THE COMING OF SIN (1978)

Ultra-boring sex movie made in Spain.  The movie tries really hard to be very artsy with it's shots and subject matter but to me it all came off as really tedious and uneventful.  The story involves a gypsy girl who dreams about a guy on horseback attacking her and then the guy shows up naked on a horse and tries to rape her.  It eventually ends up in a sorta triangle affair with her boss and naked weirdo horseback man.  It all doesn't really make much sense in the end and ends up with some violence for no real reason.  There are really only three characters in this whole thing and seeing them all naked, while neat at first, becomes boring after a while.  The video case has a cool photo of a girl inside a golden horse but this scene only appears in a dumb dream sequence.  I think the moral of the story  is that fortune tellers are always right. AKA THE VIOLATION OF THE BITCH, SECRETS OF THE BITCH, VICE MAKES A VISIT and SEX MANIAC

                                                               Cool guy!: 

The British video box really gives away the ending!(and also makes this movie seem way more rapey than it actually is):

AFRICA SCREAMS (1949)

Thanks to my dad I was raised on a steady diet of THE THREE STOOGES and ABBOTT AND COSTELLO from a very early age and I've always loved almost all of their collective stuff no matter how idiotic. The cool thing about this classic is that you get A & C along with the great Shemp Howard from the Stooges and, even though he's probably my least favorite Stooge, you also get "Curly" Joe Besser in there and he comes off in this like he's sorta doing an impersonation of Lou Costello(although I guess they always did that same sorta act) and the two together are quite ridiculous. Of course you also get the obligatory  cheap, shit-ass gorilla costume, which is always cool and the totally non-politically correct depictions of Africans, which is probably not considered very cool nowadays, but this was Hollywood in the 40's.  Check it out if you love classic stupid comedy.

Costello meets KING KONG? Or is that THE MIGHTY PEKING MAN?:

ROAD KILL (2010)

 Originally titled ROAD TRAIN this is a tale  of  two annoying, constantly bickering couples that have to deal with a haunted/killer tractor trailer in this stupid Australian horror flick.  The truck apparently is transporting Satan's pet three-headed dogs or something silly like that. The movie just gets dumber and dumber as it goes on.  Maybe if it wasn't for all the supernatural idiocy it wouldn't be so terrible but then again probably.  If you enjoy watching people make bad decisions this would be a good one for you otherwise skip it.  This was picked up as part of some Fangoria Frightfest thing so I guess that explains the lack of quality or anyone giving a shit just like that piece of crap magazine.  If you're looking for a good killer truck movie go with Spielberg's DUEL instead.

THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN (1976)

 Based on a true story from the 1940's this is a classic proto-slasher flick from Charles B. Pierce, the director of LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK.  I love the pseudo-documentary style that Mr. Pierce uses to set everything up and just give it that general feeling that what you're watching actually did happen just like the film shows.  It almost feels like you're watching an old episode of IN SEARCH OF..., which I was a fan of as a kid.  Pierce used this same documentary-like style in BOGGY CREEK, though that film didn't work quite as well from what I recall.  The only slight downfall to this movie is the ridiculous bumbling cop scenes with inappropriate comedy bits thrown in.  I feel like the film could have been much creepier without them.  I mean imagine if in the middle of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE some cop falls down and splits his pants while silly music plays.  Kinda ruins the mood a bit.  The Phantom Killer's sack-head look was the inspiration for Jason's fetching appearance in FRIDAY THE 13th Part 2.  Dawn Wells(Mary Ann from GILLIGAN'S ISLAND) shows up as a victim of sack-face and another lady is killed using a trombone in a pretty original way.  No where near as gory as the 80's films that came along later but way more effective than most of them in creating a well done mood of true life horror.

MANHATTAN MISTRESS (1981)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

MY SWEET SATAN (1994)

1980's Long Island was all about Amy Fisher and Ricky Kasso.  As a kid growing up in this boring suburban wasteland in the 80's Ricky Kasso was a big deal to me.  I can remember me and my best friend walking for miles just to go see the area where Ricky performed his Satanic murderous deed.  Of course we got tired, turned around halfway and never made it but I feel our hearts were in the right place.  This short film by one of my favorite directors, Jim Van Bebber, takes the story of Ricky adds a few 90's elements (white guys with weird braided/shaved hair, piercings and industrial music) and amps up the violence to make it more disturbing.  Eyes are popped out, piercings are pulled and much blood is spilled for Satan.  One of my all-time favorite short gore films although maybe that's just my Long Island nostalgia talking.

I'LL NEVER DIE ALONE (2008)

Argentinian rape/revenge flick which, of course, takes I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE as it's blueprint and amps everything up by giving us four women instead of one.  The group come across a woman who has been attacked earlier by a rape-happy group of townsfolk and from there things get nasty for everyone.  I'm thinking this town has got to be the worst place to live if you happen to be a woman.  Full of long scenes of brutality, rape, murder and ultimately some very satisfying and gory revenge sequences this is better than most modern horror/revenge movies.  This is most likely because it is not American and therefore not afraid to push boundaries.  The director has this weird thing were he holds certain shots for an inordinate amount of time which gives everything a weird/artsy feeling.  Features wanton use of a hammer in a few nasty scenes.  Not the most complex thing you will ever see but for what it is it's done well and works on the emotional level that it's going for.  This one would fit right into the 70's exploitation genre if it was made about 30 years earlier and that's good enough for me to recommend it to not overly sensitive types.

THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)

The greatest horror film of all time.  The epitome of 70's grind-house terror and reality.  All of this is accomplished with little gore and little budget.  THE EXORCIST is the film most mainstream audiences point to as the pinnacle of horror greatness from this time.  I would argue that the thing that puts this one over it is the fact that it is based in reality, a fucked-up reality full of cannibalistic, homicidal insanity but a reality nonetheless.  THE EXORCIST'S reality only works if one embraces a belief in supernatural demons.  There's no arguing that the world contains psychopaths with minds that can conjure up the horrors on display in this slice of depravity, if not worse.  A mirror into the dark soul of humanity and a comment on a decade that saw the failure of 1960's idealism.  Often lumped in with the slasher genre which came years later this seems so much deeper.  If this was accidental or not it seems debatable but either way everything was aligned just right to capture what I feel is a masterpiece of purely iconic scary film-making.  From the opening graveyard scenes up until the last shot of Leatherface maniacally dancing against the sunset wildly swinging a buzzing chainsaw, everything works in what is certainly the high-water mark of exploitation movies if not cinema in general.

TERROR CREATURES FROM THE GRAVE (1965)

Originally shown in the U.S. on a double bill with director Massimo Pupillo's other/better Goth picture BLOODY PIT OF HORROR, this is probably my least favorite Barbara Steele movie(actually SHE-BEAST is even worse!).  It starts off so slowly that it seems like a chore just getting through the dull opening scenes.  I don't feel that director Pupillo has quite the ability or style of a Mario Bava or even a Riccardo Freda.  He builds some nice atmosphere but the overall pacing of the film just seems off and Steele isn't really used enough.  Some zombies, as well as severed zombie hands, come alive towards the end but they aren't shown all that much.  Worth watching only if you want to see Steele taking a nice sponge bath in a typical Gothic castle.

8213: GACY HOUSE (2010)

Stupid, boring BLAIR WITCH/PARANORMAL ACTIVITY rip-off movie made by Asylum studios about a group of ghost hunters hanging out in John Wayne Gacy's house and Gacy comes back as a big fat clown ghost who likes to knock pictures off the wall and slam doors.  If you like shaky camera crap like those two movies this might be entertaining for you.  Personally I hate pretty much everything in the "running around with a camera" genre besides REC which was at least watchable. This thing is about as pointless as watching one of those GHOST HUNTER tv-shows except way longer.  You do get  some nice naked boobs towards the end due to a Gacy-ghost attack(which really makes no sense since Gacy was into young boys) and a guy gets his pants ripped off which makes for a funny visual.  One of the worst things I've seen in a while.  You would be better off just watching any old Gacy documentary.

WEREWOLF IN A GIRLS' DORMITORY (1961)

 The first Italian werewolf movie and you would think that a 60's Italian made werewolf movie would at least have a little skin on display but there's none here(at least not in the American dubbed print that I've seen, not sure about the original). So maybe a remake could fix that, or maybe not. The story is pretty much all right there in the title. A werewolf, who sorta looks like a bushy eyebrowed, disheveled vampire,  attacks girls at a dormitory and that's it. There's a cool theme song("The Ghoul In School") and the attack scenes are neat though not very bloody. Too bad there's not some sleazier elements in there.



Features this big hit track!!:

ENTER THE VOID (2009)

 A truly interesting visual presentation that seems designed to bring about epileptic fits or perhaps dancing about with glow sticks, I'm not sure which.  If a better director cut this down to about  90 minutes, from it's current running time of over 2 and a half hours, I feel it would be improved vastly.  The repeating of certain scenes for seemingly no reason plus the dragging out of scenes to make them seem overly important could be trimmed down easily with no loss to the central story.  Another improvement might be getting actors that can actually act.  Just a thought.  Overall though I'm glad I saw this even with all it's flaws.  Where else am I going to get a vagina's-eye view of an orgasmic penis seemingly covering the audience with it's spermy surprise?   The film also strangely works as a psychedelic, hippie-dippy, discourse on Buddhist philosophy.  So if any of that sounds interesting I say check it out.  Just make sure to pack a lunch.

Perhaps the greatest opening credits I've ever seen on a big screen:

SCORPIO RISING (1964)

 If I was to be a homosexual I would definitely be more of the gay leather biker type.  I mean the aesthetic value alone was just so much cooler than any of the other subsets of  gayness. Not that I'm an expert or anything but with saying that, I find this Kenneth Anger short a delightful trip down gay memory lane and a peak into a fetishistic underworld that I have only really experience via William Friedkin's CRUISING and creaky old time stag movies.  Plus the audio , which consists of 60's pop songs is fucking awesome just by itself!  It takes such a simplistic idea and delivers it with such artistic quality.  It's too bad that type of creativity seems to be dead in most current filmmakers.  Scorsese, John Waters and a shitload of others should send this guy a check.  Swastikas, skull-faces, James Dean, drugs, leather-clad tough-guy bikers and a whole bunch more insanity.  Jesus pops up occasionally also, which is nice for the whole family.  This might be one of my favorite films.

Check it out you art fags!: