Probably best known as THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD this one is a pretty substandard 80s slasher flick that takes place in an empty dorm that's going to be demolished. Features future star Daphne Zuniga, who also shows up in another not much better slasher called THE INITIATION. There is one driller-killer scene and they throw in a twist ending but beyond that there's not much to recommend this one. AKA PRANKS(even though there aren't really any big important pranks to speak of)
Known in America alternately as THE DRAGON DIES HARD and BRUCE LEE, WE MISS YOU, this is the story of a big Bruce Lee fan(Bruce Li, who also just so happens to look a lot like Bruce!) who discovers Mr. Lee is dead and then naturally decides to take it upon himself to investigate the mystery surrounding his demise. This leads to many kung fu fights. You get the ghostly spirit of Bruce Lee that shows up every once in a while. The highlight here for me though has to be what is the weirdest reenactment of the moment Lee dies where he's jumping around like a spaz!
Some footage from 2 other kung fu flicks(THE SHANGHAI KILLERS and THE SCREAMING TIGER) are allegedly edited into this.
The actually release date of this movie is listed as anywhere from 1972 to 1977 depending on who you want to believe. Bruce Lee didn't actually die until 1973 so anything before that is obviously a little off!
The highlight of this Canadian men-in-prison flick for me was seeing pro wrestling legend Abdullah The Butcher as one of the prominent inmates here. Known as Canada's first gay film because it features some male-on-male rape and some cross-dressing, this is a pretty decent tale of revenge even if I'm more pre-disposed to enjoying those boob-filled women-in-prison spectacles.
The star of the original MY BLOODY VALENTINE Paul Kelman shows up as another one of the prisoners. AKA I'M GOING TO GET YOU ELLIOT BOY and CAGED MEN PLUS ONE WOMAN(are they referring to the guy in drag or Elliot's horrible girlfriend?)
Well this is certainly a weird one. The story deals with this dude(Gard Lokke) who lives with a guy in a dog suit(a furry?) named Frank. He's not gay though and it's not a fetish thing, I think anyway, because he starts dating this lady who at first naturally thinks this a bit odd and then when she finds out he's rich and famous is totally cool with it. The problem I have with this movie is that I don't think any of the characters are very sympathetic which make it a bit of a tough watch. It's also not really much of a horror film even though they do introduce some suspense and violence towards the end. It also has a pretty unremarkable and abrupt ending. OK for a one-time look for weird cinema devotees though. AKA ME, YOU & FRANK
One of my favorite movies of all time is the really dumb Mexploitation classic INTREPIDOS PUNKS. It's about a gang of punks. This movie also is about a gang of no-goodniks, who in this case also run a cocaine factory, but is infinitely stupider than even that film. The problem here is that the filmmakers are clearly going for some intentional comedy in there stupid action movie which doesn't work all that well. Distributed by Troma films which seem to have added annoying sound effects for some reason(because they do that with a lot of their pickups?) and it fits right in with their all-retarded output. It was originally titled EDGE OF FEAR before Troma gave it this stupid title. Also played on cable TV as SAVAGE INSTINCT. I would say check out one of the non-Troma versions but I don't know how different those are anyway and it's really only good for a few dumb chuckles.
There was one more movie starring our main gal Debra Sweaney called THE VINEYARD which I assume was just as unpopular as this since she called it quits after that.
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Seven years before FIRST BLOOD we get Tomas Milian as a hero named Rambo(apparently Milian was trying to get a movie of the FIRST BLOOD novel made but only got as far as using the name here). Original Italian title of THE VIGILANTE CHALLENGES THE CITY. Instead of a Vietnam vet we get a biker sort-of helping the police take on some mobsters. It has some DIRTY HARRY elements thrown in thanks to director Umberto Lenzi and despite feeling a bit long makes for a decent action flick. AKA RAMBO'S REVENGE
Another sex-filled Jess Franco flick featuring Lina Romay(billed here under her Candy Coster pseudonym under a blonde wig but playing a character named Lina!). This one brings back the Al Pereira detective character(this time played by Antonio Mayans) from a bunch of previous Franco films. There is a slim plot about Lina hiring Pereira for some reason or another but the main focus seems to be on getting some pretty shots of the Spanish countryside and nekked bodies or at least that's what I took away from this one. Some gold-lame' suits and a tranny?(cross-dresser?) show up for some variety.
This seemed like something made for a film class at first but it then gets pretty sleazy with the sex and violence. The tender story of a high school hooker(ANGEL anyone?) who ends up getting sawed in half and then returning as a cyborg assassin to take out the scum that did her in. Pretty simple stuff done with a super low budget. A nice short hour long runtime, sadly the opening and closing credits take up about a quarter of that time but I still managed to have a good time with this weird little obscurity.
Also known under the longer(allegedly the longest title in Korean movie history!) but way more descriptive title TEENAGE HOOKER BECAME KILLING MACHINE IN DAEHAKRO.
Ernest Borgnine stars here as a very religious farmer who runs afoul of some homicidal scumbag bank robbers. The worst of which is played by character actor Michael J. Pollard who you might know best from BONNIE AND CLYDE. His granddaughter, Hollis McLaren, who's a bit of a hippie because this made in 1974, makes some dumb decisions which lead to some tense moments. Not a terrible little drama. Originally released rated PG as SUNDAY IN THE COUNTRY then reedited and rereleased as VENGEANCE IS MINE with an R-rating. Released on video as BLOOD FOR BLOOD
The original release title of this was just MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL. It was then re-released with MASSACRE in there with an added gory ending.
This horror flick about a killer doll has been described as the Mexican version of CHILD'S PLAY. Having never seen any of those stupid movies I can't say how closely it compares. It does feature a midget portraying a murderous little jester/clown doll and lends itself to being really entertaining when you cut it up into little out-of-context scenes which is how I first discovered it. The whole film, while not as spectacular, is still worth a look for Mexican trash movie fans which I certainly am.
While the release date is 1993 this has way more of an 80s slasher movie vibe to it. English title - DIABOLICAL INHERITANCE
There is a porn movie from 1973 titled HARD RIDERS with Rene Bond which used footage from this.
Fairly unremarkable softcore tale of a lady cop(Athena Massey) who goes undercover as a hooker in a whorehouse trying to find out who killed one of the ladies of the evening. Former porn director Gregory Dark directs this and you can really tell. Surprisingly Meg Foster is the madam and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who would go on to play Negan on THE WALKING DEAD show, has a big role. AKA UNDERCOVER HEAT
Released on DVD with the slightly more memorable title of MONSTER OF BLOOD, though that makes it sound like one of those Filipino "Monster of Blood Island" movies.
You would think a movie most commonly known simply as MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE might actually contain someone getting killed with a meat-cleaver but don't count on that. There is a massacre though consisting of strangulation, bludgeoning and a kitchen knife, but no cleaver action, which sets the story into motion and then we focus on the sole survivor of said massacre getting his revenge from his hospital bed which kinda reminded me of that movie PATRICK(which wouldn't come out for a couple of years) though in this case he uses some kinda Satanic demon conjuring instead of just psychic powers like in that one. It's not very exciting. Christopher Lee pops up in the opening and closing to tell stories that vaguely relate to the main movie. Apparently the producers just bought some footage of him to get his mug on the poster.
Released on video as REVENGE OF THE DEAD.
This is one of the wackier movies I've seen in a while. What we got here is a French horror flick that starts off like it's going to be a slasher gorefest(something along the lines of OGROFF also from France) featuring a mutant Nazi killer before it then turns into a fever-dream involving a possessed horse, a mummy(complete with bride), a black cat(that gets tossed around in various scenes) and an old murderous hag. Director Bernard Launois seems fairly incompetent with his repeated act of cutting to the same scenes over and over again but somehow he did manage to make 6 previous films before this one so I guess someone believed in him. Obviously this is for real hardcore aficionados of low-brow trash cinema only.
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Shown on TV in the U.S. as FACE OF FEAR.
This is one of those horror films that it seems like everyone I know, that's into such things, just loves and I can never really figure out why. Sure there's sex and violence and some pretty lame zombies show up intermittently but I guess the mixture of a faux-artsy-fartsy Italian gore film with a comedy just never sits right with me. It's probably also due to being such a fan of Italy's superior 70s and 80s horror junk that this one seems so pale and pointless by comparison. It seems to get praise for being intellectually deep which it isn't while also appealing to the gorehound which all the philosophical nonsense negates but apparently my view is in the minority so judge for yourself I guess.
This is a pretty monotonous exercise in tedium as a group of people roam around an abandoned research facility with giant rats and an ALIEN-like creature(or a CREEPOZOID if you will) picks them off. Some gooey FX work. a creepy mutant killer baby and Linnea Quigley are the only real bright spots. Due to the small cast and infrequent action a lot of this seems like it could almost be a stage play(a really terrible one too!).
There was supposed to a sequel to this but luckily we were all spared of its existence.
10 years later Fred Olen Ray remade this as a shot-on-video thing called HYBRID which I would assume is even worse!
I have extremely low expectations for any horror film made in the 2010s so this one at least slightly exceeded those. It starts off with 2 annoying gals which makes you want to turn this off after a few minutes but if you stick with it you do get a modern interpretation of the classic rape/revenge plot. The tone of the film is all over the place with brutal sexual assault(with no actual nudity or rape shown since we now live in strict puritanical times for some reason?) followed by stupid jokey-jokes complete with terrible music video montages. There's a rapist who wears a pighead mask that might remind you of MOTEL HELL and that's maybe the biggest problem with this movie is that it constantly reminds you of and references much better films from the past from DELIVERANCE to DEER HUNTER. Clearly the director, Terry Miles, has seen quite a few Quentin Tarantino movies.
"I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
I know I'm almost 20 years behind everyone else who's seen this already but I had so much better stuff to watch first. This might have been a bit better if every snake didn't look like a cartoon CGI thing but then again maybe not. I'm more of a horror film fan and this is more of a thriller/action movie with some slithering killer snakes thrown in for a few gross-out thrills. OK for a one-time watch but pretty mediocre overall.
"Professor, how long have you been fucking fish?"
Really stupid Italian horror flick about 5 people who decide to take a ride out into the ocean on a small raft and end up stranded on an experimental research ship that's full of mutant fish monsters. There's a lot of things that don't make sense in this but do make for a fun watch if you dig dumb trashy movies. For one thing the inside of the ship is designed more like some weird futuristic hotel where there's a talking clock, a smart-shower that talks sexy to you and a lamp that has it's bulb on the end of a lawn-gnome's large erection! Besides the interior decorations things aren't really ever fully explained, probably thanks to the shitty dubbing job. The only surviving scientist on the ship apparently enjoys fucking fish, but only if they're "old enough" whatever that means for a fish-fucker. Our main characters are also either annoying or just really dumb but if you can overlook that this one's good for a laugh and has some pretty crazy cheap-o FX work on display ranging from Claymation to what looks like cartoon monsters(no doubt this is due to the director being Italian FX artist Al Passeri). Originally titled PLANKTON. Known in Asia as PIRANHA 4 which is kind of fitting since some of these fish monsters look like piranha and fly around like the ones in PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING.
This Asian obscurity goes under a plethora of aliases including ANGELS WITH GOLDEN GUNS, TERROR IN A WOMEN'S PRISON, ANGER and my favorite VIRGIN APOCALYPSE. What we got here is one of those movies that seem to be 2 different movies spliced together(One of which I believe is a movie simply titled MARKING). One story we follow is a women-in-prison deal where various ladies are forced into a prostitution ring. The other plotline follows an Asian Charles Bronson-type cop who's trying to find the head of a criminal organization. There are some great scenes of him disco dancing and being hit one by a gay crime boss. In addition to all the girls with guns rebellion going on you get some male genital torture, Goblin's music from SUSPIRIA used to score a sex scene, a baby pig getting snuffed out for real(beware vegans!) and what appears to be 2 mummies fighting(mummy-fu?) to wrap it all up.
Being a fan of the legendary punk rock group The Angry Samoans, I knew this film as supplying the cover image on their 1980 album INSIDE MY BRAIN. Unfortunately this is quite a big spoiler as there aren't a whole lot of characters in this tale of a demented fellow who seems to be on a downward spiral due to a black cat that has come into his life and it depicts the gory demise of one of the main players. Luckily it's still a decent enough watch even if you know there's an axe murder going in. Loosely based on the old Edgar Allan Poe tale with some rockin tunes, animal abuse, a car chase and possibly a zombie cat thrown in for added thrills.
They shoulda probably called this THE 2 INCREDIBLE KUNG FU MASTERS since the plot revolves around a couple of teachers who start off as buddies but then due to jealousy open up rival martial arts schools. Sammo Hung plays another adept fighter who, as usual, likes to eat a lot. A mix of comedy and seriousness that never really works all that well. AKA KUNG FU MASTER NAMED DRUNK CAT and THE KUNG FU MASTER. Released on video as THEY CALL ME PHAT DRAGON.
This was originally titled KING SWINDLER which would explain why it's not really a sequel to Sammo Hung's ENTER THE FAT DRAGON. It is similar to that movie in that it is a comedy. This time though we get way less kung fu and way more scenes of annoying little kids. For almost a third of the film Sammo is sent to jail and we focus on these kids getting into hijinks which really gives this an Asian LITTLE RASCALS feel. There is some gross-out humour including snot-eating, fart-gags and a piss-filled balloon to the face so that's something. A bit too shmaltzy for anyone besides real hardcore Sammo fans.
Fun fact: Stolen music from the horror flick TOURIST TRAP pops up when the 2 little kids are held hostage.
Sammo is called The Oriental Turtle but sadly never wears this Ninja Turtle outfit that appears in the posters:
