MORITURIS: LEGIONS OF THE DEAD (2011)

  One of the more nasty films I've seen in a while. The easiest way to describe this is for about an hour it's reminiscent of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT with all the expected brutality that entails(a pair of scissors in some private parts was the part that got to me the most) before then swerving off into resembling TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD. I am generally a fan of this type of sub-genre-mixing and was surprised that anything made in 2011 was halfway decent. Check it out if you have a strong stomach. 

 This was apparently inspired by a real-life crime that occurred in Italy where a group of lunatics raped and tortured a couple of young girls, murdering one of them resulting in it being banned there. I'm assuming the 2nd half where some ancient Roman zombies show up to add to the nastiness is not based on anything real. 

ASSAULT OF THE PARTY NERDS (1989)

  In my ongoing quest to see everything that Linnea Quigley ever acted in before I die I arrived at this. A very USA UP ALL NIGHT-type of sex-comedy/boobie-movie, this one is clearly inspired by ANIMAL HOUSE which only came out a mere 11 years earlier. It involves a nerd-filled fraternity dealing with a rival group of jocks(or are they preppies? Maybe both). Linnea and Michelle Bauer both get their tits out but beyond those highlights it's the expected really stupid stuff.   

 There was a sequel 6 years after this which is most likely just as dumb. 

                                                 Glorious VHS cover!:

RUN AND KILL (1993)

   One of the rougher and better Hong Kong category III movies I've seen in a while. This one features Fatty(Kent Cheng) who gets himself mixed up with not just one but 2 mobster factions that you don't want to be involved with. You get lots of violent fighting, various murders, torture and a very notorious child death scene. For hardcore Hong Kong  fans only.

 The first time I saw this was in a little art theater near me and it was hosted by the author of a book titled THE SWEETEST TABOO which was a look at child death in films and this was the very fitting film which they chose to exemplify that. 

DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK (1973)

  While I'm a bit too young to remember when this made-for-T.V. movie originally played I do recall bits and pieces of it from one of it's many re-broadcasts over the years. It's definitely one of the highpoints of television horror and despite the absurd-looking onion-headed miniature monsters here it still manages to be a creepy classic. 

 I know there's a modern remake of this written by Guillermo Del Toro but I'm not sure I want to see a big budget version of this since the original manages to pull of the atmospheric chills with very little. 

 Uncle Charley from MY THREE SONS is the featured harbinger of doom here who is sadly ignored.

THE BLACK CAT (1989)

  Luigi Cozzi gives us his version of the 3rd movie in the SUSPIRIA trilogy way before Argento gave us the official one with MOTHER OF TEARS. While I didn't completely hate M.O.T. this one is way more enjoyable and wackier watch. We get a movie-within-a-movie which is also a sequel to SUSPIRIA, a crud-faced witch who likes to puke green slime on people, a black cat lurking about(which is really the only thing this has to do with Edgar Allen Poe), Caroline Munro being her sexy self, an outer space fetus, laser beam fights, time travel, a rocking soundtrack which includes Bang Tango and a bunch of other nonsense that makes no sense but boy do I love it! 

 Released in Italy as DEMONS 6, and it has even less to do with the DEMONS series than it does Poe!

SLAUGHTER HOTEL (1971)

               

 Although the ad up there tries to make you think this will be about serial killer Richard Speck it's really more of a standard Eurotrash giallo deal featuring Klaus Kinski as a doctor at a rehab center and a mystery slasher hacking people up. I say standard but this one does feature quite a bit of nudity and sleaze thanks to Rosalba Neri and all the other ladies in the cast. There is some mass nurse snuffing towards the end though so it's not total false-advertising. 

 The original version features explicit vaginal shots which were edited out of the U.S. release to get an R rating. AKA ASYLUM EROTICA

Original Italian title is THE BEAST KILLS IN COLD BLOOD:

This ad just steals a shot from fellow sleazy Italian classic FRANKENSTEIN 80!:

VALENTINE (2001)

 Slasher movies from this time period are generally not very good and this one fits right in with the rest of the crap from this post-SCREAM/pre-HOSTEL era. To make matters worse there was apparently a bunch of blood and violence cut out the movie to make it even blander. I guess if you like really slick-looking slasher movies give it a look, I'll stick with the original MY BLOODY VALENTINE for a better V-Day thrill. 

RUSSIA 88 (2009)

  Before watching this I guess I never thought about the idea of their being militant neo-Nazi skinhead groups in Russia before but that's what we get here. I probably would have liked this more if it wasn't filmed in that found-footage/shaky-cam style. Obviously influenced by stuff like ROMPER STOMPER(which it name drops), AMERICAN HISTORY X and MADE IN ENGLAND it drags a bit and gets repetitive but is an interesting obscure oddity. 

KISS ME MONSTER (1969)

                      

 The 2 sexy secret agents(Janine Reynaud and Rosanna Yanni) from SADISTEROTICA return in this sequel. Just like that movie this was advertised in America as a horror flick which it is not. You get another goofy James Bond-inspired romp. A lot of nonsense and comedy bits ensue which is not what one usually comes to director Jess Franco for, There is one scene of a bloody surgery(only included in the English version), go-go dancing and some black hooded baddies that look like bizarro-world Ku Klux Klansmen but not much else stands out in this. 

ZEIRAM (1991)

  Pretty simple Japanese sci-fi flick about a bounty hunter(Yuko Moriyama) and her computer sidekick Bob come to Earth to capture a monster/biological weapon named Zeiram. Reminiscent of John Carpenter's THE THING in the way it can transform throughout the movie. They throw in a couple of goofy electricians(phone repairmen?) for a laughs. Some great practical FX work make this worth a look for people into that sort of thing or maybe just fans of ULTRAMAN. 

 While this would seem like something that was based on a prior animated show it wasn't but there would be an animated version in 1994 and also a live-action sequel that same year(which from what I've read is really just an inferior remake). 

THE DIABOLICAL DR. Z (1966)

  Jess Franco kind of makes a sequel to THE AWFUL DR. ORLOFF even though there already was one in 64, and while this isn't my favorite Franco it is definitely better than that one. Our main character here Dr. Z, and his daughter, continue Orloff's work which of course brings us down the EYES WITHOUT A FACE road but also focuses more on seeking revenge using mind control with the help of a big clunky machine with robot arms. Some cool visuals and sexy gals even if it drags a bit at times. 

THE FISH WITH THE EYES OF GOLD (1974)

  This is the first fish-based giallo I've ever seen. Besides that though it's kinda forgettable. This is an example of Spain taking a shot at the giallo genre and it's a pretty weak attempt. You get a couple of bloody stabbings, childhood trauma, lots of potential suspects and an obsession with fish. For obscure giallo completists only.

16th FLOOR (1971)

  I think this is supposed to be one of those educational drug scare films but it never seems all that scary. There is some biblical allegory going on since our main character is named Eve and the drug dealer here has a theme song about being a serpent. It was funded by a tire company but I'm not sure why. I guess it's worth a look if you like weird drug shorts and lots of hippie music. 

BLOOD BEAT (1983)

   This is kind of a slasher movie  mixed with supernatural horror and it really doesn't make much sense. It's filmed in Wisconsin yet our killer is a Samurai who goes around killing people with his sword. Is he a ghost? Well nothing is ever really all that clearly laid out by the movie so good luck figuring it all out. There's also a bunch of ESP stuff going on, people that can shoot glowing cartoon beams thanks to their psychic powers and a gal who orgasms while are killer is snuffing people out. While I can't say this is a great movie I do appreciate when they try something different in a slasher flick and this is about as different as they come. 

 Despite IMDB claiming this was shot-on-video it was actually shot on 35mm film. It was released straight to video though.  

RING OF DEATH (1969)

  Going into this I was thinking this would be a giallo and it kinda/sorta is because you're dealing with people getting killed but the movie focuses more on Franco Nero as a corrupt detective who's trying to figure out who's doing all the killing, and kicking anyone's ass that gets in his way, making it seem more like one of those politziotesche films. Eithr way it was kind of a disappointment. There's too much dialogie and not enough action and Nero comes off as a pretty scummy character that is hard to get behind.  AKA DETECTIVE BELLI(in case that other title is too exciting for you)

CASTLE OF THE CREEPING FLESH (1968)

 Spanish horror(though it was shot in Germany) that takes place(mostly) in an old castle. While this is not your standard haunted castle situation it's kinda hard to decipher exactly what's going on here. Howard Vernon plays a mad scientist trying to bring his daughter back to life with the help of a bunch of gross open-heart surgery footage. There's a bloody wild bear attack, multiple rapes, drunken partying and gratuitous use of a speech from Shakespeare's HAMLET. There's also ample nudity and Janine Reynaud(from Jess Franco's TWO UNDERCOVER ANGELS) getting it on. Franco is also credited as the writer of this which makes sense when you watch it. This was probably pretty shocking stuff in 1968. 

 Apparently the original Spanish version has a longer ending but I'm not sure I'd want to watch a longer version of this. 

 AKA APPOINTMENT WITH LUST, CASTLE OF BLOODY LUST, IN THE CASTLE OF BLOODY LUST, CASTLE OF LUST and CASTLE OF UNHOLY DESIRES

DJANGO KILLS SILENTLY (1967)

  The idea of casting George Eastman of ANTHROPOPHAGUS fame as the hero in this appeals greatly to me. Sadly most of the film isn't all that exciting despite having the tallest guy to ever play Django in it. You get women and kid-killing Mexican bandits and the usual spaghetti-western plot. For completists or big Eastman fanatics only. 

              AKA DJANGO KILL SOFTLY(that's sounds pretty nice!):

DJANGO AND SARTANA'S SHOWDOWN IN THE WEST (1970)

 You know how in biker movies they have a bunch of long scenes of guys riding their bikes to stretch out the run time? Well here we get them riding their horses instead. You also get former Hercules star Gordon Mitchell as the head of a gang of outlaws, Django(not played by Franco nero) and Sartana(not played by Gianni Garko) who despite the title promising us will have a showdown actually team-up towards the very end of the movie. Not the best spaghetti-western I've seen but it seems to have been shot pretty well with the usual beautiful scenery on display. AKA DJANGO AND SARTAN ARE COMING... IT'S THE END, FINAL CONFLICT... DJANGO AGAINST SARTANA and SARTANA IF YOUR LEFT ARM OFFENDS CUT IF OFF. 

 Director Demofilo Fidani had made a couple of previous Sartana movies(SHADOW OF SARTANA and FOUR CAME TO KILL SARTANA) and one previous Sartana Meets Django film(ONE DAMN DAY AT DAWN... DJANGO MEETS SARTANA!) all with various Sartanas and Djangos.