A CHRISTMAS FANTASY (1950)

 Two little kids fall asleep and then a creepy Santa, who kinda resembles Leatherface, shows up in this holiday short that's mercifully only a little over 5 minutes long. This really plays more like a holiday music video than a proper movie of any sort. I first encountered this with the Rifftrax fellows goofing on it which is probably the optimal way to view it. A good one to add to your weirdo Christmas playlist. 

 There's both black and white and color versions floating around.

 

DEAD AND BREAKFAST (2004)

  This is one of those dreaded horror/comedy mash-ups that all the cool kids love. I guess we can blame THE EVIL DEAD franchise for that. This one comes complete with terrible rockabilly songs, terrible rap songs, a retarded dancing zombies(I guess technically they're demons but they sure act a lot like zombies) sequence. Some of the actors here went on to do other notable things but the only one I really recognize is Jeffrey Dean Morgen as the sheriff who went on to be Negan in THE WALKING DEAD series. David Carradine shows up for a quick paycheck and Anthony Perkin's son Oz ends up becoming zombified/demonized and plays the main baddie from there on out. On the plus side there's quite a bit of gore in between the stupidity. I probably wouldn't have ever bothered with this if it wasn't part of a recent movie night gathering with some friends. 

FANGS (1981)

  So someone in Egypt(possibly director Mohammed Shebl?) got the idea to remake THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW but without the super overt homosexuality. That's not to say it isn't gay at all. There's plenty of crazy outfits and song and dance numbers, but instead of Tim Curry as Dr. Frank N Furter you get a curly-haired, heavy-set Egyptian Dracula(Ahmed Adawiyya) who wears some glam-rock platform boots but still seems fairly, especially straight in comparison. In the middle of the film it shifts to a bunch of skits comparing vampires to evil blood-sucking greedy capitalists which kinda slow things down. It all culminates in a big vampire meltdown though and one fellow even wears a ROCKY HORROR t-shirt in case there was any doubt as to the inspiration for this. Chock full of stolen music including stuff from A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, Ennio Morricone, JAWS, THE PINK PANTHER, The Beatles and a bunch more! Strangely they didn't take anything from ROCKY HORROR but they made up for that with the original weird tunes. 

 The only film I've seen from Egypt so far and one of the weirdest things I've seen in a while. The film even takes the time to scold any audience member who is watching that is too dumb to get their message. Highly recommended for lovers of bizarre obscurities.

     

DARKTOWN STRUTTERS (1975)

 I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this movie. The first time I viewed it was late one drunken night a few years ago at a bar with no sound. The visuals we're so awesomely bizarre that I knew I had to give it a proper watch at some point. After finally doing that I think it may have actually been better with the sound shut off. It's not that it's a bad film it's just that it is such a strange spoof of a blaxploitation film complete with cartoonish sound fx that it's hard to judge it as anything other than a complete goofball comedy. It's also a little bit of a musical mixed with a biker flick(the leader of the gang is led by none other than THE MACK's brother(Roger E. Mosley)) and what I imagine a live-action version of FRITZ THE CAT would be like if anyone ever attempted to film such a thing in the 70s. Definitely for more adventurous film purveyors only.

Re-released under this title:

THE 5000 FINGERS OF DR. T (1953)

 One of the weirdest kids movies ever! Especially as far as 50s kids movies go. This one really stands out. The plot basically concerns a kid whose dad is dead and his widowed mom insists on him taking piano lessons to learn some discipline. From there it veers off into a nightmarish landscape where our protagonist dreams of his fascistic piano-teacher, the titular Dr. Terwilliker, who has built this gargantuan piano and enslaved busloads of children to play it for him. There's also a plumber who serves as a substitute father-figure, a bunch of songs and dancing(yes, this technically is a musical but unlike most musicals it does not make me want to vomit due to lameness). The strangest and most memorable scene, to me, is a song about the different levels of torture-dungeons sung by a muscular, hooded, executioner-creep with demonic eyeballs who appears to be covered with bronze skin as he takes our hero down to his cell on what appears to be the lowest level of Dante's Inferno.
 Dr. Seuss wrote this thing, including the tunes, and you can really tell with some of the far-out characters that appear. I'm not sure how successful this was when it was originally released but it's too bad the wacky Doctor didn't do more stuff like this, but I guess the world needed that Green Eggs book. Check it out if you're into the old-timey bizarre stuff. AKA DR. SEUSS' 5,000 FINGERS OF DR. T


DR. T around the world!: