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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Thursday, May 21, 2015

JUNGLE WARRIORS (1984)


 This movie is pretty awesome! You get a group of models dropped into the middle of a jungle. Instead of running into cannibals they encounter Paul L. Smith(Bluto from that Robin William's POPEYE movie) who runs a cocaine empire with his evil step-sister Sybil Danning and their arrow-slinging henchman Woody Strode. From there it turns into a rapey women-in-prison/jungle action flick. Also John Vernon shows up as a mafioso guy. Heads roll, many large boobs are on display, Smith kicks ass as always and it ends with some big explosions and much gunfire. A pretty entertainingly wacky journey that I'd somehow never heard of until it popped up on this women-in-prison DVD set that I acquired. One of the main appeals is the great cast including Marjoe Gortner playing a douchebag and Ava Cadell playing a sexy lady! The only drawback might be that it's technically not all that much of a women-in-prison movie except for a few scenes but don't let that stop you from checking it out if you dig sleazy stupid action flicks.
 Apparently the rumour is that Dennis Hopper was supposed to play the Marjoe Gortner role but he was arrested for being naked and drugged out of his mind before that commenced and I imagine the film woulda been quite a bit stranger with his involvement.






MAD MAX (1979)


 One of my first viewings of this movie was at a drunken party where I drank so much alcohol that the room started spinning and I passed out. I think that may have been an appropriate method of viewing this film since it is a somewhat excessive film. At least excessive in it's display of car-crash porn which this may be one of the best examples of ever. It's a pretty basic revenge plot turned up to 11 due to the filmmaking, crazy-ass stunt work and Mel Gibson being a badass. Of course Gibson would go on to be a big deal and make a bunch of crap I don't care about and then ultimately piss off Hollywood by not being a good liberal or something. The movie isn't really a post-apocalypse film(it's more of a society falling apart kinda deal) since there's still a police force and some form of society still functioning although it gets lumped in with them and is basically the spiritual predecessor to that whole sub genre. Most people, at least in America, seem to like the sequel, THE ROAD WARRIOR, more than the original, and while that one is a fun watch I think it goes really far over the top into comic-book-land while this one is way more realistic and stands out as a great example of an action film and technically also a really cool biker flick. There's also a third film with Tina Turner but that one was rated PG-13 and had a bunch of little kids in it which is a bad combo.
 My last viewing of this was at a screening where free beer and popcorn was handed out and the new remake/sequel/cgi-cartoon-whatever the hell it is-version was promoted. So at least this new version got me 2 free beers which is more than most remakes have going for them.






Thursday, May 14, 2015

RED HEAT (1985)


 Two years after CHAINED HEAT Lind Blair returns to the ol' women-in-prison formula. This is a little weird since she wasn't all that proud of it the first time around but I guess when ya gotta pay bills ya take the job. Basically this is a crappier version of CHAINED HEAT with the setting switched to Communist East Germany(referred to as The People's Republic). The main villain in this is the original Emanuelle herself, Sylvia Kristel and I've never seen her play such a badass before so that's something. Unfortunately it takes about a half hour before we even get to the prison and then it's pretty standard stuff involving catfights(including on between Blair & Kristel!) and gals raped with plungers and that sort of thing. Towards the end a paramilitary group battles prison guards and it all becomes more of an action movie so if that's your thing check it out if more sleazy hijinks is your bag go watch CHAINED HEAT instead.

  

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

THE KILLER SNAKES (1975)



 This is sort of an Asian, Shaw Brothers version of the movie WILLARD except instead of an army of rats our "hero" uses a bunch of snakes and a couple of monitor lizards to get his revenge on the cold, cruel world full of people that beat him half to death just for bumping into them. I put the word hero in quotes because this fellow is a pretty terrible human. I guess if you're picked on enough it can make a person a complete mess in the brains department might be the message here. There are some pretty repulsive scenes involving all kinda snakes including some very large ones that get wrapped around victims, wrestled with and even shoved in vaginas! It starts out with some violence against a snake which is cut open and has it's gallbladder removed, so if you're a fan of slithery reptiles you might want to skip this. From there it's a pretty straight ahead revenge journey with a few twists. There is one very ridiculous scenes including three lizards who just walk around a naked tied up gal, gently flicking there tongue at her and she dies. Some super-red blood is smeared on there claws and face but it doesn't make this scene any less laughable. Shaw Brothers horror flicks usually give me a bit of an unsettling feeling, probably due to all the bugs and gross junk and this one works in the same way. Check it out if you're curious what a Hong Kong/ animals-run-amuck/WILLARD take-off looks like.


Tuesday, May 5, 2015

FLESH GORDON (1974)


 There's both an R and an X-rated version of this but in reality neither one is all that hardcore from what I've seen. In 1974 though I imagine all the pubic hair, tits and sex talk was a bit shocking in a big budget film. There's gotta be the best special FX in any"adult" film on display here including stop-motion animation featuring an homage to Ray Harryhausen's skeleton warriors from SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD(a young Rick Baker was involved here). It's also a pretty entertaining ride including rape-robots, a penis-shaped spaceship, a doctor named Jerkoff, Candy Samples playing an evil hook-handed baddie and people having spontaneous orgies due to a sex-ray from outer-space. Obviously nothing is taken very seriously here and I think that works and even though I generally hate spoofs I've rewatched this one many times over the years and always had a good time.
 There was a sequel made almost 20 years later, called FLESH GORDON MEETS THE COSMIC CHEERLEADERS, which I sorta recall seeing, possibly on some late-night cable channel, but I don't really remember anything about it which says a lot.





Released in 1977 in Japan as SPACE WARS! Very sneaky!:


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

SCHOOLGIRLS IN CHAINS (1973)



 Gary Kent, who I remember as the killer in that weird ghosts-in-the-woods slasher THE FOREST, stars here as a disturbed rapist who, along with his equally disturbed retard-o brother, keeps a few gals in chains in their cellar for fun. Also they both take orders from their mom who you're never quite sure actually exists outside of their fevered imaginations. Directed by the same fellow as THE FOREST, Don Jones, who also did the sorta messed up 70's proto-slasher THE LOVE BUTCHER, this is a pretty sleazy and nutty film sure to piss off feminists and other pc-types. There's rape, needles in asses to keep the ladies sedated, allusions to Hitchcock's PSYCHO, gals led around on leashes like dogs and just a great example of something that could really only have been made in the 70's. There's also some terrible songs thrown in with horrendous vocals that strangely fit the mood of everything else off-kilter that's going on. Watch it if you enjoy real 70's offensive grindhouse trash. AKA GIRLS IN CHAINS, COME PLAY WITH US and LET'S PLAY DEAD


THE HOUSE WITH LAUGHING WINDOWS (1976)


 I had been informed for a while now that this is a very strange, out-there eurotrash flick so maybe it was a bit oversold to me. It does have a pretty out-there opening scene and climax, a weird house and an oddball title but for the most part this plays like a slightly artsy giallo with a few touches of a haunted house movie thrown in for good measure. It does manage to maintain a creepy vibe from time to time and things do get stabby and bloody at a few points. It would also probably help if I watched this and wasn't so tired since this is a really quiet movie for long stretches. So get your beauty rest and check this out. Also it was directed by Pupi Avati and if that's not a fun name to say then I don't know what is.

Ugly paintings, gore and creepiness!:

Sunday, April 26, 2015

WEREWOLF WOMAN (1976)


 This has a really awesome opening sequence where we get the titular, hairy, gigantically-nippled, wolf-lady on a bloody rampage. Then she ends up getting the burned-at-the-stake witch treatment(although how they subdue her and actually get her onto that stake without losing a jugular vein is not fleshed out at all?). As with so many of these eurotrash horror flicks we then jump to the modern day where the past comes back to haunt a very unhinged gal who has some werewolf-like hallucinations and goes on a neck biting spree to combat the memories of being raped. The problem with having such a strong opening is that the rest of the movie inevitably will not hold up and that's very true here. Also once you get past the beginning segment not so much actual werewolf action occurs. Fortunately there's enough rampant nudity, bloody violence and would-be rapists(it seems that 90% of all the men our main character runs across are sexual assailants!) that it keeps things exciting although your mileage may vary depending on your propensity towards liking sleazy trash. Luckily I adore it! AKA THE LEGEND OF THE WOLF WOMAN, TERROR OF THE SHE WOLF and SHE-WOLF.

A true story!?:



Wednesday, April 22, 2015

FRITZ THE CAT (1972)


 The first X-rated cartoon feature! Also it's a look back at the radical 60's, race-relations, sexual freedom and general craziness. Of course it's all done through the filter of 1972 so it's all as equally downbeat as it is groovy. Apparently Fritz's original creator R. Crumb was not a fan but he's a pretty strange fellow so that's not very surprising. I first saw this movie on The Playboy Channel as a kid and it blew my little mind(although I was probably pissed that they were showing toons instead of porns!). I last saw it in a theater at midnight on 35mm film the way god intended and it's still a great trip! If you're gonna watch any cartoon movies and you don't suck I'm thinking this is your best bet. I think my favorite character, watching it this time, was the biker/junkie rabbit who beats up his horsey-girlfriend when not violently trying to bring down the establishment or shooting up. I mean how many cartoons do you get revolutionary nazi dope-addicted rabbits in anyway?
 There was a sequel made two years later that was pretty good also but if I recall correctly this one tops it.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

BEAST OF BLOOD (1971)



 This is the last of the "Blood Island" trilogy and a sequel to MAD DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND with John Ashley reprising his role from that film. The movie starts out with a bang as our rampaging monster from BLOOD ISLAND kicks ass aboard a boat killing the entire crew before causing the ship to explode into a million pieces. Unfortunately as is the case in most of these Filipino horror epics the middle part gets very talky(and boy is there some stupid dialogue in this!) and then it turns into more of a war movie having to do with some battling tribes which is kind of a letdown. There is some footage of a monstrous head-removal/head-transplant that gets quite graphic with the surgery scenes and it all ends pretty violently with a headless ghoul on a rampage so it's not a total waste of time. AKA BLOOD DEVILS, BEAST OF THE DEAD, HORRORS OF BLOOD ISLAND and RETURN TO THE HORRORS OF BLOOD ISLAND
 I'm gonna assume the CURSE OF THE VAMPIRES on the movie poster is the one from 1966 which was an earlier Filipino horror.

Friday, April 10, 2015

KISS OF DEATH (1973)



 Shaw Brothers' Hong Kong rape/revenge movie that plays out like your standard kung-fu flick where revenge is sought out, a master is found to teach fighting skills and then many asses are kicked or in this case many crotches are stabbed repeatedly. This has to be one of the most penis-wounding movies I've ever seen! At times it almost has a MS. 45 feel to it but since this was made in Asia the feminist message isn't so clear cut here. It also has a bit of a LADY SNOWBLOOD vibe at points (and I guess by extrapolation also a KILL BILL vibe). Pretty entertaining sleazy mash-up of kung-fu, rape/revenge and as a bonus there's a pretty stellar soundtrack that mostly plays in go-go bar/whorehouse scenes. If you're slimy enough this one's worth a watch.





Wednesday, April 8, 2015

TEENAGE MOTHER (1967)


 This teensploitation flick has one of the greatest trailers ever so I've been wanting to see it for a while now. Of course not being a rube I knew it would never live up to the seedy promises of the trailer and it doesn't. In fact it seems that they filmed some stuff just for the trailer that isn't even in the movie but I guess I can forgive it since it was still an entertainingly silly watch. The story is about a gal who tries to trap a nice guy into marrying her by pretending to be preggo and also this other idiot named Duke who is a drug-dealer and wanna-be rapist. The money-shot here is footage of an actual childbirth which is performed with what look like large metal salad tongs and made me squirm a bit which is pretty good for something from the 60's. There's also some cool 60's go-go dancing on display so check it out or just watch the trailer for a quicker thrill.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

SLIME CITY (1988)


 So this dude (Robert Sabin) moves into an apartment that has some cool goth/punk neighbors but also a scary/slimy secret. I always felt this movie would make a good double-feature with STREET TRASH since it's a similar tale of splattery grossness where people melt due to some old cursed beverages. Also it seems like a Troma film that Troma didn't make or even end up buying which seems a bit miraculous since they seem to have bought almost every other low-budget weirdo flick from this era. In this one there's some old-time cult thing involved. What their exact purpose is I'm not too sure but I am sure Satan is involved somehow. The great and gross 80's practical fx work is the highlight here since it's a fairly simple tale that feels like something you might see in a CREEPSHOW/anthology-sorta thing stretched out to feature length but it moves along speedily enough. They also rip-off/pay-homage-to that stomach-vagina thing in VIDEODROME with a toothy gaping belly wound here. Slime, gore, boobs! Right on!
 There was a sequel to this made in 2010 but since it was made in 2010 I've been in no rush to actually watch it. Maybe one day I will break down and give it a spin.