BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1990)

  Completely unnecessary sequel to the 85 horror classic. Seems to exist just to show off the special FX work of Screaming Mad George, Greg Nicotero, John Carl Beuchler and a whole bunch of other really top-notch folks so I can't take anything away from the film in that department. As far as the plot goes they just kinda redo the first movie with BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN mixed-in so not the most ground-breaking  movie you could hope for. It didn't help that I viewed this movie at a drive-in while some fog rolled in to obscure whatever visuals there were to enjoy so maybe if you watch it at home you'll get more out of it.

  Unfortunately there was another sequel with 2003's BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR.

                                    Known in some countries as RE-ANIMATOR II:

LIFEFORCE (1985)

  So on paper this seems like it would be a cool movie. You get space vampires from Halley's Comet who end up on earth(one of which is the lovely Mathilda May who spends a majority of the film wandering around completely naked!) draining folks of their "lifeforce" and turning them into zombies. Unfortunately the movie manages to take whatever excitement could have been gleaned from this concept and present it in the most boring way possible. I know the backstory of the making of this involves lots of production problems so I guess we can blame that for any lack of engaging characters or compelling sequences. We could also blame director Tobe Hooper though his previous 2 films for Cannon Films(INVADERS FROM MARS and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACER 2 are at least competently directed and amusing schlock). Star Steve Railsback only manages to remind me of Charles Manson everytime I see him show up (due to his amazing performance in the TV-movie HELTER SKELTER) but hey at least you get some nice boobs to ogle. 

 There's a 116-minute cut of this that I can;t even begin to fathom siting through. It's supposed to have a better soundtrack though if that helps.

 This is sort-of a re-imagining of QUARTERMASS AND THE PIT though I don't recall any nekkid chics in that one. 

 

Japanese style!:

Known in some places as SPACE VAMPIRES!:

EMANUELLE IN AMERICA (1977)

  I've always thought of this one as my favorite of the "Black Emanuelle" films(7th in the series) but after rewatching it recently I think EMANUELLE AND THE LAST CANNIBALS and LOVE CAMP have surpassed it for me as far as being entertaining and overall less boring. That being said though this one certainly has the most memorably gratuitous scenes of depravity out of all these movies. In the uncensored version you get a lady jacking off a horse, some fairly realistic snuff movie scenes and hardcore sucking and fucking. Unfortunately there are also long boring bits inbetween that and a very nonsensical ending that takes place on an island inhabited by an African tribe? that Emanuelle(Laura Gemser) gets sold off to. Worth a look for sleazoid Eurotrash fantatics though. AKA BRUTAL NIGHTS

                                               The very 70s main theme!:

EMANUELLE AND THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE (1978)

  This entry in the "Black Emanuelle" series(the 13th or 14th, it gets a little blurry!) has quite the leisurely pace to it for a good chunk of the film. There is plenty of sexual hijinks and eurobush though to keep all the pervs happy as our heroine, Laura Gemser, goes undercover to expose a prostitution/slavery ring. There is a pretty wacky standout tranny kung fu scene, multiple gang rapes(both of the friendly and unfriendy variety) and Gemser narrowly escaping from a lobotomy like some kinda super spy! For director Joe D'Amato this is a bit skimpy on the more extreme elements(especially when compared to stuff like EMANUELLE IN AMERICA and EMANUELLE AND THE LAST CANNIBALS) which brings it down a bit for me but still worth a watch for completists. 

AKA EMANUELLE AND THE GIRLS OF MADAM CLAUDE

EMANUELLE AND THE LAST CANNIBALS (1977)

  The idea of mixing a softcore sex flick with a cannibal movie is an insane one, so of course Eurotrash legend Joe D'Amato gave it a shot with this and because it's so nuts it's one of my favorites in the "Black Emanuelle" series. It starts out more in the softcore porn vein and then once we leave classic sleazy 70s New York City for the Amazon it delves headlong into more traditional cannibal movie territory. Nipples and vaginas get cut off or open, heads roll and intestines get ripped out and munched on. No skimping on the sex or gore here so it's hard to say anything bad about this unless that's not what you are looking for. 

The lovely Laura Gemser returns, DR BUTCHER himself, Donald O' Brien, shows up and multiple cannibals have a gut-chomping freakout of a time! Classic 70s sleaze!  

Released on video as TRAP THEM AND KILL THEM.

This is either the 10th or 11th movie in the "Black Emanuelle" series following EMANUELLE AROUND THE WORLD and right before EMANUELLE AND THE PORNO NIGHTS. For a more complete list click here.

MIDNIGHT (1982)

  Got a chance to catch a rare theatrical showing of this John Russo(co-writer of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD) directed exploitation flick on 35mm last night. This plays way more like something from the 70s than the early 80s and I was really glad to see that. The great Lawrence Tierney, of RESERVOIR DOGS fame, is the standout performance to me as the constantly drunk and sleazy stepfather who's always looking to molest his stepdaughter. Strangely enough he's actually the films only real hero character before everything is said and done, which says an awful lot about how depraved most of the rest of the characters are. There's a Satanic cult/family in the backwoods(alternate title used for southern drive-ins was THE BACKWOODS MASSACRE) that's offing people in bloody stabbings and decapitations and our often molested daughter character(Melanie Verlin, who only has 2 credits to her name this and George Romero's MONKEY SHINES) runs away from home and crosses paths with them. Filled with a soft rock theme song that plays over and over and lots of brutal murders this one was a lot better than I had anticipated. 

 John Amplas, of MARTIN fame, also shows up as a member of our psycho family in a nice meaty role.

11 years later there was a shot-on-video sequel to this where somehow family members survive and carry on slaying, even though that seems fairly impossible. 

BLOOD MONEY (2012)

  The only reason I watched this martial arts flick is because the great Gordon(MASTER KILLER) Liu is in it. I should know better than to get my hopes up for any modern kung fu/action flick though. The main star here is someone named Zheng Liu, who is no relation to Gordon but was in real life a Shaolin monk before becoming an actor. The blu-ray I have of this movie calls him the next Bruce Lee due to his slight resemblence. I wonder how many billions of Asian actors have been tagged this before? The plot here deals with some rival gangs, one is the triad in Hong Kong and the other is Columbian, fighting each other over some big cocaine shipment. Zheng plays a hitman who gets caught in between the two gangs and while it was a very glossy and good-looking production, I can't say it was all that engaging of a narrative  (the CGI blood and FX and a rapper I never heard of didn't help very much. Mr. Gordon does get one scene where he gets to show off his kung fu skills which has to be close to the last time he did that on screen before falling into bad health. It's too bad it wasn't in a better movie. Perhaps the problem is that this is actually an Australian production and not made by an Asian company since they still seem to be able to churn out some entertaining product.

MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY (1985)

  Before viewing this I was warned that it was pretty crappy, but I found it to be fairly enjoyable. Maybe I was just in the right state of mind or maybe it just hit that sweet spot I have for movies that mix genres together. While it's fundamentally a jungle adventure epic it starts out as sort of a sex comedy then for the middle part it's a cannibal flick and then finally gets back to being an action movie for the finale.  I can see why someone looking for a super gory cannibal movie would be let down but it does feature a body being ripped open, a leg chomped off by piranha and a little more blood here and there. Michael Sopkiw, of AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK fame, is our action hero and he gets some stellar-looking ladies who aren't afraid to get nekked as co-stars. A good watch if your expectations aren't too high. Oh and also if you're looking for any dinosaurs to show up maybe skip this. 

                                  Known in Portuguese as LOST IN DINOSAUR VALLEY!:

Released on DVD in the U.K. as CANNIBAL FEROX II making it a sequel to the Umberto Lenzi classic!:

ANTS! (1977)

 

 In the upper echelon of goofy 70s made-for-TV horror flicks sits this creepy crawly classic about some very pissed off ants who have had enough of being sprayed with insecticide and decide to fight back. Effective and memorable for the time it was made and it has a surprisingly high body count. Suzanne Somers, right before she went on to star in THREE'S COMPANY, is one of the featured cast who must have had quite the crappy acting experience getting covered in bugs and Myrna Loy carries on the great 70s tradition of classic Hollywood starlets of the 30s and 40s showing up as an old lady in a spooky flick. 

This same year saw the release of Bert I. Gordon's giant ant masterpiece EMPIRE OF THE ANTS truly making 1977 the year of the ant!

 Originally broadcast under the way less exploitative title of IT HAPPENED AT LAKEWOOD MANOR. 

                                                       ABC Friday Night Movie!:

PLEASURE (2021)

  So this is basically a drama about a young gal from Sweden(Sofia Kappel) trying to make it big in pornoland USA. They throw lots of nudity and erect dicks in there for that gritty realistic flavor and I guess to shock your grandma. Just like the porn industry itself most of the characters are pretty awful human beings. Of course since it was made in 2021 there has to be a stupid feminist message about victimhood or some other nonsense which really doesn't fit into a film showing women actually having control of their lives and making their own choices. Just like modern plotless porn this seems pretty empty and disposable and exists as pure spectacle.

 

This was originally a Swedish short and it probably would work way better that way!: 

        

IGOR AND THE LUNATICS (1985)

  Well this one starts out with a bang as a lady gets sawed in half by a big buzzsaw like in a stupid cartoon. From there we go into Manson territory with the ol' cult leader and his psycho followers get revenge on "the Man" plot. It's supposed to start out back in the 60s but they must have not bothered to tell anyone since just about everyone looks almost exactly the same 16 years later, I will give this a little credit for not skimping on the blood and gore even if the story doesn't always seem to be very coherent. There's also a nonsensical ending featuring the annoying guffawing Igor(spelled Ygor for some reason) character that seems to have been hobbled together with extra footage that was lying around. Good for 80s gorehounds and that's about it. 

            This snazzy Troma VHS cover makes it look like some kinda Eurotrash action flick!: