THE ALIEN DEAD (1980)

  I must have attempted to watch this one at least twice before I was finally able to get all the way through it recently. It really isn't as boring as I had feared but it sure starts off slow with a very sleep-inducing opening tune and a whole long list of credits to lull one into a state of unconsciousness. This is director Fred Olen Ray's first full-length feature(somehow he managed to get former Buck Rogers/Flash Gordon/Tarzan star Buster Crabbe to show up as the sheriff) and it's your basic monsters/zombies run amuck in a small town, but there are a couple of fun kills, including my favorite where an old guy gets ripped in half by the ghouls and a dog comes along and starts chomping on his entrails. Ray went on to make over 160 films but none of the ones I've seen are really any more entertaining than this one.   

 AKA IT FELL FROM THE SKY and SWAMP OF THE BLOOD LEECHES(apparently there were originally supposed to be leech monsters in this(making it a sort-of remake of the 50s Roger Corman giant leeches film) but Ray decided the monster suits would be  too expensive so the ghouls in snazzy Halloween masks just drink blood instead) 

Sweet cartoony VHS cover!:

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2022)

  It's hard to fathom that in the year 2022 there could be any horror fans that think a new slasher movie will be a deep work of art, but apparently that is actually the majority of fans if you go by all the disappointed reviews that this movie has garnered. This makes me think modern horror fans might be some of the stupidest people on the planet. Since I had no illusions that this would be good in any way going into it, I got exactly what I figured I would. Which is a dumb slasher movie about a large guy with a chainsaw killing a bunch of woke assholes. While I do enjoy watching a bunch of woke assholes getting massacred myself, I assume that a lot of the negative feedback is from the more "progressive" branch of horror fandom. I could do without the CGI and anything that tries to make this a sequel to the original film(which was made back when exploitation films did still occasionally have some artistic flair to them) but I'm certainly not retarded enough to be surprised and offended by anything new not being up to the standards of 1970s cinema. If they just called this THE TIKTOK CHAINSAW MASSACRE or something maybe it woulda been more popular with the horror nerds.

The whole crappy(except for the original) TCM series!:

1. THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)

2. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2 (1986)

3. LEATHERFACE: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE III (1990) 

4. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION (1994)

5. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003) - remake

6. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING (2006) - prequel to the remake

7. TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D (2013) - sequel to the original film

8. LEATHERFACE (2017) - prequel to the original movie

 

WE ARE MONSTERS (2015)

  I haven't seen many modern Swedish thrillers but if they're all as hardcore as this one maybe I should start watching them more. Most of this film is pretty depressing as is the norm in these rape/revenge epics. It starts out right away with a kidnapping, a woman getting a bullet in the head and of course multiple rapes. This one doesn't skimp on the gore and the brutality and by the time everything is said and done we get a body put through a woodchipper, a hacked off foot, shotgun violence, other various torture and the showstopper penis bludgeoning. Very accurate title that follows the I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE archetype.  AKA ANIMALISTIC

THE DAWN RAPISTS (1978)

 This is basically a Spanish version of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT using the old rape/revenge plot. The oddball gang of rapists here include one gay dude and another fellow's very pregnant nympho sister. It's all pretty downbeat for the most part, as you would expect, up until the end when we get a big titty contest out of the blue! There's some pretty awful stuff, as you would also expect, including musings on abortion, suicide, necrophilia and lots of bloody rape on underage girls. I'm kinda shocked this one isn't more well-known and available since it seems tailor-made for true sleazehounds. 

  The Dawn Rapists (1978)

ALL ABOUT GLORIA LEONARD (1978)

"Why do the girls call you horse?"

  Gloria Leonard is only 37 years old in this film but she seems older(and if this was modern porn she would certainly be assigned exclusively to the milf category) and totally in control of every scene. She's basically playing herself as the editor of an adult magazine who's reminiscing about sexual exploits that we then get to see. As with most X-rated films, even these classics, it gets a bit monotonous with their really being no plot to follow but if you want to see an older lady(especially by today's standards!) getting it on check it out. There's lesbianism, lots of dirty talk and Jamie Gillis and R. Bolla show up. 

 Miss Leonard is credited as director here but the general consensus is that Joe Sarno is the actual man behind the scenes.

Tutto su Gloria Leonard (qualità più alta): Watch All About Gloria Leonard Higher Quality video on xHamster

SALLY'S ESCAPE FROM HELL (2016)

  This is a well made short film that re-imagines the ending to THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. Maybe the gal playing Sally coulda taken out her nose-ring but that really only stood out to me because everything else seemed fairly accurate. This was originally supposed to be a full-length deal and I would think that couldn't than any worse than any of the other remakes/sequels/prequels that are out there.  

 There's a follow up to this called GASOLINE that gives the same treatment to PART 2  but I have yet to view that one.

SIX SWEDISH GIRLS IN A BOARDING SCHOOL (1979)

  Directed by Erwin C. Dietrich, who I know mainly as a producer of Jess Franco films, this is a chronicle of the sexual adventures of  7(despite what the title says) schoolgirls. Brigitte Lahaie is the only girl I recognize from a bunch of French pornos and is my favorite of the bunch. There's lesbianism, virginity taking and an ingenious invention of a bicycle with a dildo built into the seat. The plot is about as basic as your typical porn from this era and it all ends in a big dumb party.  Mindless sexploitation that gets very tedious. AKA SIX SWEDES ON CAMPUS, BOARDING SCHOOL GIRLS, SWEDISH GIRLS and UNTAMED SEX

             Of all the alternate titles this has the U.S. DVD release gives us one that it never even had:

A TOWN CALLED BASTARD (1971)

                   

                                            "The devil has the largest congregation"

  This is clearly a spaghetti-western despite it being a British/Spanish production and it features quite the all-star cast including Robert Shaw, Martin Landau, Telly Savalas and Stella Stevens. It concerns itself with Mexican revolutionaries and Stevens search for her husband's killer. Shaw is the main focus though and he goes from murdering a church full of people right in the opening of the film to being a fairly sympathetic character which is a big feat. A pretty good(despite not believing half of these people are actually Mexican for one minute) non-Italian western with a few little horror touches and look out for the unexpected use of that "Battle of New Orleans" song in one wacky scene. AKA A TOWN CALLED HELL

You would really think Telly Savalas had a much bigger role if you believe all these posters!:

Played with that classic 60s French gangster film: 

VAMPYROS LESBOS (1971)

  I kinda get this mixed up with director Jess Franco's other vampire chick flick FEMALE VAMPIRE but this one is obviously more lesbian-centric. Also, instead of Lina Romay, we get Franco's earlier muse Soledad Miranda(who sadly died in an automobile accident the year before) as the sexy bloodsucker. It definitely contains that Franco artsy/sleazy style and has a pretty groovy soundtrack(I'm lucky enough to own the album) to accentuate all the lesbo antics. Ol' Uncle Jess shows up as a murderous psycho who likes to torture gals in a basement to get his jollies, there's an evil henchman named Morpho (just like in THE AWFUL DR. ORLOFF except without the ping-pong ball eyes this time) and the plot is very loosely based on Bram Stokers DRACULA with a Dr. Seward character(Dennis Price) and Drac himself being name checked a few times.  While not my very favorite Franco flick it's for sure up there towards the top of the heap.