THE HORSEMAN (2008)

 As usual if we want to find anything even remotely interesting in more modern-day cinema we need to leave the shit-hole regurgitation-factory of Hollywood(and the U.S. in general) and look to foreign lands. Here we have a pretty simple revenge tale made in Australia concerning a dad whose daughter is murdered after appearing in a rough porno flick that he anonymously gets sent in the mail. A very ugly looking movie that matches its look with its content fairly well. This thing is basically a mash-up of a revenge drama and a torture porn flick. We get fishhooks in genitals, a bicycle pump shoved down a guys dick, a nipple ripped off and then cauterized with an acetylene torch etc. You get the idea. Of course most of the tortures are performed by our "hero" so sick weirdo gore-hounds don't have to feel too bad about cheering on the gruesomeness on display. Also most of the more extreme gore isn't super graphic, this isn't one of those stupid GUINEA PIG movies after all. The only negative point might be that our main character(Peter Marshall) does seem a bit like Superman by the time things end but I wasn't expecting a documentary.
 Director Steven Kastrissios has to be commended for a strong first movie. He went on to make one other movie after this called BLOODLANDS (something about violence in The Balkans) which might be worth a look.

GANG WAR IN MILAN (1973)

 Well, like the title says this one is about two warring mobster gangs. One is a prostitution racket headed up by Antonio Sabato and the other is a group of drug dealers led by a Frenchman(Philippe Leroy, who also appears in the superior Eurocrime flick MILANO CALIBRO 9). Lots of back and forth attacks happen; whores get acid thrown in their face, breast get sliced, a guy gets his balls electrified and various hits get carried out. It all gets a bit repetitive by the end, which does seem a bit long with it's 100 minute run time(some versions out there sadly cut out about 4 minutes of the more graphic stuff). Director Umberto Lenzi went on to make some better flicks in this genre as well as his more well-known horror and cannibal classic sickies. AKA BURNING CITY

LIVE LIKE A COP, DIE LIKE A MAN (1976)

 If you ever watched the 70's T.V. series STARSKY AND HUTCH and thought to yourself "what this show needs is some of that good old ultra-violence" then this might be the movie for you. Director Ruggero Deodato, along with fellow great Italian director Fernando Di Leo doing the the writing, brings us two DIRTY HARRY-type characters who have no problem acting just like the scummy criminals they are tasked with dealing with as part of a special anti-crime force.  You see such violent atrocities as a lady getting her head bashed in just to snatch her purse, a poor seeing-eye dog run down by a motorcycle and more typical mafia hi-jinks including a guy getting his eyeball plucked out for being a tattle-tale. On our "heroes" side we get them breaking criminals necks, executing hostage-takers and gunning down bank robbers before they even get to commit their crimes. A pretty nihilistic film that I assume is supposed to make liberal-types cry but I ain't no expert on Italian politics of the 1970's. All I know is it makes for one of the best action-filled Eurocrime cop-dramas I've seen in a long time.
 Re-titled in Hong Kong as THE SUMMERTIME KILLER PART 2 making this a sequel to the 1972 Christopher Mitchum movie where he seeks revenge on the mob whilst riding his motorcycle.




                                        Lovely hand-painted African movie poster!:

German poster(which translates to something inexplicable like ICE COLD TYPES ON HOT OVENS??):

I'd like to imagine that thrash metal legends Venom were influenced by this films title:

THE BAT PEOPLE (1974)

 Before viewing this 70's exploitation epic I had the notion that it would be something along the lines of that GARGOYLES made-for-T.V. movie with monstrous creatures living underground causing humans grief. What you actually get is more along the lines of a WOLF MAN-rip-off with a guy bitten by a naughty bat that turns him into a Man-Bat creature on occasion. So the film itself is a bit short on the promised "Bat People" but it's not totally terrible. You do get some bloody bat attacks(even though the movie is rated PG) and the Bat-Monster Man(designed by a young Stan Winston) is good for a chuckle. Overall though I had higher hopes for this one. AKA IT LIVES BY NIGHT

German VHS(THE BLOODSUCKERS!) cover with boobs!:

                              Good nature-run amuck triple feature down at the drive-in!:

NAKED YOU DIE (1968)

 This Italian giallo directed by Antonio Margheriti feels almost like the prototype for SUSPIRIA since it's also set in a school for girls. Except it's SUSPIRIA minus all the witchy stuff and all those super-stylistic Argento touches. It's also fairly bloodless for a movie about gals being murdered by a black-gloved killer. Also, despite the title, there's not a lot of nakedness on display. Despite all these seemingly negative aspects I still found this one to be very watchable late-night viewing. You get the typical twist ending, a guy gets scythed, and unexpectedly a James Bond-homage shows up at the end. One of the more light-hearted giallos I've ever seen but it worked.
 The American release by AIP, as THE MINI-SKIRT MURDERS, cuts out what little nudity there is so that's not very cool. AKA THE YOUNG, THE EVIL AND THE SAVAGE. Released on video as SCHOOL GIRL KILLER

Groovy title track, nightmare!:




German title of SEVEN YOUNG WOMEN FOR THE DEVIL!(apparently this version was released in black & white for some reason):

Glorious VHS!:

and glorious Italian VHS!:

AIP double feature with another Italian exploitation flick(this one a mondo movie)!:

MALONE (1987)

 This movie tried to make Burt Reynolds an 80's action star. At the time though people were not having it. I guess audiences got used to goofy Burt from all those SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT and CANNONBALL RUN films and that's all they would accept. Of course Mr. Reynolds had plenty of earlier action roles earlier on in stuff like GATOR and WHITE LIGHTNING but I guess those roles were lighthearted enough not to bum people out. This one isn't that bad with Cliff Robertson(probably known to most people from his appearances on various T.V. programs) as the no-good ultra-patriot looking to buy up a town and start his own revolutionary army or something and Reynolds is always good even if he's not cracking jokes in between blowing people away. Overall this one is pretty typical of 80's actioners(if you just overlook the way too young love interest(Cynthia Gibb)) and worth a look for Burt fans though you should probably check out SHARKEY'S MACHINE first for an even better example of his prowess in this genre.
 Also fans of THE WALKING DEAD show can get to see a younger Hershel(Scott Wilson) here with no beard though he doesn't really get to do much except pal around with Mr. Malone.

THE WASHING MACHINE (1993)

  I assumed this was gonna be one of those killer appliance films, something along the lines of DEATH BED except with a naughty washer. Unfortunately that's not how things go down. Director Ruggero Deodato, best know for the epic CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, instead delivers what's more of a sexy thriller than anything particularly horror-based. There are a couple of fantasy sequences where some gruesomeness occurs, mostly involving chopping up people and a guy in a washing machine, but for the most part the plot deals with 3 wack-job(and very horny) sisters. There is lots of attractive bare ass and boobs on display and sex scenes that all involve sex while standing up(one time even in front of a refrigerator which seems like not the most optimal spot to consecrate your horniness).
 I was pretty disappointed in this one for the most part but hey it's the 90's so I guess I shouldn't have expected much better. A more fitting title might have been 3 NUTTY BROADS but I guess that wouldn't fool very many horror hounds into watching this.
 I see this one labeled as a giallo but since the body count is 1 I'm not sure that anything besides the SUSPIRIA-esque music qualifies it for that classification.

DOLL FROM HELL (1996)

 Not to be confused with that classic BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL opus from the 80's, this is a 90's shot-on-video Japanese production. Before viewing this I feared it would be another crappy-looking Asian ghost movie and while, due to how it was shot, it doesn't look that great I was pleasantly surprised how entertaining this one turned out to be. The plot concerns a gang that consists of a punk(who's constantly toting a boombox around!), a pimp and his 2 ho's, a sullen introspective artsy type, a chubby businessman and a tiger-lady leader(So basically this is my favorite type of gang which consists of people that should never even be in the same room together but somehow form an alliance.) They end up dabbling in some murder that sets forth a chain of events that results in a human-sized doll being reanimated and seeking vengeance. While the plot is super simplistic and pretty dumb it managed to hold my interest. The wacky subtitles, rampant nudity and sex were definite helpers in this. Way better than I expected. AKA SACRIFICE (literal Japanese title)


                                                                  My kinda gang!:

  

DEAD AND BURIED (1981)

