KICK-ASS (2010)

Roger Ebert calls this morally offensive. I call it good times. I understand why a mainstream reviewer and supporter of mainstream Hollywood crap would feel the need to brand this offensive. I mean it is his job, isn't it? Looking out for the morals of Americas children and all that phoney-baloney bullshit. Ebert also hated slasher movies back in the 80's. I find those to be the bright spots in a horribly dull un-entertaining era. After watching this I didn't feel the need to punch an eleven year old girl in the face or become a superhero. If you're really looking to Hollywood for your moral guidance then you are a moron. So if you like the idea of watching a little girl call people cunts and then kill them check this out. Now maybe in the sequel if they can meld this with an 80's style slasher flick where a potty-mouthed little girl dons a hockey mask and machetes people I will have found the perfect movie.

FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965)

A blueprint for everything that was great about 70's sleaze cinema. Russ Meyer creates an amazing piece of violent sleaze-filled art that has rarely been equaled in the years since. The characters are all fleshed out and at the same time caricatures of almost super-heroic proportions. The best thing Meyer has done and he does it without any actual nudity, due to it being 1966, but there is tons of cleavage. Also the best thing Tura Satana ever did and she just looks amazing playing this proto-feminist, ass-kicking, no-nonsense, homicidal, karate-chopping machine. The lines he writes are like some kind of underground pulp poetry. Go-go dancing, kung-fu women, a dirty old man, a retarded man-boy hulk, a wheelchair vs. sports-car fight, an awesome soundtrack and enormous boobs. Up there with one of my all time favs.

"Go, Go For A Wild Ride!":

TEENAGE DIVORCEE (1972)

A very boring disjointed mess of a sexploitation movie.  It's basically a bunch of scenes with not much of a plot driving it along.  The only thing of interest is that it stars George "Mr. Sulu" Takei as a divorced "teen" who cleary is not in his teens. Calling it a sexploitation movie is not really accurate as it plays more like a crappy hippie art movie.  Only fun if you wanna see Sulu in some seriously funky 70's attire.  A.K.A. JOSIE'S CASTLE.

Part of this quadruple feature:


Fat people dig chocolate cake, man!:

AACHI AND SSIPAK (2006)

Until I watched this I don't think I had seen a good Japanese anime for a really long time. This one isn't Japanese though it's Korean and if I go by this one maybe that's where I should start looking for interesting animated stuff. Crammed pack full of action, comedy, weirdness and a bit of grossness for good luck. Kinda seems to me to be a mix of the movie HEAVY METAL and the show AEON FLUX mixed with that Japanime sensibility and absurdity. The whole thing is based on a society that runs out of energy sources and uses shit for energy. Great concept. Little blue mutants form an army and fight an android. If you like anime in the slightest you should check this out. The whole thing pops up on YouTube from time to time.

BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD (1974)

I know this an exploitation film and I know false advertising is always a danger with these films of a dubious nature but it still always pisses me off when a title promises so much and I get so little in return. First of all there is a barn, there do wind up being dead people in the barn, but they are not naked. There is only one fleeting glimpse of a naked breast in the whole movie. Not what you want or expect from a great title like this. The alternate title of NIGHTMARE CIRCUS is a much better description of the events. It does get extra points from me for there being an inexplicable crud-faced monster running amuck as well as a woman-eating tiger. AKA TERROR CIRCUS and NIGHTMARE CIRCUS
 In Germany this is titled CAGED WOMEN II which I think makes it a sequel to Jess Franco's CAGED WOMEN aka BARBED WIRE DOLLS.



Mr. Hyde is a fan!:

BLACK BELT JONES (1974)

With this film ya get an amazing funky soundtrack, urban kung fu action, Scatman Crothers kung fu, Italian Mafiosa stereotypical bad guys also doing kung fu, hippies getting their guitars smashed and god-damned balloon salesmen getting their comeuppance, plus general all around blaxploitation ridiculousness and more wrapped up in one sweet 1970's package. How can you go wrong with this slice of ass whippin', throw you in a garbage truck style of raw cinema? Well you really can't. If you wanna see what kinda films inspired stuff like BLACK DYNAMITE this might be a good place to start. One of the high points of black action films as far as I'm concerned.

LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET(1977)

Director Roger Watkins' LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET is probably one of the greatest ultra low-budget disturbing classics every made.  I first saw this movie back in the VHS days and it was so great because there were no credits and you almost felt like you were watching some homemade snuff flick about these sick bastards.  Everything about the movie just oozes sleaze and despair.  It's such a great slice of 70's style horror that no one even tries to match today.  Watkins not only directs but stars as the hero(except of course there is no real hero, just like in real life) Terry Hawkins.  And Terry Hawkins is the way to give a sick depraved society back the hero it deserves.  I did hear a while back that Jim Van Bebber(director of the amazing MANSON FAMILY movie) is supposed to be playing Terry Hawkins in some upcoming low budget thing but I'm not sure what ever happened with that.  Maybe someday Terry Hawkins will live again.

This trailer is just delightful:
And not an original trailer but an awesome DVD trailer:

THE EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW(1974)

This is a barely watchable Italian version of THE EXORCIST, which came out just a year earlier. You got some weird scenes that at least kept me mildly interested. Sex scene with a woman getting whipped with roses and getting sliced-up by the thorns, possessed gal diddling herself and looking for some action from her dad(who gives her a nice hard smack in the mouth for her incestuous advances). There's even a puking scene like the EXORCIST but instead of pea-soup there's some nasty looking green milk product. For a better Italiano version of the Linda Blair classic I'd recommend THE ANTICHRIST from the same year. This one climaxes with a silly-dick priest giving a half-assed exorcism which somehow works. What the connection to the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW is I have no idea. There was no cross-dressing in this at all.

Stupid villagers, where are their torches?:

ASSIGNMENT: OUTER SPACE(1960)

Director Antonio Margheriti's 1960's outer-space saga is pretty typical of the Italian space stuff being done at the time. By that I mean that it's not very good. Here's the plot with spoilers: OK, this reporter guy is constantly treated like crap throughout this whole movie. The only guy that's nice to him at all is this black dude with white hair and he calls him a leech all the time!(and I guess the chick who grows flowers is sorta nice to him too) So anyway there's a bunch of scenes of them floating around space(and I guess they have some special kind of suits that let them steer and swim around in whatever direction they want to go) then another spaceship crashes on Mars and we actually see some stock-footage shot of an explosion right next to a car(which I guess someone left parked on Mars?). Then another ship is on a runaway crash-course with the earth which they say is gonna wipe out all humanity somehow. I guess it had a lot of nukes on it? So the black dude gets killed trying to stop it then the reporter dude knocks out the captain guy with one wimpy-ass looking punch and saves the earth. Oh yeah and of course he gets the girl in the end(even though she was supposed to already be with the captain guy in the beginning, I guess the punch really turned her on). Admittedly, the cheap-ass 25 cent DVD I have of this movie on doesn't exactly lead to optimal viewing conditions. I think it's supposed to be in color but I really couldn't tell from the print I saw. It only took me 2 tries to be able to stay awake long enough to actually get to the end of this, but I did make it so I guess it's not the worst but please don't spend more than a quarter on it.

Outer space was a lot clunkier in the 60's:

BAD BOY BUBBY(1993)

If it's anything like this movie, Australia must be one weird place. You get incest, very obese naked women, shit covered rapists, atheist ranting and mental retardation amongst other weird happenings. Yes it's quite a party. Maybe not really the kind of party you want to go to but it is the kind of movie that you don't forget for a while after seeing. Of course since it contains creative ideas and unusual ways of expressing them it wasn't made in America by brainless corporate assholes. Maybe Brad Pitt can play Bubby in a remake. I like to think that Australia is this place and MAD MAX mixed together but I'm sure there's no place that amazingly bizarre.

There's no one to help you Bubby:

SEXY BEAST(2000)

I've re-watched this gangster flick just about as many times as the better known Tarantino 90's flicks from the same genre. Amazing scenery with beautiful shots, great soundtrack, awesome performances, an engaging plot and a great sense of humor. When you get actors like Ben Kingsley I guess it's hard to make a piece of garbage. It's amazing that an actor can go from playing Ghandi to a criminal who pisses on your floor, calls you a cunt and kicks your teeth in if you upset him. This is definitely my fav Kingsley performance. It's also amazing that this was director Jonathan Glazers' first movie. Since then he's made some Hollywood Nicole Kidman crap and a bunch of music videos. That's a damn shame.

THE TINGLER (1959)

Vincent Price can make me a believer in even the most ridiculous premise. In this movie, directed by the great William Castle, it's a pretty ridiculous story about a monster that lives in everyones spine. This monster, which looks like a big nasty worm, lives on fear and is defeated by screams, or something like that. The cool thing about this, as with almost every Castle production, is that they used a special gimmick when it was originally shown. This one had "Percepto" which was a buzzer under your seat that would give your ass a jolt when the monster appeared onscreen. Caught this a few years back at a revival showing and yes I got my ass buzzed. Good times plus where else can you watch Vincent Price trip out on acid?

William Castle doing his Hitchcock-shtick!: