They shoulda probably called this THE 2 INCREDIBLE KUNG FU MASTERS since the plot revolves around a couple of teachers who start off as buddies but then due to jealousy open up rival martial arts schools. Sammo Hung plays another adept fighter who, as usual, likes to eat a lot. A mix of comedy and seriousness that never really works all that well. AKA KUNG FU MASTER NAMED DRUNK CAT and THE KUNG FU MASTER. Released on video as THEY CALL ME PHAT DRAGON.
This was originally titled KING SWINDLER which would explain why it's not really a sequel to Sammo Hung's ENTER THE FAT DRAGON. It is similar to that movie in that it is a comedy. This time though we get way less kung fu and way more scenes of annoying little kids. For almost a third of the film Sammo is sent to jail and we focus on these kids getting into hijinks which really gives this an Asian LITTLE RASCALS feel. There is some gross-out humour including snot-eating, fart-gags and a piss-filled balloon to the face so that's something. A bit too shmaltzy for anyone besides real hardcore Sammo fans.
Fun fact: Stolen music from the horror flick TOURIST TRAP pops up when the 2 little kids are held hostage.
Sammo is called The Oriental Turtle but sadly never wears this Ninja Turtle outfit that appears in the posters:
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This starts off with what's billed as the world's first porno cartoon as a pre-credit sequence then once the movie starts we get a behind-the-scenes look at French director Lasse Braun trying to figure out the mechanics of what might the world's first double anal penetration put on the big screen. In between these scenes we get a bunch of shortened loops also directed by Mr. Braun. One particular gross loop is titled CAKE ORGY and it mixes an orgy with a food fight. Probably of interest nowadays as a historical artifact more than anything all that titillating. Also more comical than stimulating. AKA PENETRATION and LASSE BRAUN'S PENETRATION (these versions appear to remove the animated sequence at the beginning)
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"C'mon, men aren't beautiful."
I own this in a DVD set with a bunch of biker movies and even though there are a couple of scenes where our characters race motorbikes(motorbikes with sidecars hacked on!) it really is more of a rape/revenge movie. The things do go a little further than just rape and the revenge ends on a very nihilistic note. A movie that seems to be universally hated but I have watched it a few times now and I think I enjoy it more each time. It is famously featured on an episode of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 but obviously that's a very edited version. AKA FIVE THE HARD WAY
There was a big fascination with stuntmen back in the 70s. No doubt this was spurred on by the popularity of Evel Knievel. As a documentary this is probably more interesting to me as a time capsule looking back at a crazy decade where it seemed like anything goes than anything else. Of course your propensity for nostalgia will determine how you rate this since it's not a particularly informative documentary but more of a slice of life for some folks with a unique occupation. AKA STAR SPANGLED BUMMER
"You're like the rest of the perverted bastards that call themselves men!
Ted V. Mikels 3rd movie features a couple(Gary Kent and Lee Anna) who end up in swinging 60s Los Angeles. Not the most exciting sexploitation flick of that time but you do get the usual cheating, stripping and softcore thrills. There's a lesbian dominatrix character(Verne Martine) who enjoys abusing men that adds to the spiciness. AKA SUBURBAN AFFAIR
So shocking that you can watch the whole thing right on YouTube!:
In true classic exploitation style this was marketed at the time like it was some nudie-cutie featuring romping nekked natives. In reality what you get is mostly just really dull newsreel footage and a blandly narrated documentary about a Kenyan tribe rising up against British colonial rule. It is mildly interesting in that it's basically the blueprint for what became mondo movies in the next decade.
Robert Conrad and The Six Million Dollar Man himself(Lee Majors) kidnap 3 nuns and hold them hostage for a ransom. Pretty decent made-for TV movie from back when those things were still good. I feel like if you threw in a few sleazier elements this could have been a classic exploitation flick for drive-ins and grindhouses.
Lots of scenes of cars drag racing fill out this slim tale of an aspiring driver(Mark Schneider) who argues with his dad(Bob Louden) a lot. There's not much I can say about this except watch it if you really like copious amounts of stock footage of race cars. Despite the sexy poster there's no sex in this one. Director Graham Meech-Burkestone would thankfully go on to do makeup on a few other films instead of directing anything else.
Quite a bit of this sexploitation flick is taken up by long drawn-out sex scenes, which I guess is, if that's all you're looking for, a recommendation but it really breaks up whatever narrative momentum the movie is able to muster. While it's not quite hardcore there are a lot of limply hanging wieners on display. The plot that wraps around these sex bits concerns two cops on the hunt for a rapist/murderer who somehow escapes detection by dressing up as a very unconvincing lady. Clearly not the most trans-positive PC movie but that's the 70s for ya. One weird recurring thing that happens in this is people getting hit with or running through glass and not getting a scratch on themselves. I guess people were just tougher back then. While not the worst softcore sex flick you could watch I can't help feel like it could've been edited a lot better.