 Hailed as some kind of lost underappreciated horror classic by some horror fans I found this to be one of the dullest movies I've seen in quite a while. It starts out with a bang featuring a guy(Christopher Allport) who gets burned alive at the stake but then the story, which could have been an interesting twist on a zombie film, moves along at such a snail-like pace that I could barely prop my eyelids open enough to make it through what seemed like an overly long run time. There is one standout scene where a guy(actually the same guy from the opening! thank you sir for your service in not making this a total snoozefest) who's wrapped up like a mummy gets a needle jammed in his eyeball. Robert "Freddy Kreuger" Englund shows up in a few inconsequential scenes and Jack "Grandpa Joe from WILLY WONKA" Albertson is our main creepy bad guy. It all ends in complete nonsense and I guess forgiving horror fans are happy that they at least tried something different even if it sucks. AKA LOOK ALIVE





                                    Way to spoil the best scene in the movie alternate poster!:

Cool Japanese poster!:

THE BIG FIGHT (1972)

 This kung fu flick, like so many others, deals with how terrible the Japanese are and how awful they treated the Chinese during World War II. Despite the fact that the Japanese occupiers all have guns they seem to be easily beaten and killed by superior martial-artists in some pretty absurd scenarios. Most of this film is kinda on the dull side up until we get to the titular big fight tournament (unfortunately this doesn't happen until almost an hour in) that pits Japan's top fighters (a judo guy, a karate man and a big fat sumo fellow (played by Fu Hung Cheng, the extra-large Chinese actor who you would be familiar with if you've seen more than a handful of these old fu films)  against China's pride. Then we finally get some wacky battles. As an added bonus they also kill a little kid to really show us how dastardly those Japs are! If they just focused on the last half of the movie, and maybe ditched the shitty mustaches on all the bad guys, it could have been significantly better. AKA BLOOD ON THE SUN

HEADHUNTER (1988)

           

                                                       "Why isn't there more blood?"

 Crappy 80's horror about a magical Nigerian Voodoo monster on the loose in Miami(though the film was actually made in South Africa they do a decent job at disguising that). Obviously heads role but there's not really as much blood as you would expect thanks to our titular monster's magical flaming sword which cauterizes while decapitating his victims. I think most of the blood is due to various animal sacrifices which may offend any vegetarian-type viewers. I think the main thing that bogs this one down is the scenes of domestic drama with cops going through divorces and other mundane events.
 Director Francis Schaefer made four more films before giving up and then just appearing on a bunch of political and/or religious documentaries. Schaefer's dad was a bigshot in the moral-crusading religious right back in the 90's. I'm not sure he woulda approved of his son's oeuvre.

NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES II (1981)

 I guess this title is supposed to make people think this is a sequel to Bruno Mattei's NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES which came out a year earlier. In reality it has nothing to do with that film. This one is a weird sorta zombie flick by director Joel M. Reed who is known mainly for his sickie exploitation classic BLOODSUCKING FREAKS. I say sorta because for a long time it plays like a detective film starring porn legend Jamie Gillis looking for deserters from World War II. Finally some zombies do show up but it turns out they are just acting like zombies to scare people and they're really just old people that have been kept alive and fresh since the 40's by drinking some chemicals. At least I think that's what's going on because the plot is a pretty muddled confusing mess. Add to that a dreadfully plodding dull pace, no gore at all(and very little blood even) and you get what a lot of people call the worst zombie movie ever. I wouldn't go that far because I've unfortunately viewed some more modern-day worthless garbage that makes this one look like a masterpiece in comparison. On the one plus side you do get to see Mr. Alphonso(Alphonso De Noble), the insanely large gentleman from ALICE, SWEET ALICE, in one of his very few film roles. This time he sports a weird mustache and ends up getting stabbed in his bulbous belly for his troubles. Sadly his appearance is far too brief. AKA NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES and SISTER OF DEATH

Known on German DVD as ZOMBIE WAR GAMES!:

OPIUM STRIKE FORCE (1983)

 From the land of Thai food comes this warsploitation action flick. Unfortunately it's filled with lots of dull dialogue for a whole lot of the movie before finally(the last half hour!) getting to some explodey scenes. It also has a sorta men-in-prison thing going on for a lot of the run-time which I guess is cheaper to shoot. The wacky dubbing does result in some humorous bits but that's about all I can recommend from this one. AKA RAIDERS OF THE GOLDEN TEMPLE(I guess they were trying to capitalize on that LOST ARK fame at the time)
 The same director(Sumat Saichur) and star(Sorapong Chatree) would sorta remake this with the similarly titled RAIDERS OF THE DOOMED KINGDOM which is supposedly better but I'm not in too much of a rush to see it.





Not 1 black chick that I saw in this movie but that didn't stop the VHS release from going with this cover: