A SCREAM IN THE STREETS (1973)

 Quite a bit of this sexploitation flick is taken up by long drawn-out sex scenes, which I guess is, if that's all you're looking for, a recommendation but it really breaks up whatever narrative momentum the movie is able to muster. While it's not quite hardcore there are a lot of limply hanging wieners on display. The plot that wraps around these sex bits concerns two cops on the hunt for a rapist/murderer who somehow escapes detection by dressing up as a very unconvincing lady. Clearly not the most trans-positive PC movie but that's the 70s for ya.  One weird recurring thing that happens in this is people getting hit with or running through glass and not getting a scratch on themselves. I guess people were just tougher back then. While not the worst softcore sex flick you could watch I can't help feel like it could've been edited a lot better. 

   

THE MONSTER OF THE OPERA (1964)

 I know director Renato Polselli mainly for that movie THE REINCARNATION OF ISABEL which is a pretty crazy Eurotrash flick. This is an earlier work of Mr. Renato but it still has some pretty wild elements. Clearly influenced by THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA but in this case instead of a phantom(was the original PHANTOM even really a phantom at all?) you get a vampire who likes to chain his female victims up in his secret chamber underneath an old haunted opera house for fun. You also get a really wacky scene of a bunch of girls dancing for their lives because apparently vampires can only get you if you stop moving?   There's also a sprinkling of lesbian overtones thrown in. While not everything makes a lot of sense it's still an enjoyable enough gothic trip. Released on DVD more precisely as VAMPIRE OF THE OPERA

Known in France as ORGY OF THE VAMPIRES:

BOWERY BOMBSHELL (1946)

  This is only the 3rd in The Bowery Boys series of films. Not my favorite in the series but pretty standard for The Boys. This time they get mixed up with some bank robbing gangsters and have to clear their name. There are impersonations of Edward G. Robinson and the old SCARFACE movie in this one and also a mad scientist that turns a guy into a walking bomb(hence the title). SPOOK BUSTERS is next and that was always one of my favs just for it's haunted house setting. 

BOWERY BOMBSHELL

UNINVITED (1988)

  A killer cat escapes from a laboratory where it was infected with this disease that makes humans that it bites explode blood out of their bodies. Oh and there's also a mutant cat that rips out of our regular-looking cat every now and then to wreak havoc. Most of the action takes place on a boat where George Kennedy, a rich dude(Alex Cord) and some sexy younger folks are thrown together for some flimsy reason that only happens because the plot needs to move along. There's minimal nudity despite our main gals being in bathing suits and being horny for most of the film but the blood flow is very ample. An ALIEN-esque chestburster is teased but never happens. A fun stupid one from the dumb 1980s. 

Released in Norway as KILLER CAT:

DEATH SHIP (1980)

 George Kennedy gets possessed by some evil old Nazi sailor ghosts on a mysterious ship of death! This one starts out with a bang as a cruise ship gets totaled by our naughty titular boat but then settles in to what's basically a disaster film crossed with a ghost movie.  Not sure that it works all that well but it's fun seeing Mr. Kennedy gradually become an unhinged psycho.   

Known in Danish as HEADING TOWARDS DEATH!:

TARZAK AGAINST THE LEOPARDS MEN (1964)

  No that's not a typo, but the actual onscreen title of this 60s Eurotrash Tarzan rip-off flick. The original Italian title is TARZAN VS. THE LEOPARD MEN. When I think of Tarzan movies(technically our heroic jungle man is dubbed Zoltak in English prints but it's pretty obvious who he's supposed to be) clearly the highpoints were way back in the 30s and 40s and this one comes off as more of a Hercules in the jungle adventure than anything resembling those. Ralph Hudson as Zoltak/Tarzan surely has the fit body but his curly red hair kinda stands out. I found this to be quite the snooze-inducing chore to get through. AKA APEMAN OF THE JUNGLE

SLAUGHTERHOUSE ROCK (1987)

 

 By the late 80s slasher movies had become a bit passé. The new hip thing was ripping off A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and that's what we get here. Movies with this type of dream logic where things happen with very little  logical explanation are never my favorites. I have this on a double feature Blu Ray with HARD ROCK ZOMBIES so I thought because of that, and the title, that this would be a more rocking affair than it is. It's really more in the vein of something like SPOOIKIES than HARD ROCK ZOMBIES. We do get a soundtrack by DEVO's Mark Mothersbaugh which is pretty decent but not much in the plot really lives up to the ROCK moniker. Toni Basil, of "Hey Mickey" fame, shows up as a ghost and the whole idea of people who get killed reappearing as ghosts complaining to our main character is stolen from AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON.  Not the worst 80s horror out there but still a bit of a disappointment. 

                                             Known in Mexico as SATANIC SPIRIT!:

CHAINSAW SALLY (2004)

 The only reason I bothered watching this was to see Leatherface himself(Gunnar Hansen) and The Godfather of Gore(Hershell Gordon Lewis). They both only show up briefly but Gunnar gets to swing a chainsaw around poorly so I guess that's something to see. You can also see a bunch of pointless gore scenes including a gal getting acid funneled down her throat until her insides spill out of her asshole into a bucket. Just brilliant! Somehow there were multiple sequels to this in the form of 2 shot-on-video series and one episode of an animated series so apparently gorehound weirdos must have been thrilled by this one.

 

LORNA THE EXORCIST (1974)

  Lina Romay stars in this Jess Franco-directed sleaze flick as a 17-year old girl who falls victim to a demonic curse set in motion by her father before she was even born. Of course her playing an underage girl doesn't stop her from being completely naked and experiencing some kinky lesbian antics throughout a good portion of the movie including gratuitous pubic hair munching. There's a pretty uncomfortable-looking penetration by a wooden dildo, incest abounding and Howard Vernon playing the tough henchman of our main demon-lady Lorna(Pamela Stanford wearing some crazy glam-looking eye makeup). Franco himself shows up as a terribly ineffective psychiatrist. Not my favorite Franco but it is growing on me with repeated watches and the scene where a lady dies by getting actual genital crabs is pretty killer!  

 IMDB erroneously lists  a couple of different versions of this but it looks like they're mixing whatever those various versions are called up with Franco's EXCORCISM so thanks for the added confusion IMDB!

               AKA LINDA A DEVILISH NIGHTMARE:

THE FAT BLACK PUSSYCAT (1963)

"Some of my best friends are existentialists!"

  I had always assumed this was an old sexploitation flick based on the title but turns out it's more in the roughie category. So rough in fact that's it's basically a slasher flick(or maybe even a giallo since the killer wears black leather gloves!) since it focuses on the murders of various women around New York's Greenwich Village. Wavy Gravy of Woodstock-fame shows up as a cop looking a bit different than the hippie he would become in a couple of years.  Beatniks get assaulted and snuffed out and it all ends with an explanation about how being a homosexual cross-dresser leads to becoming a psychopath. Probably not the most PC message in today's ultra-sensitive times. Sadly the black cat that shows up at every murder scene isn't all that fat and more sadly they seem to have forgotten to show any real nudity in this.

BLOODEATERS (1980)

 This is a pretty fun zombie flick. better known as TOXIC ZOMBIES, about some pot farmers who get sprayed with an experimental herbicide that turns them into murderous cannibalistic(bloodeating?) maniacs. John Amplas, MARTIN himself, shows up as one of the evil federal agents. While it's no all-time classic it's certainly a good watch for zombie/gore completists. 

 The video version of this is slightly longer with a tacked-on ending that doesn't add anything of importance to the plot.

Released on video in England(one of the video nasties) as FOREST OF FEAR: 

A "VIDEO FOR PLEASURE" in The Netherlands!:

BEST FRIENDS (1975)

 Richard Hatch, who was Apollo in the old BATTLESTAR GALACTICA TV show, stars in this drama about a couple of pals driving around in an RV with their chicks. Very leisurely paced film where not a lot happens for long stretches. It does get a bit more intense during the big finale and then forgets to actually have an ending. Some of the posters make this out to be some kinda American Indian revenge exploitation flick but that's only dealt with in a very minor scene. The majority of the film is a more introspective look at growing up and touches on some possibly homo-erotic bromance between our main 2 characters. Not a bad film to put on if you want to take a nap.

HATCHET (2006)

                                                          "Your nipples are dumb!"

  Kane Hodder plays a very Jason-like killer in this attempt to emulate 80s slasher flicks in the 2000s. This is about as basic as any of these movies gets and feels like a real waste of time when it's all over and done. You do get some very gory death scenes(at least in the uncut version I watched) that I think are mostly done without CGI but I'm not sure I cared much about anybody in the whole movie. Somehow this was popular enough at the time to warrant 3 sequels. I guess when you compare it to other horror flicks from this decade it's not any better or worse than most of them. 

 Robert England has a small role before getting offed. 

                                                     The retro-looking poster!:

BKO: BANGKOK KNOCKOUT (2010)

 Exhausting amount of insane stunt work and wall-to-wall fight scenes pretty accurately describe most of this Thai martial arts fest. The story is pretty basic and involves a bunch of fighters who end up in some staged event, being gambled on by some rich folks, where they have to fight for their life. There's ninjas, a masked axe-wielding maniac right out of a slasher movie, fights on motorbikes, cars, trucks and all kinds of Muay Thai madness going on. Not the most complex plot and while it moves along swiftly it can be a bit tiresome at a one hour and 46 minute runtime.  

VAMPARIAH (2016)

 If I just describe this movie it sounds like it could possibly be cool. You get multiple aswangs(those Filipino monsters that can separate their bodies and fly around sucking blood and killing fetuses) fighting each other, a couple of those hopping vampires and a bunch of monster hunters who seem to be doing an impression of Blade by wearing all-leather outfits. Unfortunately it was made in 2016 so all the not very special FX were done with CGI so it all looks like total garbage. The crappy techno music also doesn't help much. I did appreciate the joke about Americans not being able to pronounce the word "aswang" correctly though. 

 This is actually a remake of a movie from 2006 called BAMPINAY which looks to be a similar situation of Filipinos shooting a movie in California.

 

MAN'S BEST FRIEND (1993)

  Having only seen the trailer back in the day I had always assumed this was about a killer robot dog(something like THE TERMINATOR on 4 legs) on the loose. It's actually about a dog that's genetically spliced with a bunch of other animals to make it the ultimate watchdog (or killing machine if there are any mishaps, so guess what happens).  While not up to the wackiness of the great animals run amok flicks of the 70s this was a pretty decent watch and considering it was made in the 90s, when most horror films were complete wastes of time, it's surprisingly entertaining. Ally Sheedy and Lance Henriksen do a great job in something that could otherwise be pretty shlocky. 

20 MILLION MILES TO EARTH (1957)

 

 One of the all-time great 50s monster movies. This time our giant monster, who hails from Venus, starts out very small before rapidly growing. Ray Harryhausen's amazing stop-motion creature, named The Ymir, is obviously the big highlight here. Like with all the great monsters you feel bad for the creature since he's kidnapped from his home planet and we're even told he's not really aggressive unless provoked, so what does everyone do? Provoke him at every opportunity of course!  I do kinda also feel bad for that elephant though. Simple yet engaging classic.

GORE FROM OUTER SPACE (2001)

  This title here promises something potentially pretty cool. Perhaps a bloody alien invasion romp will ensue? Nah, instead of anything like that let's just have a bunch of semi-comedic scenes thrown together that really don't seem to tell any kind of a coherent story but are loosely about a woman who maybe encounters aliens and maybe has a daughter who is kidnapped and maybe can shape shift into a balding fellow. I have to keep saying maybe because nothing is very clear after watching this thing. Maybe if you're really into weirdo David Lynch movies this might be more appealing to you. 

 This is technically a sequel to director Hirohisa Sasaki's CRAZY LIPS which I don't think I've ever viewed so maybe if you've seen that first things might make a little more sense though I kinda doubt it. 

THE WITCH'S MIRROR (1962)

 Mexican horror concerning a witch who uses her magical mirror to helps a poor murdered woman get revenge from beyond the grave on her cheating scumbag killer husband. It almost feels like 2 movies because about halfway through your fairly typical witchy vengeance story suddenly becomes an EYES WITHOUT A FACE rip-off. Director Chano Urueta was also responsible for some of those groovy old Blue Demon lucha libre flicks of the 60s and 70s.

 

THE BOYS NEXT DOOR (1985)

  Director Penelope Spheeris followed her 2 punk rock classics(SUBURBIA and THE DECLINE OF WESTENR CIVILIZATION) with this tale of 2 directionless losers(Charlie Sheen and Maxwell Caulfield) who graduate high school, take a trip to L.A. and become homicidal killers upon arrival. There is still a punk aesthetic here, with the soundtrack featuring Iggy Pop and The Cramps among others, but this is clearly Spheeris' first step into mainstream Hollywood which I don't personally find quite as interesting.  The film makes a good attempt at portraying teen alienation and misdirected violence in a somewhat realistic manner though it seemed like these 2 knuckleheads should have been apprehended much sooner than they were since they made zero effort in covering their tracks at any point. Despite this still an interesting 80s thriller that falls somewhere between teen melodrama and chilling serial killer dramatization. 

  Frank Zappa's daughter Moon Unit shows up in a small part as a classmate. 

Released on German video as BLIND RAGE:

MY HONEYMOON WITH A VAMPIRE (2003)

  This is a real snoozefest! Shot on video in 2003, so you know it's probably going to suck, it feels more like you're watching some boring travelogue involving a newlywed couple than an exciting narrative. Certainly not much of note takes place for most of the runtime. Our main male character turns into a vampire because of some evil giant ball of dirt, bites a few people then a ghost-lady shows up and tells him about how she got murdered by her husband. From there it's vampire/ghost tag-team revenge time. Very minimal blood or enjoyment to be had. Works good as a sleeping aid. AKA VAMPIRE HONEYMOON 

HUMAN LANTERNS (1982)

  The Shaw Brothers studios give us a kung fu  movie mixed with some pretty hardcore horror elements here in this tale of a couple of opposing martial arts masters who get involved with a psycho lantern-maker who uses human skin for his snazzy products. As you can guess things get pretty bloody as women are kidnapped and hacked up in something that might remind you of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE PART 2 mixed with a more standard revenge-fueled Shaw outing. Our killer even wears a crazy monkey outfit with a skull mask for extra fright-inducing. A good one for kung fu maniacs also into bloody horror. AKA HUMAN SKIN LANTERNS

TRAGIC CEREMONY (1972)

 Director Ricardo Freda made a few of those old "ghosts in an old spooky haunted house" films back in the 60s including THE GHOST. This here is kind of an updated version of one of those except it takes a few strange twists from being completely predictable. Instead of Barbara Steele here you get Camille Keaton, who would go on to I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE fame, as our main gal in peril. You get a Satanic ritual complete with decapitation and other gory head-bashing fun. The only downfall here might be that the big bloody spectacle takes place about halfway through the movie making the ghostly revenge climax seem a bit lackluster in comparison. I still dig it though for it's unorthodox trappings. AKA TRAGIC EXPERIENCE AT VILLA ALEXANDER

 The original Italian title of EXTRACT FROM THE SECRET FILES OF THE POLICE OF A EUROPEAN CAPITAL is not quite as spooky:

VAMPIRE BUSTER (1989)

 Not really a vampire movie but more of a demon situation. You see this demon lost a fight a long time ago and got itself trapped in a vase which ends up getting tossed around in a comedic fashion. Most of this movie is in fact a comedy and not very horrific so if that's your thing this might be for you. 

 The DVD I have of this calls it NINJA VAMPIRE BUSTERS and since this is also not a ninja movie I have to reduce even more points for that! AKA GHOST CATCHING MASTER(the only accurate title!)

Communist wackos lead to demonic hijinks. Sounds about right:

British video box!:

PRIMITIVES (1978)

  Indonesian action star Barry Prima stars in this very low-rent version of an Italian cannibal movie. You get some animal on animal violence that looks like stock footage from some other film, people eaten by crocodiles and some very hard to believe "cannibals". I put cannibals in quotes there since there isn't actually any cannibalism on display here even though it is implied. The one thing I always recall after watching this one is how sad the orangutan, that our primitve tribe keeps in a cage, looks. It's almost as if he knows how terrible of a film he has been cast in. 

 The opening title tune is supplied by(stolen from) the German krautrock band Kraftwork. AKA THE DEATH CRY OF THE SAVAGES

                        Known in the UK as SAVAGE TERROR:

Italian grand premier!:

THE RAPIST (1994)

 Allegedly based on real-life serial-killer/rapist Lam Kwok-wai, this Hong Kong category III flick gives you exactly what it promises. There is plenty of nudity and sexual violence on show though it all gets to be a bit of a slog to get through before it's all over. THey do skip the usual goofy humour bits that are usually in these graphic Hong Kong movies which might have actaully broken up the monotony a little.

 There is another film from this same year based on this same case starring Danny Lee titled PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL RAPIST that I have yet to peruse.