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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Saturday, November 18, 2017

THE INITIATION (1984)


 Fairly generic slasher flick here. It contains all the standard elements including blood, nudity(boobs and full bush on display) and a half-assed mystery involving a childhood trauma. There's also a really wonky ending that throws a twist in for the hell of it. Daphne Zuniga, who was also in the similar THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD, is our main gal in distress and she would go on to become famous for stupid TV-shows like MELROSE PLACE. Clu Gulager from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD shows up for a bit. A new wave band called Refugee? plays a party scene where a guy dresses up like a giant dick and balls but besides them the music in this thing is pretty irritating. Only recommended to slasher completists or, I guess, big Daphne Zuniga fans.



                                           INICIACION SATANICA is a way cooler title!:

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

THEY STILL CALL ME BRUCE (1987)


  I'd seen the original THEY CALL ME BRUCE? at some point in the 80s but I don't remember much about it besides that it was mildly entertaining at the time, and even though I don't remember much about the first film I'm pretty sure it wasn't as bad as this crappy sequel. They waited 5 years and the best they could come up with is basically a shitty version of CROCODILE DUNDEE with an Asian man instead of an Australian. Then they spoof ROCKY with some bad fight scenes as Bruce fights Ogre(Donald Gibb) from REVENGE OF THE NERDS. Pretty yawn inducing.
 Star Johnny Yune would give up trying to make it in America shortly after this and end up being a late-night TV talk-show host in Korea.
 Notable co-stars and cameos in this include Robert 'BENSON' Guillaume, John's little brother Joey Travolta and Pat Paulsen who shows up in a bunch of dumb 80s comedies most memorably, to me anyway, NIGHT PATROL.

Monday, November 13, 2017

C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE CHUD (1989)


 The first C.H.U.D. was a pretty decent 80s monster flick. This one is a stupid piece of crap comedy. It also changes the monsters into just being regular zombies who get into slap-stick-filled adventures. Maybe the only good thing going for this is that it has a bunch of weird cameos from people like Rich Hall from NOT NECESSARILY THE NEWS, Norman "Mr. Roper" Fell, June Lockhart from LOST IN SPACE, Mick Jagger's ex-wife Bianca Jagger, Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund, Robert Vaughn from THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. and more but even all this talent is wasted here and I personally felt embarrassed for everyone involved. It all plays like an 80s teen-sex-comedy except without any sex or nudity and not very much in the way of anything all that funny either so what you're left with is a kind of retarded zombie flick where dumb stuff happens constantly. A shameful scam but I'm sure there's some 80s-obsessed freaks that may enjoy it on some level.



             The monsters on this video cover are from the 1st movie and not in this one at all!:




Sunday, November 12, 2017

DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN (1970)


This one is probably better known as ASSIGNMENT TERROR. Calling it DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN is pretty dumb since those 2 monsters never fight and are working on the same team and there is a crappy Al Adamson film under that title and also a Jess Franco film known as such. THE WOLFMAN VS. FRANKENSTEIN woulda made more sense since that actually happens but weird aka's is pretty standard for Paul Naschy werewolf flicks. This is the 2nd(or 3rd if you count the unobtainable/uncompleted? NIGHTS OF THE WOLF-MAN) Naschy flick as Waldemar Daninsky and one of the few ones that actually works as a sequel. The plot revolves around a mad-scientist-type, played by Michael Rennie from the classic THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, and just like in that movie he's actually an alien but instead of trying to warn the Earth about its impending doom here he's actively trying to bring that about by re-animating various monsters including a mummy, a vampire, a Frankenstein-monster(though he's called the Faranksalan-monster to avoid copyright charges?) and, of course, Naschy's Wolf-Man. Instead of conquering the planet though they all seem to just hang out in this old castle. It's a pretty convoluted(part sci-fi/part-horror) mess of a movie that's closer in plot to something like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE than any of the classic Universal films it's attempting to mimic but for monster fans like myself it's still a great wacky watch and where else do you get go-go dancers mixed into your monster-mash?.





Known in Mexico as OPERATION TERROR!:


C.H.U.D. (1984)


 C.H.U.D., or Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers for long, is a film I sometimes think I give higher praise than it maybe deserves because it was made in the 1980s and it's actually a monster movie that isn't a comedy at all. Sure while it is a pretty silly plot about mutated cannibal creatures living under New York City it's done really well and there's not much to complain about besides some points in the action where it gets a little talky and slows down. There's also a lack of any real gore or any nudity to speak of but the acting is on-point and the main-attraction, the C.H.U.D.'s themselves look pretty impressive even when they're not lurking in the shadows. Also it's set in NYC back when it was still a grimy, sleazy location so that always gets extra-credit in my book.
 John Goodman from the ROSEANNE show appears for a tiny bit before becoming C.H.U.D.-chow.
 There was one sequel to this 5 years later where they threw the idea of being serious completely out the window and went with almost a straight-ahead comedy deal so, of course, it sucks.




                                                            Ol' rubber-neck CHUD!:

German 'PANIK' poster:


SWEET MOVIE (1974)


 One of the weirdest things I've seen in a while. This is a super artsy-fartsy mess of a movie that contains two plots, one being pro-communism?, I think?, and the other I'm guessing is all about the joys of the anarchist life? It starts off with an odd beauty pageant for virgin ladies then John Vernon shows up and pulls out his golden penis and pisses on the winner. From there things just get weirder as a whole slew of disgusting things happen that don't make any sense. There's simulated castration, lots of vomit, guys shitting on plates, guys pissing into each others mouths, stripping in front of little boys, bloody murder in a bunch of sugar and it all ends up with a lady rolling around in chocolate. The whole thing reminds me of a somewhat gentler, not as mean-spirited version of SALO, OR THE 120 DAYS OF SODOM by Pasolini which hadn't actually been released yet(and interestingly he was responsible for the Italian-dub of this film so perhaps it was inspirational for him). Something you watch once, that is if you're into disgusting French art-flicks and can deal with poop hijinks etc., just to say you experienced it.



                           I guess Marxists philosophies that lead to mass murders is sweet ??:


Sunday, November 5, 2017

THE MUMMY'S GHOST (1944)


 I've been working my way through the classic Universal Mummy boxset and figured this would be pretty much the same as the last one, and while it is in many ways they at least spice things up a bit with the inclusion of John Carradine as our main villain here who controls Lon Chaney Jr. as the titular Mummy named Kharis who isn't really a ghost but just your standard reincarnated mummy-man. and a pretty wonky ending that I don't mean to spoil but it involves the mummy kinda winning in the end which is pretty rare in these. Of course the story deals with the mummy's quest for his soulmate, as it often does, which in this case is reincarnated into an Egyptian lady(Ramsay Ames) who doesn't really look very Egyptian to me but what do I know?. Things take a pretty nihilistic turn by the end which is pretty shocking for 1944 and makes this entry stand out. Chaney would be back for the next and final film in the Kharis saga rushed out the same year.

ATTACK OF THE PHANTOMS (1978)


 Being a child of the 70s it was kind of the law that you had to be into Star Wars and Kiss, unless you were some kinda weird mutant kid, so I first saw this film when it originally aired  on TV under the KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK title and I was 7 years old which is really the perfect age to watch this since the plot is basically a SCOOBY-DOO episode done live-action and with rock n' roll. Getting to see it again last night with a crowd of Kiss fans after seeing a Kiss cover band play  may have been a bit less exciting but it now has that nostalgic kitschy-value going for it. The story concerns a mad-doctor-type who designs realistic robots for an amusement park that Kiss is giving some big shows at. The band, I believe, is taken from their Marvel Comics incarnation because they possess special talismans that give each of them magical powers and kung-fu abilities that they use to battle a variety of robot assailants including a fake-Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolfman and a whole army of white sorta-Ape/sorta-Lion faced creatures. Very dumb fun that is vastly helped by actually liking Kiss' music or being 7 years old in 1978 or maybe a few beers.

 

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

FRANKENSTEIN'S BLOODY TERROR (1968)


 I never knew that this Paul Naschy werewolf flick was presented in 3-D in the U.S.A. back in the 70s until just recently. I also never figured I would get a chance to actually view it like that but thanks to a newly refurbished print I caught it in all it's glorious dimensions recently.
 The film itself is a pretty groovy monster-mash done Eurotrash-style. We get Mr. Naschy getting himself bitten and cursed while dispatching a Wolf-Man. Then in order to cure himself he ends up with a vampire couple posing as doctors who specialize in lycanthropy.  It's got sexy ladies, blood and monster brawling(including vampire vs. werewolf and some werewolf on werewolf action!). The only thing really missing is anything to do with Frankenstein. The American producer, Sam Sherman, tries to remedy this a bit by calling the main family Wolfstein but this is a pretty tenuous link. If you can overlook that one little thing though this is a great ride for appreciators of monster cinema and it's especially sweet in 3-D. AKA THE MARK OF THE WOLFMAN, THE WEREWOLF'S MARK, HELL'S CREATURES and THE VAMPIRE OF DR. DRACULA
 This is the 1st of Naschy's Waldemar The Werewolf flicks to be released. There was supposedly an earlier one titled NIGHTS OF THE WOLF-MAN that was never completed due to it's director, Rene Govar, dropping dead.
There are 13 sequels(or more accurately just follow up werewolf flicks) to this including:

1.   ASSIGNMENT TERROR (1970)
2.   WEREWOLF VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN (1971)
3.   THE FURY OF THE WOLFMAN (1972)
4.   DR. JEKYLL AND THE WEREWOLF (1972) 
5.   CURSE OF THE DEVIL (1974)
6.   NIGHT OF THE HOWLING BEAST (1975)
7.   THE CRAVING (1980)
8.   GOODNIGHT, MR. MONSTER (1982)(the only one where Naschy isn't named Waldemar Daninsky)
9.   THE BEAST AND THE MAGIC SWORD (1983)
10. HOWL OF THE DEVIL (1987)
11. LYCANTROPUS: THE MOONLIGHT MURDERS (1996)
12. TOMB OF THE WEREWOLF (2003)
13. A WEREWOLF IN THE AMAZON (2005)





TV Terror!:


Sunday, October 29, 2017

THE MUMMY'S TOMB (1942)


 This is the 3rd mummy movie in the Universal studios series following THE MUMMY'S HAND. If you have not seen that one there's a lot of recapping going on here with a bunch of reused footage to start things out. When things finally get underway our  Mummy, this time played by Lon Chaney Jr., is revived and brought to America for his revenge on those who messed with his tomb. Chaney is pretty much wasted under all the makeup and this one is pretty by-the-numbers and never quite as entertaining as the last entry.
 I'm working my way through the whole Mummy box-set and I assume the next couple will be more of the same but I will keep my hopes up.



THE BELLS (1973)


 I first saw this Eurotrash/art flick on a cheap-o cut-to-crap DVD under the more common title of BELL FROM HELL and it didn't make any sense. It seemed visually interesting enough though so when I got the chance to check out an uncut version recently in the theater I figured I would give it another shot. Well come to find out it still isn't all that coherent. The story concerns a fellow(Renaud Verley) who is wrongly committed to an insane asylum by his shitty family for their financial gain. When he gets out it's revenge time. Seemingly simple enough premise it's runtime is filled with enough weird bits that things are never what they seem. Is our protagonist actually insane now or just acting? Why is he really into the idea of incest with his cousins? There are elaborate sequences of him faking gory acts like plucking his own eyeballs out and at one point he builds a completely life-size dummy of himself just to be a little prankster. This serves to throw off the audience as well as the film's characters. If you're a fan of obtuse European art-flicks, where the main character is a pretty unlikable sort of fellow, this might be better appreciated by you than myself who was expecting more of a straightforward sleazy horror film. Oh, and I guess you would also have to be ok with random slaughterhouse scenes of cows being bloodily butchered.
 More interesting than the movie itself, to me, is that the director, Claudio Guerin, fell of a belltower while filming the final scene resulting in his death. It's a shame because judging from this film he seems like a guy that could have done something worthwhile, or at least somewhat interesting, if he continued on.




VHS!:



Saturday, October 28, 2017

HACK-O-LANTERN (1988)


 This one falls into that really stupid 80s horror movie category. That being said it's also a pretty fun watch with the right crowd which I was able to experience last night at a rare public screening. Everything about this is just strange and wacky including the plot about a Satanic grandpa(Hy Pyke) who rapes his own daughter to spawn a kid whose sole purpose is to be an important soldier in the Devil's Army, at least I think that's the plot it gets a bit muddled at points along the way. It also falls into the slasher category except it has a fairly low-body count but at least the gore-scenes are kinda inventive including a death-by-corset, death-by-trident and a couple of deaths by various garden tools. There's also cemetary sex on top of a fresh corpse, a party where there's a fully bare-assed stripper performing, a couple of 80s hair-metal bands, violence to pumpkins, ass-tattoos(I guess technically they are ass-brandings) and a bunch of other oddball elements that need to be seen. Good off-the-beaten-track watch for the Halloween season. AKA DEATH MASK, THE DAMNING and HALLOWEEN NIGHT

 


Spawned this sweet tune!:



Festive VHS!:


Festive German VHS!:



Wednesday, October 25, 2017

THE IMMORAL MR. TEAS (1959)


 Director Russ Meyer starts out with his first full-length feature here. He would go on to way better stuff but the basic elements are present including the high-speed intro, the voice-over narration and most importantly the large-breasted ladies who have no problem getting naked constantly. The main problem with this film is that it really doesn't have any plot beyond our title character(Bill Teas) who goes door-to-door and runs into sexy ladies that he fantasizes about being in the nude. Also it gets really repetitive especially with their being no dialogue and just some wonky jazz tunes playing over the various nature romps and it's all extremely easy to fall asleep to. It does have some historical value though since this was the first of the nudie-cutie flicks that wasn't presented as a documentary on nudism but basically just sleazy titillation for it's own sake, so that's something. Nowadays this probably works better as background visuals at some slimy dive-bar than it does as a real movie-viewing experience but if you can make it through 60 minutes or so of grandpa porn, that sometimes feels way longer, give it a gander.