesy soundtrack, a masked villain who sounds like Darth Vader and lots of explosions(including most importantly a bomb-tossing baboon!). If you're an action movie fan you might find a few laughs here but I'm not sure how it ever received a sequel.  

                               Known in Germany as DUNCAN JACK & MISTER BOON:

and in Spanish as THE CURSE OF THE IDOL:

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987)

  The first SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE is one of my very favorite stupid slasher movies of the 80s. This sequel successfully continues the tradition of being a fun dumb killer-on-the-loose-snuffing-out-teenagers flicks. In fact this one might be even dumber than the first movie with it's dancing rockabilly killer who seems to appear from main gal Courtney's(Crystal Bernard) nightmares(ala Freddy Kreuger). With his giant drill attached to a ridiculous-looking electric guitar there's no shortage of driller killing going on. There's also some real cheesy "rock" music, boobs, shitty cops, victims that you really want to see die, scenes that mimic music videos of the time and generally a good time to be had if you can appreciate 80s garbage cinema. 

 There is a Part 3 which came out 3 years later that I have never seen and a 2021 remake of the original that I can't imagine could top it in any way though I'm sure it's way more "diverse" which is the only thing that really mattered to filmmakers in 2021 anyway.