Sunday, February 19, 2017
I know Terence Hill mostly for his spaghetti-western roles but he did do a few other things like this Euro/American superhero comedy with Ernest Borgnine as a pair of cops. I also know director Sergio Corbucci mainly for some great euro-westerns including the original DJANGO but he also did dabble in many other genres. This is a movie that played many times on HBO back in the 80s so I feel like it's something I've seen in bits and pieces a bunch. Having seen it all in one sitting now I find it to be an OK dumb comedy along the lines of typical American 80s comedies except there's no boobs in this. There is mostly just a bunch of slapsticky superhero hijinks resulting from Hill getting various super-powers after a getting radiated by a bomb that goes off near him and it's great to see Borgnine freaking out and seemingly having a fun time making this thing. There's also a silly soundtrack where they sing "Super Snooper"(which is the British title of this) over and over again. Check it out to kill time on a hungover Sunday morning.
This movie starts out with Roman Polanski chatting about snuff movies, then the middle section, which makes up most of the movie is a German fake documentary(mockumentary?) about the porn industry(this part reminded me of one of those German SCHOOLGIRL REPORT movies). Finally everything is wrapped up and we get a post-ending sequence where a guy with a shopping bag on his head, like The Unknown Comic, tells us about how he, and a film crew, got high and made an "actual" snuff movie while some gory outtakes from LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT play to show is what a "real" snuff film looks like.
It's such a strange idea for a movie that I would recommend this just for the oddness of it all. The middle part does drag a lot and it takes what seems like forever, with a few goofy parts to chuckle at, to get to the big finale and "THE END, AND THE END OF ALL HUMANITY" as it nicely puts it. AKA THE EVOLUTION OF SNUFF
Gong Show snuff director!:
The Japanese poster really jams a lot of stuff into one image:
and the Italian poster looks very classy!:
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Some aliens who seem a lot like Earthlings and speak excellent English are on a mission to raise giant lobster-monsters, to be harvested later on for food, on the Earth. One of them is a rebellious "teenager"(who seems to be in his 30s) who runs away, falls in love with an Earth-lady(Betty Morgan) and screws everything up for them. The aliens use a cool ray gun that makes flesh disappear and leaves nothing but a skeleton behind(kinda like Tim Burton's MARS ATTACKS). Clunky acting, silly dialogue and dumb stuff abounds but hey it was still the 50s so you kinda know what to expect here.
The lobster-monster went on to rape Divine in MULTIPLE MANIACS and some of the background music went on to be in NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.
Pretty sure this movie was the inspiration for this lovely tune although they never actually say they are from mars in the film:
Sunday, February 5, 2017
This is the other movie, along with THEY CALL HIM BULLDOZER, that make up the tiniest of all subgenres; the Italian football-sploitation film. This one sees a football player's daughter getting arrested somewhere in South America, sent to a dirty prison run by Henry Silva and then getting rescued by her dad's whole team, led by coach Ernest Borgnine. The crazy part is that our heroes go on this daring mission completely decked out in their football uniforms, with machine guns and kick footballs with grenades inside of them at their enemies. It's quite the spectacle and combines sports and action movie in a pretty unique way. Martin Balsam and Charles Napier show up in small parts to add an even more American-feeling to this wacky Italian flick. Despite the fact that this came out in 1991 it really feels much more like an 80s action movie so give it a viewing if you're into that sort of thing.
In Japan this is known under the title of MAD TOUCHDOWN which seems way more suitable!
Saturday, February 4, 2017
The 50s giant-bug movie meets the alien invader movie and as a bonus you get Forrest Tucker being a suave mother-fucking ladies man! The alien invader here is actually a good guy who helps out our team of nerdy scientists with his raygun. On the big bug(or "cosmic monsters" if you will) side of things you mostly get a bunch of blown-up, superimposed cockroaches, an ugly spider and a lizard who scoots by for a second. This is one of the better British-made 50s sci-fi flicks and probably the least boring of the ones starring Mr. Tucker. There is one scene that really stands out and doesn't seem like it belongs in a movie made in the 50s nat all where a soldier gets his face chewed right off down to his exposed skull by one of the over-sized insect monsters! This one is worth a watch just for that spectacle. AKA THE STRANGE WORLD OF PLANET X
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
This starts out as REEFER MADNESS except about alcohol instead of weed and not as entertaining. Towards the end our main screw-up, Fred(Noel Reyburn), shoots up dope out of the blue in a wacky twist. It all ends up getting very Jesus-y for the big climax. It's overall pretty dull overly-dramatic juvenile delinquent-scare stuff(even though all the "teenagers" look way too old for the parts they're playing).
The director here, Irvin S. Yeaworth Jr., went on to make THE BLOB which is a way better 50s movie with old-looking "teenagers" to watch.
The original version of this film, made back in 1945, was titled TWICE CONVICTED (not sure if that was ever released) but then they added some footage at the beginning and end and slapped that snazzy FLAMING TEENAGE moniker on it.
This one is a bit of a rough one. Starting out with some real war atrocity photos, and a strangely funky score, we then switch to a couple of tales featuring lots of torture, rape and similar feel-bad experiences. The list of barbarism is pretty extensive. You get castration, an ear hacked off, a 12-year-old girl blinded, a lady ripped apart by oxen, decapitation, crucifixion, a foot smashed into a bloody pulp, toes lopped off, gorey spearings and probably a few more things I've blocked from my mind. The first story illustrates how Shogun weren't very fond of Christians and didn't mind showing it and features a really unlikeable warlord who really gets off on torturing his captives and as a bonus raping one unlucky virgin gal. There's really not much of a story to this one and is basically just a highlight reel of some pretty nasty spectacles, especially for 1976. The second yarn concerns a fellow who spends the night at a whorehouse and when he can't pay the charges he's incurred the next morning is basically turned into a slave for some pretty nefarious characters. This part had a few twists and turns to it which made it a bit more interesting and made me feel like a bit less of a ghoul for enjoying it. This film is something gorehounds should definitely track down if they wanna see a bloody mix of a samurai flick with a splatter movie. AKA SHOGUN'S SADISM
I've never seen the first movie in this series, THE JOY OF TORTURE, but supposedly it's more on the classier side of things than this so I might have to check that out when I'm feeling particularly artsy.
One of the funkiest openings to any Japanese movie I've ever seen!:
Saturday, January 21, 2017
I've seen this slasher flick a couple of times now and it's pretty forgettable. The only thing that makes it even slightly stick out is that all our victims-to-be work at a carnival. Some machete whacking antics are the main highlight of a pretty standard entry in this genre. Some wet boobs are shown, heads roll and hands move around after they are hacked off. Not really much better or worse than any of the gazillion other 80s teen-murder epics.
The director here, David Nelson, was on OZZIE AND HARRIET when he was a kid and was the older brother of Ricky Nelson. His other directing gigs were mostly made-for-television stuff.
AKA NIGHT SCREAMS and HOUSE OF DEATH:
A family of retarded mama's boys, sorta like those inbred-mongoloids in THE HILLS HAVE EYES, that live in the Swiss Alps are disturbed by a heavy metal band who decide to shoot a video full of bikini-clad hotties there, because why not go someplace really fucking cold to have almost nekkid gals dance around? The stupidity of almost everyone in this will be pretty familiar to fans of the slasher genre but this one did get on my nerves from time to time. There are some decent kill-scenes including one crazy booby-trap one with a lady sliced completely in half by a wire! There's also lots of nudity supplied by our cheese-metal models and some great silly metal including the super dumb title track. This one seem to fly under a lot of slasher fans radar and I'm not sure why but if you've already seen all 7 million of the other slasher flicks out there give this one a spin for a few chuckles and gory thrills.
This film was made by an English production company even if it seems way more Swedish due to it's chilly filming locations and director(Mats Helge Olsson).
AKA HEAVY METAL:
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
David Bowie does a very good job here, with the help of some great-looking makeup, playing what is not your classic vampire, but a new(for the 1980s anyway) type of blood-drinking creep. It's all very goth with the band Bauhaus kicking the film off with their gloomy "Bela Lugosi's Dead" tune and Catherine Deneuve playing an immortal Egyptian vampiress. Director Tony Scott, brother of Ridley, gives everything a very BLADE RUNNER-ish artsy-look. You get to see Susan Sarandon's boobs, a very young girl gets viciously snuffed and the ending (forced on Scott by the studio) doesn't make much sense. If they did change the ending a bit I probably woulda dug this a lot more as it is it's still a pretty stylish ride that would probably appeal a little more to 80s-obsessed mopey goth-types than myself.
Ultra-fashionable Japanese poster!:
Monday, January 16, 2017
Not sure what's actually going on in a lot of this movie but that's mostly due to watching a version of this that has tiny little English subtitles that frequently fall off the bottom of the screen. What I could make out though seemed like a pretty decent film about a cop who has a traumatic experience and then is afraid of guns. He's sent to a police station on an island where some gangs end up using the old ultra-violence and rape on each other. There's quite a bit of violence towards women, a couple of rapes, a guy who dies from a tree-stump up the ass and some unintentional humor from the wacky subtitles I could decipher. If you can find a good-looking, better-translated print of this somewhere(not sure if this exists?) I would recommend this for some John Woo-style, but way sleazier and goofier, Category III nastiness.
Monday, January 9, 2017
A band of cowboys, and one blonde lady, travel into Injun land in a greedy search for gold. They get picked-off one-by-one by an all-female group of topless Indian maidens. Amazingly, since this was released in 1959, we get to see long shots of our redskin-ladies, and their pale-face leader chief-lady, dancing around and letting their bosoms bounce about. That is really just about the only interesting thing about this western, well that and the fact that the screenplay was written by Ed Wood. Kinda dull but watch it if you wanna see one of the first topless-features I can think of.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
A sub-par Abbott & Costello rip-off duo(Wally Brown & Alan Carney) promise zombies for a Broadway show and then have to go to the jungle and find one. While there they bump into Bela Lugosi as a mad doctor who just so happens to make zombies. This movie is really dumb and you can't help but imagine it woulda been way better with A & C in the starring roles and was titled ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET THE ZOMBIES! but if you can deal with a dumb 40s comedy, with the classic black slave zombie-type and a typically great Lugosi performance, I guess it's passable.
Somehow Brown and Carney made a whole series of films together but this looks like the only one that's even slightly interesting and I don't think Lugosi was in any of their other comedies.