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A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!

A mad journey into the mind of the depraved!
Recommended for devolved primates only!

Sunday, September 25, 2016

THE FIFTH FLOOR (1978)


 I've occasionally wondered why ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, after winning multiple Academy Awards and whatnot, didn't have more rip-off movies made in it's wake. I know there was that horrible more modern movie with Angelina Jolie that just switched up genders for no reason but in the 70s, off the top of my head, I can't think of many. This one here fits pretty well into that category though and accelerates the sleaziness factor, mostly thanks to Bo Hopkins portraying a gropey/rapey orderly, and also throws in more horror touches in the way it's filmed and all the creepy music cues. The story deals with a disco-dancing barmaid who ends up being inadvertently poisoned and sent to an asylum for the not very sane. No one believes she doesn't belong there, and some of the ways the main actress(Dianne Hull) plays this character you do understand why they might think this. It all ends up being a very heavy drama supposedly based on a true-life ordeal. Robert Englund plays one of the friendlier nutjobs, 'Large Marge' is another and if you look really hard you might be able to spot Michael Berryman from ONE FLEW.. in the background. You even get a sorta-"Chief"-like character who helps dish out some bloody justice to the shitty hospital staff. The only thing missing is Sydney Lassick!



                                                           Classy Thai poster!:


Thursday, September 22, 2016

WU TANG MAGIC KICK (1977)



 I feel like Taiwanese kung fu flicks have to be graded on a curve since so many of them are fairly awful things. So with that in mind this one isn't that bad. Unfortunately the audio is pretty shitty on the DVD that I own of this but the story itself, although standard as it is, is pulled off well enough. The main villain(Wei Tung) here has some sweet extra-bushy eyebrows and thanks to the sub-par DVD his hair looks blue so that's pretty cool. His underling(Bao-Yun Tan) has what appears to be a cold sore on his bottom lip for much of the movie which I found quite distracting but it did add to his sleaziness(also the fact that he stole our hero's(John Liu) wife helped with this judgment). The soundtrack is obviously mostly lifted from a spaghetti-western(HANG EM HIGH I think?) which does add to the epicness. So in summation as far as really cheap kung-fu films go this one isn't the worst you could suffer through and in addition to all the chopsockey it has people getting locked in cages and turned into nutjobs which is something to see. AKA THE MAR'S VILLA(this would sound very sci-fi to me if I didn't know that the main character's name is Mar) Known in Germany as SHAOLIN: WAITING LIST OF DEATH(I guess they weren't down with Wu Tang)

 

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

ORGY OF THE DOLLS (1973)


 So this Professor guy makes a bunch of life-sized dolls that you need to stick a big key into to wind up and make "come alive". This chick named Svon Hilda? comes by one day and "turns on" all the dolls and has an orgy. Mother Goose never shows up and it's not a cartoon despite the DVD cover trying to make us think this is the case. There's really only the bare hint of a plot in the beginning and very end of this 60 minute long vintage smut porno epic and most of the movie is just seemingly endless very hairy 70s sexual antics on display, so if that's your bag enjoy. I personally woulda licked to have seen a gorilla or monster for some variety and a couple of laughs. AKA ORBIT OF THE DOLLS (I guess this is the less pornographic title)

  Buttersidedown - Orgy of the Dolls, Free Porn 67: xHamster nl: Orgy Of the Dolls!

Monday, September 19, 2016

DARKTOWN STRUTTERS (1975)


 I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this movie. The first time I viewed it was late one drunken night a few years ago at a bar with no sound. The visuals we're so awesomely bizarre that I knew I had to give it a proper watch at some point. After finally doing that I think it may have actually been better with the sound shut off. It's not that it's a bad film it's just that it is such a strange spoof of a blaxploitation film complete with cartoonish sound fx that it's hard to judge it as anything other than a complete goofball comedy. It's also a little bit of a musical mixed with a biker flick(the leader of the gang is led by none other than THE MACK's brother(Roger E. Mosley)) and what I imagine a live-action version of FRITZ THE CAT would be like if anyone ever attempted to film such a thing in the 70s. Definitely for more adventurous film purveyors only.

Featuring this big funky hit!:




Re-released under this title:




Sunday, September 18, 2016

THE CRANE FIGHTER (1979)


 There's so many of these made-in-Taiwan kung fu flicks that are very sleep-inducing and this is another one of them. It starts out sorta serious and then we get that jokey sad-trombone a couple of times and a "dirty" song about touching a girl's hair which makes me think this is gonna maybe be a comedy but instead it just gets really boring with pretty dull fight scenes and dull drama for the rest of it's runtime.  The only thing that kinda makes it stand out is a hunchbacked retard who really wants to marry the leading lady(Chia Ling aka Judy Lee) but ends up getting his eyes gouged out 3 STOOGES-style. Besides that though I would skip this one unless you really need a good nap. AKA CHAMP OF CHAMPS

COTTON COMES TO HARLEM (1970)


 This is an entertaining enough blaxploitation flick from the golden era of these types of films. It's a kinda weird tale of a black preacher/scam-artist(Calvin Lockhart) who is raising money to build a boat to send poor black folks back to Africa. While this seems to me to be some kinda white-racist aryan dream scenario that is strangely never brought up in the movie itself. The film plays out rather oddly going from scenes of people being graphically gunned down by  bullets one second and then being tossed around Three Stooges-style the next. It also flipflops from kinda having a political message(about the disadvantaged getting swindled, commentary on the black-power movement and racism in general) and being a comedy(see a dumb white cop get tricked into stripping down naked in public and we even get a pie in the face!). While this does seem a bit disjointed the main draw here for me is seeing Fred Sandford himself(Mr. Redd Foxx playing a junkman a couple of years before his big TV series started) in his only appearance in a blaxploitation flick. While the movie could have used more Redd to push it into classic status it's still an enjoyable enough ride.
 Two years after this there was a sequel, COME BACK, CHARLESTON BLUE, which I have yet to check out.


                                                              Japanese style!:



Thursday, September 15, 2016

BAD LIEUTENANT (1992)



 This is probably one of the best American movies made in the 1990's. This is primarily because it feels a lot more like a 70s or 80s flick than something from the most dreaded of decades. Harvey Keitel must get most of the credit here with his amazing performance of a pretty horrible human-bieng that we(or at least me myself) care about as he goes on a completely self-annihilating downward journey. There is a strong Christian/Catholic bent to thing especially towards the back half where Jesus gets cursed out and then gets his tootsies kissed. Director Abel Ferrara also must get much props here for his stylistic vision. The way it's shot brings a real TAXI-DRIVER/MEAN STREETS-vibe to everything and I could see this story easily existing in the same world as those two films.
 So to sum it up gratuitous public masturbation, Harvey Keitel's cock on full display, tits, junkies, cocaine abuse on school grounds, old grimey New York and a very naughty detective doing bad things that ends in blaze of glory. What else do you want from your cinema?
 There was a mostly shitty remake of this made in 2009 which I wrote about here right after viewing it.




  

THE TOXIC RETARDS (2015)



 This movie was compiled by video camera footage taken by a retard so at least it has an excuse for being fucking awful. Calling this an actual movie is a bit of stretch since there's no real plot(there is some attempt to tell a story of aliens invading with really shithole fx but it's totally incomprehensible) or any solid narrative that I could make out. It's basically all just random unrelated scenes of director Carl Sukenick doing stuff(getting completely naked in one part!) or some girls(where the hell did he get these women from?? I'm gonna guess local prostitutes perhaps) that he musta coerced into getting naked somehow and long senseless monologues, oh and how could I forget the shitass gore scenes? For a schizophrenic mental-case ol' Carl at least seems to have some ambition. This movie is so bad and disjointed that it almost falls into the art film category. This is all completely unintentional of course but who am I to tell a retard what constitutes art. For someone with a lot of patience for bad editing looking to get into the mindset of a mentally handicapped man this might be interesting. For most of the rest of humanity this is totally unwatchable. I drank much beer to try and help me through the runtime(which seems really long at 75 minutes or so) and besides the one hilarious scene of Mr. Carl stripping himself down until he's butt-ass naked there was nothing to really hold my interest here.
 Scenes of the aliens in this are taken from director Sukenick's 1991 video ALIEN BEASTS which I don't think I will ever be drunk enough to attempt viewing.


   

Monday, September 12, 2016

CONFESSIONS OF A PSYCHO CAT (1968)


 THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME meets a 60s sexploitation flick. Groovy tale of a nutty chick who goes on a hunting safari for 3 men around Manhattan. One is an actor, another is a junkie and the 3rd is Jake LaMotta playing a former world champion pro wrestler named Rocco. There is some typical 60s softcore nudie scenes inserted into the story now and then(including a window-licking naked lady) and a little bit of bloodshed shown thanks to our wack-a-doo title lady spearing fellows. Got a chance to see this in a makeshift artspace turned into a makeshift theater over the weekend with all the free beer I could consume which definitely helped raise the entertainment value but I think this would be watchable even sober which is more than I can say about some of these old 60s sex flicks.

 

The Cramps dug it!:



                                           AKA 3 LOVES OF A PSYCHO CAT:

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

SEVEN DEATHS IN THE CATS EYES (1973)



 This is probably the only giallo I've seen where there's a crazy gorilla running around while a black-gloved killer with a razor blade is slashing people's necks at the same time and a big-assed extra-fluffy cat is playing peeping-Tom. For that it does stand out but for the most part this one is pretty generic as far as these Eurotrash killer-thrillers go. This one is not overly stylish or gory but it does have a nice-looking rotting half-a-skeleton corpse on display and Jane Birkin (who mostly knew before this as that chick who sang with Serge Gainsbourg(who also shows up here as an inspector)) does a pretty good job even if she doesn't get naked as she is known for doing from time to time. Check it out only if you run out of top-tier giallos.






Friday, September 2, 2016

TWO UNDERCOVER ANGELS (1969)


 Part of director Jess Franco's "Red Lips" series(this was immediately followed by KISS ME MONSTER). It's the story of a couple of sexy secret-agents who get into some very james Bond-ish adventures(James Bond is even name-dropped in case you forget what's being homaged). It all plays out like more of a comedy than your standard Bond flick though some of the humor is probably lost thanks to the dubbing and/or cultural differences between 60s Spaniards and modern-day me. You get Mr. Franco himself showing up as a character named Napoleon Bonaparte for a short while but the main draw here is the super artsy visuals, very stylish fashions, hot ladies(sadly though, and surprisingly for a Franco flick, there's not a ton of nudity on display) and the overall wacky Eurotrash-vibe. There's also a cool wolfman-esque villain named Morpho which is a name Mr. Jess reused so many times starting with his classic THE AWFUL DOCTOR ORLOFF. If you can ignore the wonky storyline you will find this an entertainingly groovy ride. AKA SADIST EROTICA




Played at some point in the 70s on the bottom of a double-bill with this obscure softcore? porn flick that featured a young Grace Jones(AKA DIRTY TRICK and DEADLY VENGEANCE):




Wednesday, August 31, 2016

ATTACK OF THE PUPPET PEOPLE (1958)


 A creepy doll-maker/mad-scientist-type shrinks down people after his chick splits so he's never lonely. Directed by the great Bert I. Gordon, this AIP-flick gives you similar thrills as the previous years INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN with giant animals(a rat, a dog and a cat to name a few) threatening our wee folks. While this isn't as good as that one it's still an OK goofy old-timey flick and you get some prime John Agar(who's a staple in so many 50s thrillers) heroics. You also get to see Mr. Bert's AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN playing at a drive-in for a bit and if you haven't seen that one you should watch it first. AKA THE FANTASTIC PUPPET PEOPLE

 

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

THE DEVIL BAT (1940)



 Bela Lugosi is a mad-scientist-type fellow who grows some big-ass bats and invents a cologne that makes them really pissed-off and bite-happy. Then it's time for revenge on all the folks that stole his ideas and ripped him-off by putting these two things together. The bats are big rubbery ridiculous things that scream like goats do cuz I guess that was a scary sound in 1940. Overall this is a pretty silly movie with an absurd plot but you do get some quality menacing Lugosi moments and if that's your thing this one is worth a look. AKA KILLER BATS
 There is a colorized version of this out there and there was a sorta-sequel, DEVIL BAT'S DAUGHTER, which didn't really have any story connection with this film and a sorta-remake THE FLYING SERPENT, both from 1946. There's also supposed to be a brand new, 2016, sequel called REVENGE OF THE DEVIL BAT which I don't know if that one has ever been released but I don't have very high hopes for it's quality.





Known in Mexico as THE INFERNAL VAMPIRE!: