CHASING THE DRAGON (2017)

 Hong Kong action movie based on real-life gangster from the 60s Crippled Ho. Interesting that this movie would be allowed to be made considering how strict the Chinese government is these days with censoring anything that shows a corrupt government. Lucky for these filmmakers that this movie takes places well before the Chinese takeover of 1997 and blames those naughty British colonialists for much of the terrible state of Hong Kong at that time. Pretty good epic retelling of this story(which had been done as TO BE NUMBER ONE back in 1991) that is a little overlong at over 2 hours but moves along well enough. There's a decidedly American feel to this thing with some of the funky soundtrack choices and if you watch the dubbed version you get some African-American-sounding voices on a few characters that seem a bit out of place. Donnie Yen in the main role and Andy Lau as Lee Rock(who he had played twice before in LEE ROCK(1991) and LEE ROCK II(1991) making this technically a part 3 to those films) are really excellent in their portrayals making this worth a watch if you have a lot of time to spare. A couple of strange highlights are a guy that has a hairdryer inserted into his mouth as a form of torture and another guy who they try and force to drink a fresh glass of piss just for shits and giggles. Another example of a good modern foreign film that blows Hollywood away.

 

TERRORVISION (1986)

 This is a very dumb 80s horror movie about an alien Jabba The Hut-like monster who pops out of T.V.s and eats people. I think what makes this one enjoyable, to me anyway, is the presence of Mary Woronov as the swingin' mom. I probably would rate it even higher if it had Paul Bartel in it. Sadly though he does not show up. What does show up is a heavy metal high-schooler named O.D.(Jon Gries), a valley girl, a swinging Greek fellow(Alejandro Rey), a grenade-tossing, machine gun-toting grandpa and a whole slew of similarly wacky characters. There's also a great theme song and some music by the band W.A.S.P.. Despite the gore being mostly just green blood and piles of slimy goop this one makes for a good drunken movie night viewing with some friends and is better than many things made by Empire Pictures at this time.

RETURN OF DJANGO (1967)

 This has got to be the only Django spaghetti-western where Django gets killed within the first five minutes of the film. Luckily the alternate title of this one is SON OF DJANGO because that's the character(played by Gabriele Tinti who would go on to marry Laura Gemser, lucky fella!) that we follow for most of the film as he tries to get revenge for his daddy. There's a bit more music in this one than your typical Eurowestern but besides that it's pretty typical stuff. Two groups are fighting and Django Jr. gets stuck in the middle. A priest, who used to be a gunslinger(Guy Madison who would go on to be in one of those SUPERARGO movies) gives him a hand and it all winds up in a big shootout followed by a rather anticlimactic ending. I would give this one a pretty average rating. AKA VENGEANCE IS A COLT 45


 

DJANGO: A BULLET FOR YOU (1966)

 One of the seemingly hundred of fake Django spaghetti-westerns this one stars Anthony Steffen as a bounty hunter who looks nothing like the real Django(Franco Nero) but that doesn't matter to whoever decided to name it this. The Django here(who strangely enough is called Regan?) is a bounty hunter who ends up posing as the sheriff of a town hunting down some bad-ass criminal named Jim Norton(Frank Wolf). Now anyone who's familiar with stand-up comedian Jim Norton(probably best known for being the sidekick of shock radio bad boys Opie & Anthony back when they were on the air) may get a few chuckles out of this one where they keep reiterating about how much of a terrible outlaw this Jim Norton is. Besides that weird footnote(and the fact that this is credited to director Leon Klimovsky but was actually directed by Enzo G. Castellari(according to Enzo himself)) this is a pretty by-the-books tale that seems to pretty blatantly crib from Sergio Leone. AKA A FEW DOLLARS FOR DJANGO, SOME DOLLARS FOR DJANGO and A FEW DOLLARS FOR GYPSY

 

MISSING IN ACTION (1984)

 Chuck Norris makes America great again way before that was even a thing. Also before Rambo went back to Vietnam, Norris (as James Braddock) was already there to rescue all the M.I.A.'s left behind by our shitty government. As an action film there's the one iconic image of Norris ascending out of the water, like Jesus or something, and mowing down some Vietnamese bad guys that will stick with you and then a bunch of patriotic wish-fulfillment stuff to make Americans feel better about having lost a war. It does all get a bit monotonous by the end with all the exploding huts and dumb story but it was popular enough at the time to spew out 2 sequels(though technically MISSING IN ACTION 2: THE BEGINNING is a prequel that was originally supposed to be the first movie but after seeing how crappy it was the producers decided to release the original Part 2(which was filmed immediately after Part 1) first).




                         Known in Italy under the amazing title of THUNDER RUMBLE!!:

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (1951)

 All-time classic sci-fi film about war and peace and aliens and as a bonus a robot that can kill you with it's death ray. While a lot of 50s sci-fi is full of giant monsters or other goofy elements this one plays it all very serious and if you can get over the clunky-looking robot named Gort it has a serious message about trying to live in peace without destroying everything. The phrase "klaatu barada nikto" would be recycled for the 3rd EVIL DEAD movie and everything else in this film went on to inspire all the great sci-fi to follow it.
 There was a British remake of this 3 years later titled STRANGER FROM VENUS that looks interesting and then a 2008 remake starring Keanu Reeves which doesn't.




Also inspired the first line in this tune:

SHOOTFIGHTER: FIGHT TO THE DEATH (1993)

 For many years I've been looking for a movie where the great Bolo Yeung plays a hero and thanks to a friend of mine this film has finally come into my life. Mr. Bolo basically plays the Mr. Miyagi role from THE KARATE KID here as the teacher of a couple of young martial artists. The weird thing about that is that one of the young fellas he's training is Johnny, the main bad kid, from THE KARATE KID and if that's not weird enough the main bad guy here is the leader of the Cobra Kai himself, Martin Kove.
 While this does satisfy me in seeing Bolo portrayed as a sympathetic character I think the director didn't really utilize his talents to their utmost. For one thing Bolo isn't really the main character here and the focus is clearly on his two trainees. While they're fine enough some of their scenes veer off into the overly-dramatic soap-opera territory that I doubt anyone viewing this film is looking for. I know not focusing on Bolo is most likely due to Mr. Yeung's limited skills in the English language but I still think there had to be someway to utilize him more. Perhaps in some buddy-cop type tale where he doesn't have to say much? On the plus side thought his one has some pretty brutal fights with bloody gore on display including a guy getting his neck slashed, another guy getting his neck ripped out, INDIANA JONES-style heart-ripping action, a vicious arm-breaking and a glorious Bolo going apeshit final fight. If like me you are a  Bolomaniac check this one out immediately if not sooner.
 There was a SHOOTFIGHTER II a couple of years later that I need to find pronto.

CHARLIE CHAN IN PANAMA (1940)

 In this Charlie Chan flick(#26 out of a whopping 47!) Mr. Chan(played by non-Asian actor Sidney Toler) along with his #1 son(played by actual Chinese man Victor Sen Yung) break up a spy ring intent on blowing up a ship and blocking a naval fleet heading through The Panama Canal. Lionel Atwill, from a bunch of classic horror films, also appears but doesn't stick around too long. A few mysterious murders take place and, as is familiar to anyone who's seen a couple of these old Chan flicks knows, things get resolved fairly predictably, however, in good mystery fashion, you may not be able to guess the main culprit in this one very easily. This one was directed by a friend of mine's grandad, Norman Foster, and it was his last Chan movie before moving on to more obscure stuff and eventually television work. He borrowed the plot for this from a 1934 Spencer Tracy film titled MARIE GALANTE which I have not seen and I assume it might be too classy for my taste.

The big-ass list of classic Chan films starring Sidney Toler!:

1. CHARLIE CHAN IN HONOLULU (1938)
2. CHARLIE CHAN IN RENO (1939)
3. CHARLIE CHAN AT TREASURE ISLAND (1939)
4. CITY IN DARKNESS (1939)
5. CHARLIE CHAN IN PANAMA (1940)
6. CHARLIE CHAN'S MURDER CRUISE (1940)
7. CHARLIE CHAN AT THE WAX MUSEUM (1940)
8. MURDER OVER NEW YORK (1940)
9. DEAD MEN TELL (1941)
10. CHARLIE CHAN IN RIO (1941)
11. CASTLE IN THE DESERT (1942)
12. CHARLIE CHAN IN THE SECRET SERVICE (1944)
13. CHARLIE CHAN IN THE CHINESE CAT (1944)
14. BLACK MAGIC (1944)
15. THE JADE MASK (1945)
16. THE SCARLET CLUE (1945)
17. THE SHANGHAI COBRA (1945)
18. THE RED DRAGON (1945)
19. DARK ALIBI (1946)
20. SHADOWS OVER CHINATOWN (1946)
21. DANGEROUS MONEY (1946)
22. THE TRAP (1946) 

 

LET'S GET TOUGH (1942)

                                                   "don't forget to keep your rice dry"

 This movie was made right in the middle of World War 2 which gives some historical context to the way Japanese folks are treated in this. I think if you looked at the way our "heroes", The East Side Kids, treat one particular Japanese fellow(who eventually turns out to be Chinese and they feel bad about it) at the beginning of this movie, given the current insanely politically correct era we inhabit, they would surely be convicted of a hate crime. Then again the kidding around they do with their black member, 'Sunshine'  Sammy Morrisson, about fried chicken and not being able to tell little white lies would probably also get them in a lot of hot water these days. If you can overlook these dated aspects (and if you can't why the hell would you be watching this old crap anyway?) then it's a pretty typical entry(#9) in the 'Kids' series where they foil a Japanese/German spy ring and do their part for the war. Oh yeah, I guess you have to overlook all the pro-war stuff also you silly America-hating snowflake!

DEATH RACE 2050 (2017)

 DEATH RACE 2000 is one of the best Roger Corman-produced films of the 70s. This thing is supposed to be either a sequel(though they never even reference the original film) or a "soft-reboot", whatever the hell that means!, I would just call it a remake. Sadly, since it's made in 2017, it's a movie riddled with c.g.i. everything, c.g.i. blood, c.g.i. explosions, c.g.i. people getting run over or run down, c.g.i. as far as the eye can see. I think the only things that are real in this are the actors and the cars(which somehow manage to look worse than the ones in the movie from 40 years earlier). On the plus side at least Malcolm McDowell got a paycheck for some crazy overacting and the guy that plays the character of Jed Perfectus(Burt Grinstead) is pretty amusing. The only reason I watched this is because it was part of a recent drunken movie night gathering of some mates who seemed to enjoy it more than me. I suppose it you're raised on video games give it a look but if you enjoy actual movies stick with the original.
 There is an unrelated series of DEATH RACE movies starring Jason Statham that I have not seen that look like they have a bit of a bigger budget than this one but I'm in no particular rush to see any of those.



The Germans already used this title for a DVD release of DEATHSPORT:

EXORCISM (1975)

 Eurotrash legend Jess Franco directs and stars in this sexy epic as a sleazy excommunicated priest who goes on a one-man killing spree to exorcise demons from the slutty ladies of Paris. Franco's mainstay actress(and future wife) Lina Romay is the main lady in this who appears in some strange stage shows where they do fake? black masses and human sacrifices for sophisticated artsy crowds that sometimes turns into a big orgy. There's one graphic gutting scene but most of the horror elements consist of some very fake looking whipping and stabbing where fake blood is just wiped on female midsections. EXORCISM is the sexier cut of this film. The DVD I have it on also contains DEMONIAC which is about 30 minutes shorter, plays up the horror elements more and has the ladies wearing a lot more clothes in it. There's also a hardcore porn version with added in scenes titled SEXORCISM(aka EXORCISM AND BLACK MASSES). Known in Canada under the spiffy title of CHAINS AND BLACK LEATHER(which really should be the title of a JUDAS PRIEST album or something along those lines). SADIST OF NOTRE DAME is a 1979 Franco flick that recycled a bunch of footage from this.
 Despite it's rather leisurely pace and lackluster ending(including a very lackadaisical chase scene) I can't help but be entertained by Franco's weird output. This one is exclusively recommended to the sleazy cult crowd though.

 

SCREAM OF FEAR (1961)

 Solid mystery thriller by Hammer studios. Known in England as TASTE OF FEAR this one is clearly inspired by Alfred Hitchcock in the way it twists and turns and keeps you guessing until everything is revealed in all it's grimy details. Christopher Lee is, as always, great in this and we get to see him in an unusual role here that I will not spoil for anyone that hasn't viewed this yet. Shot exceptionally well complete with some creepy moments involving a corpse that pops up at unfortunate times. A good one for fans of more classy less graphic spooky mystery-type stuff.

PETS (1973)

 Sexy Candice Rialson(from sexy 70s flicks like CANDY STRIPE NURSES) is the main attraction here in what is a pretty bizarre twisty-turny story of a young gal who ends up in various situations that range from criminal to hot and sexy to horrific when she ends up being kept in a cage by some nutso art-collector fellow giving the title some meaning. It takes a while for things to actually come together in this one and along the way you get a little dog tossed off a cliff and some female-on-male rape to keep you interested. I think I might have to give this one another watch one day to decipher some of the deeper messages about submission(alternate title SUBMISSION) and whatnot contained in it. Coulda used a better soundtrack though as this is filled with some pretty sub-par folksy ballads.

                 At least the trailer had the decency to throw a Doors tune in there:

Triple feature with 2 other saucy 70s thrillers!: 

and with this Al Adamson movie that was also Lon Chaney Jr.'s last film:

and with some German sex mystery flick that I've never heard of before:

DJANGO THE RUNNER (1966)

 Italian splatter-master Lucio Fulci made 3 spaghetti-westerns and this is the first one. Most commonly known as MASSACRE TIME they slapped an alternate DJANGO titte on it at some point because it stars Mr. Django himself Franco Nero and just about every western he starred in got that kind of treatment. The story here deals with Django, who is never called that of course but instead called Tom Corbett, having to return to his hometown that has been taken over by a rich jerk(Giusseppe Addobbati) and his sadistic son(Nino Castelnuovo) who always seems to wear the same white suit and looks vaguely like Oliver Reed. George Hilton also stars as Franco's alcoholic gunslinging brother. Things turn out pretty much how you would expect with one big reveal thrown in. There is one incongruous scene where Franco does a flip over a group of people which seems like something out of a kung fu flick and is quite jarring. If you're looking for gore there's not really any of that on display but for 1966 there's a pretty bloody whipping scene that results in a  bloody faced Franco that looks like he lost a steel cage wrasslin' match and a guy gets torn apart by dogs which is bloodless but you can just imagine what Fulci would have done in that scene just a decade later. AKA THE BRUTE AND THE BEAST and COLT CONCERT


                                            Bullet-blasting excitement!:

 

A MAN CALLED DJANGO! (1971)

 What you get here is your basic revenge flick set in spaghetti-western land. It's also a fake Django movie(aka VIVA! DJANGO(also the title of a Terence Hill DJANGO flick) and W DJANGO!) with Anthony Steffen as the black-clad bad-ass this time. He does an o.k. job except he always seems to have a weird look on his face almost like he smelled something fishy right before they started shooting every scene. There are a couple of double-crosses to keep things mildly interesting and, as usual, a killer soundtrack besides these elements though a pretty generic film. The Carranza character(Glauco Onorato) is definitely doing his best Tuco from THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY impersonation. So that's something to look for.