MY HONEYMOON WITH A VAMPIRE (2003)

  This is a real snoozefest! Shot on video in 2003, so you know it's probably going to suck, it feels more like you're watching some boring travelogue involving a newlywed couple than an exciting narrative. Certainly not much of note takes place for most of the runtime. Our main male character turns into a vampire because of some evil giant ball of dirt, bites a few people then a ghost-lady shows up and tells him about how she got murdered by her husband. From there it's vampire/ghost tag-team revenge time. Very minimal blood or enjoyment to be had. Works good as a sleeping aid. AKA VAMPIRE HONEYMOON 

HUMAN LANTERNS (1982)

  The Shaw Brothers studios give us a kung fu  movie mixed with some pretty hardcore horror elements here in this tale of a couple of opposing martial arts masters who get involved with a psycho lantern-maker who uses human skin for his snazzy products. As you can guess things get pretty bloody as women are kidnapped and hacked up in something that might remind you of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE PART 2 mixed with a more standard revenge-fueled Shaw outing. Our killer even wears a crazy monkey outfit with a skull mask for extra fright-inducing. A good one for kung fu maniacs also into bloody horror. AKA HUMAN SKIN LANTERNS

TRAGIC CEREMONY (1972)

 Director Ricardo Freda made a few of those old "ghosts in an old spooky haunted house" films back in the 60s including THE GHOST. This here is kind of an updated version of one of those except it takes a few strange twists from being completely predictable. Instead of Barbara Steele here you get Camille Keaton, who would go on to I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE fame, as our main gal in peril. You get a Satanic ritual complete with decapitation and other gory head-bashing fun. The only downfall here might be that the big bloody spectacle takes place about halfway through the movie making the ghostly revenge climax seem a bit lackluster in comparison. I still dig it though for it's unorthodox trappings. AKA TRAGIC EXPERIENCE AT VILLA ALEXANDER

 The original Italian title of EXTRACT FROM THE SECRET FILES OF THE POLICE OF A EUROPEAN CAPITAL is not quite as spooky:

VAMPIRE BUSTER (1989)

 Not really a vampire movie but more of a demon situation. You see this demon lost a fight a long time ago and got itself trapped in a vase which ends up getting tossed around in a comedic fashion. Most of this movie is in fact a comedy and not very horrific so if that's your thing this might be for you. 

 The DVD I have of this calls it NINJA VAMPIRE BUSTERS and since this is also not a ninja movie I have to reduce even more points for that! AKA GHOST CATCHING MASTER(the only accurate title!)

Communist wackos lead to demonic hijinks. Sounds about right:

British video box!:

PRIMITIVES (1978)

  Indonesian action star Barry Prima stars in this very low-rent version of an Italian cannibal movie. You get some animal on animal violence that looks like stock footage from some other film, people eaten by crocodiles and some very hard to believe "cannibals". I put cannibals in quotes there since there isn't actually any cannibalism on display here even though it is implied. The one thing I always recall after watching this one is how sad the orangutan, that our primitve tribe keeps in a cage, looks. It's almost as if he knows how terrible of a film he has been cast in. 

 The opening title tune is supplied by(stolen from) the German krautrock band Kraftwork. AKA THE DEATH CRY OF THE SAVAGES

                        Known in the UK as SAVAGE TERROR:

Italian grand premier!:

THE RAPIST (1994)

 Allegedly based on real-life serial-killer/rapist Lam Kwok-wai, this Hong Kong category III flick gives you exactly what it promises. There is plenty of nudity and sexual violence on show though it all gets to be a bit of a slog to get through before it's all over. THey do skip the usual goofy humour bits that are usually in these graphic Hong Kong movies which might have actaully broken up the monotony a little.

 There is another film from this same year based on this same case starring Danny Lee titled PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL RAPIST that I have yet to peruse. 

CURSE (1988)

  A real jumbled mess of a movie! This Hong Kong horror flick starts out as some kinda love-triangle romance story, then it becomes a supernatural horror tale with a few pretty explicit sex scenes thrown in and finally ends with a gross secene of a bunch snakes, rats, worms and other unidentifiable creepy crawly things exploding out of a melting guy! Oh and along the way there's a tribe of cannibal midgest led by an evil sorcerer. It does movie along at a fast pace despite it being fairly incomprehensible. AKA CANNIBAL CURSE  

THE ARK OF THE SUN GOD (1984)

  You would think given this title and year of release that you would get a straight-up RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK rip-off but for the most part Italian director Antonio Margheriti gives us instead a more James Bond-ish tale starring David Warbeck in the heroic lead role. To drive this home Roger Moore even gets name-dropped at one point. It does get more into Indian Jones territory towards the end when the discovery of a lost ancient artifact gets put into play. For an action movie this is overall a pretty dull watch that never reall grabbed me and took a couple of attempts to even get through without dozing off. 

 Strangely the DVD I have of this says it's called TEMPLE OF HELL which I don't believe it ever actaully was. 

Margheriti, Warbeck and John Steiner had all made the similar HUNTERS OF THE GOLDEN COBRA 2 years earlier.

Released on video in Sweden(and apparently somewhere else that speaks English) as THE HUNTER: 

EMANUELLE: FIRST CONTACT (1994)

 There were a whole series of these softcore Emanuells in space films starring Krista Allen made for Cinemax(Skinemax!) back in the 90s. While she is certainly a beautiful woman to watch frolic naked this is a pretty bady-edited mess of a movie. We get a Star Trek-influenced tale of some aliens beaming down to Earth to find out the mating habits of humans, mainly by just banging a bunch of ladies. They try and shoe-horn a love triangle(rectangle?) into the ending. None of it is very engaging and I don't think I really need to watch any of the other entries in this despite their enticing titles. AKA EMMANULLE IN SPACE: QUEEN OF THE GALAXY and EMMANUELLE IN SPACE

The whole EMMANUELLE IN SPACE SERIES(all made in 1994):

1. EMMANUELLE: FIRST CONTACT

2. EMMANUELLE: A WORLD OF DESIRE

3. EMMANUELLE: A LESSON IN LOVE

4. EMMANUELLE: CONCEALED FANTASY

5. EMMANUELLE:  A TIME TO DREAM

6. EMMANUELLE: ONE FINAL FLING

7. EMMANUELLE: THE MEANING OF LOVE

https://fullxcinema.com/emmanuelle-in-space-1994/

GAMERA, THE GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE (1995)

  I've seen this 90s reboot of the Gamera series a few times over the years but I don't think I've ever seen the UK-dubbed version before. In this version everyone has a very British accent and some pretty annoying techno jams start up every few minutes so if that sounds like something you would be into check that out. Personally I think I'll stick with the subtitled version if I ever watch this again. 

 Gamera, the giant fire-breathing, flying turtle had been gone for 15 years(GAMERA: SUPER MONSTER was his last outing) before they brought him back in this and it's generally considered a high point in Japanese monster films and I can't argue with that. They also bring back Daiei Studios own version of Rodan, Gyaos(there are technically 3 Gyaos but only one survives to the big final fight) to battle our protector of children. Steven Seagal's daughter, Ayako Fujitani plays one of the main characetrs who forms a psychic bond with our big turtle. 

 There would be 2 direct sequels to this, then in 2005 there was a film featuring an even goofier-looking offspring of Gamera. Finally an animated movie in 2023 appeared. I'm still waiting for that crossover with Godzilla though. 

THE CHAMBERMAIDS (1974)

 A couple of maids in a hotel  decide being whores will be a more exciting and lucrative profession. Then a bunch of sex scenes happen. Eric Edwards is the only really familiar face to me in this cheapy porn flick, though future pop star Andrea True is also apparently in this somewhere. 

 There's some dubious information floating around online about this being shown in 3-D at some point which seems very doubtful. 

 

DOWNTOWN (1975)

  Not to be confused with director Jess Franco's DOWNTOWN HEAT made in 1991, this Franco Eurotrash nudie tells the tale of a schluby private investigator(played by Jess himself) who gets mixed up with some scheming murderous ladies. The cast here includes a bunch of folks from BARBED WIRE DOLLS which was made around the same time. This includes Lina Romay, Eric Falk, Monica Swinn, Paul Muller and others. About as graphic as you can be without being hardcore with many close-ups of vaginas. Will undoubtedly dissappint fans of Franco's more depraved horror/sleaze works since this one is intended as a comedy. 

https://fullxcinema.com/downtown-full-movie-uncut-sex-1975-lina-romay/