MALABIMBA (1979)

 Italian director Andrea Bianchi  is probably best known for the insanely nutty but awesome 80's zombie movie BURIAL GROUND and this movie even features the mom who gets her boob bitten off in that as a nun this time who also doesn't wind up with a very happy ending.  It seems like every director in Italy got at least one chance to make their own version of THE EXORCIST and this seems to be be Mr. Bianchi's extra-sleazy version of that classic film.  He really just takes the basic premise of a young girl being possessed by an evil entity and goes off into a sex-filled, euro-nudie flick with some evil undertones sprinkled in.  There's lots of naughty peeping, fucking on a bear-skin rug, cheating partner swapping, lesbian humping, naughty nun groping and when you think things are about as sleazy as possible Bianchi throws in a supposedly 16-year old girl giving a hardcore blowjob to an old crippled man until he dies to take us into X-rated territory and blow our minds.   This is probably my favorite of all the EXORCIST rip-off flicks just because I can't imagine anything being more filthy and at the same time entertainingly absurd.  I really need to check out more of Bianchi's films!
 There are apparently two different version of this out on DVD and I've only seen the X-Rated cut so I'm guessing the "uncut" version might be missing some of the penetration and blowjob shots. 

2069: A SEX ODYSSEY (1974)

 Filmed in either Germany or the Netherlands depending on who you believe, back in '74 and released three years later in America, to no doubt capitalize on the STAR WARS-mania going on,  I can't believe this movie was ever very popular anywhere.  It's an extremely dumb sex comedy with not too many laughs and women from Venus who wear Ziggy Stardust glam-rock outfits and need to collect some sperm.  Bad dubbing abounds and there's lots of sex scenes in snowy locations(which seems to me to be the worst place to have sex).  A guy gets pricked in the ass with a pitchfork and the Venusians design a penis-sucking, sperm-sampling machine in what I assume were supposed to be funny moments.
 The version I watched on DVD was soft-core but it did look very edited so I suppose there might be a bit more graphic version out there somewhere.  There's also at least one DVD release of this that tries to fool gullible people into thinking this is a porno from the 80's or 90's, by putting more modern porn stars on the packaging, but it clearly isn't.  You might be better off going with the similar WHAM, BAM THANK YOU SPACEMAN than this here.




Very strange poster for this movie since it doesn't actually feature Ginger Lynn or an underage Traci Lords in it!:

DRUNKEN MASTER 2 (1994)

 Before Jackie Chan became a kid's cartoon character and a household name in America he made some entertaining chop-sockey flicks in Hong Kong.  While he was never as great as Bruce Lee, in my opinion, he had his own comedic appeal that worked great in the wacky world of 70's and 80's kung fun cinema.
 This movie originally came out in '94 in Asia and 6 years later due to Chan being so popular worldwide it was dubbed(pretty horribly!) and released theatrically in the U.S. as LEGEND OF THE DRUNKEN MASTER(which kinda makes sense because this isn't really a sequel).  I find it hard to believe that a movie like this would get a wide release in the modern day.  I imagine it would be immediately remade with stupid Americans and your typical Hollywood-loving moviegoers would have no idea who Chan was.
 The stunt-work as always in Chan's flicks is amazing and you can tell lots of folks were probably banged up pretty badly and I can respect that kinda dedication.  Unfortunately if you watch the dubbed version it can be pretty grating with some of the voice choices made and they also cut out the ending where Chan becomes a blind retard from drinking too much so watch the original subtitled version if you have the choice.
  While you can't take away the action-filled components of this film, overall I prefer the original DRUNKEN MASTER to this just for it's lower budgeted, old-school charm and added wackiness. 

The Americanized trailer:

MIDNIGHT PLOWBOY (1971)

 Director Bethel Buckalew was obviously inspired to rip-off 1969's MIDNIGHT COWBOY, the Dustin Hoffman classic, but this one here is hardly a classic. It's a sorta similar tale of a country bumpkin, hillbilly knucklehead coming to the big city and getting mixed-up with prostitutes except there's no gay stuff like that big Hollywood movie and also our main character is an over-the-top offensive stereotype of a southerner. While, being from New York, I wasn't personally offended I did find him totally unlikeable and it's hard to enjoy a movie when the main character is such a lame douche-bag. On the plus side there is a lot of the expected nakedness and lots of pretty explicit sex scenes for a soft-core film including beaver shots and even some floppy penis for the folks who like that sort of thing. The movie poster features titles from other Harry Novack produced sex flicks.

See Natalie sit on a hairy Jewish man's face and make herself heavy!:
Midnight Plowboy by Trashopolis

ANGEL GUTS: RED VERTIGO (1988)

 
 Japan has a long history of rape-filled, feminist-unfriendly cinema going back many years and this ANGEL GUTS series is pretty infamous for some pretty low-brow grotesque moments involving rape and other debauchery. This is the first of the series I've seen and maybe I should've started with part one because that was made back in the 70's and this, the 5th in the unrelated set, wasn't very impressive in any way. It's the story of this nurse who gets attacked by some patients then breaks up with her boyfriend then gets hit by a car, raped by the guy who hit her and finally falls in love with Mr. Reckless driver. I suppose those events could be told in some type of interesting and/or artistic way (hell, the Japanese film NAKED PURSUIT was one long rape scene and that was way better than this) but here it's all done very soap-opera-ish and lame with lots of attempts at artsy-type camera shots that come off a little laughable. You do get plenty of nudity(but optical fuzzed out genitals) and moaning Asians so if that's enough for ya go for it.  AKA ANGEL GUTS 5 and RED VERTIGO

BLOOD (1974)

 Andy Milligan's films are all pretty bad but as long as they have that chaotic charm I find them at least worth a watch. This one is terrible for the first half of it's running time with endless and pointless dialogue scenes then about halfway through it starts to get batshit crazy and my intense patience is rewarded. From what I can figure out this is Milligan's version of a classic monster mash flick. You get a wolfman character named Lawrence Talbot, the daughter of Dracula, disfigured servants and even Baron Frankenstein shows up at the end. There's also some blood-drinking/man-eating plants ala LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS for some inexplicable reason. Hands get chopped off, blood gets sucked, there's some meat-cleaver mayhem and the title doesn't lie. Check it out if don't have very high expectations. IMDB lists the runtime at 74 minutes but I've only ever seen the 57 minute version and even at that it feels like a long film at points.

TOMB OF THE WEREWOLF (2004)

  This is by far the worst of all the Paul Naschy werewolf flicks. It's also the last one and it was made in America instead of Europe like the rest of them. Just about everything about this movie is shitty. It looks like a TV show since it's shot on video, the music sucks, the fx are terrible, Naschy's Wolfman outfit looks like it belongs on a Saturday morning kids show from the 70's, Naschy also gets about three lines of dialogue in the whole movie before being relegated to a background character(Elizabeth Bathory, played by Michelle Bauer is really the main villian here). Most of the acting in this is around modern porn quality(which makes sense since there are a couple of porn stars in this). Director Fred Olen Ray has mostly made crap his whole career so it isn't a shock that this is so lacking in quality. The only plus is there is plenty of nudity, lesbianism and that sort of thing so if you're looking for one of those late-night, soft-core cable movies and you don't mind a really dumb werewolf movie thrown in this might be for you. AKA THE UNLIVING (uncut version with extra boobies!)

The extra sexy version!:

via RedGIFs

COUNTRY CUZZINS (1970)

 Harry Novack produced a whole slew of these southern-fried sexploitation flicks with titles like THE PIG KEEPER'S DAUGHTER and SOUTHERN COMFORTS so I guess they were popular at the time.  All of these were directed by someone with the nifty name of Bethel Buckalew so I guess that was his specialty.   They're kind of like softcore porn versions of HEE-HAW or THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES and, of course, they're all really dumb.  This one is pretty typical and concerns two cousins and their stupid inbred family filled with people named Fester and Jeeter.  Early porn star Rene Bond plays the slutty cousin and uses any excuse to show off her tits and ass which is nice.  There's a very thin plot about some rich relatives from the big city and a family reunion but it never seems to get in the way of really lame jokes and humping scenes.  The ladies in these sex scenes look fine but unfortunately there are some really hideous-looking fellows on top of them a lot of the time which is a little jarring.  So unless you dig watching people screw in muddy pigpens this might not be for you.   

FASCINATION (1979)

 Another Jean Rollin-directed Eurotrashy vampirish nightmare film.  This one is really almost a vampire movie since our "villains" don't have any magical powers and are actually just rich lady blood fetishists.  Starring Brigitte Lahaie, who also did awesomely titled porn films like HITCHHIKERS IN HEAT and looks very cute here in some iconic sickle wielding murder scenes, this is worth checking out for fans of Rollins' dream-like horror tales or just some slightly artsy lesbian antics with some blood thrown in.  The one thing that sorta brings it down a little is the fx which consist mostly of just little smears of blood to signify gaping wounds which would probably piss off gore fans but for people who can appreciate more than that this it's worth a look.

GALAXY OF TERROR (1981)

 Roger Corman produced this ALIEN-rip-off along with the similarly sci-fi/horror themed FORBIDDEN WORLD around the same time. It's got a B-movie all star line up of actors in it including Joanie from HAPPY DAYS(Erin Moran), Mr. Hand from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH(Ray Walston), Freddy Kreuger(Robert Englund) and Sid Haig(who only says one line in the whole movie). It's a pretty dumb movie with a nonsensical plot and a totally incomprehensible ending but I will say for the low-budget they at least got the most out of the sets that were available. James Cameron was in charge of production design so that explains that and he would go on from here to his directing gigs. There's tentacled monsters running around and some pretty gory death scenes but the whole payoff of this movie happens about halfway through where we get a woman stripped naked and raped by a giant, slimy space worm besides that there's not really a whole lot to recommend about this one.

AKA MINDWARP:

GURU, THE MAD MONK (1970)

 
 Typical of crap-movie master Andy Milligan everyone here overacts terribly like they're in some kinda horrible stage presentation.  Filmed mostly in a church in Manhattan that's supposed to be on an island in Europe and filled with New York accents nothing is very believable but the movie does have Milligan's insane touch to it that, to me at least, makes it a watchable mess of a movie.  You get a hodge-podge of wacky characters including a humpback assistant named Igor, a fat annoying vampire/wizard-lady and of course our title character who's a repugnant representation of all that's wrong with psycho religious types that are placed in positions of power.  Eyes are poked out with sticks, hands and heads get chopped off, our humpback gets crucified and somehow manages to escape from that and also I think he gets his tongue cut out but the version I saw of this was under an hour long so maybe some spicy gore footage was missing.  Take a chance on this only if you think you can make it through all the seemingly endless stupid dialogue scenes. 

MILANO CALIBRO 9 (1972)

                      "Do to others what others would want to do to you, but do it first"

 Caught a really nice-looking copy of this last night in a theatrical showing and after viewing this and TO BE TWENTY recently, Fernando Di Leo is becoming one of my favorite Italian directors.  This one is a great 70's Eurocrime flick with a really amazing soundtrack.  It literally starts off with a bang as the mafia dispense with some suspected thieves by blowing them up with dynamite sticks.  From there on it's all double-crosses and violence with neither the cops or the mafia being portrayed as clear-cut heroes.  The acting is all amazingly fitting and our main character here, Ugo, is a sort-of mix between Jason Statham and Lawrence Tierney from RESERVOIR DOGS(Tarantino has stated this is the greatest Italian film-noir ever made).  Ugo's main nemesis, played by Mario Adorf, is about as sleazy and unlikeable as possible while alternately booting naked whores in the ass and/or kissing the ass of  head baddie "The Americano".  I also find it amusing that the top scumbag here is an American since everyone knows how ugly and evil those people can be. Barbara Bouchet also does a great job of bringing some hotness to the flick as a go-go dancing beauty.  With a twist ending that comes out of nowhere this one is a great watch for Eurotrash fans.   AKA CALIBER 9 and THE CONTRACT

EMMANUELLE'S REVENGE (1975)

         "You tell that shithead we're not making arty-farty flicks for intellectual faggots!"

 Most of director Joe D'Amato's Emanuelle movies starred Laura Gemser as the title character who was a black version of the original French character made famous by Sylvia Kristel.  This one was before the Gemser-era so we get a different white Emanuelle whose sister is dating great character actor George Eastman who looks weird here without any facial hair on his mug.  Eastman plays a sleazy lowlife actor who  lets a film director rape his gal, convinces her to star in a porn flick, cheats on her and generally treats her shitty which results in her gory suicide by train.  From there it's time for Emanuelle's revenge which consist of seducing big George, drugging him and chaining him up behind a two-way mirror.  After this we get treated to some lesbian antics, an orgy, some fake cannibalism and other assorted sex acts that we watch from behind the mirror which I'm sure is a comment on the type of cretin who enjoys these sleazoid films.  Castration is threatened and meat-cleaver wielding shenanigans ensue.
 Co-written by one of my favorite filmmakers, the great Bruno Mattei, this film is filled with a creepy downer vibe and nihilistic ending that you don't get in a lot of sexploitation flicks and at a lot of points this feels more like a giallo than anything else which makes this one of my favs in the sexy shocker genre.  It's also supposed to be a remake of some 60's film from Greece.  There's also a pretty strong feminist message in there which you don't really expect from your average Joe D'Amato flick.
  The old VHS copy I have of this is heavily cut so look for the 100 minute version for the complete sexy and splattery show.  A.K.A. BLOOD VENGEANCE, BLOOD RAGE and EMANUELLE AND FRANCOISE